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OfflineAngel_Above
Nobody
Male

Registered: 09/25/08
Posts: 5,348
Last seen: 5 months, 22 days
I don't know what I like - Long Post TLDR Depressed
    #21726428 - 05/26/15 08:31 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Anyone else in a similar boat?

I've had depression for years. Since 5. I'm in my 20s. I feel like idk what I even like. All the thoughts about what to do for the future leave me feeling restless. I'm only getting older and there is only more things I need to survive.

Between drugs, music, Netflix movies, playing with my animals, seeing my girlfriend, coming home to my family, I don't feel I have anything I truly enjoy doing. Day in day out it's wake up, work, come home, do bullshit, sleep, rinse repeat.

Feel like shit all the time.

I don't know what I truly enjoy doing because I spend so much time worrying about planning for a future me to enjoy life. It hasn't happened yet. I'm 25 and make $12 an hour, have 25k debt from a university I dropped out of. Currently have no vehicle, make $200 a week doing new school outlet to hopefully lead into diagnostic sonography (ultrasound tech) but just today realized the school only accepts 10% of applicants. This is for a fall 2016 semester.... if I miss this I'll be at my parents house for so damn long.

Life sucks honestly idk what to do anymore.

I like spiritual topics and ideas, but most who discuss it are either too anti-science or neurotic. On the other hand, those who aren't open to hearing perception-bending experiences won't be able to understand some of the stuff I've encountered like a up-close-and-personal UFO encounter and encounter with my dying Aunt's spirit who visited me.

I don't feel my depression can be helped by conventional medicine and yes I've tried. SSRIs n SNRIs to help with a chemical imabalance no one has been able to determine other than based on a "ya you sound depressed probably serotonin trouble let me give you a pill to fix it, my speculation tells me you're serotonin is out of whack" but there's been no brain scans to prove my deficiency.

I've tried therapy too, but I didnt' like the way they would label me. I feel like I'm in the middle of all of existence. Like I experience many "spiritual" (by this I mean beyond common perception) happenings and that's been the focus of a lot of my time/mind.

I don't care for a world where I get a job, move away alone, work, and try to meet someone make a family and die. I'm on the verge. part of me has had such synchronous experiences that I want to help people spiritually develop, but I can't help others if I can't help myself... I'm torn with what to do.

I don't make enough money to move out, my car is dead and worthless, I have no savings, I owe $25k in debt for university, and if I even get accepted into the program which is 10% acceptance rate I won't be able to work due to 8-10 hour clinical days 3x a week plus classes.

I don't see how I can mentally go through with this anymore. My parents are getting older, and I'm not any more capable of taking care of myself. Without my parents I would be out in the street. I'm scared.

I have dreams but they're different from yours. I believe in the Spirit that sees all things. I believe that we are all here to help one another. I want to help people grow but I can't help anyone, not a single individual, until I can conquer my anxiety/depression but the thing is, it's winning now and idk where to turn to.

My parents won't hear me out. It's a record player of "take medicine" "do therapy"

I don't see how therapy can help I've done that several times with several therapists. I sit in a room for an hour and talk about my depression. WTF I do that all the time???

The drugs gave me brain zaps and made me experience depersonalization.

any words to a 25 year old "feels washed up and its all over but still wants to ask for help" dude?


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Invisiblecounter s
Boonga

Registered: 04/26/11
Posts: 229
Loc: Flag
Re: I don't know what I like - Long Post TLDR Depressed [Re: Angel_Above]
    #21726504 - 05/26/15 08:51 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Honestly you gotta stop looking to outside sources to help your depression, only you can change it. Realise its a choice to be depressed and change your views. I know it may be hard and its easier said than done, but trust me once you change your inner, the outer world will also change to reflect that. Its all about daily progression.


