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Invisiblevandago
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Registered: 07/07/04
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The ledge.
    #21858087 - 06/26/15 12:06 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

How many of you have been there?  Ready to jump?  Or had someone close to you ready to jump?


I just spent a half an hour talking to a complete stranger on the phone, and talked her from hysteria to calm breathing and talking.  Poor woman's husband hung himself....no one knew how to contact her...and I was the closest person to her geographically so family gave me her number. 


I haven't ever dealt with anything like this before....but after a while of talking, she seemed 10x calmer, and rational.  God.  It was so heartbreaking to hear her voice, but I am so glad I got a hold of her before she acted on a rash situation.


If a complete stranger can talk someone down, there is no reason we all can't be there for people we are close too.  Don't let a shitty petty fight stop you from talking to people that made you smile....that you laughed with.....that you forgot about time with.  If someone mattered once, they will ALWAYS matter.  Don't let death remind you of that.

Hugs, love, vibes, prayers....whatever you believe in.....to all of you.  Please remember life is fragile and we can always choose to leave it.....but if you are making that choice the pain is so deep you can't honestly make a rational decision. Suicide is not rational.  And it's a sly action that comes out of no where.  Please please please remember to let go.  It's hard sometimes.....fuck I wish I could let go of a lot of things.....but I keep on because people have stepped up when I needed it most.  Don't let drama cost you a life without someone that once mattered.  I've lost too many people close.


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OfflineShroomslip
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Registered: 11/25/12
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Re: The ledge. [Re: vandago]
    #21858128 - 06/26/15 12:22 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Have been there many times. Especially over the last 6 months or so. Have been quite a few times where I was pretty much already off the ledge and on the way down. Don't really want to get into details but just suffice it to say another fraction of an inch (not speaking metaphorically) and I wouldn't be here now.

I look back on those few incidents now and get chills. I could literally be dead right now. I'm (for the most part) perfectly sane and happy right now. No desire for release. Could have permanently ended my life over something I would get through in just months. What scares me worse is I don't expect my current state will always be here. Who knows what will happen next time. In those moments, reflecting on the fact that I would end up having regretted it, won't/don't matter. In those moments it doesn't seem like things will ever get better. It's easy to look back on things after they do get better and realize how stupid you were to think they wouldn't. It's not so easy to see that in the moment.

The only thing that ever stops me in those moments is fear of the unknown. Not just of what comes after, but how do I know I won't survive but be permanently disabled. Would just make a bad situation worse.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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InvisiblePsychonautica
Cuddly Wuddly Fuccboi


Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
Loc: Free Soul & IISkuNkII Flag
Re: The ledge. [Re: Shroomslip]
    #21858140 - 06/26/15 12:25 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I tried to kill myself multiple times.

I still consider it sometimes to this day..

I'd rather not talk about it though.


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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Invisiblevandago
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Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
Re: The ledge. [Re: Psychonautica]
    #21858173 - 06/26/15 12:35 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I think most of us would rather not talk about it....especially when no one asks.  It's hard to remember how much others struggle amidst your own struggling.  We all have demons, and we all fight every day to make it to the next.  Tonight really snapped some sense into me....if I can be there for someone I have never spoken to before, I really need to remember all those close to me with broken hearts, that are lost.

:heart: :heart: :heart:

Even if you think the hole is too deep, remember someone needs you somewhere.


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InvisiblePsychonautica
Cuddly Wuddly Fuccboi


Registered: 04/20/15
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Re: The ledge. [Re: vandago]
    #21858184 - 06/26/15 12:38 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I tried to kill myself by pulling a Zombi3 basically, at like age 16. That's the only one I can't even talk about.

I took whatever was left in a vial of 2c-b or 2c-c I don't remember. I took like 500 hits probably more, I just put water in the vial shook it up and drank it.

I died that day. That's all I want to say about that. It makes me sick to my stomach to talk about it. Even without going into details it makes my hair stand up, and makes me want to vomit. It wasn't even a bad trip it was just... Yeah...

I don't know if i'm ready to talk about it yet.


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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InvisibleModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE
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Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
Re: The ledge. [Re: vandago]
    #21858194 - 06/26/15 12:42 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Never even close.
But I sympathize with those who have.
I could imagine that in a different upbringing I would have been a victim.


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?


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InvisiblePsychonautica
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Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
Loc: Free Soul & IISkuNkII Flag
Re: The ledge. [Re: ModestMouse]
    #21858199 - 06/26/15 12:43 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

The people who kill themselves aren't the victims.

The people who care about them are.


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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Invisiblevandago
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Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
Re: The ledge. [Re: Psychonautica]
    #21858207 - 06/26/15 12:47 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Psychonautica said:
I tried to kill myself by pulling a Zombi3 basically, at like age 16. That's the only one I can't even talk about.

I took whatever was left in a vial of 2c-b or 2c-c I don't remember. I took like 500 hits probably more, I just put water in the vial shook it up and drank it.

I died that day. That's all I want to say about that. It makes me sick to my stomach to talk about it. Even without going into details it makes my hair stand up, and makes me want to vomit. It wasn't even a bad trip it was just... Yeah...

I don't know if i'm ready to talk about it yet.





I feel like if you are talking about it past the stage of accepting you did it and moving on, is almost dwelling on it.  It's wiser to take the situation and use it for your advantage when you recognize the pain in someone else.  Most people can't ask for help, other then in their eyes or their tone.  They really do want it though, despite bitterness.  Life is, when it comes down to it, fucking phenomenal, but fuck is it stressful to fully enjoy it.  Sometimes a hurting soul is quiet, and screaming on the inside, and the only reason it's recognized is by a loved one.  I never would have known to call this woman, had her friend not seen the severity of the situation and reached out.  It's so much easier to be there for someone, when they are still with us.


