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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21881505 - 07/01/15 03:08 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I might be shaking. Shit my Trans girl asked me why are you so shakey. I'm an alcoholic because I don't lie to people I care about. I tell them up front. But I don't feel like drinking anymore but I am with drawing.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineShroomslip
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Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21881507 - 07/01/15 03:12 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

The point of AA is to support each other while trying to remain sober. When you're not even trying to be sober and seek the support of others to stay that way, you're missing the point of AA entirely.

You're right that judgement is the last thing an addict needs, I know this all too well myself, but there are lines. If you're going to AA with alcohol in hand, then you need to ask yourself why you're even going. Because it's not to get sober. It's 2 fucking hours tops. I don't care how bad of an alcoholic you are, you can get by 2 hours without a drink. the only reason you couldn't, is if you're just not even trying.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Shroomslip]
    #21881520 - 07/01/15 03:22 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Because I need to talk about it. Honestly I've been thinking a lot lately my true life's calling is a drug counselor. I already do a lot of freelance work. People come to me a lot. As I don't judge.

Shit I had this girl come to me yesterday. Crying as she hit 2 months clean than slipped up off heroin. Just hugged her and sat her down. Don't be so hard on yourself it's baby steps. Think more of the progress you've made we all do it. I don't judge. I understand drugs are fun trust me I'm slipping hard myself but I want to sober up and find out how I even get into the field.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21881526 - 07/01/15 03:29 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

My mom too she's slipping so hard off alcohol. Talked with her for a couple hours and she just kept nodding. Told her that was my thought as she knows all about my drug use. Looked at me with tears in her eyes. Yes I do think that. I just understand it. I'm an addict. But I gotta sober up before I can help other people.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21881543 - 07/01/15 03:46 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I need to stop my drinking as well :sad: been drinking everyday for maybe 3 or 4 years but I'm starting to get the shakes bad. Sometimes I can't even write


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21881555 - 07/01/15 03:51 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Yep I've been doing it for about 2 years. Trying to eat food and the spoon is just shaking. Or cooking. I've had to taper down many times I'm good at it. Well not good it always fucking sucks. But then it's like oh OK im fine again and drink heavy again. Rinse. Repeat.

Im lonely I have a lot of acquanteces but nobody that makes me truly feel as if I can be better. It's a sad feeling so I drink. And fuck alcohol wds are so much fucking worse than heroin. Holy fuck. I've experienced some shit. Vomiting stomach acid. Curled up into a ball wishing I were fucking dead for hours on end. Fucking bad. And that's the legal and cheap drug. :rofl:


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


Edited by Enjoywho (07/01/15 03:52 AM)


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21881557 - 07/01/15 03:54 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I'd literally prefer going back to heroin. Fuck this shit is bad


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21881559 - 07/01/15 03:56 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I know it's a bitch. A drug that slowly kills you, makes you violent when you take too much, and causes WD on par wit heroin :facepalm3: but ohhhhhh no we can't have this marijuana or psilocybin around! Someone could get hurt! :rolleyes: I've been a little bit better but I still have a few beers everyday and drink a shit ton on the weekends. I almost never drink hard alcohol anymore though. It's just when I go to work after the weekend I will start to see my hands shake and its fucking annoying and scary


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21881561 - 07/01/15 03:56 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I tried to quit, now I'm afraid to try again. I was going really good. I went from ~12 beers a day and 750ml of liquor every day or two down to just 4 or so beers. Tapered because of how bad my alcoholism had become. After a while of only 4, I decided to stop and tried. Ended up failing. Have the will power to quit cigs, pills (for recreation) and even weed... But not the alcohol. I rebounded hard. Trying to quit ended up with me back at 8-10 beers a day and a very strong urge for liquor. :sad:

Other than the obvious, my Achilles heel is my insomnia. Without alcohol, sleeping pills simply don't work, and sleeping pills are all that work to put me to sleep. I've suffered through it most my life. It's really hard to give up my sleep. So when it's not time to sleep, I'm all for quitting, but when I'm stuck being awake forever, I falter. I revert back to what I know works.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


Edited by Shroomslip (07/01/15 04:02 AM)


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Shroomslip]
    #21881565 - 07/01/15 04:00 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

It's fucking tough man. If I haven't drank in a day or so the first sip of alcohol I take I can literally feel the endorphins releasing the second it makes it down my throat. Or if I'm shaking super super bad I can take one or 2 shots and they're gone immediately


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21881580 - 07/01/15 04:11 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I wish I could control myself with liquor. A shot or two a day wouldn't really be so bad. That's all I'd need to potentiate my sleep medication. But I simply can't. If I have a bottle of liquor, I will drink that shit like it's water. It is not at all uncommon for me to get a bottle of liquor and finish it in a 4-5 hour period.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21881581 - 07/01/15 04:12 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

It's just addictive personality. I smoke cigs whenever I'm bored. Which is a lot. It's become so habitual I dunno what to do. And the physical withdrawals from alcohol. Fuckin a. It isn't on par with heroin at all. I've never felt this bad.

Heroin feels like the flu. Alcohol I fucking have anxiety for the first time. Shaking. The works. My body feels so exhausted. I've sat in the bathroom throwing up stomach acid as there was nothing in it. Trying to muster the energy to walk to the store.

