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Anonymous #1
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Feeling disconnected to my lover and best friend at the moment..
#21736397 - 05/29/15 11:14 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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It's starting to make me really anxious and i'm literally losing sleep over this. Sometimes I just find it so difficult riding the wave in relationships.. riding that state of flux and staying level headed. We are very very much in love with each other, and have been so the past 4 years. But recently i've been taking life slowly, becoming more introverted and reserved because of my mental health issues. In my head i'm having a vacation from certain groups of people and activities that usually ground me because I need distance and these things have also given me much grief recently. But this also means i'm spending less time with my parter which means we have less to share with each other when we hang out. Like we just sit with one another and talk which is great but I don't really have much to offer in the relationship at the moment because i'm focused on sorting out my depression. It's not how I want it to be and I know my partner doesn't want this either.. We want to know and explore our lives on a deeper level. Maybe now isn't the right time.
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Envix
Avoidant Disorder



Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
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Re: Feeling disconnected to my lover and best friend at the moment.. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21742881 - 05/30/15 09:46 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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i was going through a very similar situation as you earlier. it ended with us splitting. no one wants to live with a depressed person and if one person is making the other depressed then that's just not working
-------------------- smack a hoe out this dimension continue my ascension -bhad bhabie rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b
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JacksonMetaller
Stranger

Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: Feeling disconnected to my lover and best friend at the moment.. [Re: Envix]
#21745472 - 05/31/15 04:48 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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You can't expect to always be there for your partner 100% or visa versa. I'm going through a similar issue, taking time out to focus on my mental and physical health. I'm starting to pull myself together and our relationships picking up a little. You just have to stay open and honest and communicate your needs well. If you all are really in it for the long haul these things will have to be tolerated as they're bound to happen
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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Re: Feeling disconnected to my lover and best friend at the moment.. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21745676 - 05/31/15 05:57 PM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Maybe u can bring this up to ur partner, tell her what u told us. I don't see anything bad about needing some time for urself. People get tired of being with even the people they love most, it doesn't mean they don't love them anymore.
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Hinny
The Missing Genre Link.


Registered: 01/23/10
Posts: 662
Loc:
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Re: Feeling disconnected to my lover and best friend at the moment.. [Re: zZZz]
#21747108 - 06/01/15 01:40 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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Similar situation and we have gotten into a rut. I have mental health issues too and have been unsettled since I left my job to go to a new one recently. He understands this, but says I have changed.
I also have been more introverted and unaware of this. He is in limbo.
I guess you can only talk it through, try and work at some small goals into bringing you both together. Trying not to dwell on it is hard, but so is putting on a mask.
Do small things to show you still care and are still there for your partner. Surprise them with a little teddy bear, or get their fave treats in. It's not very verbal, but shows your attention to detail which in turn shows care.
This situation is very confusing to your partner too. Keep focusing on yourself though and if your lover is understanding and patient then you will find a way.
I hope you progress well my friend
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Everything
(~} ;-}



Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 5,157
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Re: Feeling disconnected to my lover and best friend at the moment.. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21747245 - 06/01/15 03:02 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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You could both unify and break out of your built paradigms by doing activities you don't normally do. Like outdoors activites or new hobbies.
Or you could both take some space, but it sounds like you're doing that now.
I think the best thing to do is if you are in love is to both be together and communicate this to your partner and learn how to make it work. Right now by reclusing yourself you aren't doing that much good. oh yeah and my partner was going out with someone else for a while. i forgot about that.
I TOTALLY understand your situation. I am currently in a relationship with someone i have been with for i think 5 years now. I have gone through your exact same issues, except the depression was due to my partner being raped, my benzo addiction, a horrible living situation i was in, and just generally dark times for many reasons.
I'll tell ya i feel much better now and yes i did have a long break from friends, my partner, stopped doing benzos...and eventually got back on the sattle.
The important thing is if you fall 7 times get back up 8,always pick yourself back up and don't let the whole "woe is me" attitude get to you, it won't help the depression.
Communicate with your partner, try not to argue, see things from their perspective, do the best you can to make them happy constantly remind eachother why you leave eachother so much.
take your life vacation but not too long.
Edited by Everything (06/01/15 03:04 AM)
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Envix
Avoidant Disorder



Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
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Re: Feeling disconnected to my lover and best friend at the moment.. [Re: Everything]
#21751112 - 06/02/15 12:21 AM (8 years, 7 months ago) |
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eh, i split with my ex last month and the days have been looking brighter and brighter. yess she was my best friend we did everything together and i loved her more than everything and yadda yadda, was always understanding and compassionate towards her. but y'know in retrospect, she never really did the same. she just wanted what was convenient for her and had very little respect for anyone yet demanded it for herself
sometimes disconnection is best, sometimes
-------------------- smack a hoe out this dimension continue my ascension -bhad bhabie rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b
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