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OfflineAcaterpillar
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Registered: 06/09/07
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Re: The ledge. [Re: vandago]
    #21858224 - 06/26/15 12:57 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I'm bad about asking for help, and it's gotten me into some pretty dismal places. Luckily I've found ways to address my emotions in a healthy manner so it doesn't keep snowballing.
I'd suggest meditation to anyone who has seriously considered suicide.
It's pretty painless compared to putting a bullet in your head, and you like...learn stuff.


I disagree that suicide is not rational.
Most suicides are not rational, but that does not mean the act itself is irrational.
I believe that some cases have legitimate reasoning. They are just few and far between.


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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InvisiblePsychonautica
Cuddly Wuddly Fuccboi


Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
Loc: Free Soul & IISkuNkII Flag
Re: The ledge. [Re: vandago]
    #21858242 - 06/26/15 01:05 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I've accepted it and moved on, but people ask me about it and I can't talk about it.

I've accepted what I've done and moved on as much as you possibly can, but you never really move on. It's always there. You'll always dwell on it to some extent.


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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Invisiblevandago
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Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
Re: The ledge. [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #21858249 - 06/26/15 01:08 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Acaterpillar said:
I'm bad about asking for help, and it's gotten me into some pretty dismal places. Luckily I've found ways to address my emotions in a healthy manner so it doesn't keep snowballing.
I'd suggest meditation to anyone who has seriously considered suicide.
It's pretty painless compared to putting a bullet in your head, and you like...learn stuff.


I disagree that suicide is not rational.
Most suicides are not rational, but that does not mean the act itself is irrational.
I believe that some cases have legitimate reasoning. They are just few and far between.




I should clarify that suicide from depression is irrational.  I think in some cases, when your burden has become so extreme and your positive light is completely gone, suicide is an option.....but honestly I am a firm believer in toughing it out to the bitter end, if not for anything but the knowledge.  Every single experience matters, and people care.  If there is an after life, there was a beforelife, and if there was a beforelife, we have to keep learning no matter what the lesson.......but shit.....who knows if there really is either.  So really, I can empathize with an athiest who has become a severe burden to the world, and has dwindled in positivity.....Fuck I don't know what the hell I believe.......maybe suicide should be heavily heavily heavily considered and talked over with loved ones?  To find out the root of why, and whether it weighs out as a proper idea?  I dunno.....I just can't believe some of the reasons I have wanted to end my life at such stupid times......when I recoop I look at people who are crawling through shit just to eat, and I hang my head in shame thinking of how selfish I am.....but I am not one to back off asking for help....I get to the point where I can't take it, literally just gone, and I force myself to at least make a post on here venting, or call a few friends and vent.....fuck I wish more people did that still......I rarely have people call me and just let go, and I have people dying all over the place....I wish they would've just broke down and vented before they broke down and put too much in the needle, or just ended it in other ways.


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: The ledge. [Re: Psychonautica]
    #21858252 - 06/26/15 01:09 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Psychonautica said:
I've accepted it and moved on, but people ask me about it and I can't talk about it.

I've accepted what I've done and moved on as much as you possibly can, but you never really move on. It's always there. You'll always dwell on it to some extent.





Well thankfully you are still alive to not talk about it, and that's all that matters.


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InvisiblePsychonautica
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Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
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Re: The ledge. [Re: vandago]
    #21858292 - 06/26/15 01:28 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

vandago said:

Well thankfully you are still alive to not talk about it, and that's all that matters.




I still sometimes disagree with that statement. A lot of times in my life I get really down and just wish I would have died that day.

But that was the last time I attempted suicide and I'll never try it again. My suicide attempt saved my life. It's weird.

Everyone says "It gets better" but I'm still waiting for that to happen.. I know it's a good thing I'm alive still and it'd be a horrible thing to have done to my family.. But still.. Some days you just get back in that rut, and once you've tried to kill yourself.. maybe it's just me.. but I always go back to that time. It makes me never ever want to kill myself, but... I do sometimes get so down I'll just think to myself about how much I wish I would have died that day... Well more like 3 days. or 4. I don't know. I didn't know what time was.


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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OfflineSoulidarity
With Your Halo Slippin . . .
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Re: The ledge. [Re: vandago]
    #21858320 - 06/26/15 01:43 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

i mean the idea has popped into my head at times but i've never gotten to a point where i've seriously considered going through with anything. honestly i dont think i'd have the balls to do it even if i wanted to


--------------------

R.I.P. WoodRuss67, Todcasil, TheMerryIguana, The Rompus, Lord Senate.
[/url]


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OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
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Re: The ledge. [Re: Soulidarity]
    #21858336 - 06/26/15 01:55 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

lemons, lemons


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OfflineReposadoXochipilli
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Re: The ledge. [Re: Psychonautica]
    #21858365 - 06/26/15 02:16 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Psychonautica said:
The people who kill themselves aren't the victims.

The people who care about them are.




Agreed, ones choice to cease life is their own, just most don't understand the pain and void they leave in their wake.

I get in the dumps on occasion but can't seem to maintain that mindset and end up feeling better about life difficulties and boredom. Appreciation is a great perpetual lesson that makes the less appreciable times gain a little perspective.


--------------------


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