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Shroomslip
Architekt



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In simple terms can anyone explain why
#21791204 - 06/11/15 12:41 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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The death of a loved one just doesn't feel real. Has happened to me 4 times already and I don't understand why. The first time, my brother died. At his wake I was thoroughly convinced it was some huge practical joke and that when I approached the coffin, he was gonna pop up and scare me. Then when I did approach the coffin, it looked only vaguely like him, I barely could recognize him. So I started looking around for the camera crew and for his entrance to tell me I'd been punk'd. Next was my grandpa. He went to the hospital for some pain, same guy I had always known by looking at him you'd of never guessed he was really in pain or anything, and pretty much quickly deteriorated in a 12 hour period. After a couple of days we were told there was nothing that could be done and he was moved to hospice to live out his final days. Took me awhile for it to sink in and accept that he was gone, it just felt so unreal..
Later I got the news my mom had died and I again, just couldn't believe it. Like literally thought there was some mistake or something. Although it became easier to accept than it was with the first 2. My brother and grandpa taught me that this shit does happen even if you think it never will. So it didn't take long for it to sink in. Then my grandma died. I didn't take any time at all to believe it. We already expected her to die, short of a literal miracle she was never going to survive. She was tired of fighting and refused any further treatment and her diagnosis was with absolute certainty, terminal. So we brought her home with a caregiver to take care of her needs and what not just waiting on it to finally happen. Yet even then, when it wasn't sudden or unexpected, it just didn't feel real.
So why is this? Is it we just get so used to having them around that it's impossible for us to accept they aren't? Is it just such a shock to the system that we can't interpret data as we usually would? Is it flat out denial and that can't possibly be real? What is the actual cause for it feeling completely unreal?
I don't understand why even when you know and accept they're gone, it still just doesn't feel real. If it were just denial you'd think that once you've accepted it, that it would feel real. I know they're all gone and I still expect my brother to call me up and tell me it's time to go party, that my mother is going to call me some day soon to tell me about all the fucked up shit my brother is doing and how she just doesn't know what to do anymore, that I'm going to walk out my back door and find my grandpa doing something in the yard and that I'm going to walk into the living room and see my grandma sitting in her chair watching TV.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Shroomslip]
#21791222 - 06/11/15 12:46 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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i don't know either, sometimes the dead just pile up around me and I have no thought either as what not to say
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Supachopped719
Stranger


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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Konyap]
#21791339 - 06/11/15 01:21 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Simply put in a very simple term....
DENIAL!!!!!
I suffer from it as well in the moments to days after a death of a loved one.
A friend of mine supposedly committed suicide a couple months ago, and I'm still 100% convinced that he faked his death and is living it up on a beach south of the equator. When I tell the story of how I know he must have done it, people look at me like I'm crazy.
-------------------- Real Eyes Realize Real Lies.
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Shroomslip
Architekt



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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Supachopped719]
#21791355 - 06/11/15 01:26 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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But wouldn't denial be beat by acceptance? I know the stages of grief and denial is the first. Acceptance is the last. I've come to accept all of their deaths, yet none feel real.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Supachopped719
Stranger


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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Shroomslip]
#21791359 - 06/11/15 01:27 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Shroomslip said: But wouldn't denial be beat by acceptance? I know the stages of grief and denial is the first. Acceptance is the last. I've come to accept all of their deaths, yet none feel real.
Then you haven't truly accepted it. You are in denial of your acceptance.
-------------------- Real Eyes Realize Real Lies.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Supachopped719]
#21791385 - 06/11/15 01:36 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Honestly I've lost some good homies and acquaintances. Those felt surreal and It really didn't change me except I thought about them a lot the days after.
My mom and dad and siblings are still kickin it. My dog to So i haven't truly experienced tragic death
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Shroomslip
Architekt



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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Supachopped719]
#21791387 - 06/11/15 01:37 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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But I have. I know they're gone. Denial is like refusing to believe their gone. I had the strongest case of that with my brother, but I eventually accepted it. It sank in there were no cameras coming out after I approached the body. It became very real when I touched him and realized he really was dead. He was the first person to die of the people I've loved. Been over 10 years and I still remember that day far better than I care to. I can remember the shape my tear made on his hand and the pattern of the smudge as I wiped it away.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Enjoywho]
#21791397 - 06/11/15 01:39 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Even though I have a friend I used to share poetry stabbed 6 times over an accidentally dropped 5th. A friend that hung himself. A girl that I always thought was cute and we were chillin just commited suicide. The older I get the more my friends and people I grew up with seem to die. Fallen soldiers. I'll pour one out now and again.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Shroomslip]
#21791401 - 06/11/15 01:40 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Yeah I have never really expected a camera crew, but I always feel super weird going to open casket wakes. It was pretty shocking to me when I was young, more what I didn't feel though than what I did surprised me, and it is pretty strange that they don't look the same at all, but I chalk that up to the embalming/cosmetic process.
Then I forget people are dead sometimes which can be embarrassing. I asked my mom if her brother was coming to a party happening soon, but he died a couple years ago. I think I've even said things like that to my cousins, his kids, then I remember and I'm like oh fuck.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Enjoywho]
#21791410 - 06/11/15 01:42 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Another hung himself by his belt. I had just played beer pong with him that weekend. I went to the service it literally broke my heart seeing his mom sobbing like. He was an only child.
He was one of the "cool" kids as well. Hella chillin dude it was a shock.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Enjoywho] 1
#21791417 - 06/11/15 01:45 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Crying like that. My mom can be a dick but I know it would literally break her if I died. I've thought about suicide but I would never do that to my mom. I may be a fuck up but I also love life. I have been in dark places at times but life is good.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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MoxyOx
Grazin'

