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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
I helped burn a room in a house today...
    #21891014 - 07/03/15 12:58 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Lets skip the intro and jump right into the hot stuff....

1. Boyfriend is staying at his sister's house to help erect the back deck that nearly fell clean off when his mother...... about 340 in a hovaround wheelchair decided to get some fresh air.

2. After my boyfriend and his sister's husband decided to call it quits for the day, my boyfriend showered then called me.

3. I listened to all the wonderous things that went on that day... my boyfriends breathing became labored... I asked what he was doing...
4. After asking him like 4 times, he admitted he was playing with himself.... I can handle that, and decided to phone sex him to a deep sleep.

during the session, he became very excited and I could hear the bed mattress creaking as he beat the monkey into squirrel.

Then I heard OH SHIT! followed by a bunch of whispery oh no's and shit shit shit shit shiiiit.

He accidently knocked over a lit scented candle and it burned half the room up.

Somehow, I feel responsible, but screw it, I wasn't there.

Remember... not beating your meat prevents house fires.


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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Offlinetwelvelookslikeu
Stranger
 User Gallery


Registered: 06/27/06
Posts: 738
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21891027 - 07/03/15 01:03 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Did the monkey catch fire?


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OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 39 minutes, 3 seconds
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Macey Howard] * 4
    #21891038 - 07/03/15 01:06 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

You're an imposter. There's no talk of restrooms or shit.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflinePsilosopherr
A psilly goose
Other User Gallery


Registered: 02/15/12
Posts: 12,278
Last seen: 1 month, 10 days
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Shroomslip] * 1
    #21891068 - 07/03/15 01:14 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

so its true what Catholics say about masturbation then. I'll be damned


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OfflineMatt87
Male User Gallery
Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 3,339
Loc: Tennessee
Last seen: 3 days, 19 hours
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Shroomslip]
    #21891082 - 07/03/15 01:21 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomslip said:
You're an imposter. There's no talk of restrooms or shit.



Lol. You're familiar with her work too?!


--------------------

Once you understand the way broadly, you see it in all things. -Musashi


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,805
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Matt87]
    #21891155 - 07/03/15 02:09 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

That's hot ;D


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: sudly]
    #21891483 - 07/03/15 06:42 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Well, he said that he reached over to get the jerk towel to clean up, he knocked over the candle. at least the house smells like BBQ now..... kinda I guess. I got here last night and the room isn't THAT burnt up... He burnt the area carpet and some of the bed sheets. He used the bed sheets to put out the fire. Got some burn on his right arm. I cleaned up the room with pine sol and it smells better.

and just to be clear... when I got here this morning I did take a big ole dump after a 1.75 hour drive.. while driving, all the spicy Korean food I had for dinner was moved to the front of the doo doo que causing me to lightly panic because I did not want to stop at the Love's truck stop to take a trucker dump. <---- run-on sentence!!!
I knew it was a good shit because I had to flush the terlet a second time clear the swirled skid marks the first flush made.


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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InvisibleDOBAS
Male


Registered: 07/06/13
Posts: 1,002
Loc: Virginia
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21891490 - 07/03/15 06:45 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

:laugh2:


--------------------
:mushdance:  :dancingbear:  :feelspokeman:


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,805
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21891509 - 07/03/15 06:52 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

hope it smelt as good as it sounds :thumbup:


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: sudly]
    #21891573 - 07/03/15 07:25 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

At least his little fire man was already up and ready.


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #21892995 - 07/03/15 02:48 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Mr.GuessWork said:
At least his little fire man was already up and ready.



HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21893137 - 07/03/15 03:16 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

reminds of the time i was really baked and my friend decided to leave his socks on top of his small heater to warm his socks and then left the room for a minute.

well when he left steam started coming out of the heater. i instantly thought my friend had like some really fancy steam heating device that used steam to heat socks, so i kinda just sat there and stared at it in amazement as this steam filled the room.

turns out tho it was actually smoke from burning clothe cuz my friend left his socks on top of the heater for too long. i didnt even catch it until my friend stormed the room and ran towards the heater to disconnected it. thinking back now, damn i was high as a muthafcuking kite..


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


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Invisible404
error
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21893297 - 07/03/15 03:56 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Macey Howard said:
Well, he said that he reached over to get the jerk towel to clean up, he knocked over the candle. at least the house smells like BBQ now..... kinda I guess. I got here last night and the room isn't THAT burnt up... He burnt the area carpet and some of the bed sheets. He used the bed sheets to put out the fire. Got some burn on his right arm. I cleaned up the room with pine sol and it smells better.

and just to be clear... when I got here this morning I did take a big ole dump after a 1.75 hour drive.. while driving, all the spicy Korean food I had for dinner was moved to the front of the doo doo que causing me to lightly panic because I did not want to stop at the Love's truck stop to take a trucker dump. <---- run-on sentence!!!
I knew it was a good shit because I had to flush the terlet a second time clear the swirled skid marks the first flush made.






Whoever pointed out that most of your posts entail some sort of story about taking a dump was spot on. I came in here to see if that was the case this time and lo and behold.


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OfflineNcogneato
Patriot
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/27/15
Posts: 228
Loc: Wisco
Last seen: 7 years, 11 months
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: 404]
    #21893330 - 07/03/15 04:05 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Mmmmmmm....shit! Oh yeah,.....oh yeah,.....oh yeah! Oh God,....oh yeah!

Tell me more about the fat momma in the hoveround!!!!! I'm almost therrrreeee!!!


--------------------
Psilocybin.........the poor man's Cancun.
                   


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,561
Loc: Utah
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21893458 - 07/03/15 04:38 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

At least you know you did a good job.


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InvisibleSirShroomsAlott
Howdy
I'm a teapot


Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States Flag
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21893560 - 07/03/15 05:02 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Macey Howard said:

1. Boyfriend is staying at his sister's house to help erect the back deck that nearly fell clean off when his mother...... about 340 in a hovaround wheelchair decided to get some fresh air.





Before I tell you that I laughed hysterically at this, does she have a disorder of some kind, or just gluttony?


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OfflineFreeTheSoul
The wonderer.
Registered: 01/04/14
Posts: 2,297
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: I helped burn a room in a house today... [Re: SirShroomsAlott]
    #21893630 - 07/03/15 05:20 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Dont lie. :bearbreakdance::loldongs:


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