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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? * 1
    #21759757 - 06/03/15 11:20 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

1. I was semi-stoned.
2. I was on my front porch eating blue crabs with my boyfriend, who was already asking me for a BJ after the meal.
3. My bra strap was cutting into my shoulders. I was wearing a Nike sports bra- medium activity.
4. The shells from the blue crabs paper cut my hands and the seasoning was stinging the cuts pretty good.
5. Boyfriend dumps beer on my hands to rinse the cuts- Thanks, nigga, now I have beer all over my porch and the yellow jackets are hovering around.
6. My phone rings, he reaches over to pick it up to hand it to me... with no napkins and crab gut hands.. Thanks, a-hole.
7. While my BF hands me the phone, I start on a cursing tirade about who could be calling..... Looked at the number and it was by boss.. he heard.
8. While all this is happening... a brown chicken calmly struts across my front lawn, picking up crab bits that we had flung off our hands.

While all this is happening... a brown chicken calmly struts across my front lawn, picking up crab bits that we had flung off our hands.


While all this is happening... a brown chicken calmly struts across my front lawn, picking up crab bits that we had flung off our hands.


While all this is happening... a brown chicken calmly struts across my front lawn, picking up crab bits that we had flung off our hands.


WTF?

I then learned that my neighbor raised chickens. I picked up the chicken and returned it to the neighbor.


FML.....


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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OfflineSupachopped719
Stranger
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/16/13
Posts: 3,311
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Macey Howard] * 1
    #21759807 - 06/03/15 11:35 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

You had open wounds on your hands and picked up a dirty ass yard chicken.

Go to the doctor tomorrow and tell him that so you can get some anti-biotics. You don't wanna lose your hands like Zombi3f33t is gonna lose his feet.


--------------------
Real Eyes Realize Real Lies.


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OfflineAngel_Above
Nobody
Male

Registered: 09/25/08
Posts: 5,348
Last seen: 5 months, 22 days
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21759819 - 06/03/15 11:38 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Macey your posts are golden haha. Honestly before your most recent resurgence, had no idea what a quality poster you were.

That's so funny. It's honestly like a movie scene, just one thing after another and then.... a random chicken


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Offlinemusiclover420
psychonaut
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/06/12
Posts: 19,563
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Angel_Above]
    #21759855 - 06/03/15 11:51 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

:whathesaid:

Nice numbering of each part off the story too :lol:

Your boyfriend sounds like a real gentleman :rolleyes:


--------------------
Don't worry about me, I've got all that I need. And I'm singing my song to the sky

You know how it feels, With the breeze of the sun in your eyes. Not minding that time's passing by

I've got all and more, My smile, just as before. Is all that I carry with me

I talk to myself, I need nobody else. I'm lost and I'm mine, yes I'm free



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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21759901 - 06/04/15 12:17 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

we have two chickens living on our front yard man. they showed up out of nowhere, i am guessing some neighbors down the street must have moved and they left these little critters hanging. anyway that was maybe about 4 years ago?.., they've been living on our front yard in some bushes and a tree, since then. we pretty much took them in and they get fed regularly and drink out of our dogs bowl of water. they some wild ones tho man, think about it, 4 years pretty much out on their own, through harsh winds and cold temperatures, those mofos be living in trees n shit now, they're like how original chickens used to live.

they're pretty neat, i enjoy having them around.


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,471
Last seen: 20 hours, 1 minute
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21760094 - 06/04/15 02:21 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Make tacos


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #21760109 - 06/04/15 02:33 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Did he at least get that Bj


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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InvisibleDemonic_Chronic
The Plague Doctress
Trans-female


Registered: 08/10/08
Posts: 4,199
Loc: PNW Flag
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21760114 - 06/04/15 02:35 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
Did he at least get that Bj




DC


--------------------
The Real violence, the violence that I realized was unforgiveable
Is the violence that we do to ourselves
When we are too afraid to be, who we really are.


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21760270 - 06/04/15 04:25 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
Did he at least get that Bj




Hell no!

Would you want a crab seasoned lipped woman blowing your meat stick and leaving it smelling like old bay seasoning and old English 800? With the possibility of giving you chicken dix disease?


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: zZZz]
    #21760276 - 06/04/15 04:27 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

zZZz said:
we have two chickens living on our front yard man. they showed up out of nowhere, i am guessing some neighbors down the street must have moved and they left these little critters hanging. anyway that was maybe about 4 years ago?.., they've been living on our front yard in some bushes and a tree, since then. we pretty much took them in and they get fed regularly and drink out of our dogs bowl of water. they some wild ones tho man, think about it, 4 years pretty much out on their own, through harsh winds and cold temperatures, those mofos be living in trees n shit now, they're like how original chickens used to live.

they're pretty neat, i enjoy having them around.




I guess at some point chickens were actually wild animals and lived on their own- or still do naturally in some places. I didn't know a chicken could get up in the trees.


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21760282 - 06/04/15 04:30 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Macey Howard said:
Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
Did he at least get that Bj




Hell no!

