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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Zombi3] * 2
    #21779917 - 06/08/15 06:04 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Zombi3 said:
Quote:

Asante said:
Its really best if you forgive this person, and yourself, and the evil that was done, before you go under the blade. Anesthesia will subconsciously take you to the spirit world, arrive there with a clear conscience.




My biggest fear of going under, is that Ill be left for hours in my subconscious, probably on ketamine (thats what they used for the fashiotomy) and while under Ill have to face my fear of this person.

Maybe it is essential I connect with her before the next surgery...




No.  No.  No.  What is essential is that you remove her from your life and consciousness.  Holy fucking shit it's over.  Find somebody else.  Move the fuck on.


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Asante]
    #21779919 - 06/08/15 06:04 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Thats not the Most High anymore, He evolved, he grew as we did.


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Asante]
    #21779925 - 06/08/15 06:05 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

And he played a mean guitar while he was on our plane.


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InvisibleZombi3
Bella Ciao!!
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Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 27,086
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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: zappaisgod]
    #21779927 - 06/08/15 06:05 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Its a long story, I dont feel like getting into details, but the wounds are reopened every summer.

I have moved on, Ive had several new girls since her. I dont harbour any wish to be back with her and have very little fond memories of her.


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: zappaisgod]
    #21779929 - 06/08/15 06:06 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

A little flick to the balls does the trick


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Zombi3]
    #21779940 - 06/08/15 06:08 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Zombi3 said:
Its a long story, I dont feel like getting into details, but the wounds are reopened every summer.

I have moved on, Ive had several new girls since her. I dont harbour any wish to be back with her and have very little fond memories of her.



Then don't fucking talk to her.  That's it.  Endo.  Fini.  She still seems to have power over you.  Stop.


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Asante]
    #21779949 - 06/08/15 06:09 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Zombi3, facing your fear... makes the fear go away. Its holding back that makes fear stick around and grow to demonic proportions. Its like a bad trip. Lying down eyes closed and gettingg ready to suffer assures the most painless way bout of that suffering.

"nothing to fear but fear itself"

You are fearing fear itself. Don't forget to forgive not just her for scaring you, you for being scared, but also the fear for being what it is.

Fear is a messenger. It needs to be reassured. You let it run amok so now its shrieking at you.

The Ketamine will be a blessing, it will enable you to further reach a resolve and will break your resistance.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Zombi3]
    #21779957 - 06/08/15 06:11 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Zombi3 said:
The one person who vexes me in particular did and said a lot of emotionally traumatizing things at a very vulnerable part of my life. Its an ex girlfriend... We split on the most heinous of terms near 4 years ago and I never forgave her for any of what she did. I never felt like she forgave me for the misdeads that were my fault. And neither of us forgave ourselves to any sort of comfortable extent. I see her aura often in my trips. Ive seen her aura in times of great struggle in my life. The day i was transferred from the regular ER to the Intensive Care Unit via ambulane, I felt her aura among others. I still find it exceedingly frightful and difficult to talk to her, even via text...



Trying to set things straight with her will only open old wounds man. Your problem is that you need to forgive yourself. Not only for whatever you did, but however she felt about you. Sometimes people say things they don't mean. Even if she did mean all of it, or whatever.. I don't really want to know. The point is that you are not only lonely but you are having a hard time retrieving your old perception of self. It's not so simple, but find a way to let it wash over you. Or maybe you just need someone that's right for you, but that's not going to happen unless you forget about her.


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InvisibleZombi3
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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Asante]
    #21779959 - 06/08/15 06:12 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Do you figure theyll use ketamine for amputation? And will I even be conscious for it? My fashiotomy surgery was roughly 45 minutes under, yet I remember only about 10 minutes total where I felt the drug...


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Offlinenwalker248
Solo Trekker
I'm a teapot


Registered: 08/22/14
Posts: 396
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Zombi3]
    #21779975 - 06/08/15 06:15 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Sorry if this has been answered, but there's too many pages here to go through. Is it definitely the DOC that you reckon caused all of this out of all those drugs?

I know I'm just an unknown but I hope for the best man. I'm sure you will still be able to skate with your toes like that, I mean by the sounds of it you've already learnt to walk again  :shrug: You'll be fine, think of it as the better tradeoff for your legs.

Stay safe man.


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Edited by nwalker248 (06/08/15 06:17 PM)


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InvisibleZombi3
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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: nwalker248]
    #21779987 - 06/08/15 06:17 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Yes the longevity of action the DOC has is what led to this. The other drugs certainly played a roll, but the DOC is the major culprit. Keep in mind I massively overdosed on it, regular doses may not have led to the same outcome..


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Invisiblememes
Blessed


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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: zappaisgod] * 1
    #21779996 - 06/08/15 06:19 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

zappaisgod said:
4 Years?  I don't mean to be a dick but you should have been over it after 4 months at most.  That's about how long it took for me after Roxy broke my heart.  Stop wallowing.





because you are the measuring stick against which everyone's actions must be judged.


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
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Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: memes]
    #21780004 - 06/08/15 06:21 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Lol roxy


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Asante]
    #21780007 - 06/08/15 06:21 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

They might, or Propofol. Doesnt really matter because all anesthetics take you "there" Something like Propofol would give more amnesia but I think they might use K if its feasible with the surgery duration because you just had a whole pharmacy flush through your bloodstream and K is the safest anesthesia.

Now I see how you got in a benzo blackout, fear is daily life for you it seems.

The relief comes from letting go of the fear and embracing what comes next. You do this by surrendering.

If you can take psychedelics like candy like you did you know a thing or two about surrendering, its the same with that fear.

I'm informed she is not evil, just a troubled soul like yourself and you went astray together.


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InvisibleZombi3
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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Asante] * 1
    #21780020 - 06/08/15 06:24 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

The amputation surgery will be roughly 2 hours. Id love it to be ketamine because that drug has always been devoid of anxiety for me.

Your words help Asante. :heart::hug:


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Asante]
    #21780071 - 06/08/15 06:31 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Gotta go, I'll catch up later :hug::heart:


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OfflineBassfreak
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Registered: 08/24/10
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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Asante]
    #21780115 - 06/08/15 06:43 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

wait, youre still having surgeries/amputations?


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InvisibleZombi3
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Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Bassfreak]
    #21780143 - 06/08/15 06:50 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Yes I will have to have toes amputated later on. The tips of my toes on the left foot are black as coal and hard as a rock. They're starting to shrivel up also. :frown:

It's on all 5 toes, but only from the tip to the nail bed. Everything from the nail bed back to the foot is alive.


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: zZZz]
    #21780148 - 06/08/15 06:51 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

zZZz said:
Lol roxy




That wasn't her real name but it was what she went by and what everybody on campus knew her as.  And everybody on campus knew her.  She was even a character in the student newspaper cartoon strip.  She did orientation (which I skipped) and had the most orange hair I ever saw in my life.  She was gorgeous and famous and she came on to me.  I fucking loved her and she was the 1 in 10 I mentioned in another forum.  She broke my fucking heart.  But not for 4 years.


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: My near death experience - Almost killed myself with irresponsible research chemical dosing. [Re: Zombi3]
    #21780154 - 06/08/15 06:52 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Zombi3 said:
Yes I will have to have toes amputated later on. The tips of my toes on the left foot are black as coal and hard as a rock. They're starting to shrivel up also. :frown:

It's on all 5 toes, but only from the tip to the nail bed. Everything from the nail bed back to the foot is alive.



This is very good news


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