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Anonymous #1
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Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon?
#21822861 - 06/18/15 09:28 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I had the best time ever with this girl. She saved me from my depression and loneliness. Not only that though, she had every personality trait I need. She was intelligent, worked hard, was supportive. She basically made sense of my world.
I lost her due to a few factors. Very early on I cheated on her. This was my first ever real relationship so I found myself acting like a child. I told her, but very minimally "It was just a kiss" when in actuality it was a blowjob. I felt very guilty long after she forgave me and wanted to break it off for a while.
After a shroom trip though, my head was set straight. She'd always been able to show me the light in those trips. The next day I tell her I think I love her, on Valentine's day. She gave me my favorite album. One month's before I literally told her anybody who gave it to me, I'd love forever. That next week, she breaks up with me.
This was due to my constantly searching for alcohol happiness. I'd go out and drink with friends instead of be with her. After the breakup, the decline. She went out hooking up with other chicks (she's more bi than straight and that was all cool with me) while I just buzzed it away. One day I get so drunk she tells me I threatened to kill myself to her. Later I get arrested and wake up in the jail cell.
I woke up. I've decided to commit to sobriety. I've slipped a couple times, but nowhere near as bad as before. Then one day I get a text at the gym. "They told me all about your night with that MILF. How could you do that to me? I'd never cheat on you". Shit, well I thought maybe I could get back in her life too. We talked a little for the first time in months. The next week I found out my friend told her that story and hooked up with her that night. And I told them all to fuck off and deleted my Facebook, their numbers, and pictures involved with each other.
Then I took a trip a couple days ago. Every day I think about this. I mean she was the only person I've ever met I've been so comfortable with. During my trip I wanted to go to her at her work and just pour my soul out to her.
I don't know what to do about this.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21823093 - 06/18/15 10:43 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Cut your losses, keep working on yourself and move on. It was a nice and insightful experience with this woman, but there will be others and things will work better once you've worked on yourself a bit more.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: koraks]
#21823130 - 06/18/15 10:56 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I know that would be the wisest decision. Working on myself I sometimes find myself saying that I need nobody. I'll find someone else. I just don't know how this new one will compare. You know?
I made mistakes as that kid I was this past year. Obviously I'm still growing up. Even through dating I always knew that my problem why I couldn't appreciate her was my inexperience of dating. Plus my alcoholism.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21823192 - 06/18/15 11:19 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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God dude you remind myself of me. You're friends not your friend if he did that. I feel for you man and sometimes there's more pain trying to hold than let go it's not easy to accept but by clinging onto these feelings you're just hurting yourself
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21823198 - 06/18/15 11:21 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Don't compare the new one to the old one. Of course you'll be tempted to do so, but you'll find that every person is indeed unique and that you change as well as time progresses, which means you'd interpret the same person differently in the future, making any comparison unreliable anyway. And don't worry, you'll find one who's at least as fitting for you in due course. It's not a one in a lifetime thing.
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: koraks]
#21823303 - 06/18/15 11:58 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'd say let some time pass and make an approach if you really feel that you have internalized the lessons you have just learned.
Only do that if you manage to get along with it. If you can't deal with it and it makes you feel miserable in the meantime, cut your losses like koraks said.
I've been there before. She came back to me when I had an horrific accident. You never know. I wouldn't close that door too early.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: koraks]
#21823325 - 06/18/15 12:06 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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It's just so much happened man. I'm left alone now, with no friends whatsoever. I mean people I would not want to hangout with at work (very conflicting views on life itself) make fun of me for reading all the time or drawing. Getting my thoughts expressed. And my party friends, turns out they weren't friends anymore when I stopped having drugs and handouts.
I cut them all out of my life, from girlfriend to friends. And that particular friend, I never really noticed it until after, but I was told he does shit like that all the time. Goes after exes when the relationship falls. And when I thought about it, yeah. He gets all the girls going through a breakup, or the extremely easy ones.
