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InvisibleThe Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #21814539 - 06/16/15 01:09 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Alcohol


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"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head.  If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick
I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,712
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 seconds
Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21815142 - 06/16/15 03:27 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

You become more sociable by doing social things.
You have to experience it. 
You can't just read about how to do it; you have to just do it.


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:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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Anonymous #3

Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #21815288 - 06/16/15 03:56 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

playing dungeons and dragons is a great social learning experience

Or any other tabletop RPG


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InvisibleCherryBomM
Yoga Gypsy
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #21818569 - 06/17/15 10:51 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

lifeiswhatyoumake said:
You become more sociable by doing social things.
You have to experience it. 
You can't just read about how to do it; you have to just do it.




Yeah, you just need practice.  Not drugs...that is a bad idea.  Drugs might actually counteract the outcome that you are looking for and make you LESS social because you're all lost in your head.

Practicing being social is very hard for an introverted person.  I know this because I am one.  When I catch myself turtling into my world, I just stop saying no when people ask me to do stuff.  You can start with that.  If someone asks you if you want to do something, just do it.  Don't make a lame excuse.

It also helps to go to class or join a club or something that interests you to get you out with the people.  Go to yoga.  Join a baseball team, start a weekly nerd game club with your nerd friends, whatever you like to do, go out there and do it.

I know it's hard, but just practice talking to people.  Try and make small talk with the cashier at the grocery store.  Smile at strangers on the street.  Ask people at work how their weekend was.  If you want to get better...you will get better.

Good luck!


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OfflineNedly
Stranger
Registered: 06/19/15
Posts: 13
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: CherryBom]
    #21827360 - 06/19/15 09:33 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I'll tell you what worked for me. Being located in an area comparable to the wilderness in Alaska, I went years without having connections with friends and family. At one point I would go into the city for supply once a month, sometimes more. Winter storms would set me in for days sometimes with 6ft+ depths. I disconnected entirely. After a while that started to change, eventually I found myself with no influence and decided I needed some friends.

My adventure so far as shown me I like very little people. Number 1 is finding people who rank with you intellectually, there is no reason to host communications when they are not going to be productive for anyone.

Big thing number two is mission style. When I spent too much time away from society it caused high anxiety when I were in the cities, so I would pretend it were a mission; almost as if I were from another planet experiencing society. It helps ALOT. Nothing is the end of the world, so small experiences should not be considered as such. There is no telling what the outcome is, and we usually find outcomes that are pretty thrilling.

Big thing number three is not just stepping out of your comfort zone, but then sprinting a few leaps further. I broke myself in with music, and next thing I new I was DJ'ing the latest trap tracks for dance parties. It led to some epic times with tons of awesome people, awesome scenarios, and lots of woman! - sometimes in bikinis! If you think jamming to the latest pop is cool and sometimes you think about jamming with the others, don't just dab in it – go big or go home.

Confidence, you have to feel that. And ambition, get cocky, say yes to the task you can only logically process versus reiterate from memory. Just give it your best cause that is what you have. If your mind offers something, thats what you have to offer, why  not see what it is worth?


Edited by Nedly (06/19/15 09:34 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: Nedly]
    #22208274 - 09/08/15 04:59 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Hello , just giving an update. I have slightly improved my social skills/emotional intelligence since my original post but still not nearly as well as I wish to have accomplished thus far. I'll continue working on it though. I'm finally hanging out with that girl (she was out of town for a couple months when I asked her) so i'm honestly kinda nervous but also exited. I shot her a msg the other day asking if she would like to grab a pint & have our nature conversation we planned about a month ago to which she said "hell yeah!!, give a heads up though because I want to make sure all my hmwrk will be done before going out but f ya im exited" So that seemed quite positive. Won't lie though, I want to hook up with her but not sure if that's what she is looking for but idk I think I will make a move (depending on how things are going of course, if the vibe is obviously not good then I will bail on the making a move)

I know becoming calm & cool will greatly benefit my chances but I am so damn awkward & anxious like fuckk, I will give it my best though. I seriously am sick of being such a timid person.


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OfflineSade
Cheatin bastered
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Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 729
Loc: Bigfoot Territory
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22208290 - 09/08/15 05:05 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

COCAINE! You will be telling them your most personal secrets to a stranger within a hour.


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OfflinePed
Interested In Your Brain
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/30/99
Posts: 5,494
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #22208355 - 09/08/15 05:23 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I'm late entering into this thread, but I'm happy to hear you're making some gains.

Speaking personally, I find it much easier to relax and relate to the women I'm attracted to when I'm able to refrain from becoming preoccupied with any sort of sexual outcome.  Thoughts like "I'd like to hook up with her" are major distractions, even when they only flash across the mind for an instant.  When those thoughts are occurring, your attention is momentarily yanked from the dynamic as it presently exists, and that generates a kind of turbulence which can accumulate quickly by compounding upon itself.

The more you are able to keep your attention on her and her experience, and the more you are able to fold your own experience into hers, the more comfortable your rapport will be.  It's from within that comfortable rapport that confidence develops between you, and also unto yourself.  That developing confidence supports not only the immediate relationship, but all your other relationships as well, both present and future.

In other words, it's helpful to recognize the uselessness of becoming preoccupied with yourself, whether that pertains to anxious and self-doubting thoughts or attachment to future experiences.  Once the uselessness of such preoccupations is really grokked, it becomes easier to stabilize your attention on the person you're interacting with and what's going on in their experience, which in turn makes it easier to feel relaxed and comfortable within yourself.


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:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


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Offlineinfectedstyle
Stranger
Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 324
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: Ped]
    #22345676 - 10/07/15 02:08 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you, similar predicament here.. I'll report back if I can think of something useful to say (or add, since Ped thoroughly said what needed to be said)


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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: Ped]
    #22347755 - 10/07/15 09:23 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Ped said:

Speaking personally, I find it much easier to relax and relate to the women I'm attracted to when I'm able to refrain from becoming preoccupied with any sort of sexual outcome. 




Wise words which I have found to be true. :thumbup:


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©️


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OfflineRoostertail

Registered: 09/27/15
Posts: 300
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: how do I become more sociable? [Re: Lucis]
    #22360907 - 10/10/15 09:38 PM (8 years, 3 months ago)

Be the change you wish to see.


If the conversation gets hairy, just go with it.

There might be an answer to your question.


Stay safe and test your drugs before you take them.


Yours truly,


            Joel


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