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OfflineShroomslip
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Posts: 23,651
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Amanita86]
    #21795860 - 06/12/15 02:28 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Google it :lol: I come across it all the time when I get in the Japanese mood..


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Posts: 89,464
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Salomon]
    #21795867 - 06/12/15 02:30 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Salomon said:
i wonder if theres some dude who go to prison just to rape people.
like "im gonna get so much man pussy":creepylurker:



Yea, you know it.  There's people who figure 'out here' is the strange land.  Straight institutionalized dudes..


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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InvisiblePsychonautica
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Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: shLong]
    #21795925 - 06/12/15 03:16 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

shLong said:
Jail "burritos"  :homerdrool:

I always said I'd make one when I got out, but never did..
Take a large plastic bag.
Crush up 3 bags if flaming hot cheetos
And 2 bags of jalapeño chips.
Take 2 slim jims and cut tiny pieces
Throw the shit in to said plastic bag.
Get super hot water and slowly add to bag
Knead the water in to the crumb/slim jim mix until it's a thick paste consistency.
Flatten the mixture into a rectangle about 1/2" to 3/4" inch thick..
cut bag open to expose the concoction.
Add cheezewhiz or nacho cheese on the top from the comercery

There ya have it. Jail "burritos"
Bonus points if you eat it with nacho cheese doritos (if your local jail carries them)

Every cell block has the best burrito chef.. Find him and make friends with immediately




I was that man. Idk if you've seen my cooking on the outs..

You're from WI so I shouldn't have to explain a Jucy Lucy to some, someone said it was a "regular burger" in my last thead, and also spelled it Juicy Lucy which just...UGHH.
Some steak action (I like my steak blue, it's not under cooked, you just have a vagina if you think it's under cooked)

I still cook jail food on the outs my friend. I'm also 22 year old broke kid so like Ramen, doritos, flaming hot cheetos, whatever is around, some canned chicken, nacho cheese, a bunch of sriracha or other hot sauce and whatever else is in the fridge is a great midnight snack.

This is my outside jail food though, if I'll post my inside recipe too for some nice bricks.

Jail food really isn't that bad. Jail food is HORRIBLE let me clarify.
Jail food MADE FROM COMMISSARY is not that bad. It looks gross but i've made some good as fuck bricks. I didn't even have to use my own commissary, I was that good. Did you ever make a foot cookie?
My recipe for a brick (this isn't the only one I made, most of the chips can change depending on taste) You gotta crush it up (you'll never forget the sound of people throwing packs of ramen on the ground to smash up all day. ALL FUCKING DAY. Anyways, crush the ramen, chips of your choice, I like sweet and spicy doritos, the purple bag, some of the hot pickle juice, (mix with the water so it cooks into and absorbs the juice as well. Add some beef and cheese sticks, (idk how the fuck you got name brand slim jims but I'm sure you just said that instead of beef sticks) but anyways thow that meat in there, or tuna, you could buy hotsauce packs on commissary so you buy a couple of those, add that into the mix, the instant rice if you had it on lock if not, we had like, (you know the bags of tuna? bags not cans.) we had bags of a chili so you use that instead of some of the water so it absorbs and you get beef and chili in the mix that's optional as is the tuna, you can crush up pork rinds if you like pork rinds it makes a good add to it. Whatever else you have on hand, throw that in your bag, add the water (by this point in your incarceration you should know exactly how much water to put in it, if not add the ingredients before the water, if you do it with the water it all gets to the same warmth and the flavors of everything absorbs into the noodles, wrap that shit into a towel so it stays warm (shLong probably knows) and then after it's done, put it on a tortilla and squeeze some jalapeno cheese sauce on top and eat it like a burrito, or if no shells eat it like a normal "brick" as we called them.

I don't cook it in a plastic bag anymore though. But occasionally I'll eat jail food. It's actually really good. Way better than it looks.

We called them "bricks" in Hillsborough county. I've also heard "spreads"

What were they called in your County Hotel? Or we're you in the state montel?