Would you want a crab seasoned lipped woman blowing your meat stick and leaving it smelling like old bay seasoning and old English 800? With the possibility of giving you chicken dix disease?



God that sounds like the most ghetto meal :lol: and yes. Yes I would


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: musiclover420]
    #21760283 - 06/04/15 04:30 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

musiclover420 said:
:whathesaid:

Nice numbering of each part off the story too :lol:

Your boyfriend sounds like a real gentleman :rolleyes:




Aww thanks, he is a nice guy, but his punk ads was scared to pick up the chicken. I'm all paranoid now thanks to Supachopper... has me thinking I got chicken aids or something


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Angel_Above]
    #21760288 - 06/04/15 04:32 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Angel_Above said:
Macey your posts are golden haha. Honestly before your most recent resurgence, had no idea what a quality poster you were.

That's so funny. It's honestly like a movie scene, just one thing after another and then.... a random chicken



You're so sweet! thank you very much. Hopefully I'll be around more.

Hugs to you.


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Macey Howard] * 1
    #21760290 - 06/04/15 04:33 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Macey Howard said:
Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
Did he at least get that Bj




Hell no!

Would you want a crab seasoned lipped woman blowing your meat stick and leaving it smelling like old bay seasoning and old English 800? With the possibility of giving you chicken dix disease?




Ugh man, that reminds of this Asian guy who was telling me about this date that he went on… apparently he took her to Boiling Crab (which IMO is a HORRIBLE first-date location, because it's REALLY SPICY Cajun seafood and makes you stink like garlic shit for 3 days after…

Apparently he was going down on her and fingering her at the same time, and after a few minute of that shit she started spazzing the fuck out SCREAMING because it was burning her genitals like crazy.

Yeah, I would never ever eat that shit on a date beforehand, ESPECIALLY if I KNEW I was going to fuck somebody later that night. That stuff is not till like AT LEAST 6-month relationship status. Cause y'know, that's when y'all start farting and burping around each other and pissing and shitting with the door open anyway.


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Crystal G]
    #21760345 - 06/04/15 05:08 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
Quote:

Macey Howard said:
Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
Did he at least get that Bj




Hell no!

Would you want a crab seasoned lipped woman blowing your meat stick and leaving it smelling like old bay seasoning and old English 800? With the possibility of giving you chicken dix disease?




Ugh man, that reminds of this Asian guy who was telling me about this date that he went on… apparently he took her to Boiling Crab (which IMO is a HORRIBLE first-date location, because it's REALLY SPICY Cajun seafood and makes you stink like garlic shit for 3 days after…

Apparently he was going down on her and fingering her at the same time, and after a few minute of that shit she started spazzing the fuck out SCREAMING because it was burning her genitals like crazy.

Yeah, I would never ever eat that shit on a date beforehand, ESPECIALLY if I KNEW I was going to fuck somebody later that night. That stuff is not till like AT LEAST 6-month relationship status. Cause y'know, that's when y'all start farting and burping around each other and pissing and shitting with the door open anyway.




I just pee-laughed..


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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Invisibletrippinballs420
Samall Johnson
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/17/12
Posts: 11,903
Loc: CO Flag
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21760508 - 06/04/15 07:01 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

women dont poop

or fart :snub:


--------------------
ModestMouse said:
"Much love for all of the regs here that's all I got to say
:goodnight: "

:heart:


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21760687 - 06/04/15 08:28 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Macey Howard said:
1. I was semi-stoned.
2. I was on my front porch eating blue crabs with my boyfriend, who was already asking me for a BJ after the meal.
3. My bra strap was cutting into my shoulders. I was wearing a Nike sports bra- medium activity.
4. The shells from the blue crabs paper cut my hands and the seasoning was stinging the cuts pretty good.
5. Boyfriend dumps beer on my hands to rinse the cuts- Thanks, nigga, now I have beer all over my porch and the yellow jackets are hovering around.
6. My phone rings, he reaches over to pick it up to hand it to me... with no napkins and crab gut hands.. Thanks, a-hole.
7. While my BF hands me the phone, I start on a cursing tirade about who could be calling..... Looked at the number and it was by boss.. he heard.
8. While all this is happening... a brown chicken calmly struts across my front lawn, picking up crab bits that we had flung off our hands.

While all this is happening... a brown chicken calmly struts across my front lawn, picking up crab bits that we had flung off our hands.


While all this is happening... a brown chicken calmly struts across my front lawn, picking up crab bits that we had flung off our hands.


While all this is happening... a brown chicken calmly struts across my front lawn, picking up crab bits that we had flung off our hands.


WTF?

I then learned that my neighbor raised chickens. I picked up the chicken and returned it to the neighbor.


FML.....