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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Enjoywho]
#21791504 - 06/11/15 02:15 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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It's not the death itself. It's having every day going forward without them there. It's an eerie feeling.
-------------------- No one behind, no one ahead. The path the ancients cleared has closed. And the other path, everyone's path, easy and wide, goes nowhere. I am alone and find my way.
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teamkiller
ghetto drama whore



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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: MoxyOx]
#21791683 - 06/11/15 03:58 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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i remember the first thing i said was "are you sure?" like maybe they made a mistake.
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Hayoxp
Enlil sucks cock


Registered: 06/05/15
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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: teamkiller]
#21791686 - 06/11/15 04:00 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I did not feel anything at first for about 6 months and then it I shed some tears and remember them even more. It's a strange feeling, like they are not there anymore connected to the world.
-------------------- Enlil is trash, needs to end himself.
Edited by Hayoxp (06/11/15 04:31 AM)
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Asante
Mage


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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Shroomslip] 1
#21791688 - 06/11/15 04:02 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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The times that it doent feel real are given you to give you time to come to terms with the loss.
Also, the separation of death is only temporary and partial.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Asante]
#21791723 - 06/11/15 04:21 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Death is apparently supposed to be as ugly as possible and surprise us
Rotten from inside out, perhaps to scare us, make us disgusted
But taking psychedelics/drugs when you have deaths in your life, I'm not sure that is a good time at all... It sounds almost like you have derealization, you might need to down adjust your consumption for a few years
You need to face the hard times and heal your mind in this reality, not take off to Wonderland
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Asante]
#21791743 - 06/11/15 04:43 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
MoxyOx said: It's not the death itself. It's having every day going forward without them there. It's an eerie feeling.
yep.
Quote:
Asante said: death is only temporary and partial.
yep.
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: sprinkles]
#21791913 - 06/11/15 06:32 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I lost a very close friend of mine around 2 years ago to overdose, it only seems really sink in if I visit him and his brothers grave. Any other time it almost feels like I could still call them and they'll answer
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Beanhead
IS IRONIC PARADOX


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Cognitive dissonance
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MichAnon.ael
Dark Stranger


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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: Beanhead] 2
#21792026 - 06/11/15 07:37 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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They're usually still around
don't you watch Long Island medium?
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koods
Ribbit



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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: MichAnon.ael]
#21792103 - 06/11/15 08:10 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
MichAnon.ael said: They're usually still around
don't you watch Long Island medium?
You mean someone who preys on people who can't accept someone's death. Scum.
--------------------
NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: koods]
#21792109 - 06/11/15 08:11 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Anyone ever wonder why when someone contacts the dead, the dead only speak in vague and mundane sentences that are generally what you want to hear.
Tell me the answer to life you dead fuckers, not "I'm proud of you" or something dumb like that.
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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The ego gets high on getting acknowledged
You are good, you are pretty, you are much deserving of a good job, you will get lucky next year and win $ 2M
Now give me $100 for the consultation
Ego talk works really great at captivating people. There are plenty of ego tricksters in astrology, most of the astrology that is known to the outside world is about ego. But then it seems there are also 'real' astrologers that are not into it for money at all, in fact many study it for 40 years without earning a single $ ever.
Same seems to be with mediums maybe, some claim to speak to the dead, without ever earning a single $
Then science could call it self-deception , or maybe science is wrong We can't know for sure
Shamans claim to speak to spirits/the underworld too / many worlds. Many cultures claim to speak/have spoken with the dead through time.
There are plenty of 'psychic mediums' that claim they can do it and many are spiritually advanced / know everything I know, but some also look self deceived.
It seems our spiritual evolution can go both ways, into self deception or into love and higher awareness
Though not everyone acknowledges the higher awareness possibility.
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All We Perceive
Sea Cucumber



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Re: In simple terms can anyone explain why [Re: lessismore] 1
#21794615 - 06/11/15 07:29 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Death doesn't really bother me. People die. It's what they do.
--------------------
"plus they atually think jambands are good or sumthing, so they clearly know absolutely nothing about music, clearly lol" -Bassfreak
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Death is terrifying, the most terrifying thing in the world, to the ego
You can try to deny it, but it won't be true
The ego is only alive temporarily, it wants to keep living, even if it means getting frozen in cryo tanks at -180C and revived one day
But a spiritual person doesn't care. A non-spiritual person that says he doesn't care is usually lying.
We do lots of stuff to compensate for our fear of death. Many things are a projection of our fear of death, such as materialism, hate on others, the need to be best etc.
We only got a "short time" so we better be best, get it all, be rich, be important.
If you die you have failed, you have been worthless. If you believe you are the ego. All your knowledge, all your worth, all your earnings are lost. You have been meaningless.
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