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EternalCowabunga
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I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense
#21767772 - 06/05/15 09:32 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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What is the nature of mystery? I once had an ego-loss experience on psilocybin mushrooms where my ego died and I came face to face with the mystery. It was ineffable, unspeakable, and wholey other. It was shocking, amazing, blissful and mindblowing.
Years later I experienced a different kind of mystery, while totally sober. I got to experience seeing a new friend turn into an angel, then a demon, then back to human. I did not grow up in a religious background, so it was a mystery why I would see those archetypes. But it wasn't really a mystery, it was rather obvious, that I was seeing the limit of this reality. This reality ends where pain and pleasure ends. It seems to me that this whole reality we are in is based on the opposing poles of pain and pleasure.
Let me speak more about this. I had met this new friend from the shroomery, and every time I spent some time with him my third eye would open a little bit more. I started having experiences of bliss, terror, unbearable compassion and also strange mystical events. One night I was hanging out at his apartment when we were talking, what we were talking about I don't remember, when he morphed into an angelic being. He did not have a halo or wings but there was a goldish aura around him and he became incredibly serene and beautiful, his eyes full of love.
Next, he transformed again, this time his eyes went completely black, like they had rolled into his head but instead of all white it was all black. His face was like that of a demon, kind of like the girl from the exorcist, very rigid and cold and a spirit starting coming towards me from his face. I was completely terrified and began to scream and then he morphed back into his human self and patted me on the leg and said "it's okay, it's okay."
It was only a few weeks later, after having very strange experiences, which I won't go into totally but suffice to say I was hallucinating (seeing versions of myself standing outside myself) or having a woman become incredibly sexually aroused over the phone which was not my intention it was a phone call about returning to school and she was continually making loud sexual moaning noises, having my family and friends speaking subliminal shit to me like that I was avoiding the light..
a few weeks later I was diagnosed with schizohrenia and they said I had experienced a break from reality.
Now what makes me curious is, if this is really a so called break from reality - is schizophrenia the opposite of that mystery I experienced on mushrooms?
Afterall, psychotic episodes can be blissful at first but then usually become terrified. How to connect these two things?
And what I've thought about is.. maybe schizophrenia is the opposite of mystery - maybe it's the ultimate truth. Maybe ultimate truth is found in schizophrenia. A lot of psychedelic users report experiencing heaven or hell while on a trip. So it could look like this:
Mystery/Schizophrenia = Reality
And then Reality = Pain/Pleasure
So I saw my friend turn into an angel and a demom because that's the limit of reality before you fully enter "schizophrenia" which really just means that it is a kind of answer to the mystery. Then you have the mystery, where you don't fully experience heaven or hell, which is this world. The mystery is a safe place to be like a dream - nothing can seriously happen to you in a dream.
So the biblical god and satan do exist. Now I don't know a lot about the bible. There are schizophrenics who have read the bible thousands of times and have come to understand all kinds of codes and metaphors and insights into the spirit world. I don't know all that. It could be legit or it could be totally wacked out. But sometimes when I smoke weed I'll come to understand that Satan is coming to get me, if not in this world then the next. He is letting me off the hook for now but the longer I delay going to see him for my check-up, the worse I can expect my pain to be.
My understanding of the spiritual world is this:
if you enter the mystery completely, your life here ends. When your life ends, there is most likely a being that reads out all your sins and good deeds, and you will be punished for your sins accordingly. Taking psychedelics gives you a shortcut so you can shave off some of that karma while you are still here. So to pass THROUGH the mystery takes you into reality again. The goal is to stay in the mystery as long as possible because it is safe there.
Also, the spiritual world exists right now and has it's influence over the material world. The collective karma is something that is happening right now and it involves a spirit of darkness spreading through the world until it will either take over completely or be balanced out by good. A lot of schizophrenics know that this world is getting darker, evil in the media and entertainment industry is growing, people live in fear of their leaders and willingly submit, nobody has the heart or courage to fight this growing monster. Culture has become satanic. We live like kings, and eventually even like gods...
The illuminati is proof of this darkness. They are demons let loose in this world and come to end the mystery. The goal is to bring the bible into full realization. They want a real end-days and everyone being marked with the mark of the beast. Many schizophrenics know this and will experience being followed by illuminati, being attacked psychically and feeling the energy of technology. At the end, if they are sucessful, they will have hell on earth and total darkness.
I don't know what the answer to this problem is, maybe we have to do more psychedelics and research things like orgonite energy and living off the grid, changing society from the inside and destroying the institutions of power we currently uphold with our cooperation for the demons.
I pray that my soul is safe and that your soul is safe as well.