That sucks man, cus that was that one kid you know. Like I thought he'd be the one to hold the integrity up. But when I get a text to answer the question who slept with her "sorry man it was me". And the fucker has the balls to say " honestly I still considered you my homie". I could easily wreck the kid, probably at the skatepark in front of everyone. That's just my side rant of how much that pissed me off.
On track though, I know I have to let go. It gets easier the longer I'm sober too. That trip just reminded me, she was there for all of them and always made sense of my head. I'd let her know I was freaking out, and instead of other dudes girls who add to the insanity, she literally knew how to calm my mind down. Even sober.
How much of a guarantee is that to find someone at least as fitting? She literally was everything I needed (besides her weight and looks without makeup). I feel I'll always compare everyone's personality, faithfulness, and stability to hers.
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DopeFiend666
Stranger

Registered: 06/18/15
Posts: 14
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21823356 - 06/18/15 12:14 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I had met a girl also who I considered the only person I could be comfortable with, and she was also more into girls then guys, and she recently stopped talking to me due to some stupid incident with me and some friends which is not relative to the topic at all. (The incident was not my fault and I wish she would realize that and quit being a cry baby over the situation) your best bet is to move on in my opinion, that is what I am trying to do. Each day I think about her, but I try to think about myself and my future instead. Long story short: worry about yourself and wait for another girl to come along. That's my advice.
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21823433 - 06/18/15 12:36 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I feel I'll always compare everyone's personality, faithfulness, and stability to hers.
Yeah but only until you meet someone else to compare everyone with. There's no guarantee, but it's statistics. Everyone mets a dozen people he will get along nicely with in a lifetime. For some it's 5 and for some it' 20 but it's never just one.
And don't do anything stupid. You don't want legal trouble to add to it all.
Let some time pass and meet other people.
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21823930 - 06/18/15 02:38 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Like Koraks said kid....work on yourself....on your sobriety. Some of my most amazing and best friends today are in AA. Get a year clean and sober and then let us know how you feel.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
#21823963 - 06/18/15 02:44 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I've always had powerful dreams which seemed to be prophetic to my own life. I had one that showed her about to get it on with him. Then them being washed away. Two days before she texts me about being told the story I get a dream about getting texts that were undecipherable. Then they slowly came into existence as "I can't believe you did that! How could you!" And she disappears. But the immediate next dream was of me seeing her years later with a large, very large man that walked me to the side. Must have been 7' considering I'm 6'2" and he towered me. His words were "She'll come around when you have fixed up your life". I wonder if that message was about her, or about HER, the one that I'm intended to be with.
You're saying to get sober too. I think that's it. I think I need to get away from it all and focus on myself. Even down to tripping. I'm very certain I need to be a true long while sober.
Do you guys think this is all curable? I almost feel like her sleeping with my friend was something that needed to happen to move forward, even though it sucks but the pain I caused her needed to be rectified. Then I wonder what her parents will think... Whole other battle
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Thayendanegea]
#21823995 - 06/18/15 02:51 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Don't hang up on dreams. They are very unreliable and they don't have any predictive value as they are very ambivalent. Science has left this field a century ago because dreaming is mainly about exercising behavior and consilidating memories. That's why the dreamt stories are so weird.
Quote:
Thayendanegea said: Get a year clean and sober
I don't think this is the right way to deal with it. Avoiding problematic areas is not a good idea since it won't make you learn to cope with them. Moderate use or not freaking out on while on drugs is what has to be learned. Otherwise you will be back in that same pattern the next time you decide to get wasted.
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GoldenEye
...



Registered: 05/24/13
Posts: 4,340
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 6 months, 19 days
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21823998 - 06/18/15 02:52 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Pause a little, I got a little advice: If you fucked her once, then you can fuck her twice!
