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Bigfeely123
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Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 2,594
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Revisiting my bad trip in a different light. 1
#21765620 - 06/05/15 12:00 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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During part of my trip last night I started to have clear memories come back from a bad mushroom trip that I had months ago. I wasn't experiencing the same sheer terror but it was basically like me going over in my head the bad trip in a different light trying to figure out what went wrong & how it happened.
During my bad trip it was a brutal struggle between my fight or flight instincts & my ego. There was a part in the bad trip where I had this horrible, overwhelming feeling that I had done something terribly wrong to my family members. Like some kind of shameful, humiliating act that could not be forgiven so I needed to run away from it & leave them with all the blame. It was as if I had screwed them over in some kind of way so bad that there was no repairing what I had done so I had to run away from the problem because of guilt. I remember contemplating in my head what I wanted to say to them one last time before they ever saw me again & then running outside & then thinking No, I can't do this to them. I can't be that guy that all my life I would never become.
Another very crushing thing that happened that I fully realize now was that during a certain part of the bad trip my fight or flight instincts & ego totally surrendered to everything & I physically laid down to die/be killed so I didn't have to take the torture anymore.
I am glad that my trip last night made to see my bad trip in a different light. I feel like I have learned so much over a fairly short period of time. Mushrooms are so intertwined with every fiber & being in your mind/person it is truly incredible. I also realize how serious & overwhelmingly powerful your "fight or flight" instincts can be.
I strive to be a better person in this world. I hope that I truly am a good person. I don't want to let my loved ones or other people down. I want to thank everyone on the shroomery who has made me laugh, made me feel happy, or helped me in some way that brightened up my day. I think about the shroomery sometimes when I am tripping & wonder what you guys are up to. In a way I sort of consider yall my friends. I hope everyone has an amazing day, I hope all of you guys & gals are doing what makes you happy.
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Jeff Vader
Ineffable



Registered: 08/08/14
Posts: 427
Loc: South Africa
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
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Re: Revisiting my bad trip in a different light. [Re: Bigfeely123]
#21765809 - 06/05/15 12:51 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Nice one! Took me many years to realise there is no such thing as a "bad trip". What constitutes a bad trip is refusing or not being ready to acknowledge the thoughts or feelings brought up during the trip.
That said some "bad trips" can be overwhelming, intensely personal and painful at the time. I try my best to let go and let the trip take me were it wants to go. In time when I am ready, I have a moment of clarity of a past trip. Freakin rocking stuff!
Awesome report bro.
--------------------
“With four hundred milligrams of moksha-medicine in their bloodstreams, even beginners can catch a glimpse of the world as it looks to someone who has been liberated from his bondage to the ego.”
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Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe



Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,323
Loc: Altered States of Europe
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Re: Revisiting my bad trip in a different light. [Re: Bigfeely123]
#21774493 - 06/07/15 02:53 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Another very crushing thing that happened that I fully realize now was that during a certain part of the bad trip my fight or flight instincts & ego totally surrendered to everything & I physically laid down to die/be killed so I didn't have to take the torture anymore.
Nice post
I think this kind of trip, where feelings of shame / guilt / wrongness build up into something that feels overwhelming....is just an aspect of tripping. I find it helps to accept these feelings, then they become something transitory....like a weather system that moves away. You don't need to do anything, you can't change the past...you just accept things as they are, then 5 minutes later you realize that it's just the trip fucking with you...testing your weak spots.
It's the same thing with the feeling of overwhelming torture...the best thing is to lie down and accept it, it can soon change into feelings of euphoria, power - the same thing that's crushing you becomes part of you, something positive.
And don't forget to laugh when you're tripping - I had a very uneasy trip where I felt really guilty and wrong; at some point I had a kind of vision of being surrounded by police, and a miserable police dog whose body had been turned into a corkscrew shape within my visuals....I couldn't take the trip seriously after that, everything lightened up and the trip became more fun and relaxed.
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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Bigfeely123
Stranger

Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 2,594
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Re: Revisiting my bad trip in a different light. [Re: Aldebaran]
#21774614 - 06/07/15 03:23 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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@Jeff Vader, thanks man. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. I made a trip report of the trip I am speaking of a while back, like a couple days after the trip happened. (late February.)
@Aldebaran, "you just accept things as they are, then 5 minutes later you realize that it's just the trip fucking with you...testing your weak spots."
Unfortunately at the time of it happening I couldn't figure that out or realize this, even after reading multiple times of what to do in case of a bad trip. Basically all of the advice I had read went totally out the window. I think now that I have had this experience, in the future if I am ever confronted with these feelings again during a trip I will react a lot differently.
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