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Edited by EternalCowabunga (06/05/15 09:37 PM)
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: EternalCowabunga]
#21767816 - 06/05/15 09:44 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I am contemplating deleting this thread because I am concerned that it may contain bad vibes. Please lend an opinion?
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DividedQuantum
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: EternalCowabunga] 1
#21767825 - 06/05/15 09:46 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Very interesting.
Perhaps chemically imbalanced souls -- those with mania, schizophrenia, clinical depression, acute psychosis, etc. -- get taken out of consensus reality (i.e. normal awareness) to a sufficient degree that they are able to see, with their altered perceptions, how truly limited it is and how extraordinary alternative realities can be. Perhaps this sort of phenomenon is what enables so many of them to have creative gifts and visionary perspectives.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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lessismore
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: DividedQuantum]
#21767870 - 06/05/15 09:57 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
DividedQuantum said: Very interesting.
Perhaps chemically imbalanced souls -- those with mania, schizophrenia, clinical depression, acute psychosis, etc. -- get taken out of consensus reality (i.e. normal awareness) to a sufficient degree that they are able to see, with their altered perceptions, how truly limited it is and how extraordinary alternative realities can be. Perhaps this sort of phenomenon is what enables so many of them to have creative gifts and visionary perspectives.
Here's an alternate view, there's no chemical imbalances
Only bad states of mind
What produces bad states of mind? spirits/entities
If you have good in your life, you have good spirits in your life If you have only bad stuff in your life , you have bad spirits in your life
Spirits can possess people and talk through people
(but that's the shaman fairytale, maybe our modern science is right about it all)
Entities can bring people gifts from the other side, because at the other side there are no limits So often people who are possessed will have great creative ability, be sexurally overactive With your sexuality you can spread the negative spirits, and with self harm - or negative thoughts
With good actions you can spread positive spirit
All is spirit after all, there is no such thing as bodies or humans or brains
Spirit makes the body
(or so I heard)
What you really need to look at is who you attract into your life, is it good or bad people? Does it make your life happier? Do your actions make other people's lives happier?
Else you could have a negative entity attachment
Call them demons, or negative entities - they change people's thoughts A shaman is nature's psychocoach , not using pills
Almost all entities will bring people to not accept themselves, so they have overactive sexuality to overcompensate, or change clothes to compensate, have very negative thoughts of self harm / anger at others (they project their nonacceptance onto others) etc.
All this could probably be fit to modern psychology, it usually has a modern psychology equivalent that ensures the patient gets a pill ;-)
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Kurt
Thinker, blinker, writer, typer.

Registered: 11/26/14
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: EternalCowabunga]
#21767917 - 06/05/15 10:13 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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The Wisdom of Silenus (a fragment from Aristotle):
"They say that Midas, after hunting, asked his captive Silenus somewhat urgently, what was the most desirable thing among humankind. At first he could offer no response, and was obstinately silent. At length, when Midas would not stop plaguing him, he erupted with these words, though very unwillingly: ‘you, seed of an evil genius and precarious offspring of hard fortune, whose life is but for a day, why do you compel me to tell you those things of which it is better you should remain ignorant? For he lives with the least worry who knows not his misfortune; but for humans, the best for them is not to be born at all, not to partake of nature’s excellence; not to be is best, for both sexes. This should our choice, if choice we have; and the next to this is, when we are born, to die as soon as we can."
E.C, it can help to look to nature to find a balance. Off grid living is a good way to go. Maybe after spending time up there you could come out of the mountains into the valley.
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MarkostheGnostic
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: EternalCowabunga]
#21768340 - 06/06/15 12:10 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Does this clarify anything?
"The madman is ... confused. He muddles ego with self, inner with outer, natural and supernatural. Nevertheless, he often can be to us, even through his profound wretchedness and disintegration, the hierophant of the sacred. An exile from the scene of being as we know it, he is an alien, a stranger, signalling to us from the void in which he is foundering. This void may be peopled by presences that we do not even dream of. They used to be called demons and spirits, that were known and named. He has lost his sense of self, his feelings, his place in the world as we know it. He tells us he is dead. But we are distracted from our cozy security by this mad ghost that haunts us with his visions and voices that seem so senseless and of which we feel impelled to rid him, cleanse him, cure him." R. D. LAING, "Transcendental Experience in Relation to Religion and Psychosis", The Psychedelic Review, 1964
And...
http://laingsociety.org/biblio/transexperience.laing.htm
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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circastes
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
#21768873 - 06/06/15 03:48 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Your schizophrenia sounds pretty cool. Mine was just a blurry evil nightmare.