(and don't get head from hoes with overbites)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
#21824005 - 06/18/15 02:54 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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You don't think dealing with these ideas sober is better? I'd think after a good long while sober I could really start working on my mind. But not when my emotions are going to come out when I'm elevated and remember all the good and bad, making me wantcomfortable when we.
Man I know I've gotta deal with the idea she's probably out fucking random chicks and dudes too. That sucks to reconcile right now, but whatever. That heart of hers. Damn.
She's trying to move too. I guess to California was last I heard before we stopped talking. Or at least her own place in town.
But hey, think what you want about dreams. I've had so many dreams which actually occurred the next week or so that I really can't say they aren't directly related to life. They're almost never symbolic and are very literal, with even symbology being literal. Ie a tsunami washing everyone away. Or the detective telling me to hide my stuff a week before I got arrested. Or this girl I thought to be way out of my league randomly sitting next to me, pining for my interest, when it happened in class the next day we had class together. I can't really say that they would mean anything to you. But I've also always felt science is just the way to make everyone feel comfortable by explaining away things.
Edited by Anonymous (06/18/15 03:09 PM)
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21824066 - 06/18/15 03:08 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Huh? No!
You just shouldn't avoid drug use completely. Give it a rest for as long as you feel uncomfortable but don't artificially avoid it.
It's just like with phobia. Avoiding the fear inducing stimulus is not a solution, it will strike back even harder when you meet the feared object again.
You can't avoid drugs in our society. So dealing with inebration and behaving appropriate while drunk or high is what has to be learned, unless you plan on never using drugs ever again.
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JustForToday
New Life, New Beginnings


Registered: 09/08/14
Posts: 3,186
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
#21824403 - 06/18/15 04:28 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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That's really fucked up OP. That part where he told her that story then hooked up with her.
Listen.
You do need to work on yourself. I'm in the program with almost 15 months sober. But the big book doesn't say to stay out or relationships or don't have sex. It actually says we don't WANT to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. But it's a suggestion to leave women alone until you get yourself straightened out. You don't love yourself enough to love someone else because you are destroying yourself through you drinking and drugging.
With that being said. You should start praying. If you have a problem with alcohol, if you have that "allergy" to it. You need something greater than yourself to help you conquer your unmanagability. Otherwise it's going to get worse and worse and worse until you find yourself in a really dark place. But only you can decide if you have a problem with it.
Hit meetings. Find a sponsor and a homegroup. Do the steps. And send me a pm if you need anything!
-------------------- Hey Shae, Are you still doing that hand thing? I heard you was doing that hand thing today. Oh God what is that?!
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: JustForToday] 1
#21824713 - 06/18/15 05:41 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
JustForToday said: You should start praying... You need something greater than yourself to help you conquer your unmanagability
I'm not really sure if that is good advice. It's not necessarily a good thing to talk people into being convinced that they have a problem, but what is worse is convincing them that control lies out their reach.
Talking about an "allergy", "praying", "unmanagability" and a drug problem and so on, that's what you call an external locus of control and this is a bad attitude in many ways and indeed leads to a dark place. Those are ways of saying "it wasn't me".
What seems to be the case is that a young person has made some bad choices and recognized them as what they were: mistakes that lie within personal control. For his sake, he should stay convinced that he can manage that on his own - because he can, if he believes in it.
@OP:
Indeed, think what you want about dreams, just don't let them lead you to doing any stupid things.
You are in control, not your unconsciencesness, other people or a drug.
Just go about your life and keep getting better and the rest will follow. No drama, you're just learning and sometimes it can be painful.
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JustForToday
New Life, New Beginnings


Registered: 09/08/14
Posts: 3,186
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
#21825094 - 06/18/15 07:11 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Murzelpfrumpft said:
Quote:
JustForToday said: You should start praying... You need something greater than yourself to help you conquer your unmanagability
I'm not really sure if that is good advice. It's not necessarily a good thing to talk people into being convinced that they have a problem, but what is worse is convincing them that control lies out their reach.
