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daz01
Learning


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Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing
#21798997 - 06/12/15 06:34 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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As some of you may remember, I went through serious psychosis and was diagnosed schizophrenic. I have recovered for the most part and stable on medication. Now, a close friend of mine is going through the same thing. It is such a terrible thing. It really opens your eyes, seeing psychosis from a different perspective and going "Damn dude, how can you think those things?". It's worrying.
Has anyone else experienced it personally or knows someone who has severe psychosis/other similar illnesses?
-------------------- Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.
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Bitter Cactus
reformed bad boy


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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: daz01]
#21799027 - 06/12/15 06:42 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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The hippies here are probably gonna tell you that psychosis is enlightenment or some b.s.
Psychosis is horrible I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
-------------------- Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.
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OliverJames
Potion Brewer

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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: daz01]
#21799057 - 06/12/15 06:49 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Developing a mental disorder like schizophrenia, Alzheimer, or dementia is probably one of my biggest fears in life. In general, the thought of losing your mind is pretty horrifying to me. None of that stuff runs in my family, so hopefully I'm alright. Only thing I've experienced is some social anxiety.
Does schizo run in your family?
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daz01
Learning


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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: OliverJames]
#21799096 - 06/12/15 07:00 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Likely yes, nothing diagnosed though. My dad has acted very weirdly throughtout his life, like paranoia and delusions, not going into details. My dads brother (uncle) is obviously mentally... "unusual". He has conversations with invisible people, etc but he's a great, friendly guy. And my dads dad was a violent alcoholic, which I think says alot about ones mental health.
-------------------- Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.
Edited by daz01 (06/12/15 07:00 PM)
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Psychonautica
Cuddly Wuddly Fuccboi


Registered: 04/20/15
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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: daz01] 1
#21799109 - 06/12/15 07:02 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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The best thing about schizophrenia is you never get lonely.
-------------------- The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one 3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother. Sheekle said: yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica

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Bodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*


Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan
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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Psychonautica]
#21799122 - 06/12/15 07:07 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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being able to kill and claim insanity is always a plus too.
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Adolin




