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Anonymous #1
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Nude photoshoot and boundaries
#21747865 - 06/01/15 10:25 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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So a while back, I was on a break from my gf. During the break she did a nude photoshoot with a friend of hers.. I knew about the photoshoot before the break and I'm not the type to tell someone what to do so I told her I wouldn't mind. She swore that she was not going to get naked, although her friend wanted to get naked together so I knew it was going to happen regardless. And of course it did. The pics are hawt and I got to see most of them so at first I kinda just rolled my eyes and let it go. But then I got to thinking.. First off there's pictures that she won't show me because she says her friend is being too sexual and when I have asked to see them she calls me a perv ("jokingly") and suggests I just want to see her friend being pornographic. We've had a threesome with her friend and I've seen her naked plenty of times... I could really care less about seeing her stupid tramp friend naked. Wanting to see those pictures is more about the fact that other people get to see them via her friend, people that are my close friends that tbh I wouldn't want seeing my girlfriend hook up with another girl (her friend is a "model" and does naked photoshoots a lot and texts them around to lots of men in our community). But I've never been pushy about it..
Now a few months later its really starting to bother me. Some of the pictures have made it onto a secret group on facecrack where people post nudes of themselves. She spends lots of time scrolling through this group looking at naked women but if I express interest I'm a perv or a creep. Obv those are her photos to do what she wants with but i think its kind of fucked that tons of people on the internet have seen her naked with her ass in the air yet I'm a perv for wanting to be a part of the group and am even willing to participate myself (a requirement she made for me thinking I wouldn't be down).. Oh and her other justification for keeping this group from me is that her friend posts lots of nudes in it and she doesnt want me to see her friend. I know its just a Facebook group but to me it feels like she has a secret sexual life that she is not including me in, esp since there are naked pictures of her in the group.
We are in an "open relationship" so I'm not allowed to be upset about this shit. Honestly I wouldn't be upset if it were an open relationship in actuality but its not. She is allowed to touch girls and kiss them and hook up with them but if she catches me looking at another woman then I'm a bad guy (which is a fucking joke because 99% of the time she was likely staring at said girl's ass right before she noticed). She says she would never want to hook up with another guy so she vibes me for wanting to have flirtatious interactions with other women, but she's bisexual and gets sexual pleasure from women so I don't see how the fuck its wrong for me to want to be a participant in that.
This shit is confusing and makes me feel like I'm being one of those jealous overbearing douchebag boyfriends that I hate. Shroomery please hook it up with your insight.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21747884 - 06/01/15 10:34 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Your gf sounds pretty jealous to me; she's afraid that you'll run off with her model friend. If that's the case, an open relationship is not for the two of you, at least not of it's exclusively on her terms and not on yours. I wouldn't accept this and confront her with your not being happy about this. If all else fails, leave her and move on.
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21747913 - 06/01/15 10:43 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Your complaints seem reasonable to me. If she wants her nudes to be public, then you should be able to look at them. You should also be able to look at nudes of her friend if she's really okay with the whole open relationship thing. It sounds like she might be jealous herself. Maybe you should talk about this stuff indepth with her. It sorta sounds like your relationship might be flaky, so I suspect you guys might not be able to have a productive conversation about this stuff. But I'd try anyway if I were you because it definitely doesn't sound like she's being fair to you, and you might need to make that clear to her.
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MikeBearPig
Not liked.