You need to get a bra that fits.  Everything else seems fine to me.:grin:


--------------------


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Offlinestratocast
Has Been
Male


Registered: 04/11/15
Posts: 345
Loc: ohio, U.S.
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: zappaisgod]
    #21760707 - 06/04/15 08:36 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

My neighbor had a turkey, ducks and chickens in his yard. And i live in a city. He got a permit to have them because he said his son was autistic and it was good for him. The kid seemed fine to me, and I'm sure it was just a work around because the kid literally never cared for them. I grew up in the country so it never bothered me, but some people were pissed. The turkey got out and i put it back when it was little. When it grew up, it turned alpha bird and pecked the shit out of a couple people. Lol.


--------------------


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21760944 - 06/04/15 09:48 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Macey Howard said:
While all this is happening... a brown chicken calmly struts across my front lawn, picking up crab bits that we had flung off our hands.





did you know it's legal to keep cows in the city limits of atlanta?


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Supachopped719] * 1
    #21760951 - 06/04/15 09:50 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Supachopped719 said:
You had open wounds on your hands and picked up a dirty ass yard chicken.

Go to the doctor tomorrow and tell him that so you can get some anti-biotics. You don't wanna lose your hands like Zombi3f33t is gonna lose his feet.



Yeah, because farmers never get cuts before they deal with livestock.


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InvisibleModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #21761648 - 06/04/15 01:09 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

No shit talk in the OP
my mind is blown


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?


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OfflineSupachopped719
Stranger
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/16/13
Posts: 3,311
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #21761663 - 06/04/15 01:13 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
Quote:

Supachopped719 said:
You had open wounds on your hands and picked up a dirty ass yard chicken.

Go to the doctor tomorrow and tell him that so you can get some anti-biotics. You don't wanna lose your hands like Zombi3f33t is gonna lose his feet.



Yeah, because farmers never get cuts before they deal with livestock.



Farmers typically wear gloves...


--------------------
Real Eyes Realize Real Lies.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Supachopped719]
    #21761669 - 06/04/15 01:14 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

If you say so.


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InvisibleToe_Jam
Bluefoot Bandit
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/15/10
Posts: 3,693
Loc: Around some corner... Flag
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #21761711 - 06/04/15 01:27 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

My fiance and I used to live next door to some motherfucker that had a rooster. And that shit didn't just crow early as fuck in the morning (it did do that though) but like, 7 times a day.

CAWCKOOOOOOOO!!!

Like.... Omfg.

Stfu rooster.


--------------------
God lay his finger at the Mouth of the Serpent

March 1984


A pleasing land of drowsy head it was,
Of dreams that wave before the half-shut eye,
And of gay castles in the clouds that pass,
For ever flushing round a summer sky. -Castle of Indolence


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Offlinerxb
n00b-sabot
 User Gallery


Registered: 08/24/13
Posts: 9,521
Loc: FREE PSYCHONAUTICA
Last seen: 2 hours, 34 minutes
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #21761734 - 06/04/15 01:32 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

really the issue is you need to not have bra straps ruining your otherwise good time... and if your hands get cut when you pick crap you need a a better method.

you take the crap and pull off its top shell, you do this from the bottom if its an eifel tower its a boy, a triangle its a girl... look for eggs they are delicious.

pull that tab up... and then push up on the shell, and it pops off cleanly.

pull off the lungs (deadmen)... the greyish brown fans on top.

what you should have left should look white. the area inside the body has a clearish plasticy shell... break that a bit with your thumbs... then starting with the back fins... twist... and a big lump of meat pops out.

crack the claws with a hammer with a good crack each joint you shouldnt have to get cut.

---

rinse your mouth out and give a blowjob.

---

be careful not to die of chickenaids... but you should have eaten the chicken.


--------------------
->$10 FLOW HOOD ALTERNATIVE <-

. i cleaned a mold contaminated live culture and saved it. (might have useful applications)

[quote]Enlil said:
I'd be the guy with thousands of minions doing my bidding and all of the hot women locked in a cage for my use.[/quote]


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 6 hours, 13 minutes
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: rxb]
    #21761790 - 06/04/15 01:52 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Lol.

Here it's ducks.

In the spring, they float all over the water puddles in city parks and the rivers.

Then there's a duck crossing your backyard. Go figure.


--------------------


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Patlal]
    #21763453 - 06/04/15 09:27 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
Lol.

Here it's ducks.

In the spring, they float all over the water puddles in city parks and the rivers.

Then there's a duck crossing your backyard. Go figure.



Lol
lol
Lol
lol
Lol
lol


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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Offlinebloodsheen
ChemChaplin
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 13 days
Re: motherducking chickens in my yard..... WTF?.. i really mean, W T F? [Re: Patlal]
    #21765760 - 06/05/15 12:38 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
Lol.

Here it's ducks.

In the spring, they float all over the water puddles in city parks and the rivers.

Then there's a duck crossing your backyard. Go figure.



I had a pond in my back yard years ago and ducks just lived there. I didn't really think it was weird, its not weird when you have trees and squirrels are in your yard, why would a pond be any different?

A chicken, however, is not a native bird.

One time (I swear I'm not making this up) an entire family of peacocks crossed my yard. I screamed at everyone around me to look because if they missed it they would think I was drunk and saw a particularly large robin or something


--------------------


A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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