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Anonymous #1
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I'm a crazy person.
#21784421 - 06/09/15 05:56 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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My earliest memories are of my parents fighting. I'm completely dissociated from reality. I'm homeless and don't know where I'm going to be sleeping tonight. I'm quiet around most people. I acted insane around my cellmate when I was in jail. I've been sober since April 22nd other than 2 hits of a blunt today. I act retarded when sober and have engenious thoughts when high on most any drug. Everyone says I'm weird. I'm at the library all day using the computer. I hate unhealthy food. I don't like conversating unless I'm on adderall or some other drug. I have hypothyroidism. Sometimes I can barely move for several hours a day. I get anxious to the point that I can't even speak correctly. I'm hyper and act like I'm on meth for several hours a day. When I lay down at night in a homeless shelter, I feel like I'm being forced to be there. I stretch and flex and move tirelessly throughout the night and it's time to wake up by the time I get to sleep. When I was in jail, I'd often blabber random syllables like "a schwig diggity dangle wang" and I'd get angry if anyone said I was weird or crazy.
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once in a lifetime
sun child



Registered: 02/12/15
Posts: 1,807
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hi friend,
sending good thoughts of peace and joy your way;
I hope you find a good place to be tonight;
Be well and have no fear, all will be ok.
-------------------- Innocent, Oldfield & Hegerland Julia Delaney, Bothy Band Rasta Girl, Sister Carol Genesis, Jorma K I Wish You Peace, Lawrence Laughing Do Your Thing, Moondog large . . music garden . . veryall peace them hiStarhouse - main Time Traveler's Guide
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Yeah I have similar insomnia problems. It really sucks not having a regular bed to sleep in, and a place to hang out during the day where you can have some privacy, especially if you're not sleeping it is easy to look for anything to feel better.
I don't think you should be doing drugs while living on the street. It seems like a great idea at the time, as how much worse could things get, but it ruins alot of people. You should be focused on finding a job and a place to live, even if it is just a small room, that makes such a huge difference in terms of sanity.
I would apply for benefits like health insurance and food stamps if you haven't already (if you're in the US), and see what else you might qualify for. Especially if you have a diagnosis for some mental health issue you may be able to get some disability money, or at least subsidized housing, I'm not sure exactly how that works but you should be in touch with your local outreach organizations and they should be able to point you in the right direction.
I'm pretty sure you don't have ingenious thoughts while high it might feel like that but I would take a hard look at your actions if you really want to judge what is going on in your head. If you continue down this path you will probably get worse.
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foodsgoodtoo
FPSnosurrender



Registered: 02/13/09
Posts: 3,720
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look at it like getting mad is losing.
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