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OfflineNiamhNyx
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Seeking- trip report
    #2177327 - 12/14/03 06:44 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Last night I went to the 22nd birthday party of a friend of mine. I brought 4 grams of shrooms with me just in case the mood struck me. I mentioned I had them to someone at the party who I knew would be interested in sharing the experience and around 11:15 pm he approached me to ask if I still wanted to dose. I said yes, and we ground the 4 grams in a coffee grinder and made a pot of tea. We included a bag of "good mood" tea since its my favourite kind for flavour as well as it's mild euphoric lift.

I had two mugs of tea and ate a good amount of the dregs when the tea was gone. Once I'd finished imbibing I went into the living room to find that my anti-drug yet pro-alcohol ex boyfriend had arrived. It felt a little odd to know that momentarily I'd be coming up on shrooms while sitting next to this boy, but I wasn't too worried about it. We made a tiny bit of small talk until I slipped into the altered state of mind and then became rather silent and observant.

I stayed downstairs for some time just listening to the drunken converstion around me and pondering the idea that at this point in my life I was trying on "scenes" in an attempt to find answers but all I was finding was more questions. I had the strong urge to be alone but had no where to go. I wanted to put on a long flowy dress and dance wildly while screaming and laughing and crying but considering the setting it wasn't much of an option.

The idea kept occuring to me that we live symbolically rather than directly. We relate to exterior reflections of what is inside us rather than directly confronting ourselves. We are becoming increasingly distanced from direct experience and as that happens we require more and more complex and abstract stimuli to fill us. I think part of the reason this thought kept coming back to me is that the music of the night was predominantly IDM (Intelligent Dance Music.) I enjoy that kind of music when I'm in an intellectual mood but I must admit it's not my favourite to shroom too, as I've now discovered.

There were 2 or 3 people at the part that I was very interested in communicating with but speech wasn't a form of communication that felt adequate. I could think the words in my head but they wouldn't come out of my mouth. One of them was a guy I'd met that night, he hadn't dosed but was very interested in how my trip was coming along. I wanted to tell him but couldn't say more than "I can't explain at the moment, it's good..." We spoke a bit about travelling since I want to do some, and he's moving to China next month for a year or so. The other person I was fascinated was a girl I'd also met just that night. Whenever I looked at her I felt that she was Art. I wanted very much to take photographs of her, and draw her portrait. I wanted to touch her hair, take her hand in mine and look into her eyes but I was shy. Earlier in the night, before I had dosed she asked me if I was an Artist, I said I guess I was, and she said she was a Scientist but wished she was an artist. I suggested that she be what she wishes to be, but she said it wouldn't fulfill her. Then we spoke about finding a combination of her molecular biology and art. I would like to see what she could create with such an integration.

I must say it was a positive trip for me. Although the social scene was somewhat awkward as I couldn't relate to the drunkenness I realized some valuable things, and most importantly saw the world as an artist again. I realized that I'm seeking, I'm questioning and I have no answers at this time. I hope one day to find what I'm looking for, whatever that may be but right now I'm accepting where I am. I'm young, this is a time of life in which it's necessary to search instead of getting caught up in the security of all to easy explanations and unsatisfying work.

After last night's trip I realized it's time for me to make the solo journey. I believe within the next month I'll up my dose and spend the evening alone. It's time to move to an 1/8th I think. I don't think I'm interested in shrooming at parties anymore, unless thats the theme that the significant proportion of partiers are following.


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OfflineNiamhNyx
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Re: Seeking- trip report [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #2177340 - 12/14/03 06:53 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Another thing I experienced during my trip that I forgot to report was facing my own mortality. I was laying alone in my friend's bed staring at his ceiling and it occured to me, "I'd like to try dying for a little while.." Then "I'm going to die one day..." Then I pondered suicidal thoughts- not out of misery or a wish to die but more out of curiosity. It didn't scare me although I felt intimidated in moments, let that feeling melt away and then experienced acceptance and fascination with what comes next. I'm not ready to die right now but when the time comes I believe I'll be able to accept and embrace it. Whether it's oblivion or a transferal to a state of pure conciousness I'm content that I'll one day be there.


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OfflinePsilozero
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Re: Seeking- trip report [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #2179404 - 12/15/03 01:54 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I highly reccommend that you trip alone. It is an awesome experience indeed!


--------------------
http://myspace.com/thevoid


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OfflineNextGenHippie
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Re: Seeking- trip report [Re: Psilozero]
    #2179422 - 12/15/03 02:00 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

(Wow, I haven't been here in a long time.)

Tripping alone is definitely an awesome experience. The first time I tripped, my friends wouldn't let me go anywhere or do anything. It sucked. I tried it alone next, and it was awesome!


--------------------
[pot]Think left and think right[pot]
[pot]and think low and think high[pot]
[pot]Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try[pot]
-Dr. Seuss


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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience >> Trip Reports

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