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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Heartache
    #2179279 - 12/15/03 12:55 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

What do you believe causes this most intense of feelings?

I will try to examine it in the negative first:

1. Doesn't seem to be mere a loss of friendship. I have said good-bye to some long-time male buddies, and while there is some sadness, I have never felt deep pain nor dwelled on it for very long.

2. Doesn't seem to be mere a loss of sexual intimacy. Have had sex partners for extended periods of time (but no real romance) where I never looked back when we split.

3. Not merely a loss of something that was once "mine". Have had major possessions stolen with no recompense and only felt a minor short-term irritation.

4. Not jealousy that they are now (or may soon be) with someone else (see #2).

Is it some sort of biochemical / pheremonal thang? Some loss of the familiar, the comfortable, the having to "start all over" in the search for a new partner?

None of these explanations seem to account for that deep gut-wrenching grief that accompanies a break-up with someone you once shared a deep romantic love with.


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The proof is in the pudding.


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InvisibleRevelation

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Posts: 6,130
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Re: Heartache [Re: Swami]
    #2179291 - 12/15/03 01:00 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

None of these explanations seem to account for that deep gut-wrenching grief that accompanies a break-up with someone you once shared a deep romantic love with.

Why does it need a further explanation? The difference is love.


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
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Re: Heartache [Re: Revelation]
    #2179314 - 12/15/03 01:07 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I would have to say that I truly loved some of my departed male friends. It seems that love + sex is far greater in depth of bonding, but there still must be some underlying principle.

Poor Swami, love scrambles his logic circuit. :loveeyes:


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InvisibleFreakQlibrium
Son of Uncle Meat
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Re: Heartache [Re: Swami]
    #2179327 - 12/15/03 01:13 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

i thinks it's a case of you and the other person forming such an intimate bond that when the relationship ends it's like part of yourself is ripped away,i agree though that my worst suffering has come as a direct result of a romantic relationship with a girl(especially when she was the one to terminate it) coming to an end.....very sad indeed :frown:


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"Being crazier than a shithouse rat is not sufficient grounds for banishment"



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OfflineFrog
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Re: Heartache [Re: FreakQlibrium]
    #2179338 - 12/15/03 01:20 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I think Freak has a good point. When you fall in love, you form a sort of "tongue and groove" with the other person. It feels like you have become complete. When you lose that person, it feels like a part of you has been ripped away, and those raw edges have to heal.

It was Edgar Cayce who said when we are with our soul mate, it is like a "tongue and groove".


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The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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InvisibleSwami
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Re: Heartache [Re: FreakQlibrium]
    #2179340 - 12/15/03 01:21 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Yes, that it is a good way to describe it: "as if some part of you was ripped away".

I think Neitchze was wrong. Deep emotional pain does not seem to make one stronger.


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OfflinePsilozero
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Re: Heartache [Re: Swami]
    #2179382 - 12/15/03 01:44 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I have lost my only love in life. She now has a boyfriend - that isn't what even gets me the most. It is the fact that half of myself seems missing. Like I only have half a soul. It feels like she was my soulmate, the one I was to share my life with. She is gone, and I'm not getting her back. This is my heartache.


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http://myspace.com/thevoid


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InvisibleFreakQlibrium
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Re: Heartache [Re: Psilozero]
    #2179410 - 12/15/03 01:55 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

i have felt that kind of pain on a few different occasions and my heart really does go out to you....the suffering seems and feels interminable but it WILL end, please believe me when i say that  :thumbup:


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"Being crazier than a shithouse rat is not sufficient grounds for banishment"



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InvisibleFreakQlibrium
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Re: Heartache [Re: Swami]
    #2179426 - 12/15/03 02:01 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Swami said:
Yes, that it is a good way to describe it: "as if some part of you was ripped away".

I think Neitchze was wrong. Deep emotional pain does not seem to make one stronger.





