whats up man, yeah this forum can be a little slow but its definitely a better place to post than the pub.
I have some questions for you -
do you have a job? whats your living situation like? are you taking any medications, or have you ever? and if so, how did you react to them?
I am 33 going on 34, and at 26 I was much in the same boat as you, with maybe a bit more direction but not a whole lot. I had just figured out that I was the only one who was going to get me through my mental illnesses. I was reading a LOT of self help books, which was probably one of the best decisions I ever made. I was also going to school, and focusing a lot of my energy into studies. Booze and drugs took a backseat in my life and I turned into a machine only focused on bettering my life.
It became an attitude from within that I had. A self love that I realized and used as fuel to achieve more for myself, and my mental state. It sounds like you have accepted who you are, and thats a great thing. If you are concerned about being alone forever, dont sweat that, relationships will come and go for all of us, but they will be more frequent for you if you put down anything that is detrimental to your health, and put yourself out in the world. What I really recommend for you is much the same of what helped me get out of my ruts:
Start reading self help books at your bookstore, pick out several that you enjoy and spend your free time there.
Enroll in college, or, if the idea of that makes you sick, get a job. Having a job helps give you direction, and while i think it is less effective at turning things around than getting a good education, it is a paycheck and thats pretty important for enjoying your life.
If you live with your parents, stay there. Work and put all your money towards your bills until they are paid off. how much do you owe btw? I lived with my parents until I was 33... haha. thats right this year. But now im about to buy a house and marry a wonderful woman, and that is in large part to my parents being the most awesome people in the world, and giving me a place to live rent free so i could go to school, get an job, and save up money.
stay away from drugs and alcohol. also put down the video games. throw them away if you have to. your new focus should be bettering yourself. going for walks, writing in journals, working out, eating healthy, learning how to cook. Things that give you character, and knowledge. Video games are a timesink, and thats coming from someone who has spent probably 5 years STRAIGHT.... that means 24 hours/365 days/x5, if you added all my play time. I stopped for good and cant be happier.
Also, try traveling a bit. you are single, which you should look at as a blessing. Remember that this life is LONG. you are 26, you have roughly 3 more lifetimes ahead of you before you die, barring some unforseen accident or something. use all this time you have as a single dude to SEE THE WORLD. Remember that you cannot love until you love yourself. So spend this time with yourself until you are happy being alone. I consider myself my own best friend, though i have many best friends, if i had to spend the rest of my life alone, I could do it with a smile. Try and find that for yourself by enjoying every possible activity that you can enjoy yourself.
As for your depression, I am a firm believer in Behaviors of the mind. Your neurons have been behaving in a manner that makes you feel depressed for many many years, and it is a very fluid function at this point. So fluid that you feel hopeless and without energy, your brain has trained itself to return to this point because that is what it knows. You need to rip it out of these states by being ready for that mental behavior and changing it as soon as it begins to happen. When you feel like shit, that is EXACTLY the time you must do something healthy that you love. So start finding things that you enjoy, because you will need a long list of tools to help change that behavior. I cant say it wont take years and hard work, but you can change your mental state to whatever you want with enough practice.
Also remember this: we will be dead in 100 or so years, its just life. you get old you die. so spend the time you do have trying to live the best, fullest, and richest life you can.
you dont need millions of dollars, or even friends or lovers. all you need is to start with yourself and a smile. then get out there and meet good people. GOOD people, remove those who are toxic from your life, by never talking to them again. hang out with those who enrich who you are as a person. stay away from the drugs, and druggie friends until your shit is straight at the very least. hopefully that helps. cheers man.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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