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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OfflineTNK
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Psychonautica] * 1
    #21795943 - 06/12/15 03:28 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I bet you this was just a mlg pro-l33t troll post.

You all just got foo'd


--------------------
Edited by TNK (02/22/22 22:22 PM)


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InvisibleshLong
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: TNK]
    #21795959 - 06/12/15 03:41 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I just heard em called burritos...

I wasn't in long, so I missed some of the finer points, but it was just the recipe I described.
I didn't know people put the mash on tortillas.. Makes sense why they called em burritos now :lol:

Brick sounds like a more fitting name


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InvisibleshLong
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: shLong]
    #21795962 - 06/12/15 03:41 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

And yeah, everything was cheap brand. We did have Macho Man Randy Savage snapping in to any slim jims there


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InvisiblePsychonautica
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Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: shLong]
    #21795983 - 06/12/15 03:52 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

You should get raisins with oatmeal too, get all your homies to pick out the raisins and give them to you, raisins contain yeast, (using bread is gross and more people get sick off using the bread +  most the yeast in bread is dead) get as MANY raisins as you can, we had oatmeal and raisins a lot for breakfast. Save all your fruit too

Take them raisins and as many sugar packets as you can get, and if you REALLY want too (makes it cloudy and taste gross,) add the bread for more yeast. Add the fruit you've been saving as well, EVERY fruit doesnt matter, applesauce, grapes, whatever you get, let that shit at 70 degrees or as close as you can get for a few weeks or longer the stronger you want it / better you can hide it.

Once it's done, you just made prison hooch. Now you got a hustle. People will usually pay a pack of noodles for a cup, cups are the real size of an ACTUAL CUP in jail, idk about prison I think you get better goodies.But anyways you sell that cup for a noodle they get buzzed, now they tryna get drunk so they given you another pack of noodles for another cup, now they're drunk or starting to get drunk and want more and more and more.

Rake in the commisary and enjoy your hustle. If you wanna survive you gotta hustle.

Not like.. I ever made hooch in jail.. That'd be illegal... A suburban white kid making hooch and selling it around for food? Pfft, no that's for real inmates, an innocent suburban kid would never do that.
:guiltyascharged:


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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InvisiblePsychonautica
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Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
Loc: Free Soul & IISkuNkII Flag
Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: shLong]
    #21795986 - 06/12/15 03:55 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

shLong said:
I just heard em called burritos...

I wasn't in long, so I missed some of the finer points, but it was just the recipe I described.
I didn't know people put the mash on tortillas.. Makes sense why they called em burritos now :lol:

Brick sounds like a more fitting name





Did you call them burritos even without being wrapped in a shell?

They're defo bricks if you make them right, I mean even without a shell they hold their shape like a burrito would but without a shell it looks like a brick, it's heavy , its culindrical and shaped like aburrito but it's got the weight of a brick for shure.

Idk why they're called spreads, i saw that on Lockup on MSNBC ever since I got out I love watching that show.

I miss my Cellies man... One went off and did a year and a day in prison, and one got out and called me and we kicked it and shit but I lost his number

Jail aint even that bad imo but i was at a really nice jail at the Hillsborough county jail, I been to Orient and Falkenburg. Falkenburg is way better.


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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Offlinemakaveli8x8
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Psychonautica] * 1
    #21795995 - 06/12/15 04:01 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

you should make jail brochure guides and become a shroomery sponser and sell them in the market place


--------------------
We were sent to hell for eternity :hellfire: Ø:omgawesome:h®
We play on earth to pass the time :foreheadslap:

Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.


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InvisiblePsychonautica
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Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: makaveli8x8]
    #21795998 - 06/12/15 04:06 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

makaveli8x8 said:
you should make jail brochure guides and become a shroomery sponser and sell them in the market place




Honestly I probably could man, all the old folks loved me and I made friends with them super fast because I'm young and they stood up and we're my in jail fatherly figures so I learned so much tricks.

