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Anonymous #1

don't know how to handle some things socially
    #21851349 - 06/24/15 04:35 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

so over the past several years things have been progressively getting worse and I've been finding myself in situations where people just all of a sudden decide they don't like me any more and just completely stop talking to me, without giving a reason. it really bugs me, especially when i try to talk to them about it and they shut me down more.

i just can't handle not knowing why something went the way it did, and feeling like I'm being idk, mistreated in a sense.

i freaked out by myself one birthday a few years back and felt super depressed for a week or so after, and one of my friends had been trying to talk to me and i was just ignoring everyone for a while until i finally said hey man i just don't wanna talk to anyone right now, i don't feel well" and he replied with "wow. never speak to me again" and just like that was out of my life. he was a close friend of mine too, a coworker as well. but this was after i stopped working with him.

then it's now happened several more times with people i became really close with, not for the same reasons but something happens and they just stop talking to me and wont tell me the problems. this is a serious obstacle i feel because i don't know how to handle that at all, and now am fearful of it happening again and I'm distrusting of others to the point where even if someone doesn't have that disposition towards me i am still suspicious of them. it's with most people, some worse than others, some the relationship is broken.

wat do?


Edited by Anonymous (06/24/15 05:17 PM)


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,561
Loc: Utah
Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21851461 - 06/24/15 05:01 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

It's sad, but this is pretty much just how adult friendships work. It sucks, and I don't know why it happens, but like 99% of people just don't give a shit about putting any effort at all into their friendships. They view everyone else as having to put in effort while putting in nothing themselves. Then the moment that they have to put in anything at all, it's over.


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Anonymous #1

Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: nooneman]
    #21851477 - 06/24/15 05:05 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

i don't know what you mean in the last bit, could you please elaborate ?


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,561
Loc: Utah
Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21851520 - 06/24/15 05:13 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I'm just trying to say adult friendships are really self centered. The moment the other person becomes even slightly disinterested for any reason at all, it's over. This is normal, unfortunately. You'll be dealing with it forever.

Take your first example. You needed some time alone, but your friend wanted to hang out. That slight discomfort on his side in not getting exactly what he wanted was enough to end the friendship. Anything at all that inconvenienced him, or didn't give him exactly what he wanted from you would have been enough.

This is why most people over the age of 30 have very few if any friends. And the friends they do have are generally childhood friends.


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Invisibleonce in a lifetime
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Posts: 1,807
Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #21851526 - 06/24/15 05:15 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

read emerson :sun:

in all seriousness tho; be attentive, listen more than you speak, show you are interested in others' genuinely, this sort of thing, is very helpful i have found

very good enquiry btw

*upon reading the above ^^

a few good friends, is my preferred way to go as well.


--------------------
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I Wish You Peace, Lawrence Laughing                                                                                                                    Do Your Thing, Moondog                     
large  . . music garden . .  very
all peace                    them hi
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Anonymous #1

Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: once in a lifetime]
    #21881705 - 07/01/15 05:41 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

appreciate the sentiment but the advice seems really vague to me. some of these people will likely be at the same events that i will later in the year, and i'm not sure how i'm supposed to navigate socially should i come into contact with them.

am i supposed to just forgive them? should i forgive them?


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Anonymous #2

Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21881732 - 07/01/15 05:57 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Be friendly and act like nothing happened, if you mention anything or act hostile it will get awkward.. You never know they may even txt you to chill agian, regarding what once in life said do that but don't act needy or like your really trying to make friends... If you do they'll think you have no friends and theres a reason, and will assume not your someone to hang with. Dude just be chill and make easy lies about how you were drinking with buddies on the weekend etc easy lies that make it look like you have friends and a life,  and friends will come,  agian when they do come act chill,  don't be overly eager,  if they ask you do something it wouldn't hurt to say you plans and next time.. Just to make it look like you have friends and a life, (if you have no friends and no life,  it will attract no one but people in your position)  trust me man I've been there abd sucks but will get better


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
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Registered: 07/23/14
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Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #21881793 - 07/01/15 06:37 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Dude if someone stops being your friend because you said you don't feel like talking, they're not your friend by any sense of the word. I've punched my friends in the face and they still carried me into a taxi when I backed out on the ground. True friends will have your back, not cut you out of their life because you were having a bad day


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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Anonymous #2

Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21881807 - 07/01/15 06:44 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Or they just had other things going on, or the same problems as him,  and he's over thinking it and taking out of context?


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Anonymous #1

Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #21885136 - 07/01/15 09:24 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

i tried talking to the friend that stopped talking to me several months ago... i was met with more ignoring... even though i was told they wanted to work it out, but were just waiting for me to initiate the conversation


WHY ARE PEOPLE SO CONFUSING


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
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Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21885143 - 07/01/15 09:27 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Dude if you think just regular friends are confusing start dating some crazy bitches and you will know the definition


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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Anonymous #3

Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21887807 - 07/02/15 12:51 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Have YOU ever ignored someone or shut them out when they were being friendly with you?


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
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Re: pains pills [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21888071 - 07/02/15 02:00 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

:cop: I have a premium dick you can suck. GTFO


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


Edited by Rebelutionsssss (07/02/15 02:02 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21888619 - 07/02/15 03:37 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

why was this directed at me?




Quote:

Anonymous said:

Have YOU ever ignored someone or shut them out when they were being friendly with you?




not typically when they are being friendly. what's your point? something something golden rule?


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Anonymous #2

Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21888781 - 07/02/15 04:14 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Some troll was trying to sell drugs or something,  and his posts got deleted


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21889217 - 07/02/15 05:49 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:

am i supposed to just forgive them? should i forgive them?




sure, if you feel like it. people are weird. most are assholes. this is just something you learn to accept and deal with. the best you can handle these types of situations is let it go, and move on. if you see them at events or out in public or what ever, if they talk to you, talk back. but dont bring up any bullshit. unless they do. or ignore them if you want. its really up to you, but for the most part you dont need people like that around anyway. id rather be alone.


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Anonymous #1

Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22144588 - 08/26/15 06:00 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

so it happened once again!  what's so god damn difficult about communicating what you really feal? i'm so sick of this passive aggressive shady behavior i keep getting from people.


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OfflineGoldenEye
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Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22144607 - 08/26/15 06:15 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Sounds to me like you're needy and have expectations that your friends need to live up to. People don't like that. No one is going to shut you down for needing some time alone. There was certainly more.

The best suggestion is not to expect anything out of anyone. They don't owe you anything you know?

Just go in openly, be present in the moment. Stop worrying about what comes next or analysing what is happening. Take every social interaction as a gift and be thankful for it.

If you can enjoy your interactions in this way, people will want to be around you.

You harvest what you sow. You're sowing fear of abandonment and you harvest just that... abandonment.

The universe can be a bitch like that but that is really how it works.


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Anonymous #1

Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: GoldenEye]
    #22144618 - 08/26/15 06:25 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

how is that beeing needy? they are clearly not my friends if they are unwilling to communicate. i don't think those are unreasonable 'expectations' friendships are built upon trust and communication... if those are missing everything else falls apart.


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OfflineGoldenEye
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Re: don't know how to handle some things socially [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22144624 - 08/26/15 06:29 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Demanding might have been a better term. Don't expect so much. Just relax and be in the moment.

People feel a lot of stuff when interacting with other people that they are unable to communicate... That's what friendships are built on. On how you make the other person feel.


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