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Shop: Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Anonymous #1

Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you?
    #21874772 - 06/29/15 06:12 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I am having this Dilemma with my boss of all people.  When we first started getting to know each-other we quickly became friends, hung out, drank together ect...  But as I have gotten to know him better, and his perspectives on the world, fucked up things he has done to people in the past ect..  I am really struggling to respect the man, I find myself not really wanting to talk to him..  He comes into my office and I don't really have anything to say to him like I used too..  I really don't want to get into a conversation with him because he is just going to reveal something that I don't agree with or am offended by in some way...

But now hes wondering what's wrong with me, he feels like I have been "off" lately...  I'm afraid he thinks im unhappy with my job or something, when in reality, i just plain don't respect him as a person.  I still want to have a good working relationship, and I have a lot I can learn from him.  I just don't want to be "buddies"...  I don't know how to handle this without risking upward mobility in the organization....


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Anonymous #2

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21875555 - 06/29/15 08:47 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Tough one kid, I know exactly how you feel.

It's time to get good at lieing to this motherfucker or start planning your exit strategy,  I would personally do both, but I've been in this situation more than once.

Best of luck to you brother, don't compromise your morals, its not worth it.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #21876080 - 06/29/15 11:23 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Dealing with this with a coworker as well. He used to be so excited to talk to me and gain my perspective on things.. and then I realized he was just a petty, angry, sexist little man. We don't talk much anymore.

It happens sometimes. :shrug:


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Anonymous #4

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #21876301 - 06/30/15 01:17 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Tell him how you feel. :shrug:

Sooner or later it's going to come out anyways. You can keep on pretending like you're just going to be able to continue on as you were and do your job while keeping distance, but fact is you can't.

You can tell him now, and maybe he'll understand or distance himself from you, or it can come out later in less than ideal circumstances and results could be even worse.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #21881320 - 07/01/15 01:54 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
Tell him how you feel. :shrug:
Quote:


this is horrible advice.  Op has already told us what a petty bitch this guy is and its his boss. Tread lightly op, you know where to get the butter for your bread.
Quote:

Ondarelrelforel


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Anonymous #4

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #21881349 - 07/01/15 02:03 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

IME this ends one of two ways. He tells him how he feels, or the guy catches him on a bad day and presses the right buttons and it basically ends in OP getting very heated and telling him how he feels with a whole lot of butt hurting dialogue mixed in. The latter is of course, much worse in the long run. He's going to take it far more personally when it comes out in that way.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21882850 - 07/01/15 01:07 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I am having this Dilemma with my boss of all people.  When we first started getting to know each-other we quickly became friends, hung out, drank together ect...  But as I have gotten to know him better, and his perspectives on the world, fucked up things he has done to people in the past ect..  I am really struggling to respect the man, I find myself not really wanting to talk to him..  He comes into my office and I don't really have anything to say to him like I used too..  I really don't want to get into a conversation with him because he is just going to reveal something that I don't agree with or am offended by in some way...

But now hes wondering what's wrong with me, he feels like I have been "off" lately...  I'm afraid he thinks im unhappy with my job or something, when in reality, i just plain don't respect him as a person.  I still want to have a good working relationship, and I have a lot I can learn from him.  I just don't want to be "buddies"...  I don't know how to handle this without risking upward mobility in the organization....






What the hell are you expecting out of life? A boss and a best friend!  Should he suck you off when he gives you a paycheck?  Bosses suck. They boss you around.  You are lucky he buddies up with you, because if he's a trainwreck like you said, he will lose it all and you can start being a conductor?  Or you can be like me and just drink beer and bitch about the system all the time.  Buck the fuck up.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #21885138 - 07/01/15 09:25 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Anoner 4, I feel what you're saying however I'm wondering why does it ever have to come to a head at all? If OP Can somehow I managed to ride this wave He'll be in a much better position of control when it does crash. just sayn. :shrug:


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Anonymous #6

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #21886561 - 07/02/15 06:52 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I work for a consultancy firm and that's pretty much just the way it is. You've gotta be able to schmooze anyone regardless of any personal feelings to be able to build networks and climb the ladder. I've had to work with some proper dishonest arseholes but theyre good for putting infront of clients who want their arse kissed and to have someone nod along at every idea. Heard one dude pause a conference call to tell another guy "Just say anything to get him to sign the contract, lie to him. Once it's signed he's fucked"  This was the attitude to signing up new clients for our services.

I worked with a dude that was a totally offensive sexist prick, im a dude and even I was uncomfortable they way he talked. You can't just bail on your job or tell your boss that you think he used to be a bit of a tool.  When your speaking with him, reinforce the good conversation by keeping it going and be pleasant, if he says something innappropriate then don't reinforce it. kill the mood, dont respond, change the topic, make an excuse to get back to work,  just do something to make it clear ur uncomfortable. Eventually the guy should realise over time your not much banter for X kinda topic but still good for banter.

Unless he's being actually offensive towards you in which case shut it down. Once seen a girl shut down the sexist dude just by looking him dead in the eyes and saying 'not with me'.  dude got the message and kept it formal after that.


You'll rarely find a boss you respect. If you do, you don't know them well enough yet. There is always enough dirt in a senior persons past to put you off them just because they'll have made enough tough decisions or mistakes over time. Instead of distancing yourself do the opposite. Keep the dude close and use him for whatever advantage you can manage. You may disagree with his past actions but he's more use to you as a fake office friend than a boss with a feeling of rejection.

Business is grim... lol


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Anonymous #7

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #21926981 - 07/11/15 01:48 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I found out one day that my boss used to stand by and watch as her husband used to feed their children methamphetamine when they were teenagers and excuse them from school then make them do manual labor all day and all night to keep their family business afloat.


fucking disgusting people.  I can't wait to quit and work for someone else


Edited by Anonymous (07/11/15 01:49 AM)


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Anonymous #4

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #21926996 - 07/11/15 01:52 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Shoulda found a way to get that bitch arrested for meth related felonies.


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Anonymous #8

Re: Ever start deeply disliking someone once they open up to you? [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #21927483 - 07/11/15 05:22 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I've been in a situation like this only with a co-worker.

I let it bottle up and get the better of me.  I am sure you know better but it isn't good if it's really bothering you, I don't know what advice to give you.


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