I can make dice out of toilet paper and water. I can teach you how to beat shake downs without using your ass ( i kinda wanna keep that a secret tho just incase a LEO stumbles on it) I know how to turn cd players you'd get of commisary into tatto guns "super low speed, but it works. I know how to build a super low temp (depending how many batteries you can get your hands on, but they sell them on commisary to power cd players and radios, anwyays a super low temp sautering iron to repair electronics, and THAT makes you MAD money in commissary,, people put away love their music, if you can fix it you make so much money.

The only problem is I'm in a dorm at falkenburg not a cell so it was hard as fuck.

We had people who'd pick pocket the deputies (correctional officers are prison) jail is deputies from the sherrifs department, but anyway these kids could pickpocket him without him knowing, take his radio, take the bateries and then when he was walking around checking bunks drop it off at his desk like he took it off and set it donw.

I learned so much in my 90 day stay at the County Hotel.


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Posts: 89,464
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Psychonautica]
    #21796006 - 06/12/15 04:14 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

We called them swolls, Im not really sure how you spell it but like swell, past tense, swoles, shit I guess thats how you spell it swole.  Different recipe but same principle.  Ive yet to make the pruno.  Im still a little nervous about poisioning myself with that one.  Im not sure where the good alcohol/rotten food poisioning threshold is..


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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InvisiblePsychonautica
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Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Amanita86]
    #21796040 - 06/12/15 04:42 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

"Swell" In my County Lock up, was what the noodles did, like you gotta let the noodles swell up before you add the rest of the ingredients to make a brick and if you pour out the noodle water you're a scrub, you gottta know exactly how mcuh water it takes just to have a TINY bit left over for the rest of the ingredietns to abosrb and swell. if you add too much and drain it off you're wasting flavor. you gotta get that shit right.

IF you fuck it up though don't pour the extra noodle water out, pour it in a cup, add a tiny but of seasoning to it, or no seasoning at all and drink. it tastes fucking great honestly. compared to jail food plain noodle water or noodle broth if you ad ramen seasoning is flame as fuck. and drinking it takes away your hunger.

So if you got a homie with no commisary but you don't got a lot to give you break him off a few bites of the brick and give him the noodle water. Pretty good shit, I drank the noodle water broth all the time to cover my hunger.

My jail was 2000 calories a day or less, enough food for a 140 lb sedentary man.

You know how many 140 pound sedentary men are in jail? None because they got raped to death.

Also the rape thing is a mith and so is the drop the soap at least in jail idk about prison but no one rapes in jail, its all short sentences or they know theyre goin up the road so they just chill (up the road means prison from jail)

I did 3 days in a prison before getting transfered because I told the lady at the desk that I would punt her in the cooch if she didnt't hurry the fuck up so I spent 3 days in a suicide dress then got xfered over to a jail and not a prison so I cant tell you waht thats like

other than they feed you 10 million times better in prison than jail


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Psychonautica]
    #21796067 - 06/12/15 05:00 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

That's because there's too many lifers in prison who have nothing to lose and will kill over even the simplest shit, like the dogshit they give you in jail.

I was locked up and one of the meals in rotation was pork chops. Which sounds fucking amazing to have in jail, except they'd somehow figured out how to cook the fucking things so the meat was literally harder than the bone. No exaggeration. About the only nutrition I could get out of the damn things was cracking the bones with my teeth and eating the marrow. The meat itself was impossible to chew.

The only day we ate good was "june teenth" or whatever the fuck it's called that I'd never heard of before being locked up. That meal was catered.. Everyone got far more than they could eat. Ribs, chicken, and at least 5 different sides..


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


Edited by Shroomslip (06/12/15 05:02 AM)


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InvisiblePsychonautica
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Registered: 04/20/15
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Shroomslip]
    #21796077 - 06/12/15 05:14 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I know that's no exxaguration bro, ive been inside, did you guys ever have "burgers" ?

it's a "burger" the size of a jimmy deans sauasge and no bun, every meal everyday came with 2 pieces of bread, so with this meal you got jewed out of food because you had to use the bread for the burger and it was less filling for sure.