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: circastes]
#21769472 - 06/06/15 08:55 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Muddling ego with self is usually a projection thing
So you project your frustration onto other people
You project your hate onto other people
You project your fear onto other people , now they are demons
You project your lack of selfacceptance onto others, now you think they hate you/won't accept you/talk about you
etc. And maybe there is more to it
But it seems schizophrenic is maybe more than this
The ego is more than capable of making real world hallucinations, in fact most of society is living in one. When you identify yourself as your thoughts, you're living in an illusion.
The difference is, that some people know they create the illusion of self themselves and some don't know...
The more thoughts, the more hallucinations it seems , the more fear, the more hallucinations it amplifies itself
Suddenly death anxiety, people conspiring against you, people are demons, people are envious of your good looks etc.
The ego is the disease of most of humanity, schizophrenic could be an underdeveloped ego of some kind. Not fully satisfied with the self due to unpleasant childhood, so you project, the ego takes control - instead of you controlling it. Now your thoughts control you.
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lessismore
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: lessismore]
#21769554 - 06/06/15 09:19 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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And to me projection is very obvious in daily life, we all project, all of our lives
All it takes, is not being satisfied with our own life currently, then we hate on others.
But I also believe there may be a spiritual cause for mental illness , and society's mental illness (because society is not healthy by far) - people are so far from their soul they can hardly remember it.
Why is it rare to be connected to ones soul in our society? (to be in control of thoughts and actions, be joyful)
Only due to stress? , I definitely believe there could be more causes than that, but stress is a major cause too
Nature always helps..
I have seen so many depressed people hallucinate, due to ego projection, it's more normal than anything to people in that state... and they can't see it before they get healthy again
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yeah


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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: EternalCowabunga]
#21769664 - 06/06/15 09:49 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I've read a lot of your posts. I remember you telling those stories and the one where you were at a rave and being pushed around by some force.
if you wanna chat on skype I can tell you a lot of what I think but the long and short is that mental illness is a state of imbalance.
I can tell you more of what I think about the illuminati and what I mean by 'imbalance' but I'd rather chat about it than write it all out
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lessismore
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: yeah]
#21769729 - 06/06/15 10:04 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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@OP
Schizophrenia has a few similarities but also seems to be opposite in a few ways The schizophrenic person often becomes careless about themselves, they get obsessed about their fantasy world, they may think all the time
There is nothing wrong with thinking, as long as it is balanced out by action
I don't think we came here just to think, but to actually live
The thing I notice with schizos is the weird thoughts and all the thoughts - thoughts all the time It can be very unpleasant to be around them , because they got so many thoughts
I often feel bad around them, for some reason
Probably because they got an idea, and then 1min later they got 2 new ideas, and 5 mins later they got an idea for an invention, and 5 mins later they see spirits / hear voices
Schizos have a break with "this reality" it seems Mystery is a spiritual overlay to this reality, but still grounded in this reality
The schizo often has lost all grounding, all in the head, thoughts all the time
(yes I know it is not too friendly said... dont think it can be said more friendly)
Taking more drugs when ungrounded in reality, would be very unwise...
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DividedQuantum
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: yeah]
#21771443 - 06/06/15 06:37 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
yeah said: the long and short is that mental illness is a state of imbalance
This^^ is the truth. Psychotic mania -- for example -- comes about as a result of an imbalance in certain neurotransmitters. One gets high on oneself. We know that now, I don't know why people who have never even come into contact with mental illness keep going on and on about it around these boards like they have a fucking clue. Now, as to the conscious states it generates, that is quite subjective. But the generic causes are pretty well established. yeah is totally right.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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lessismore
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: DividedQuantum]
#21771458 - 06/06/15 06:46 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
DividedQuantum said:
Quote:
yeah said: the long and short is that mental illness is a state of imbalance
This^^ is the truth. Psychotic mania -- for example -- comes about as a result of an imbalance in certain neurotransmitters. One gets high on oneself. We know that now, I don't know why people who have never even come into contact with mental illness keep going on and on about it around these boards like they have a fucking clue. Now, as to the conscious states it generates, that is quite subjective. But the generic causes are pretty well established. yeah is totally right.
If you know the truth, you know more than any psychiatrist and psychologist today!
They admit they dont know what constitutes mental illness
Mental illness is exactly what you define it to be!
They have no clue really, but they define rules for it - thats the DSM DSM has been proved over and over to be fake, watch youtube
Does that mean psychologists are quacks? - psychiatrists etc? Well I suppose they can still help people, but I wouldn't count on their pills for it - since they don't know what mental illness is, you will just get a chemical lobotomy..