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OfflineBuster_Brown
L'une
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 3 days, 9 hours
Re: I don't know what I like - Long Post TLDR Depressed [Re: counter s]
    #21729095 - 05/27/15 03:07 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

I disagree with the first response in this thread; For me it was all about taking it to the edge; If you believe in Jesus and the sword that He brought that may divide you from your family, you may understand the risk involved at "the edge". What did He say...If you want to gain your life, you have to lose it. It's a spiritual thing that proceeds from a concentration of "I am the way, the truth, and the life"


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OfflineTrippieHunter
Swagger of a cripple


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 889
Loc: Your mums house!
Last seen: 6 years, 15 days
Re: I don't know what I like - Long Post TLDR Depressed [Re: Buster_Brown]
    #21739046 - 05/29/15 10:39 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

tstyles said:
Honestly you gotta stop looking to outside sources to help your depression, only you can change it. Realise its a choice to be depressed and change your views.




depression is a choice? really where did you get this from? A lot of our views come predetermined in our hard wiring making it quite difficult to

just change the way we view things.

Quote:

Buster_Brown said:
I disagree with the first response in this thread; For me it was all about taking it to the edge; If you believe in Jesus and the sword that He brought that may divide you from your family, you may understand the risk involved at "the edge". What did He say...If you want to gain your life, you have to lose it. It's a spiritual thing that proceeds from a concentration of "I am the way, the truth, and the life"




Why? Why? Why? What does a god and religion have to do with what this guy is talking about?


Dude it's hard, life sucks. I feel just like you have expressed yourself. I don't know either. You just have to keep going through the days, find

happiness in something. It doesn't have to bee much. And don't sweat the money, it's just that money. Bills are bills, fuck em. You'll pay em when

you can. It's not worth your mental health and worry about things that are out of your control.


--------------------
Just remember keep the camera rolling and
FILM THE POLICE!!! CLICK ME

WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? CLICK ME TOO!

Let it go and you will trip into wonderland!


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don't know what I like - Long Post TLDR Depressed [Re: TrippieHunter]
    #21739194 - 05/29/15 11:11 PM (8 years, 7 months ago)

I dont know man. Im 26, have double your debt (around 40k in loans), make $10 an hour, JUST moved out of a tent that I had to live in for a year.

No one said it be easy :shrug:
-Tea


Edited by Anonymous (05/29/15 11:12 PM)


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OfflineBuster_Brown
L'une
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 3 days, 9 hours
Re: I don't know what I like - Long Post TLDR Depressed [Re: TrippieHunter]
    #21739788 - 05/30/15 04:31 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

TrippieHunter said:
Why? Why? Why? What does a god and religion have to do with what this guy is talking about?





Just passing on what worked for my own severe depression. Heh, heh. To paraphrase that popular quote about Chinese "six billion religious folks can't be wrong."


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Offlinem4dScientist
Music Always Helps
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 25 days
Re: I don't know what I like - Long Post TLDR Depressed [Re: Angel_Above]
    #21747500 - 06/01/15 07:05 AM (8 years, 7 months ago)

hey man. I do not have an answer for you. I can only let you know that you are not alone, n remember that. one of the infamous cognitive distortions tells you that "this sort of stuff only happens to me. why me? what did I do to deserve this?"

Im approaching 30, and depression has killed my passion for everything I once enjoyed in this life. ive dropped out of college, and gave up on thinking about "what im gonna do with my future", because nothing seems the least bit interesting to me right now. ive spent the last 10 years digging myself out of a financial hole, and also have $30,000 in debt from a student loan that I soon have to begin paying back. ive spent time in rehabs, detoxes, and psych wards. ive seen and experienced things I don't wish upon my worst enemy. ive been abandoned by 99% of the people I care about.

youre not alone my friend. have hope.

H-old
O-n
P-ain
E-nds

As a wise man once told me, its beautiful and its perfect, even when it sucks.

It may make no sense to you now, but this is all part of something much bigger. You will grow from this. Stay strong

:heartpump:


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