Talking about an "allergy", "praying", "unmanagability" and a drug problem and so on, that's what you call an external locus of control and this is a bad attitude in many ways and indeed leads to a dark place. Those are ways of saying "it wasn't me".
What seems to be the case is that a young person has made some bad choices and recognized them as what they were: mistakes that lie within personal control. For his sake, he should stay convinced that he can manage that on his own - because he can, if he believes in it.
@OP:
Indeed, think what you want about dreams, just don't let them lead you to doing any stupid things.
You are in control, not your unconsciencesness, other people or a drug.
Just go about your life and keep getting better and the rest will follow. No drama, you're just learning and sometimes it can be painful.
I guess you totally missed the part where I said "But only you can decide if you have a problem with it."
-------------------- Hey Shae, Are you still doing that hand thing? I heard you was doing that hand thing today. Oh God what is that?!
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: JustForToday]
#21825204 - 06/18/15 07:43 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I mean damn, I've never had that instant connection until I came across her. She left when the magic went, long after I destroyed it. I suppose I live and learn. I just seriously doubt she'd take me back anytime soon and I have no idea how to get into contact with her besides making a new Facebook and trying to establish something again. But I'm sure every time she popped up on it it'd kill me. I want to move on, I really do. I just have never felt that way about anybody before. The girls I've dated before, they weren't for me. This one was. I just really fucked it up.
I know where my mistakes are. I'm taking control of it in entirety. I'm trying to do things like ride my long board or just get out but I have no remaining friends.
I miss her man. I miss what was going on 8 months ago before I hurt her like that. I miss that honesty and comfort I had. I could stay in with her, or go out. We'd have sex and eat breakfast on Wednesdays. Looking back, she was it. While in it, because of my stupid mistake, she was not.
If it naturally died out I wouldn't have hurt so much. When we both entered we knew there was something more. When she called me her soul mate early on I laughed. And with time, it became serious truth. I fucked up guys. I fucked up.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: Can I ever get this girl back? Anytime soon? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21825225 - 06/18/15 07:48 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I had the best time ever with this girl. She saved me from my depression and loneliness. Not only that though, she had every personality trait I need. She was intelligent, worked hard, was supportive. She basically made sense of my world.
I lost her due to a few factors. Very early on I cheated on her. This was my first ever real relationship so I found myself acting like a child. I told her, but very minimally "It was just a kiss" when in actuality it was a blowjob. I felt very guilty long after she forgave me and wanted to break it off for a while.
After a shroom trip though, my head was set straight. She'd always been able to show me the light in those trips. The next day I tell her I think I love her, on Valentine's day. She gave me my favorite album. One month's before I literally told her anybody who gave it to me, I'd love forever. That next week, she breaks up with me.
This was due to my constantly searching for alcohol happiness. I'd go out and drink with friends instead of be with her. After the breakup, the decline. She went out hooking up with other chicks (she's more bi than straight and that was all cool with me) while I just buzzed it away. One day I get so drunk she tells me I threatened to kill myself to her. Later I get arrested and wake up in the jail cell.
I woke up. I've decided to commit to sobriety. I've slipped a couple times, but nowhere near as bad as before. Then one day I get a text at the gym. "They told me all about your night with that MILF. How could you do that to me? I'd never cheat on you". Shit, well I thought maybe I could get back in her life too. We talked a little for the first time in months. The next week I found out my friend told her that story and hooked up with her that night. And I told them all to fuck off and deleted my Facebook, their numbers, and pictures involved with each other.
Then I took a trip a couple days ago. Every day I think about this. I mean she was the only person I've ever met I've been so comfortable with. During my trip I wanted to go to her at her work and just pour my soul out to her.
I don't know what to do about this.
So you cheated on her, lied about it, became a drunk, broke up and your friend fucked her. And your pissed about it. Let me give you a bulletin. You are never going to have anybody if you don't stop thinking and acting like an asshole.
--------------------
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