The thing is it never even feels better. At least with heroin a shot would make you feel better. But with alcohol I always feel sick. As its obviously destroying my liver and stomach tissue lining. My insides hurt all the time


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Shroomslip]
    #21881586 - 07/01/15 04:14 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomslip said:
I wish I could control myself with liquor. A shot or two a day wouldn't really be so bad. That's all I'd need to potentiate my sleep medication. But I simply can't. If I have a bottle of liquor, I will drink that shit like it's water. It is not at all uncommon for me to get a bottle of liquor and finish it in a 4-5 hour period.




Yep same. That's why I can't drink and Don't drink hard alcohol. I can't do it. I drink it like water than I'm really fucked up.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21881593 - 07/01/15 04:21 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

The withdrawal from liquor is so horrible, i count my lucky stars I don't need to buy bottles anymore. At least with beer I can actually go to work and semi function but with hard alcohol my hands shake so bad I have trouble typing on a computer. One day my boss was standing over me asking me to type something up and my hands were shaking so bad I just kept stalling him and eventually got up to use the restroom :feelsbadman: I wish I could back a few years and slap the shit out of me when I started drinking everyday :facepalm3:


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21881604 - 07/01/15 04:31 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Ya I drink the steel reserve 8.1% though. Gut rot. It's strong and cheap and nothing else really seems to satisfy now. I've been in a delirious sick haze for a couple days now. And I know it's from the alcohol. I've missed work the past 2 days. I can't sleep my body feels so uncomfortable. It's 330 now and I have to be out the door by 510.

So I'm just staying awake my mind won't rest. I need to be at work though. I have rent to pay and I want to get a bike and a TV. And I'm up by 7 am anyway. Well what the fuck do I do now. Dick around on the Internet. Smoke cigs. And walk up to the store to get beer.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21881610 - 07/01/15 04:35 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

But my Trans friend isn't leaving for a bit longer. I'ma see if she'll take care of me tomorrow. I really need the human companionship right now. I know she will.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21881614 - 07/01/15 04:37 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

looks like. I do the exact same thing dude :lol: one day I went into work after drinking like all day and night and got sent home so i was just sitting in my car like :shrug: guess I'll go get a beer or something


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineFreeTheSoul
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Registered: 01/04/14
Posts: 2,297
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21881618 - 07/01/15 04:40 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

After you guys get completely clean have you ever thought about getting that anti alcohol shot? I think it makes you really sick if you do end up drinking after you get the shot.


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21881626 - 07/01/15 04:46 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Yep I got sent home last week. I had to wait 3 hours for the fucking bus not getting paid as I work 30 miles out from where I live. But I don't drink during or before work. I respect them too much. But I drink every fucking day. All day. Except during work.

But fuck man its tiring I'm already an insomniac. I have to get up at 445 am every morning. Walk to the bus station which is 15 minutes. Get there at 615. And start work at 7. I've already been up for 2 and a half hours before I even start working. And I work 9 hour days.

Plus I'm an insomniac so I've probably only slept maybe 3 hours max. I'm fucking just exhausted all the time. Not even gonna sleep tonight as its too close and I know if I'll fall asleep now I'll sleep til 7 :rolleyes:


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


Edited by Enjoywho (07/01/15 04:49 AM)


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Invisiblevinsue
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Re: going clean and sober... ish [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21881788 - 07/01/15 06:33 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

It's refreshing to see some people start to realize, at a young age, that maybe alcohol is bad for them.
I was in my 50's before I began to think that maybe being drunk every day,
day in and day out, was destroying me.

I read somewhere that approx. 10% of the population have serious issues trying to party responsibly.
That's me.:wave:
I never in my life, had 'just one beer' , unless I was switching to vodka.:smirk:

I never wanted to stop drinking. :shrug: I liked to drink and I was real good at it.:irishtoast:
I wasn't hurting anyone (or so I thought), no DUI's, never missed work,
took care of my family (or so I thought)
I worked hard and deserved to play hard.

Random drug testing was somewhat common in my profession,
so I couldn't smoke weed as much as I'd liked to.:crankey:
but having beer for lunch wasn't a problem(I told myself)

You younger guys thinking alcohol w/d is the worst should continue:faded: for another 10-30 years.

Here's my first, some what feeble attempt at sobriety.(Feb., 2012)
I lasted maybe 4 months before I decided I had another run in me.(never did the IOP, AA thang)
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/15798817

Jan. 2014, I checked  into a 28 day program. When I got out I did the 90(meetings) in 90(days),
I got a sponsor and I haven't had a drink since then.

I was prescribed a once a month injection(9 months total) to help control the cravings,
(I was pretty much your raging alcoholic)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naltrexone#Formulations,and it worked.

Some people can have a few after work, or on the weekends,
maybe let loose on 3/17, 5/5, 12/31, or on other approved drinking days.(7/4:patriot:)
Some of us can't.
And I'm OK with that.
I do smoke pot daily, and I'm OK with that, too.
Cannabis isn't a volatile toxin like alcohol.

If you guys really want/need to stop, think about doing it sooner than later.
It sure as shit won't get any easier.

:goodluck::hug: . . . :peace:


--------------------

"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ...
  Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... :taser:  ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) .  :mod: ... :peace:


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