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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Anonymous #1

Losing physical interest
    #21797747 - 06/12/15 02:10 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

So normally I'm really physically attracted to my girlfriend, I think shes beautiful with an amazing body.  I feel like I have physical needs to have sex that is hard for me to control, I just love sex.

Well, my girlfriend is the opposite.  She can have sex maybe once a week or less and shes fine with that, perfectly content.  So a lot of the times when I try to engage her physically she denies me, I would say most of the time actually. She doesn't even like me touching her or looking at her boobs or ass sometimes, it makes her mad. I won't get into her reasons and complaints as to why she denies me.  But it makes me come off as some pig who just only wants sex.

Anyway, she denies me so much that I'm losing physical interest in her.  Before all I could think about was the two of us having sex and now I barely even touch her because I can accurately assume she is just going to get irritated.  I tell her I have physical needs and she blows up over it.


Does this happen to anyone?  We're just totally opposite in our needs for physical sexual contact.


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
Okay
I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21797846 - 06/12/15 02:38 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Is she on birth control? hormones can affect sex drive for sure.
And its super common BTW to have different drives, its about compromise on both ends.

Don't make a big deal about it and pout like a baby, thats a 1 way ticket to splitsville.
If shes not into and you are, just crank one out and move on.


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[center


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Anonymous #1

Re: Losing physical interest [Re: JohnnieYen]
    #21797854 - 06/12/15 02:40 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

She used to be, even then it was the same deal.

I don't make a big deal, she doesn't even know that I'm pissed off about it most the time.  We've been together for a few years and I've "cranked one out" enough times to last me the rest of my life, i'm getting tired of it.


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
Okay
I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21797873 - 06/12/15 02:44 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

get her drunk


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Anonymous #1

Re: Losing physical interest [Re: JohnnieYen]
    #21797884 - 06/12/15 02:47 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Good idea but I've Been there done that, its so annoying to have to try and get her all fucked up just to wanna have sex plus I have to deal with an emotional roller coaster when shes drunk.  There has been plenty of times we were going to have sex but I just stopped because I could tell she didn't want to, its such a turn off for her not to want it also.

I've tried bettering myself by trying to be fit and lift weights cause i thought maybe that was the issue, even when I made improvements she made zero comments or even cared.


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InvisibleCherryBomM
Yoga Gypsy
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21798134 - 06/12/15 03:43 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

How long have you been together?  Do you live together?  Maybe she's not into you anymore.  That kind of sucks, and i don't know your situation but it's a possibility.

I stopped wanting to have sex with my ex and he was really patient with me, but the more time that went by, nothing changed and I came to realize that I didn't love him anymore. 

Maybe your girl is in denial about wanting to break up.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Losing physical interest [Re: CherryBom]
    #21798226 - 06/12/15 04:05 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Almost 5 years and no we don't live together but we go to each others places every day.

Idk, she might not be.  The real issue is she has a constant pilot light going, meaning the TINIEST things make her pissed off and freak out.  She is always mad at me or bitching about things that seriously dont matter.  Like 'WHY YOU COME THROUGH THE GARAGE THE FRONT DOOR IS UNLOCKED?!?!?!"

In the past I've told her I really dont appreciate her tone or attitude that she takes up with me and that it seriously isn't fair but then she tells me well then I can just leave. It's this kind of stuff that makes me not want to be emotionally sweet and do things for her because she just blows me off and disregards my feelings and she wonders why were not emotionally connected.  I love her and she's been made into a huge part of my life and I could deal with all the anger and bitchy attitude when we were having sex but now its just pure bitchy attitude and no sex.  Idk if its even worth it anymore :sad:


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Anonymous #1] * 3
    #21798308 - 06/12/15 04:21 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Yeah.  You guys are done.  Move on.


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OfflineBlack_Sunset
Amateur Anesthesiologist
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Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,451
Loc: Somewhere California
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21798339 - 06/12/15 04:26 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Almost 5 years and no we don't live together but we go to each others places every day.

Idk, she might not be.  The real issue is she has a constant pilot light going, meaning the TINIEST things make her pissed off and freak out.  She is always mad at me or bitching about things that seriously dont matter.  Like 'WHY YOU COME THROUGH THE GARAGE THE FRONT DOOR IS UNLOCKED?!?!?!"

