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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 4 hours, 7 minutes
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Ganga Lova]
#21881411 - 07/01/15 02:27 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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At the moment no. I don't have the job yet (or back yet would be more precise). I've had the job before and was laid off (was only contract before, which is disposable, I'll be going back as full time, which isn't) and yes, I was happy when I had it. My future seemed bright. I was making around 6k a month and that was at 15/hr. In just a few years I could be at 30/hr. I only have a GED, so getting that job was fucking amazing. I was going to be able to get me and my wife cars that weren't going to break down at any moment and buy a house in a good neighborhood that isn't falling apart, I was going to be able to actually save up a college fund for my son so he'd have the opportunity very few in either me or my wife's family have ever had the opportunity for. I was going to be able to finally not have to worry what we're going to do about bills every month.
Yes, I was happy.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Ganga Lova
fuck I spelled ganja wrong



Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 328
Loc: Chicago
Last seen: 8 years, 13 days
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You're right sorry it was the other guys sarcastic 'If you're gay, then why don't you.. oh I don't know.. Tell these girls you're gay?' that bothered me.
I don't know man fuck it, I give up
-------------------- "My only fear in death is reincarnation" -Tupac Shakur
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FreeTheSoul
The wonderer.
Registered: 01/04/14
Posts: 2,297
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Shroomslip]
#21881420 - 07/01/15 02:29 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Were you depressed before you started doing drugs? Was the depression from something or were you just depressed for no reason?
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Ganga Lova
fuck I spelled ganja wrong



Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 328
Loc: Chicago
Last seen: 8 years, 13 days
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Shroomslip]
#21881422 - 07/01/15 02:31 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Shroomslip said: At the moment no. I don't have the job yet (or back yet would be more precise). I've had the job before and was laid off (was only contract before, which is disposable, I'll be going back as full time, which isn't) and yes, I was happy when I had it. My future seemed bright. I was making around 6k a month and that was at 15/hr. In just a few years I could be at 30/hr. I only have a GED, so getting that job was fucking amazing. I was going to be able to get me and my wife cars that weren't going to break down at any moment and buy a house in a good neighborhood that isn't falling apart, I was going to be able to actually save up a college fund for my son so he'd have the opportunity very few in either me or my wife's family have ever had the opportunity for. I was going to be able to finally not have to worry what we're going to do about bills every month.
Yes, I was happy.
See it's this right here that makes me convince myself I'll never be happy. Everything you said was about you and your FAMILY being better off. I don't have that to look forward to. Yes, I can find companionship, but it would never be the same. I'll never get married to a woman and procreate and generally do what it is a human does. What the fuck am I going to do?
-------------------- "My only fear in death is reincarnation" -Tupac Shakur
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 4 hours, 7 minutes
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Ganga Lova]
#21881425 - 07/01/15 02:33 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Ganga Lova said:
Quote:
Shroomslip said: At the moment no. I don't have the job yet (or back yet would be more precise). I've had the job before and was laid off (was only contract before, which is disposable, I'll be going back as full time, which isn't) and yes, I was happy when I had it. My future seemed bright. I was making around 6k a month and that was at 15/hr. In just a few years I could be at 30/hr. I only have a GED, so getting that job was fucking amazing. I was going to be able to get me and my wife cars that weren't going to break down at any moment and buy a house in a good neighborhood that isn't falling apart, I was going to be able to actually save up a college fund for my son so he'd have the opportunity very few in either me or my wife's family have ever had the opportunity for. I was going to be able to finally not have to worry what we're going to do about bills every month.
Yes, I was happy.
See it's this right here that makes me convince myself I'll never be happy. Everything you said was about you and your FAMILY being better off. I don't have that to look forward to. Yes, I can find companionship, but it would never be the same. I'll never get married to a woman and procreate and generally do what it is a human does. What the fuck am I going to do?
It's not about just my family it's about bettering myself as well. I'm not doing this as some selfless act to only help my family. I'm building myself up as well. I live in this shitty house in this shitty neighborhood driving this shitty car and constantly worrying about how to make ends meet. I want out of that.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Ganga Lova
fuck I spelled ganja wrong



Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 328
Loc: Chicago
Last seen: 8 years, 13 days
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: FreeTheSoul]
#21881426 - 07/01/15 02:34 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
FreeTheSoul said: Were you depressed before you started doing drugs? Was the depression from something or were you just depressed for no reason?
I've been depressed since I'd say 7th grade. I didn't start doing drugs till high school. I've been chronically depressed long before I started going drugs. The only reason I even ever wanted to smoke was for spiritual purposes, because I thought it could help my situation. Effectiveness still to be determined.
-------------------- "My only fear in death is reincarnation" -Tupac Shakur
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Ganga Lova
fuck I spelled ganja wrong



Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 328
Loc: Chicago
Last seen: 8 years, 13 days
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Ganga Lova]
#21881443 - 07/01/15 02:40 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Anyway it's 4 am I'm going to bed.
-------------------- "My only fear in death is reincarnation" -Tupac Shakur
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MagicMush123
moon person



Registered: 01/22/15
Posts: 5,101
Loc: Chinada
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Ganga Lova]
#21881461 - 07/01/15 02:46 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Ganga Lova said:
Quote:
Shroomslip said:
Quote:
Ganga Lova said: Ok lets just ignore the whole gay part because I don't know what else I expected from a bunch of straight guys except, DUH just be gay lol!
You are who you are and you're never going to be happy as long as you're fighting who you are. One of my oldest friends is gay. It's not all rainbows and kittens when you finally come out, but in general, you're a hell of a lot fucking happier than when you're trying to hide it from everyone.
Also you can quit you just aren't doing it. You think I don't want to be smoking? I love weed, it is the perfect medication for many problems I have. But I have a job on the line and I can't smoke. I want nothing more than to just keep smoking, but that isn't going to get me anywhere in life. So I made a hard choice. My world basically revolved around weed. If I can quit, anyone can. I really doubt you'd ever meet someone more obsessed with it than I was.
Exactly, so let me ask you, are you happy? Because I feel like if I get clean and get a job and slave my life away I'm never going to be happy. I never have been, and I've convinced myself I never will be.
You think you won't happy making 40 an hr? Sorry to break it to you but we live in a sad world where the only thing that talks Is MONEY! So quit the weed till you get it, and smoke agian when you can.. It's common sense, and you'll get even higher than before! Think about when your 30, making min wage, living paycheck to paycheck, thinking fuck I wish I quit weed for a WHOLE 2 months, and I would of had a house, car etc living the good life
Edited by MagicMush123 (07/01/15 02:47 AM)
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Ganga Lova
fuck I spelled ganja wrong



Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 328
Loc: Chicago
Last seen: 8 years, 13 days
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: MagicMush123]
#21881466 - 07/01/15 02:47 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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That's exactly the part that makes me want to put a fucking bullet through my skull because for me money isn't happiness.
-------------------- "My only fear in death is reincarnation" -Tupac Shakur
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Ezuma
Gontish Wizard



Registered: 12/02/13
Posts: 8,423
Loc: Roke
Last seen: 10 months, 21 days
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Ganga Lova]
#21881467 - 07/01/15 02:48 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Cliche but don't worry so much what people think of you. Pretty much imediately after graduation I realized no one gives a shit anyway. The other stuff I have no good advice on though
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MagicMush123
moon person



Registered: 01/22/15
Posts: 5,101
Loc: Chinada
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Ganga Lova]
#21881470 - 07/01/15 02:50 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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It can lead to happiness... By enabling you do the things you want to do... And you don't have the added stress of worrying of how your pay next months rent and working 2 jobs possibley. Fuck you can retire at 55 with that money
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Ganga Lova
fuck I spelled ganja wrong



Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 328
Loc: Chicago
Last seen: 8 years, 13 days
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: MagicMush123]
#21881477 - 07/01/15 02:53 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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It's 40 an hour but it's not a stable job by any means. It's a union job, it's not 9 to 5 work, the pension is questionable. What I really should do is continue my education, which is totally an option, but I just need the motivation for it.
-------------------- "My only fear in death is reincarnation" -Tupac Shakur
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 4 hours, 7 minutes
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Ganga Lova]
#21881488 - 07/01/15 02:56 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Ganga Lova said: That's exactly the part that makes me want to put a fucking bullet through my skull because for me money isn't happiness.
Happiness is a good life. Money can give you the good life. It can't buy you everything you want, but it can damn sure give you a good head start. Whether you like it or not, our lives are governed by money. Want a decent house, decent car and a general stress free living situation? You're gonna need money. By all means subscribe to the idea that money is a worthless pursuit, but just remember that philosophy when you're working retail, dealing with all the horrors of customer service, constantly struggling to make ends meet and where every time a part fails on your transportation to get to and from a job, it's a disaster.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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MagicMush123
moon person



Registered: 01/22/15
Posts: 5,101
Loc: Chinada
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Ganga Lova]
#21881489 - 07/01/15 02:56 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Is it a dieing industry?
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MagicMush123
moon person



Registered: 01/22/15
Posts: 5,101
Loc: Chinada
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: MagicMush123]
#21881494 - 07/01/15 03:01 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Work therw aslong as you can, while figuring out what you want to do with tour life. It would gibe you time to. Choose the right career, and by then you can.pay in cash, or almost all of the course or courses with my miminal student debt, and if it doesn't work out you have a new experience, and lots of cash, to go travelling etc and to have fun..
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kykeion
Cactophile



Registered: 11/20/13
Posts: 181
Loc: High desert
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Ganga Lova]
#21883886 - 07/01/15 05:19 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Ganga Lova said: The thing is, I have accepted I am gay. But let me put it this way. Imagine if you were black, but if you said you were white nobody would question it. Life would be so much easier if you were white, and while even if you did say you were black, even though you still acted like a civilised black person, there would be people who look at you like your some lazy welfare leech. Wouldn't you just try to pass as white?
I'm fine with being gay, I can't stand flamboyant homosexuals. I don't want to be associated with that. I don't want people to see that when they see me, even if that isn't me.
I know exactly what you are saying, I felt the exact same way. My biggest regret in waiting till I was 27 to accept myself and come out is that I wasted some of the most carefree years of my life not being myself. Also, all the sex I could have been having. So here is some advice from some one who is not straight.
Stop doing drugs, get the job, save up some money while you can, then go to college or do what ever education program you are interested in. You're what 18? 19? You have plenty of life left to get high when it wont risk your job.
And for gods sake come out. You don't have to be loud'n proud and all "faggy." Just accept that you like other guys, when a girl wants your nuts thank her for the flattery and tell her your gay. Odds are she'll like you even more and want you to be her GBF. Passing as straight because you can does not really make your life any easier, trust me I have been there.
And there is a hell of a lot more to life than this idea that we have been fed that we have to get married and have babies to live a happy fulfilled life.
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Hayoxp
Enlil sucks cock


Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 812
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: kykeion]
#21884157 - 07/01/15 06:20 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Mean't for Ganga Love
Wait.. didn't you call me a kid? Lmao, I'm 21 boi. 3 years done of University doing mind altering medicine and shit.
-------------------- Enlil is trash, needs to end himself.
Edited by Hayoxp (07/01/15 06:20 PM)
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Hayoxp]
#21884206 - 07/01/15 06:30 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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What are you studying
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Hayoxp
Enlil sucks cock


Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 812
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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G Marketing and MGT
-------------------- Enlil is trash, needs to end himself.
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??



Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Re: deciding its time to grow up [Re: Hayoxp] 1
#21884271 - 07/01/15 06:40 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Sounds shitty
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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