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Hash_is_life



Registered: 06/22/15
Posts: 76
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Dysthymia?
#21916916 - 07/08/15 08:43 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I've been in this state where I'm neither depressed nor happy, I just feel empty... I feel Like I'm in this deep dark hole where there's nothing bad, but also nothing good, it's just that. Nothing.
All day and night I feel like my mind is shackled and unmotivated, just a useless lump of sentient fat. I've got poor social skills and I mostly stay silent. But the weird thing is that I don't want to be silent, I want to be social and talk but when I try to find something to speak about my mind just goes blank, my thoughts are derailed and I'm constantly in this state where I just can't concentrate on anything, it feels like I'm a zombie just roaming around mindlessly.
But the kicker to me is that I just don't care... Even though I KNOW that this is wrong and needs to be fixed, but I'm just in this state of constant apathy and disregard. I am apathetic towards everything, my job, my home and even my life. I've lost a lot of friends and shit that's supposed to mean something to me and I haven't even felt a thing.
I've been using hash lately after years of abstinence and it helped a bit, it got me more social and less apathetic, but I can't keep depending on it forever.
I've looked up on google about these symptoms and found out that they are symptoms for a mental illness called dysthymia. Anyone know how can I get rid of this shit?
Edited by Hash_is_life (07/08/15 09:15 PM)
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jsncrs
DYEL

Registered: 01/16/14
Posts: 1,170
Loc: Mars
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
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I've experienced this at different points in my life. Interested to see where this thread goes.
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P.Zappatecorum
Lophophilus



Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 2,094
Loc: Cactaceae
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Purgatory?
But seriously, dysthymia is low-grade depression, if left untreated it may get worse and progress into more serious clinical depression.
I find that taking a psilocybin trip will help with depression and make me feel kind of re-set. Even a micro-dose where you don't trip can be helpful, although I find a full blown ego-death spiritual journey tends to be more long lasting in terms of anti-depressant effects.
Try to keep active, exercise, pay attention to your diet and get out of the house even if it feels like you're phoning it in, maybe do some mediation. Take stock of your life and examine what your purpose is, if you have none then that may be part of the problem, if you do have one but you've been neglecting it of late then that might be the source.
In general, depression has both a physical and psychological component, so addressing it holistically is the best treatment. Start a journal where you put random thoughts down and fill it for 1-3 pages every morning, writing your thoughts down on paper will help you form them and may help you when you're in a social situation and find yourself at a loss for things to say. Good luck.
Edited by P.Zappatecorum (07/08/15 08:56 PM)
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Hash_is_life



Registered: 06/22/15
Posts: 76
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Thanks for the input guys, I really just feel like my mind is locked and just won't work, my life feels strange and blank, days go by really fast and I feel like I'm in this zombie life where I don't feel good nor bad, only complete nothingness.
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P.Zappatecorum
Lophophilus



Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 2,094
Loc: Cactaceae
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Life has no inherent meaning, you have to find a cause and let that fill your days. If you have no purpose then life will become a vast, bland monotony of emptiness, which will eventually lead to utter nihilism and despair.
I suggest cutting out television and video games, making sure your diet is good, getting exercise out of doors and trying to go out into nature away from people. Find a hobby other than smoking hash.
Honestly, a lot of what you are describing is how I felt when I was a 24/7 wake and bake stoner, hated my job and had no girlfriend. Weed may seem like it's helping but in the long run it will make this worse. Your social alienation isn't helping, but you need to take care of yourself and get on good terms with your own person before you can worry about dealing with other people's shit.
It will take some hard work to search and find something that will make you happy, but it's out there waiting. Anti-depressants and psychedelics can help in the short run and give you the impetus to change yourself, but nothing will change if you just sit around wondering why your life is meh. It's because you let it get that way and aren't doing anything to change it.
How old are you, mid-20's? This is very likely the beginnings of what will be an identity crisis if you don't get pro-active and find purpose. Life without purpose is unsustainable, find one now and get ahead of the game.
Read some books, listen to some new music, find new areas of study and even if you don't feel like doing any of this, push yourself out of your comfort zone and don't let the inertia of your apathy suck you into the downward spiral. Half of dealing with depression is not letting it suck you in and getting off your ass when all you feel like doing is staring at the wall like a lump of wood.
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Hash_is_life