Jail aint that ahrd tho, like summer cmap for adults.

I'm curious though, if you want someone to talk to you should PM me baout your situation, i'll wait until i sober up unless you want mroe jail advice, i can tell you all kinds of tricks

if you can get someone on the outs to put money on your phone (seperate from commissary in my jail) you can sell the phone calls for double what your peoples bought it for. like one phone call to local costed like less than a dollar and you can get 2 noodles or whatever you want,

shits not measured in price we just call it items an item is whatever the price of noodles are so 2 items can be noodles, or one package of tuna, or whatever etc etc. I always went with 2 noodles than a single "2 item" if that makes sense. I'm drunk. so like expensive shit like honey buns are worth 2 items, chips are woth two items etc etc. there's no monitary value and 2 items doesnt mean 2 items, don't let a fucker take you because you owe him two items, that means two items, or one thing the same price as noodles,

Or even enough sauces to equal the price of noodles, sauces can be anywhere from 10 to 20 cents, and a pack of ramen in jail was like 75 cents
so 7 sauces of 10 cent value = one item, and i'm to fucked up to do the math on how many 20 cent items but you get the gist.


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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OfflineKamelToeRodeo
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Registered: 01/15/15
Posts: 126
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Psychonautica]
    #21796087 - 06/12/15 05:20 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Dude didn't you post a pic on pic of pubbers thread? Bro you look about 16. Lol no disrespect but you do lol


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InvisiblePsychonautica
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Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
Loc: Free Soul & IISkuNkII Flag
Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: KamelToeRodeo]
    #21796089 - 06/12/15 05:22 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Yes I did post a pic on that, but no, I'm 22, if you read the thread. I know I look 16, peolpe someone guessed 23 when I asked him to guess how old I am.

I get carded to buy cigs and sometimes they don't let me buy alcohol but whatever man. I don't care.

Don't you have like 20 posts to not be judging members here?


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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OfflineShroomslip
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Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 1 hour, 3 minutes
Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Psychonautica]
    #21796097 - 06/12/15 05:25 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

No burgers. It was almost exclusively shit food. Pork chops was one of the very few things that even sounded appetizing. The one and only exception was when it was sausage with red beans and rice day. The rice and beans weren't that great, but the sausage was good. Then again it's kinda hard to fuck up sausage.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineLuSiD enthusiast
Stranger

Registered: 03/14/13
Posts: 4,325
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Shroomslip]
    #21796099 - 06/12/15 05:25 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomslip said:
Quote:

shLong said:
So I Googled woman blowing horse to see if I could find that video again.. Wow... Wow.. Fucking wow.. Big mistake.. I found a page with like 200 videos of women fucking horses. This Internet thing is out of control.



You should probably stop internetting if you don't know better than to just google stuff like that..

You're gonna fuck up and wind up on the FBI's watch list.



Have you guys not heard of rule 34? Idk if eel porn was real before you mentioned it, but according to rule 34 it now is.

Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn for it.

Just stop now before you give anybody inspiration to film any porn.


--------------------
I'm addicted to coke, weed, booze, ludes and speed.
Not LSD, you can't get addicted to LSD, it was built by scientists.

I ain't got no demons that gonna get woke.


In erowid we trust.

Just take your damn pills and don't ask any questions, you'll be fine.


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OfflineKamelToeRodeo
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Registered: 01/15/15
Posts: 126
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Psychonautica]
    #21796100 - 06/12/15 05:26 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Didn't mean to offend you bro. And yea ..i don't average 71 post a dat like some people here . Lol


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Re: IM SO FUCKED IM GOING TO JAIL [Re: Psychonautica]
    #21796105 - 06/12/15 05:29 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Yea, noodles and cheetos, day be swole.. what tricks you got Im not thinking of?


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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