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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Psychonautica]
#21799125 - 06/12/15 07:08 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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yeah, absolutely terrifying. i was delusional and paranoid for about 8 months, but ive gotten alot better since
i made a thread about it long time ago, here are some of my relevant posts. its basically unedited, cause im too lazy. but i was manic at the time. forgive the shitty grammar
1 year, 4 months ago:
Quote:
this post got very long and i feel mentally a lil exhausted typing it. it still feels 'unfinished' cause there are so many strange things still going on in my mind id like anyones insight. i really appreciate anyone who reads this
for those without the time to invest, i do have one direct question. does anyone else have violent and grotesque dreams in which their a bad person and do horrible things like murder in their dreams?
this post isnt just for that one question or anything, i just want to vent out some of the problems im going through and am looking for insight into anything at all and maybe just some sympathy. i'm gonna explain a few very strange events, and strange mind-states that happened to me, chronologically. and kind of what was going on in my mind at the time they happened. im still kind of shaken up by this whole experiance and i really do have a screw loose so ill try to edit this a second time around and make it readable.
about 6 months ago after being perscribed Buspar & trazodone for anxiety/insomenia respectively and, i slepwalked for the first time in my life. and i didnt even discover that i did for about 3 days
i picked up a .22 rifle off of my wall, went outside and started presumably walking or running around. at some point i must have fell and twisted my knee so it hurt for about 2 weeks afterwards, and jammed the rifle into about 4 inches of dirt(didnt learn about that part till i sold the gun to a friend weeks later)
a few days after i slepwalked i just looked up on my wall and notice my gun missing. after telling my momand asking my mom if she knew about and it she didnt i freaking out thinking my gun got stolen. but i found it in the middle of the garage in plain sight, kinda dirty. at this point i freak out and start getting really worried that ive gone insane and my mom is trying to calm me down. a lot of things clicked together at once, like my twisted knee, spots of mud on the floor, etc and it hit me all at once like a brick wall. what if the gun was fucking loaded? if i get get it off my wall couldnt i have loaded it in my sleep too?
at this point im like why of all fucking things would i pick up a gun? im not an angry or violent person at all. im just kinda shy and nice to everyone i meet for the most part. i dont ruminate or hate other people, i just have anxiety/depression issues, but i never feel an urge to run around with a gun or shoot people
well that incident passed and i stopped taking those meds cause i dont wanna sleepwalk and kill someone..
fast forward like 4 1/2 months
i'm working on a government facility installing internet cables for a new building. its a huuge building and the job takes months and i not at home for 2 weeks outta each month for like 4 months
i was drinking a lot my last week there(was a single week stay, so only 4 days of work), mostly getting up at night and drinking and the nights add up and not i havnt slept for 2 days, since the night before i got there. up to this point my work was passable but people noticed i was very 'off', i wasnt talking to aaanyone and i was just staring at the ground when i walked. ill try to explain my mindstate, which was basically a broken record
and what i belive triggered that, was at one point noticed/realized that an acquaintance whom i got a job for, would spit when people said dumb or weird things(me lol). after noticing that and being up for 2 days, i start looking at everything people did and thought about why they were doing it. like i would hear a cough and think oh shit, was he coughing at me? are these people communicating with each other with little movements like blinks and the like?
at this point my mindtstate got really REALLY weird. i could not stop noticing everything people did the last 2 days of work and i became USELESS. i walked around and sat in the same 2 or 3 unfinished rooms in the building, or with my dad who i work with, or walk around attempting to do work, i could barely even clean up other peoples work, everyone on the worksite knew i was on some wierd shit or i was an asshole
on the last day i was completely convinced there was a giant conspiracy to frame me for something that was about to happen, because the people on the worksite were communicating in verbal allegorys and movements. i think i thought this because i never believe the government when it comes to events that are overtelevized on the news, like people shooting up schools, 9/11, boston bombings, similar events etc. i think alot of it is staged , fearmongering by the telemedia. innocent people definately get hurt but there have been a lot of things that dont add up lately.
so i end up not talking to anyone almost at all, and when i did i constantly just said that i was ashamed and that i was sorry i wasnt getting much done at work and that i couldnt focus at all. i was 'playing dumb' with them in my own mind, trying to make my stay on earth a few days longer. i was constantly convinced that a swat team was right around the corner and ready haul me off to a poundmeintheass penitentiary before death-row for blowing up a building or poisoning the water supply or something
the morning of the day we leave, i start admitting to everything i could think of. i was so sure i was gonna be tortured then killed, i just wanted to enjoy my last few hours and have a quick death. my dad says to shut the fuck up were going home soon, but i dont even trust him and i thought the framing was still going on and they needed me to do something before they could pull the pin on operation whateverthefuck
by the time we were almost home, i was blurting out the most outlandish shit to my dad and the 1 other in the car so someone would stop and call the police and find a way to get myself shot up before i went to prison for months before the electric chair. my dad is just trying to calm me down and get me home, i wasnt having it though. we arrive at home and i insist on being taken to a hospital psych ward. remember, im still 4 days w/o sleep here. i throw out "the wrong" answer to every question they asked, i thought at least at a psych ward i can get drugs before they get me
the ward was horrible. they had me on 5 drugs off the bat. lorazepam for a withdrawl program(i admitted to doing all kinds of drugs and drinking a fuckton) risperidone for psychosis, celexa for depression, hydroxyzine for anxiety, and benzatropine for Risperdones side effects. yes, they put me on a fucking atropine analogue. the fuck.
nasty cocktail imo
anyways i think the entire staff and all the patients that are there are still out to get me for something, i thought every sentance was an allegory they were using to talk about me "over my head" and every expression, movement, blink, etc, were directed at me. im such a bad case for them they let me parents come into the ward for like 8 hours a day because i desperately wanted to spend my last days/hours with them. and docters were saying thayd never seen that done before. at some point i start feeling very guilty because i almost felt like i was holding my parents hostage, cause the conspiracy had to have them far away to work or somethin
i always looked forward to meds because they numbed me so much it kept me from spouting off nonsense and wanting to be killed at some point i start feeling very guilty because i almost felt like i was holding them hostage, cause the conspiracy had to have them far away to work or something i wouldnt watch tv because i thought they were just closed circut TVs with a fake news channel being fed to them giving instructions or something, again in allegorys, thats the only word i can think of to describe it. there were trigger words that made me think it was directed at me i could go on and on about my mindstate
after 9 days i sighned myself out, because apparently when i went in, they thought i was trying to get drugs and i sighned myself into the psych ward
since them ive still thought theres a conspiracy out to get me, im learning to 'disbelieve' it, but its not simple and is truely a struggle, but it comes and goes. my family and 2 friends are all that i really trust a good bit of the time, and sometimes i trick myself into thinking they really are out to get me. my main 'delusion' is that i think, that everyone else thinks, that i somehow poisoned my friends or family, or all of the water supply. i dont know why my mind picked 'poison' but it did.
since ive been out ( its a bit over a month as this is written) ive also noticed something, my SSRI gives me dreams now i have very violent and strange dreams. their usually very very weird and im generally a nasty person doing strange and nasty things in them. i personally believe its becuase i play TONS of video games, mant of which involve killing, and watch violent movies a lot. i was so desensitized to violence i laughed at it. i think guilt from my dreams caused by the movies n games might have like convinced my sub-concious that i really had done something horrible.
this post really isnt be done because i could write a whole book about those 9 long days at the mental ward and the time since, but i appreciate anyone who reads this.
9 Months ago
Quote:
OP here. been awhile since ive been to the shroomery. ive made some progress and im not really delusional but still have alot of negative symptoms like depression and anxiety
currently on risperidone 1mg, benztropine .5mg, escitalopram 20mg, and buspirone 60mg/day
i really appreciate all the advice. felt nice going back and reading this
1 month 19 days ago
Quote:
i am 50% better. no more delusions or paranoia. im off all 5 of those medications and no longer seeing a therapist
my problem is mainly depression and anxiety now. im alright without the antidepressants, they didnt help anyways, but doctors won't let me within 50 feet of a benzo or any other addictive medicine, so ive been drinking, alot.
i admit i still need some sort of help, but psychaiatrist do not like me. its not that im an asshole to them either. i just dont wanna spend a week being lectured about how im abusing my body with alcohol because of anxiety, but then they refuse to give me a safer alternative.
i appreciate ya posting in this old ass thread though. i could add alot to it like i said in the OP, but i would end up typing for an hour. if youve got questions ill be happy to answer though
( http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/19475194/fpart/1/vc/1 )
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Psychonautica
Cuddly Wuddly Fuccboi


Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
Loc: Free Soul & IISkuNkII
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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
#21799128 - 06/12/15 07:09 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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You don't have to have psychosis to do that just cut off your dick.
Man Cuts Off His Penis, Throws It At Cops
-------------------- The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one 3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother. Sheekle said: yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica

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Detached
You know where...


Registered: 02/27/15
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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Psychonautica]
#21799147 - 06/12/15 07:16 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Hey Daz - I hope you don't take offense to this question but do you have a history of heavy alcohol / drug use? I can't help but notice that many "younger" people I come across with a psychosis disorder usually have a background of addiction, particularly meth.
I am not aware of any schizophrenia or other related 'illness' in my family but there is a very high rate of dementia and Alzheimer's which worries me greatly - especially since I have been a heavy marijuana user most of my life.
It is a terrible and frightening thing to watch someone go through but thankfully there is some relief through a proper medication regimen.
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daz01
Learning


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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Adolin]
#21799152 - 06/12/15 07:17 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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you're on a shit load of medication dude. they wanted to put me on an SSRI when i had depression but i refused and the depression "fixed" itself over time. every anti-psychotic i tried was so SHIT. i tried, in this order, olanzapine, haldol and risperidone. they made me worse imo. i always felt like jumping out of my skin and felt olanzapine fucked my head up FURTHER, took me years to recover.
then they put me on the supposedly best anti-psychotic, clozapine and the stuff DOES rock. it doesn't even feel as though i'm on medication now, though, i still had bad anhedonia and lack of motivation, which is alleviated by opiates, which is why I am addicted to poppy pods again. better than being an even bigger slave to pharmas, like anti-depressants and benzos.
-------------------- Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.
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daz01
Learning


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Posts: 4,652
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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Detached]
#21799160 - 06/12/15 07:19 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Detached said: Hey Daz - I hope you don't take offense to this question but do you have a history of heavy alcohol / drug use? I can't help but notice that many "younger" people I come across with a psychosis disorder usually have a background of addiction, particularly meth.
I am not aware of any schizophrenia or other related 'illness' in my family but there is a very high rate of dementia and Alzheimer's which worries me greatly - especially since I have been a heavy marijuana user most of my life.
It is a terrible and frightening thing to watch someone go through but thankfully there is some relief through a proper medication regimen.
yes, i abused every drug available. its when I started to abuse stimulants that made my illness worse... ALOT worse. moral of the story, if your family has a history of mental illness, stay away from possible drugs that can induce illness, particularly stimulants.
-------------------- Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.
Edited by daz01 (06/12/15 07:20 PM)
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Adolin