In the past I've told her I really dont appreciate her tone or attitude that she takes up with me and that it seriously isn't fair but then she tells me well then I can just leave. It's this kind of stuff that makes me not want to be emotionally sweet and do things for her because she just blows me off and disregards my feelings and she wonders why were not emotionally connected.  I love her and she's been made into a huge part of my life and I could deal with all the anger and bitchy attitude when we were having sex but now its just pure bitchy attitude and no sex.  Idk if its even worth it anymore :sad:





not a good sign that every little thing you do bothers her. I've been on both side of that and it was because deep down the person felt trapped/needed space and just didn't want to be around the other person. This doesn't necessarily mean a break up but it sounds like she has a huge amount of emotional bottle necking going on. Talk to her buddy. You guys might need space, but I would talk to her and go much deeper than just the loss of sex. The sex is just a symptom of what is going on with her emotional connection to you.

She might become angry with you when you try to talk to her about this because that is obviously her response to everything. Just make a mental list of things you want to bring up and do it in a calm and secluded space


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,561
Loc: Utah
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: zappaisgod] * 1
    #21798416 - 06/12/15 04:38 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Yeah.  You guys are done.  Move on.




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Anonymous #1

Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Black_Sunset]
    #21798550 - 06/12/15 05:03 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Yeah.  You guys are done.  Move on.




So constructive.

Quote:

Black_Sunset said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
Almost 5 years and no we don't live together but we go to each others places every day.

Idk, she might not be.  The real issue is she has a constant pilot light going, meaning the TINIEST things make her pissed off and freak out.  She is always mad at me or bitching about things that seriously dont matter.  Like 'WHY YOU COME THROUGH THE GARAGE THE FRONT DOOR IS UNLOCKED?!?!?!"

In the past I've told her I really dont appreciate her tone or attitude that she takes up with me and that it seriously isn't fair but then she tells me well then I can just leave. It's this kind of stuff that makes me not want to be emotionally sweet and do things for her because she just blows me off and disregards my feelings and she wonders why were not emotionally connected.  I love her and she's been made into a huge part of my life and I could deal with all the anger and bitchy attitude when we were having sex but now its just pure bitchy attitude and no sex.  Idk if its even worth it anymore :sad:





not a good sign that every little thing you do bothers her. I've been on both side of that and it was because deep down the person felt trapped/needed space and just didn't want to be around the other person. This doesn't necessarily mean a break up but it sounds like she has a huge amount of emotional bottle necking going on. Talk to her buddy. You guys might need space, but I would talk to her and go much deeper than just the loss of sex. The sex is just a symptom of what is going on with her emotional connection to you.

She might become angry with you when you try to talk to her about this because that is obviously her response to everything. Just make a mental list of things you want to bring up and do it in a calm and secluded space





Its not just me, its her personality.  She is a short fuse to anyone she talks to.  She blows up on her mom and everyone she talks to and its landed her in some trouble so I know that part has nothing to do with me personally its just how she is.  But what Im getting at is that I try telling her that I dont appreciate being talked to that way and is literally blind to what I'm saying because in her eyes/mind she is just being her normal self, bitchy.

Sex is symptom, you're right about that.  I really think the issue is her not feeling emotionally connected because she is always tearing me down and it makes me not want to do things for her or say nice things and then she doesn't wanna have sex because Im not being a sweet romantic person, its seriously a vicious cycle and Im afraid she'll never open her eyes to it.  She thinks she is ALWAYS right so its very hard to argue with her and when I do try to make a mental list, it gets fragmented because I end up having to mentally defend myself against her onslaught of remarks and talking fast trying to prove me wrong.


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OfflineWAN
Stranger
Registered: 10/20/14
Posts: 1,895
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #21798574 - 06/12/15 05:06 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Then the question becomes, why do you want to spend time with someone who is naturally bitchy?  From your description your GF doesn't sound like a very pleasant person.


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,561
Loc: Utah
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21798577 - 06/12/15 05:07 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Dude, that is constructive. When she says stuff like "if you don't like it you can leave" she's trying to get you to break up with her so she doesn't have to break up with you. If you don't get the hint, she'll eventually break up with you. You guys are done. Move on.


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21798659 - 06/12/15 05:25 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Yeah.  You guys are done.  Move on.




So constructive.






Actually it is constructive.  I'm right.  You know it in your heart.  Shit happens.


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Offlinebloodsheen
ChemChaplin
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 13 days
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: zappaisgod] * 2
    #21798888 - 06/12/15 06:12 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Yeah.  You guys are done.  Move on.




