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JustForToday
New Life, New Beginnings


Registered: 09/08/14
Posts: 3,186
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Step 10 1
#21754210 - 06/02/15 06:41 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Hi shroomery. My name is Shane, and i'm a grateful recovery alcoholic.
Well.. I'm looking over my actions this past 14 months since I been sober. And I never thought I would have made as many poor choices as I have without picking up once.
When I came to treatment April 8th of last year. My life completely changed and I was brought up out of a dark place. I never in life thought I would be living here, right now in Southern Florida next to the beach.
I heard this throughout all my journey down here.. Do the right thing, good things will happen. I stayed sober yes, but I caused resentments and wreckage along the way. I'm done putting on this front of who I want you guys to think I am. I want you to know the real me.
I am not selfish. I am not egotistical. I am not inconsiderate. I do things in my daily life that I tell nobody else. Things like doing charity for the homeless. Going to meetings i've never been before to meet newcomers and try to show them a new way of life. Leaving my phone on 24/7 with people calling me in the middle of night needing help out of bad situations.
I am not the guy I portray myself on here to be. And I'M VERY sorry for the things i've said on here. I can't KEEP fucking pissing people off because I don't want my step 9 list to grow any bigger. Shroomery is on my 4th step. Which means it will be on my 9th step.
I'm going to be honest. I was humiliated here a while back. People in OTD posted my picture all over the place when I was already so insecure about myself I wanted to commit suicide. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror back then. I lived with my parents. I had no money and I lived in a fucking trailer all my life. It hurt me alot.. more than anyone will ever know. I had my sister beating the fuck out of me everyday and my parents telling me if I hit here back, they would kick me out and I would be homeless. Drugs was my escape. I'm still so traumatize by back home that I have nightmares that i'm still there.. I think I cried myself to sleep at least once a week this year.
And I figured if I rubbed how well I doing in, it would hurt you all. Well. It just hurt me. And I've also rubbed it in to people in my real life.. And that messed up more relationships. Money does not fucking matter. I am not happy with money. I am not happy with any woman. And I am not happy because I work out. I'm trying to find happiness from within. I want that peace everyone in the program has. Lord willing I will see those days.
I don't even know what else to say. I'm just tired of fucking being fake. I'm taking everyone off ignore. Again, I'm very sorry and amends will be made. I promise..
(I just sat here for 10 minutes deciding if I should post this. Here goes nothing..)
-------------------- Hey Shae, Are you still doing that hand thing? I heard you was doing that hand thing today. Oh God what is that?!
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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shrmryhrt
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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How about you just stop with the self aggrandizement and confessionals and get on with being a normal human being living his life without making explanations or excuses. That is my advice to you, Shane.
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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I've never held anything against you. I have no idea who people are on here, regardless of whether their presence is positive or not. Just be honest with me and I won't give a shit if you're trolling, if you're having a bad day, whatever. If people are on here they should either be real or be having a laugh. I try for both.
If you want honesty, I appreciate more the posters who are harsh assholes or straight up trolling because I see so much fake shit in life that it's easy to not take positivity for face value. Anyone who comes in here on a regular basis and is always a ball of sunshine is trying too hard or they're putting up a front. Not that anyone can't be nice all the time, but we're all just human.
Anyway, don't take life so seriously.
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Bodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*


Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan
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*cough* sheekle *cough*
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JustForToday
New Life, New Beginnings


Registered: 09/08/14
Posts: 3,186
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Quote:
zappaisgod said: How about you just stop with the self aggrandizement and confessionals and get on with being a normal human being living his life without making explanations or excuses. That is my advice to you, Shane.
I've been making excuses all my life.
-------------------- Hey Shae, Are you still doing that hand thing? I heard you was doing that hand thing today. Oh God what is that?!
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Step 11. Take it
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Quote:
zappaisgod said: How about you just stop with the self aggrandizement and confessionals and get on with being a normal human being living his life without making explanations or excuses. That is my advice to you, Shane.
Same thing I told him the other day.
Honestly Shane, just do your thing, stay sober and continue to improve your mind and body.
I've got ten years on you and things from my childhood haven't gone away and I doubt they will. That's just life. Some people may be able to exit a situation and think nothing of it, others exit horrifying situations and are tormented. The things bothering you likely won't plague you forever but just remember that things will at least get softer.
I liked you as a person here when OTD humiliated you. It wasn't right. You could see it was damaging you. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I was a victim of both bullying and child abuse growing up and it hurts to see that stuff.
Just be the man you want to be. You've already come so far. And for that, again, many congratulations.
Coming back here and raging probably wasn't the best idea, but by virtue of making this post it's apparent you have the capacity to feel bad for doing bad things.
Keep trucking dude, you know how to reach me.
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enjoi-more
Stranger

Registered: 10/31/13
Posts: 129
Last seen: 30 days, 19 hours
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Yeah! Dude, you're awesome.
Stay aware of what's important to you and keep on keeping on
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koods
Ribbit



Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,059
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 6 seconds
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Lol at providing a list of the things you don't tell people you do.
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NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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Bitter Cactus
reformed bad boy


Registered: 01/26/12
Posts: 11,773
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Re: Step 10 [Re: koods]
#21754914 - 06/02/15 09:14 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Haters gonna hate hate hate hate,
shake it off, shake it off!
-------------------- Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.
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ReposadoXochipilli
Here, there, inbetween



Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 7,501
Loc: Sand and sunshine
Last seen: 19 days, 16 hours
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after 10 minutes you made the wrong choice
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Adden

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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LOL
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