You claim you know, but you don't know. Watch "dsm fake" on youtube, proven over and over again. Nobody does anything about it, because we have no treatment for people with mental illness So better take "the treatment we got" , even if it means locking them away in asylums like in the old days and electrochock - it will sure help
Then the common man doesn't have to look at them
Chemical imbalances were invented, and you are seemingly perpetuating the lie. There's no evidence for it, it was invented in the DSM to make it look scientific. You can say it "looks like chemical imbalances" but we haven't proved it
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DividedQuantum
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: lessismore]
#21771472 - 06/06/15 06:49 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Like I said -- have you ever personally had direct experience with mental illness? A family member? Yourself? I've heard from many, many people that prescribed medications have saved their lives. Are they full of shit too?
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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MarkostheGnostic
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: circastes]
#21771485 - 06/06/15 06:53 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I recommend R.D. Laing for one who sympathized with and understood more than the average sympathetic psychiatrist. You might consider reading The Divided Self wherein Laing 'translates' the otherwise incoherent rantings of a psychotic who is merely demonstrating his indignation at being trotted out in front of a medical ampitheatre as if he was a side-show freak in Kraepelin's writings at the turn of the last century.
There are some good comments here -> http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/496585.The_Divided_Self and inexpensive copies here -> http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0140135375/ref=sr_1_1_twi_1_pap_olp?ie=UTF8&qid=1433638323&sr=8-1&keywords=the+divided+self%2C+laing I didn't see it on-line for free.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: lessismore]
#21771488 - 06/06/15 06:54 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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To prove mental illness is about chemical imbalances you would be able to sort all sorts of mental illness just with a pill
But it seems that is not the case, most people do not get cured
So they are just perpetuating a lie, "the chemical imbalances", "the not nurtured in childhood" etc etc.
They got very little clue unfortunately, they are not nowhere near solving mental illness But at least some psychiatrists will admit to this!
There are also others that think they know all, here's a pill for you
(btw I know maybe 5-7 with mental illness, none of them get cured by pills - mainly schizophrenia and bipolar all of them , none are cured)
But It is certainly tempting to believe the state knows all, the gov knows all, and we know the mind fully. Very comforting. Unfortunately I cannot trust "science" just for its comfort.
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DividedQuantum
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: lessismore]
#21771521 - 06/06/15 07:03 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Yeah you don't cure an amputated leg, either, you put on a prosthetic. They are lifelong, genetically induced brain abnormalities. A cure would be a long way in the future. For now we have treatments. Your argument that they are totally worthless to all concerned is patent nonsense. I have no further interest corresponding with you. Sometimes in life we have to make compromises.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: lessismore]
#21771531 - 06/06/15 07:05 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I didn't say they are worthless. But you believe they are GOLD.
Maybe we need much more than pills, like a psychologist? - maybe that is worth 10x more in many cases?
Pills are not everything, that's what I say
You seem to make pills everything, they "cured everyone you know", "they know the truth"
I'm rejecting to that And I KNOW we don't know the truth of matters. You claimed we know the truth
In other scientific fields they stay a lot more humble than in the "mental illness field" often, because they do not approve their hypothesis if it fails. Not the case with DSM-IV
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DividedQuantum
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: lessismore]
#21771537 - 06/06/15 07:07 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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What is this bullshit? You're putting quotes around things I didn't say. And you're making statements about my views which are false. Knock it off.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Re: I am schizophrenic and this makes little sense [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
#21771566 - 06/06/15 07:14 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
MarkostheGnostic said: I recommend R.D. Laing for one who sympathized with and understood more than the average sympathetic psychiatrist. You might consider reading The Divided Self wherein Laing 'translates' the otherwise incoherent rantings of a psychotic who is merely demonstrating his indignation at being trotted out in front of a medical ampitheatre as if he was a side-show freak in Kraepelin's writings at the turn of the last century.
There are some good comments here -> http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/496585.The_Divided_Self ; and inexpensive copies here -> http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0140135375/ref=sr_1_1_twi_1_pap_olp?ie=UTF8&qid=1433638323&sr=8-1&keywords=the+divided+self%2C+laing ; I didn't see it on-line for free. 
Psychosis can be very real, and sure it might be partly due to chemical imbalances
We might learn a lot about the mind if we could read a text transcript of a psychotics rantings :-)
But saying it is only chemical imbalances, that's naive - unfortunately our "modern science" is doing just that very often
And then it gets perpetuated in newspapers, take a pill and you get cured
Psychosis is much more complex than that, it is often in conjunction with addiction i.e.
So psychosis could just be daily use of weed with an unstable ego. Taking pills might not do it all if you keep smoking. With an unstable self you will keep getting psychosis even if you take pills + smoke weed
It could be an unstable ego that projects hallucinations, and unstable ego is about much more than chemicals. Childhood, current life situation, friend situation etc.
It must actually be hard to see who is psychotic and just on drugs, and who is psychotic or just having a life crisis.
Might try those links later
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