That was definitely a big part of it with me Swami, my own suffering was further augmented by feelings of my being betrayed, used etc(whether of not that was real or imagined doesn't really affect how i FELT), also i suppose there was always the nagging doubt, that perhaps this "mutual bond" i thought we shared was merely unilateral  and that i had only imagined it to be real, that the girl never really reciprocated my feelings....i duno.... lol.... love is kinda fucked up sometimes.... :grin:


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"Being crazier than a shithouse rat is not sufficient grounds for banishment"



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InvisibleSclorch
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Re: Heartache [Re: Swami]
    #2179508 - 12/15/03 02:34 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Swami: I think Nietzsche was wrong. Deep emotional pain does not seem to make one stronger.

I don't think he was much of an absolutist. This is probably how it worked out for him. I also suppose we'd need his definition of "deep emotional pain" as well as a detailed account of his experience with such pain. Maybe his wasn't ever as deep. Maybe you're a more sensitive guy. Maybe he was only talking about his guy friends (didn't seem to hurt you much, did it?).

I also like what Frog said "as if some part of you was ripped away."

I'm not sure if I'm stronger, but I made it through... so maybe I'm just strong enough.


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Note: In desperate need of a cure...


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OfflineAlan Stone
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Re: Heartache [Re: Sclorch]
    #2180093 - 12/15/03 06:07 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I think it's because you trust yourself to be dependant on that person. With friendships, you'll never depend on how they feel as much as you would in romance.
It's not like half of your soul is actually taken away, it just feels like it. I don't believe in every person just having one soulmate. You can have several. IMO it depends more on how you view life than on you and the other having as many common traits as possible.


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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
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Re: Heartache [Re: Frog]
    #2180437 - 12/15/03 08:03 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

It was Edgar Cayce who said when we are with our soul mate, it is like a "tongue and groove".

Please stop with the erotic imagery. :smile:


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The proof is in the pudding.


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InvisibleSwami
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Re: Heartache [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2180443 - 12/15/03 08:05 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

You can have several.

Simultaneously? That can be problematic!


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Heartache [Re: Swami]
    #2180717 - 12/15/03 09:47 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Swami said:
Is it some sort of biochemical / pheremonal thang? Some loss of the familiar, the comfortable, the having to "start all over" in the search for a new partner?





I think this is part of it, too. I remember when my divorce started a year and a half ago. I had thought we would be married forever. Well, by this point I wasn't totally in love with him any more, cuz he'd been such an ass, but suddenly, I was alone.

All the future that I had written in my dreams had to be re-written. All my stuff went into storage. I was walking around watching families, together, like we used to be. It hurt, losing the familiar, even though I was almost kind of glad about the divorce.

I made a schedule for myself, even if I didn't stick to it very well. I made myself go to a book store once a week. I went to a bible study once a week, and church on Sunday. I played pool with a girlfriend twice a week (sometimes 3x).

I tried to create a new structure, to replace the old structure. Eventually, I felt like I had a life again, and certain people took the place of the family I used to have.

It really was horrible, but I finally feel, a whole year and a half later, that I'm okay again. It doesn't hurt so bad any more.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Heartache [Re: Frog]
    #2181347 - 12/16/03 01:21 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I think the important thing is to go to low-life bars and start drinking heavily while listening to sad songs. Jack Daniels or Cuervo Gold are the best soul healers.  :nut:


--------------------



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OfflineFrog
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Re: Heartache [Re: Swami]
    #2181559 - 12/16/03 03:53 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I did say "pool", didn't I???


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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InvisibleJellric
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Registered: 11/08/98
Posts: 2,261
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Re: Heartache [Re: Frog]
    #2181591 - 12/16/03 04:17 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I tried to create a new structure, to replace the old structure.

Good for you, froggie!  :thumbup:
That shows depth of emotional fortitude and good old fashioned common sense.
If I ever lost my asian mistress  :loveeyes: I hope I would be as resilient.


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I AM what Willis was talkin' bout.


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