So constructive.






Actually it is constructive.  I'm right.  You know it in your heart.  Shit happens.



Normally zappa is just a giant asshole but he is totally right.

This is how your world ends, not with a bang but with her being a cunt.



...in fact its sorta embarressingly obvious its over


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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OfflineBlack_Sunset
Amateur Anesthesiologist
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,451
Loc: Somewhere California
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Black_Sunset]
    #21800197 - 06/12/15 11:48 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Black_Sunset said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
Almost 5 years and no we don't live together but we go to each others places every day.

Idk, she might not be.  The real issue is she has a constant pilot light going, meaning the TINIEST things make her pissed off and freak out.  She is always mad at me or bitching about things that seriously dont matter.  Like 'WHY YOU COME THROUGH THE GARAGE THE FRONT DOOR IS UNLOCKED?!?!?!"

In the past I've told her I really dont appreciate her tone or attitude that she takes up with me and that it seriously isn't fair but then she tells me well then I can just leave. It's this kind of stuff that makes me not want to be emotionally sweet and do things for her because she just blows me off and disregards my feelings and she wonders why were not emotionally connected.  I love her and she's been made into a huge part of my life and I could deal with all the anger and bitchy attitude when we were having sex but now its just pure bitchy attitude and no sex.  Idk if its even worth it anymore :sad:





not a good sign that every little thing you do bothers her. I've been on both side of that and it was because deep down the person felt trapped/needed space and just didn't want to be around the other person. This doesn't necessarily mean a break up but it sounds like she has a huge amount of emotional bottle necking going on. Talk to her buddy. You guys might need space, but I would talk to her and go much deeper than just the loss of sex. The sex is just a symptom of what is going on with her emotional connection to you.

She might become angry with you when you try to talk to her about this because that is obviously her response to everything. Just make a mental list of things you want to bring up and do it in a calm and secluded space





I think you're trying to make a case that she is just too self-absorbed and hot-headed to notice you and be happy together. If this is true then who knows how long and how much energy it will take for you to help her through that. She doesn't notice you trying to change yourself for her or appreciate your effort to help you guys out. You don't need to be with her... what is she doing for you? Your needs are not being met. You've been with her for so long it's fucking scary to think about doing anything otherwise but you can be with someone who makes you way happier. Thank god you guys don't live together


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Offlinebrokentv
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Registered: 03/02/12
Posts: 2,417
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Black_Sunset] * 1
    #21802413 - 06/13/15 12:41 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

One idea that ive noticed is when after a while its easy for relationships to become routine and predictable. I dont know the details of your relationship but consider not seeing her for a day or two because you have some things you need/want to do that doesnt involve her. Dont do this as a we need time apart or some kind of bullshit game but because you have things to do! and if you dont find something you need to do. Another idea is just go pick her up one day and go somewhere, mountains, hiking, camping, a tourist thing in the next city over. Something spontaneous and unexpected for her. Lots of girls/people like that. If she gives you bullshit over this it really might be time to rethink if she deserves you.


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OfflineJustForToday
New Life, New Beginnings


Registered: 09/08/14
Posts: 3,186
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: brokentv]
    #21803265 - 06/13/15 05:59 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I would dip out. As soon as I found out my ex girl wouldn't give it up. After I spent money on her, and took her out, and did all these things. I left. Never looked back. It's probably that time.


--------------------
Hey Shae, Are you still doing that hand thing? I heard you was doing that hand thing today. Oh God what is that?!



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OfflineShining Cosmos
Space Nomad
Male

Registered: 06/18/13
Posts: 1,808
Loc: PHX
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: JustForToday] * 1
    #21803393 - 06/13/15 06:29 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

If she consistently doesn't want you physically then she doesn't like you anymore. Whether she knows it or not. Just break up with her


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InvisibleCherryBomM
Yoga Gypsy
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
Re: Losing physical interest [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #21803662 - 06/13/15 07:56 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Take a little bit of time to consider the fact that this girl (woman?) treats you very poorly.  How does that make you feel from day to day?

Does she make your needs a priority?  When?  Once a week?  Once a month?  Do you make your needs a priority?  Or do you tip toe around her in order to not 'set her off'?  Is that how you want to live?  Has it always been like this?  Or just since you stopped having a regular, healthy sexual relationship?

What do YOU want?  Think about it.


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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order


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