Registered: 06/28/11
Posts: 8,292
Loc: USA
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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: daz01]
#21799186 - 06/12/15 07:25 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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still cant explain most of it. i could write a whole fucking book about the past 2 yearsQuote:
daz01 said: you're on a shit load of medication dude. they wanted to put me on an SSRI when i had depression but i refused and the depression "fixed" itself over time. every anti-psychotic i tried was so SHIT. i tried, in this order, olanzapine, haldol and risperidone. they made me worse imo. i always felt like jumping out of my skin and felt olanzapine fucked my head up FURTHER, took me years to recover.
then they put me on the supposedly best anti-psychotic, clozapine and the stuff DOES rock. it doesn't even feel as though i'm on medication now, though, i still had bad anhedonia and lack of motivation, which is alleviated by opiates, which is why I am addicted to poppy pods again. better than being an even bigger slave to pharmas, like anti-depressants and benzos.
ive actually been off of all my medications for 9 months, some of those posts are just old.
i dont regret taking them though, i literally needed them.
when you think everyone is following you, trying to frame you, surveilling you, etc, you need some help lol
if i was never put on an antipsychotic, i would be dead or still in the nuthouse.
they really do bring you to reality when you are actually psychotic
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Achillita
Back to the basics



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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Adolin]
#21799218 - 06/12/15 07:35 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Psychosis is pretty terrible. I had some sort of schizophrenic psychosis almost 2 years ago. They never put me on meds though. It took a long time and quite a bit of work before I was on my way back to normal.
And this was before any sort of drug use other than weed a few times and mushrooms once. I did mushrooms and it completely took away the last of any psychotic/depressive feelings or thoughts. Now my psychiatrist says I'm as normal as anyone else, and was quite surprised about my recovery.
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Konyap

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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Achillita]
#21800283 - 06/13/15 12:20 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I got it in late 2007 after taking e, it was pretty weird I'd be on the computer and hear voices get louder and yell at me when I came home from smoking blunts, they'd always sound a bit older more mature then me, there was also a womens voice, one time I took a five hour energy drink and blunt and I heard a deathly scream... however the second day I had it I noticed I could control it. Only a year had gone boy but it was at that time I came to realize through the will of God that I was having a spiritual crisis. So after that, a couple hic-ups here and there, but I'd go months-year without smoking any weed. At that time I knew doing anymore psychedelics would be a pretty bad idea. I don't know what is more dangerous actually, alcohol seems to throw my brain into disarray for a few days, while weed will give me slight noise over the course of a few months. A year without anything and I'll virtually be alone. I'm getting older, so while I may smoke in the future it's only going to be for experimentation with different levels of thc:cbd but I've already made a lot of error's along the way You really can't temperature gauge chemicals in the pot they all come out at the same time and CBD drops doesn't really do anything besides make it cook longer, So yeah pretty much if you want to smoke you gotta start with the bud itself
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Psychonautica
Cuddly Wuddly Fuccboi


Registered: 04/20/15
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Loc: Free Soul & IISkuNkII
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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Konyap]
#21800333 - 06/13/15 12:37 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Do you still use anything, Illy?
-------------------- The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one 3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother. Sheekle said: yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica

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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
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Loc: Planet Piss
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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Psychonautica]
#21800348 - 06/13/15 12:45 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I have a single beer once a day typically I have this 4% thc: 4-8%Cbd that I'm aware of... that's the most you'll see before the price goes up to like 300$ regular bud you can add CBD but you can't lower the thc(which is like 12-14%)
to be honest I just like to take a few quick hits before a show or something but it's like if I ever get a significant other I can't tell them I still smoke weed they'll see me as bad genetic material
kratom is cool but I don't know what it's doing to my body yet, I drank one beer and two capsules and I felt a sensation in my liver later on, so if I take 4-5capsules by themselves I'll probably be good
Edited by Konyap (06/13/15 12:46 AM)
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theRealrollforever
I DID-DENT



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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Konyap]
#21800352 - 06/13/15 12:48 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Shit sucks home slice
--------------------
sunshine said: The order has to be secret and no one is sure.
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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
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Loc: Planet Piss
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Yeah, you know people are shit when they can't even definitively say smoking weed is bad for a psychotic person
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Psychonautica
Cuddly Wuddly Fuccboi


Registered: 04/20/15
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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Konyap]
#21800440 - 06/13/15 01:27 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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What if the reason it makes psychotic symptoms spike is because it's squeezing the crazy out of you like a sponge? Smoke moar, man.
 don't do this
-------------------- The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one 3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother. Sheekle said: yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica

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daz01
Learning


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Re: Psychosis is a SCARY and TERRIBLE thing [Re: Psychonautica]
#21801247 - 06/13/15 09:06 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Psychonautica said: The best thing about schizophrenia is you never get lonely.
This is true. Although I get horny, I don't and never have needed/craved human interaction. I very much prefer being on my own.
-------------------- Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.
Edited by daz01 (06/13/15 09:06 AM)
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