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Anonymous #1

My life before and after my bad trip
    #21783918 - 06/09/15 04:04 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I am writing about this experience because although it was the classic 'bad trip' I also gained significant insight especially in hindsight of the actual trip. That trip solely triggered several events in my life.

It all began in November. I had finally come across a hookup for actual LSD-25, something I had only dreamed about until that point. It was pretty late the night that I went and got it so most of my friends were already busy or even asleep by the time I got home and settled, which led me to do it by myself. Around midnight I set one tiny blotter under my tongue and within and hour I was feeling the effects of LSD for the first time. I won't bore you with the details but overall it was a very good trip and I learned a lot from it.

Now this is the point in the story where my two friends come into the picture. They are a married couple with a child. We will call them B and M. I had known M, B's wife for years, but had only known him for about a year when the bad trip took place, but we had spent a lot of time together and become pretty close friends during that period of time.

I tell them I have LSD and they ultimately decide to try it. We trip one at their house, a second time together at a friend's house, and our final trip (the rough one) was at their house again in early February. Looking back on it now the whole night was kind of forced. B had felt a bit sick earlier in the day and M said the same. We went out to eat beforehand with a group of people, known of whom I knew. This set the incredibly awkward tone for the night. It was getting a bit late by the time we made it to their house when we dropped. Immediately after I swallowed my two tabs a guy knocks on the door and comes in. This is a guy we will just called S. S is a very hostile and hateful person. He is just constantly talking about 'fucking people up' and just puts off some really negative vibes.

There was no going back at that point. I decided I would just have to ride it out.

This is the story of the actual trip: Once I began tripping I moved to my friends room away from S and everyone else that was at the house. Way too many sober people to trip around. Eventually B and other's begin to talk about me, asking things like why am I sitting alone in a room, why don't I come out with everyone else. Shit like that. From that point things just got extremely intense. The next thing I remember taking place is me vomiting very hard for a couple of minutes. This really scared me because although I was sure it was LSD, I was tripping so hard that I began to have doubts, wondering if somehow it could have been an NBOMe or some other RC. Then M throws up, and B soon follows.

Looking back, we had just eaten a couple hours earlier, and it was a fairly large meal at that. I really suspect that we all just got the spins and ultimately threw up as a result. Who knows. I don't remember much after throwing for about an hour or so. The next thing I remember is S standing in front of me taking out a baggie of MDMA and parachuting it with his girlfriend who had shown up at some point. After witnessing this I began to experience extreme paranoia and kept thinking that they had put MDMA into my cup of water. I got caught in a thought loop and must have poured out and refilled my water 15 times thinking that it had been spiked. We were all tripping way too hard at that point. The trip had noticeably turned south. B and M decided that they wanted to try their best to sleep it off, so B told me to sit in the living room, go to sleep, and that they were going the same.

At this point I was terrified. I was tripping way too hard and did not enjoy being by myself, I wanted someone their to comfort me, but my friends had left me. I eventually freaked the fuck out and tried to drive home, which probably would have resulted in me wrecking my car had B not ran outside and dragged me from the car. Again he told me to go to sleep, taking my car keys. This is only like 7 hours after dropping. I'm still tripping pretty hard. Knowing I will be unable to sleep I sit in the living room for three hours of absolute agony and horror and I experienced some of the most negative feelings of my life. I had been abandoned by my friends. I ached all over, I felt like I had been tossed around in a car accident or something. I can only accredit this to the physiological and psychological drain that any trip, esp. a negative can cause.

The days following the trip I swore off all drugs, throwing away my weed and smashing my bong. I felt liberated. I ultimately realized that I had to be a more postive person in order to attract positivity into my life. I began being more social, more talkative, more assertive. I felt so empowered. I was finally speaking my mind and expressing myself. People were seeing my personality and me! After my trip I asked myself what I wanted in life. I ultimately came to the conclusion that I wanted a companion, not someone to spend my life with or anything, but a temporary companion, a girlfriend. And I had exactly in mind who this girl was.

After a lot of nervous contemplation, I finally began talking to the girl who'd I'd describe as my dream girl, or at least I thought she was. We had talked in the past, but nothing ever came of it. This time was different. As soon as we began talking the conversations just flowed so naturally and easily. She was amazing. And she ultimately stood me up. This all took course in the immediate month following the trip. I had experienced an extreme high, a peak in confidence that I had not experienced in years. The best moment being when I was picking this girl up from work everyday, spending time with her. I had accomplished exactly what I had hoped for. And suddenly it was over and I never heard from her as to why. All I got was a text saying that she didn't want a relationship at the moment. Immediately after that I began smoking marijuana probably more frequently than I ever have in my life. That was in mid March so it'd been nearly three months of me just smoking. It's all I do, it makes me lazy, and it makes me not want to do anything. I look at my failures, how I am a lie. I have all these ideologies and beliefs but don't live by them.

I am at a point of deep nihilism. My life is meaningless. I have nothing but smoking pot. I'm supposed to be going to college in August but I feel that my drug use will just increase in college and I will flunk out or eventually experience some kind of mental breakdown. Which ever comes first. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a recluse. I want to go out and do things but I don't have many close friends. All the friend's I've been closed to aren't really friends anymore, including B and M. Life is getting hard guys and I feel that there is no meaning to it anymore, and I shouldn't feel this way at such a young age. I want to do something meaningful!


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Anonymous #1

Re: My life before and after my bad trip [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21789098 - 06/10/15 04:24 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

anyone? i know it's long but i need advice


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Re: My life before and after my bad trip [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21789433 - 06/10/15 05:36 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had decided to trip with other people, the one time I did I realized it was not so good; you lower all your boundaries and experience the universe unfiltered and greatly magnified; others' defences - that, to a certain extent are normal - then

anyway.

Stop.

Breathe.

Reflect.

Do this every day, 3-4 times a day for 5-10 minutes, at least;


spend a while in peaceful meditation every day; and eventually all will mellow out,

any mistake will not bite as deep,

and will also, gradually over time, be much, much less common and frequent;

breathe - stop - relax,

and reflect in nature,


stories come and stories go - what is it that remains?


ask and answer this question and you'll be alright.


Never forget or doubt for an instant that you know who you are;

and know that once you attain peace with yourself, you won't ever lose it, and explore and understand these types of things. . .


few or not many people do in some environments, in other environments most people do;


either way it's not as important as what you do, what you experience, and what you know;


not everything will be perfect, but if you attain trust in yourself, the kind of lasting kind that never leaves, you'll reach much much more quickly the state where you never falter at all,

and in fact knowing this, and reaching it, may be the key factor as to whether you get to that state or not in this lifetime.


But - know that what's really important; really knowing peace and self-trust, and life, to its fullest - that experience - that is a rare one,

that is a rare path, if for whatever reason, but it's the most worthwhile. 

for of what value is anything in life if we do not know ourselves?



compassion without attachment
is pretty much the key thing to remember.


--------------------
Innocent, Oldfield & Hegerland          Julia Delaney, Bothy Band                                        Rasta Girl, Sister Carol                    Genesis, Jorma K
I Wish You Peace, Lawrence Laughing                                                                                                                    Do Your Thing, Moondog                     
large  . . music garden . .  very
all peace                    them hi
Starhouse - main
Time Traveler's Guide


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