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OfflineFilterhead462
Psychonaut
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Registered: 06/11/13
Posts: 507
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
First signs of ego death
    #21773010 - 06/07/15 06:52 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Is anyone able to recognise the first signs of ego death or out of body, what are they for you subjectively
For myself I can feel my body become like a lifeless brick, I begin to feel extremely stiff (imagine a spider when you spray bug spray at it) at this point I let go of all control and just observe the process in which is taking place which usually involves my body automatically rolling into the foetal position which triggers its start.
The process is beginning to end when my body leaves the foetal position (this happens automatically without my control)


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Offlinebarefootwizard
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Registered: 03/02/15
Posts: 37
Loc: Wellington Region NZ
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Re: First signs of ego death [Re: Filterhead462]
    #21773038 - 06/07/15 07:05 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

For me, its when the barrier seems to break down between 'self' and 'other'. When i touch a blade of grass or something, and cant tell where it begins and my fingertips end, i know im starting to lose connection with my ego. Then i like to close my eyes, lie back and let it take me over....


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“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” - Alan Watts


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OfflineAldebaran
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Registered: 11/26/09
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Re: First signs of ego death [Re: barefootwizard]
    #21774225 - 06/07/15 02:01 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Looking through some old trip journals to answer this....

1) The first sign for me is when the trip is getting really strong, a bit like being in a room filling with water and realizing that it's not going to stop before it reaches the ceiling. Like the trip is 'closing in' - something that is overtaking me. "I feel it building within me". A kind of madness that builds and builds, a physical feeling of heaviness, nausea, immense pressure building up.

A strange quote from one of my journals:

Quote:

This come in waves. It feels like an onset, an illness, a sign of death, joyful, unnecessary, here, there, overpowering and loving and trying too hard and looming in the foreground.




2) The second aspect is a general fragmenting of my consciousness, like it's becoming discontinuous. I'm tangled up in my thoughts like normal but there is a real sense of a loss of reality slowly building:

Quote:

This is spooky...like your own consciousness just disappears and reappears somewhere else. Like it's not continuous. Like it loops. Like it's on a tape. Playing yourself. You are on a loop. Playing the tape creates the consciousness that remembers to play the tape....




3) There's a looming impression that there is something beyond myself within the trip. This can seem like God, or something malevolent / alien "All I can tell you is that I see something down here and I am frightened", or just the general impression of an external power behind the trip

Quote:

CEV? Fucking CEV? It's in front of my eyes. It's behind the walls. It is dose dependent. It does vary amongst strains or names. It is one thing. You do not have to name it because it is within you.




Finally these three elements combine and I start to feel like the trip is becoming overpowering, my consciousness is starting to slip away from being something unified and coherent, and I'm being drawn into this 'otherness' within the trip.

Quote:

I need to sleep. I need to wake up. I need to merge or become. Maybe all I need is to close my eyes




Quote:

I have to fall into this, or against this, because there is nothing else




At that point I'd sit with my head forward and just try to merge with the trip that is taking me over; the "ego death" would be the sense of my consciousness merging with this external presence, my personal identity evaporating like "throwing fuel into the engine of creation".

For me it's something transcendent but fairly brief, followed by the sense of coming back / waking up in a state of total rapture, then the trip becoming more manic and delusional as I try to make sense of it.

***

In reality it's a bit more incoherent and variable. In some trips I feel like there's a core of self-consciousness that the trip cannot take away (so it's not ego death) whilst in others there is just no getting away from it - I am swept away by the rising tide of the trip and I lose my sense of self. Often it does feel like death, either that I'm literally dying or that the trip is a kind of vision of death and the CEV are part of some kind of afterlife / netherworld.

In one of my notebooks I ask myself

Quote:

Do I have to fall asleep within myself and wake up again? How does this go?




And somewhere else there's a comment that "You wait for death like waiting for a bus". :lol:


--------------------
I wrote that, but I meant something else


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Invisiblepaperbackwriter
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Registered: 03/31/14
Posts: 1,888
Re: First signs of ego death [Re: Aldebaran]
    #21774315 - 06/07/15 02:18 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

My last ego death experience consisted of spending an hour debating the pros and cons of throwing out half a cup of tea.

Ego dissolution for me is like melting into everything.  Ego death is being an adult and putting my responsibilities first.

Of course it's possible I have no idea what I'm talking about.


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Why should we strive with cynic frown
To knock their fairy castles down?  ~ Eliza Cook

It's rather embarrassing to have given one's entire life to pondering the human predicament and to find that in the end one has little more to say than, 'Try to be a little kinder.' ~Aldous Huxley


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OfflineEgo Trip
acid


Registered: 10/23/14
Posts: 563
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
Re: First signs of ego death [Re: paperbackwriter]
    #21774763 - 06/07/15 03:56 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Ego death is a spiritual experience. Personally I start thinking about evolution, that's when I know i'm losing my ego.


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Offlinesaenchai
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Registered: 10/05/14
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Re: First signs of ego death *DELETED* [Re: Ego Trip]
    #21775462 - 06/07/15 06:52 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

.


Edited by saenchai (06/12/15 05:58 AM)


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OfflinePrimalSoup
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Re: First signs of ego death [Re: saenchai]
    #21775557 - 06/07/15 07:11 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

++ to Aldebaran - I have similar journal quotes.

As to the signs, I'm going with the fracturing of consciousness.  Sometimes its a flickering, sometimes there's outright cutting and pasting of timestream events, but eventually it becomes impossible to maintain any type of ego-narrative, and that's when it vanishes utterly...leaving...well, ya know, what really's there all the time anyway. :thumbup:

If at that point you can let it go completely you're golden.  If you try to fight it any way you remain lost in the dream...  What I mean of course is that there's a way out of this ordinary linear consciousness, but it's all lateral and involves a serious leap of faith that nothing is lost by surrendering.  Can it be integrated?  Not really. :shrug:


--------------------

if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat you
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OfflineLiquidVisions
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Re: First signs of ego death [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #21776156 - 06/07/15 09:21 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

For me there is something in my mind that tells me "STOP DOING DRUGS!" STOP FUCKING DOING DRUGS!"(I believe this is my egos last words) and in those few moments I feel as if im going insane....but after that passes I am in pure bliss and then the deep thoughts about every single thing in existence come in. Its like being one with the world but looking at it from an outsiders point of view at the same time.


--------------------
Step 1: Stare at this for 30 seconds

Step 2: Look at this after following step one

Step 3: Enjoy the mini trip :trippinbawelz:


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OfflineRepent
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Registered: 06/05/15
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Re: First signs of ego death [Re: LiquidVisions]
    #21776242 - 06/07/15 09:37 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Ego death came to me first as a really pleasant surprise. My ego was so damaged and full of pain, that stepping aside from it. The ego just shut off and it got a break. (Highly recommend this if you have the chance) I was just left with my spirit. I could then evaluate my body from a 3rd party perspective, and being outside my ego, I could evaluate my ego from a 3rd party perspective.

My spirit came to the conclusion that my ego was damaged almost to the point of no repair. So I felt I had two choices, let it go and 'die' and carry on to a new existence or form, or return to life and find a way to heal the ego. I chose the latter.

I've since have had many ego death experiences and trust me the ego enjoys to pause, where it's narrative gets to stop for awhile.


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