Registered: 06/22/15
Posts: 76
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Quote:
P.Zappatecorum said: Purgatory?
But seriously, dysthymia is low-grade depression, if left untreated it may get worse and progress into more serious clinical depression.
I find that taking a psilocybin trip will help with depression and make me feel kind of re-set. Even a micro-dose where you don't trip can be helpful, although I find a full blown ego-death spiritual journey tends to be more long lasting in terms of anti-depressant effects.
Try to keep active, exercise, pay attention to your diet and get out of the house even if it feels like you're phoning it in, maybe do some mediation. Take stock of your life and examine what your purpose is, if you have none then that may be part of the problem, if you do have one but you've been neglecting it of late then that might be the source.
In general, depression has both a physical and psychological component, so addressing it holistically is the best treatment. Start a journal where you put random thoughts down and fill it for 1-3 pages every morning, writing your thoughts down on paper will help you form them and may help you when you're in a social situation and find yourself at a loss for things to say. Good luck. 
I can see how shrooms can help considering I'm basically in a perma-hole, I guess I could use shrooms to bring my serotonin back in check.
Also I've been getting these dreams lately where I would stare at a mirror and see my face gradually getting drier and warmer until it gets cracked like dry and extremely hor sandstone and I'd feel REALLY warm and my eyes would glow bright orange, the dreams are very vivid and I'd feel like something's inside my head gnawing violently and just wants to break out. Perhaps the shrooms are calling for me.
Edited by Hash_is_life (07/08/15 09:30 PM)
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Hash_is_life



Registered: 06/22/15
Posts: 76
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Quote:
P.Zappatecorum said: Life has no inherent meaning, you have to find a cause and let that fill your days. If you have no purpose then life will become a vast, bland monotony of emptiness, which will eventually lead to utter nihilism and despair.
I suggest cutting out television and video games, making sure your diet is good, getting exercise out of doors and trying to go out into nature away from people. Find a hobby other than smoking hash.
Honestly, a lot of what you are describing is how I felt when I was a 24/7 wake and bake stoner, hated my job and had no girlfriend. Weed may seem like it's helping but in the long run it will make this worse. Your social alienation isn't helping, but you need to take care of yourself and get on good terms with your own person before you can worry about dealing with other people's shit.
It will take some hard work to search and find something that will make you happy, but it's out there waiting. Anti-depressants and psychedelics can help in the short run and give you the impetus to change yourself, but nothing will change if you just sit around wondering why your life is meh. It's because you let it get that way and aren't doing anything to change it.
How old are you, mid-20's? This is very likely the beginnings of what will be an identity crisis if you don't get pro-active and find purpose. Life without purpose is unsustainable, find one now and get ahead of the game.
Read some books, listen to some new music, find new areas of study and even if you don't feel like doing any of this, push yourself out of your comfort zone and don't let the inertia of your apathy suck you into the downward spiral. Half of dealing with depression is not letting it suck you in and getting off your ass when all you feel like doing is staring at the wall like a lump of wood. 
Well hash to me isn't really a hobby it's more like mental short-term medication.
I've been going out lately, but it didn't make a a difference to me, I guess I just have go out more.
I've found a new hobby, well to be honest it's a very old hobby that I've revisited which is scuba diving, I've got an advanced license from PADI and I've went diving recently and found it to help a bit, especially when I dive at night, I guess I know what I'll be doing in the holidays 
Thank you for the tips!
Edited by Hash_is_life (07/08/15 09:49 PM)
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P.Zappatecorum
Lophophilus



Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 2,094
Loc: Cactaceae
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Weed is weird from a self medication standpoint, for anti-depressant effects I find it's better to stick with high THC sativas and smoke just a little bit once or twice a week. I certainly love a good bowl of hash at the end of a stressful week, but more than that and it starts to take over. Smoking regularly and getting those CBDs built up in your body is good for chronic pain but you start getting that dragging/unmotivated feeling and it can be hard to get up and do anything productive. The body feel is great but heavy and the mind gets dull.
Smoke way too much of any kind of weed and it starts to make it so you can't enjoy life without it and you don't feel like doing much on it. I quit weed after years of abuse and then came back to it with more maturity and now only smoke occasionally. I find it treats me much better when it's a special occasion kind of thing. YMMV. It is to varying degrees a downer so you have to watch your intake if you're suffering some signs of depression when you're not on it, it can help a bit with the initial euphoria but it can also hurt a lot if you use it as a crutch and fall into escapism. Anyway, you'll figure something out that works for you, good luck.
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JV11
Stranger
Registered: 06/07/15
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Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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I also am in this state. My cognitive function is slow, sluggish, and draws blank most of the time. Always doubting myself, second guessing, and hesitant. Worrying.
I like what p.zappa suggested approaching holistically.
I was on ssri and it really turned things around. My brain worked better. Thoughts come more freely. I felt alive like I never felt before. I felt free from all the underlaying chatter of unhelpful thoughts and feelings. It gave me a fighting chance to work and train to become who I truly and to live a fulfilling life.
I stopped taking ssri and reverted back to my old self. The reason why I stopped was because I was planning to go to an ayahuasca retreat. But I've been reading many articles on psilocybin and finding out more and more of its healing potential. It seem to be exactly what I need though I know it's not a panacea.
I'm trying to procure some psilocybin and when I actual take it it will be my first time.
Edited by JV11 (07/10/15 01:57 AM)
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Hash_is_life



Registered: 06/22/15
Posts: 76
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Re: Dysthymia? [Re: JV11]
#21931966 - 07/12/15 02:55 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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UPDATE: I've been prescribed prozac (fluoxetine) and the dosage is 20 mg (immediate release capsules) a day.
Here it goes...
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TrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
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Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
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Quote:
Hash_is_life said: UPDATE: I've been prescribed prozac (fluoxetine) and the dosage is 20 mg (immediate release capsules) a day.
Here it goes...
awww man....Be careful, I've been trying to get off of the paxil for sometime now. I still feel like you do. The problem is you got to give it a good month
to see if the drug does anything for you, by that time you are addicted and will have some shitty withdraws. Keep a close eye on how it affects you, shit
you may want to start a daily journal about how you feel. Good luck and I hope it works for you.
-------------------- Just remember keep the camera rolling and FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO! Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!
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Hash_is_life



Registered: 06/22/15
Posts: 76
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Quote:
TrippieHunter said:
Quote:
Hash_is_life said: UPDATE: I've been prescribed prozac (fluoxetine) and the dosage is 20 mg (immediate release capsules) a day.
Here it goes...
awww man....Be careful, I've been trying to get off of the paxil for sometime now. I still feel like you do. The problem is you got to give it a good month
to see if the drug does anything for you, by that time you are addicted and will have some shitty withdraws. Keep a close eye on how it affects you, shit
you may want to start a daily journal about how you feel. Good luck and I hope it works for you.
Well I've gotten to the point of desperation and I'm very scared that I'm gonna end up like those guys who can't live without the damn chems. But thankfully I stopped smoking hash before the prescription, it's kinda pointless to take an anti-depressant while under he influence of a depressant y'know...
Thanks for the tips and help bro! 
Edited by Hash_is_life (07/12/15 03:00 PM)
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P.Zappatecorum
Lophophilus



Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 2,094
Loc: Cactaceae
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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I second the journal. It's a must-do thing for anybody with a mood disorder. After about 6 months go back and read a couple of old entries a day and try to notice any patterns, you'll be able to recognize repetitive, destructive thoughts or habits and be able to enact positive behavioral changes.
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Ped
Interested In Your Brain



Registered: 08/30/99
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Did your doctor explore any possible causes for your symptoms before prescribing fluoxetine? Did he or she ask you any questions about your diet, lifestyle, home or family life, or recent life experiences? Were there any blood tests?
--------------------
Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace
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