Registered: 07/15/14
Posts: 2,319
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: Mr.GuessWork] 1
#21748380 - 06/01/15 12:56 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Hahahha
She tricked you into a open relationship then made it so she can only be open.
Sounds like she has issues anyways.. What do you see long term with her? Nothing..
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: MikeBearPig]
#21748980 - 06/01/15 03:07 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
MikeBearPig said: Hahahha
She tricked you into a open relationship then made it so she can only be open.
haahhahahahahahahahahah
this girl is brilliant!!!
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: Crystal G]
#21749346 - 06/01/15 04:39 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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I initiated the open relationship not her because she would get jealous of my friendships with other women.. Its not even really about sex for me.. We live a very social life and I just wanted to be able to be friends with other women without feeling guilty about her getting jealous. Of course it backfired because she can't comprehend that I could ever want to paint with or work with another woman without wanting to fuck her and now its 10x worse and I never see my friends.. But beside the obvious frustration that led to my OP--
What do I see in her? She is very gentle and loving. She dotes over me to the point that I go a little crazy about it.. She may have issues but I do too.. She has always been there for me thru my crazy shit.. Like an on and off mxe addiction that gets pretty gnarly sometimes and getting lost in my obsession with painting and disappearing into my own head for days on end..
I want to talk to her about how I feel about our "open relationship" but she's about to visit her parents out of state for two months (something I initiated because she couldn't find a job here and weve been spending wayyyy too much time together).. I sort of want things cleared up but at the same time things are pretty exclusive right now and I don't really want to characterize our parting by bringing these things up. Like I said I don't really care about hooking up with other women right now I just want to focus on improving myself and be able to be friends w whoever i want so this mutual exclusiveness is OK for me and I'm going to be ecstatic to focus on myself for a while. But then this will inevitably become a problem again upon her return so idk wtf to do. At least I feel less guilty about my concerns now I guess..
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21749381 - 06/01/15 04:52 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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You love her.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 14 days
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: CherryBom]
#21749682 - 06/01/15 06:13 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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You initiated an open relationship under the guise of getting her off your back about plutonic friendships?!
Thats sick dude. Thats epic level unhealthy. Get out while you still can
--------------------
A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: bloodsheen]
#21751238 - 06/02/15 01:21 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Uhm, yes, initiating an open relationship because your partner gets jealous of your friendships with other is not the right solution. A real solution would be her working on her jealousy issues. Also, it sounds like you sort of feel stuck together at least partly because of both of your problems. Stick together despite of them, not because of them. Quite frankly, your relationship with her sounds very unhealthy at this point and a source of much drama yet to come. Sorry to sound so pessimistic, bud.
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: koraks]
#21751530 - 06/02/15 05:57 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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This month long break may not end well. If she's jealous when she has control, just think about how jealous she'll be when she has no control. You shouldn't try to outsmart her jealousy. You need to man up and confront it. Right before a month long trip to her parents is probably an anti-ideal situation though, so maybe you should wait. Expect a jealousy flare up.
When talk to her about this, you should probably come totally clean so she really gets the full picture about how much this is bugging you and about how unnecessary her jealousy is. You don't really want to sleep with anybody else, and you definitely don't want to do it without your GF's involvement, so the only thing her jealousy is really doing is fucking up your friendships. Explain that to her because it's not cool and she needs to get a hold on that bullshit. You almost definitely made her more jealous by making the relationship. The open relationship increased the threat from other women. It's the wrong kind of openness for you two.
Edited by Mr.GuessWork (06/02/15 06:32 AM)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: koraks]
#21752349 - 06/02/15 11:35 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
koraks said: Uhm, yes, initiating an open relationship because your partner gets jealous of your friendships with other is not the right solution.
OK so to be fair that isn't the only reason I initiated an open relationship.. I've been in relationships for 10 years and have never been single for more than a few weeks in that time. When we broke up I wanted to explore.. At the time I wanted to be able to form meaningful friendships with other women, and I wanted the freedom to take those friendships to a sexual level if they led there. But my focus has never explicitly been to get laid. And now just the idea of having sex with someone other than my gf is probably more stressful than the actual situation would actually be enjoyable. Hence why the open relationship is just about friendships for me.
Yes I feel very stuck. We've broken up multiple times but our social lives are completely intersected.. The breakups never last very long. I love her and it's painful to be around her when we aren't together. She knows me well enough to know what parties I'm going to be at and she definitely has taken advantage of that every time we've split. She never has given me room to breathe and figure my head out without her influence. Every time we've split up it becomes the most painful and horrifying experience.. Just thinking about breaking up with her gives birth to the gnarliest anxiety.. I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO PAINT
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21752481 - 06/02/15 12:08 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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So either she needs to work on her jealousy issues or you have to break up and make sure she doesn't run into you all the time. Seems to me there's very little else you can do!
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MoxyOx
Grazin'

Registered: 10/08/10
Posts: 1,439
Loc:
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: koraks]
#21752741 - 06/02/15 01:06 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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OP, grow a pair, man. You're being swindled and played like a puppet.
-------------------- No one behind, no one ahead. The path the ancients cleared has closed. And the other path, everyone's path, easy and wide, goes nowhere. I am alone and find my way.
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 17 days
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21752765 - 06/02/15 01:14 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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so much drama. i dont know why a woman would want to be with another woman. i can only handle one period a month. id dump her
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sencar
Stranger
Registered: 05/26/15
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Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: koraks]
#21752778 - 06/02/15 01:17 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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i think you need to get away from her too. she seems selfish and it bothers you. just walk away
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JacksonMetaller
Stranger

Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: sencar]
#21755551 - 06/02/15 11:35 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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OP "breaks" are hardly a real thing. Some people surely break up and get back together naturally, but this is an incredibly synthetic situation and i doubt you will be able to maintain it. You need to call it off completely, get out of eachothers lives for a while, and then if you initiate something naturally in the future so be it. Right now the amount of jealousy is insane. You need to accept she is not your girlfriend right now, and you're not her boyfriend. Stop talking to her, stop caring about her photos, don't even look at her friends photos, and go focus on your social life and whatever comes from that. The amount of emotional healing i could accomplish after simply blocking my ex from my news feed was ridiculous. When i was still seeing all her pics however...
Edited by JacksonMetaller (06/02/15 11:36 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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Maybe you guys are right, maybe not. I'll have a lot better idea after I've spent 2 months without her though. For now I'm going to enjoy the time that we have left.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21759844 - 06/03/15 11:47 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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You can judge the situation better than we can. But do watch out for this one, because she sounds like trouble to me.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Nude photoshoot and boundaries [Re: koraks]
#21761527 - 06/04/15 12:44 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Thanks koraks I always appreciate your input
Yeah she's trouble but so am I. Our history is long and neither of us are particularly innocent. I'm happy to finally have the opportunity to do my own thing for a while.. And I have a feeling that this period of separation will give me the clarity I need to make the decision that is right for my life, whatever that may be.
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