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Anonymous #1
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Deleted
#21720101 - 05/25/15 09:02 AM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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deleted
Edited by Anonymous (07/20/15 05:18 PM)
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Re: Still Not Over My Brother's Death 20 years on [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21720615 - 05/25/15 11:57 AM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Wow. That is a really big weight for you to be carrying around with you after all these years. I can't imagine how that must drag you down. 
I wish I had wisdom to share with you, but I don't. I hope that you have tried therapy, it sounds like your entire family can benefit from that. I hope you can find a way to release this and learn how to be happy again. 20 years is waaaaay too long to be hurting like that. Your brother wouldn't want you to be suffering either.
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Elff
Abyss Full of Love


Registered: 08/20/14
Posts: 398
Last seen: 5 months, 19 days
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Re: Still Not Over My Brother's Death 20 years on [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21720704 - 05/25/15 12:27 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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hey anon i'm really sorry for your loss,I totally feel you buddy
but you have to let go of the past no matter how hard it has been for you,clinging on to it will only lead to more suffering that will seep into your life and hinder your progress, i'm sure your brother is looking over your shoulder and protecting you and trust me he would not want to you see this way
it does take great courage to say how you feel and make changes,but change no matter how small will be hugely beneficial to you
get help there are lot of support groups out there,you can do it with your parents or individually as you prefer,but its very important to speak to someone about how you feel and talk it out and let all those emotions out
pick a hobby which really interests you and focus your energy on it,get a pet for companionship they really help you get through some rough days,help your local community in any way possible,spend time with your folks summers here so plan a few outdoor activities and have fun,
keep smiling and stay positive buddy !
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"No drug causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs— we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed, and love of power." - PJ O’Rourke
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Still Not Over My Brother's Death 20 years on *DELETED* [Re: CherryBom]
#21721064 - 05/25/15 02:03 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Post deleted by AnonymousReason for deletion: deleted
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Still Not Over My Brother's Death 20 years on [Re: Elff]
#21721111 - 05/25/15 02:15 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Elff said: hey anon i'm really sorry for your loss,I totally feel you buddy
but you have to let go of the past no matter how hard it has been for you,clinging on to it will only lead to more suffering that will seep into your life and hinder your progress, i'm sure your brother is looking over your shoulder and protecting you and trust me he would not want to you see this way
it does take great courage to say how you feel and make changes,but change no matter how small will be hugely beneficial to you
get help there are lot of support groups out there,you can do it with your parents or individually as you prefer,but its very important to speak to someone about how you feel and talk it out and let all those emotions out
pick a hobby which really interests you and focus your energy on it,get a pet for companionship they really help you get through some rough days,help your local community in any way possible,spend time with your folks summers here so plan a few outdoor activities and have fun,
keep smiling and stay positive buddy !
Thanks for the encouragement. I do have hobbies but too depressed to focus on them fully at the moment and I get distracted easily. I used to like making music, painting and drawing, but I'm too much of a procrastinating perfectionist to actually finish a project, which makes me depressed even more.
I'm not sure where I could find a support group. What would I search for? I'm in UK. They have the Samaritans here which is a phone-line for suicidal people, but that's not really what I'm looking for.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Still Not Over My Brother's Death 20 years on [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21721128 - 05/25/15 02:19 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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I know how you feel. A really close friend of mine someone i consider a brother, drowned at the lake when we were in high school. He went with some people he didn't really hang out with very much cause i wasn't in the area. He had called me before he went with them to the lake and asked if i wanted to go to the mall, but i told him I was in another state so i couldn't. He never came home and it eats me up inside knowing that if i was in town it wouldn't have went down that way. Its effected a lot of things in my life, but i just keep trying to push forward cause i know he wouldnt want me to be down
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Elff
Abyss Full of Love


Registered: 08/20/14
Posts: 398
Last seen: 5 months, 19 days
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Re: Still Not Over My Brother's Death 20 years on [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21723611 - 05/26/15 05:12 AM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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check this link there are a whole bunch of support agencies:
http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/depression.php
just google "depression support groups uk" and you get a whole lot of references
also I just did a search for samaritans that you mentioned and this is what I pulled up from their website:
"Most people aren't suicidal:
Most people who contact us are not suicidal. When you talk to us, we will give you an opportunity to talk about any thoughts or feelings you have, whatever they may be."
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"No drug causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs— we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed, and love of power." - PJ O’Rourke
Edited by Elff (05/26/15 05:17 AM)
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Re: Still Not Over My Brother's Death 20 years on [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21723681 - 05/26/15 06:04 AM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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You've been suffering for 20+ years and you haven't sought out therapy yet?
Dude.
You are ALLOWED to be happy. You are allowed to have peace. You are allowed to live, even though your brother couldn't.
Do this for yourself. Let yourself heal. Really...consider it.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Still Not Over My Brother's Death 20 years on [Re: Anonymous #2]
#21724236 - 05/26/15 09:58 AM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I know how you feel. A really close friend of mine someone i consider a brother, drowned at the lake when we were in high school. He went with some people he didn't really hang out with very much cause i wasn't in the area. He had called me before he went with them to the lake and asked if i wanted to go to the mall, but i told him I was in another state so i couldn't. He never came home and it eats me up inside knowing that if i was in town it wouldn't have went down that way. Its effected a lot of things in my life, but i just keep trying to push forward cause i know he wouldnt want me to be down
Sorry to hear that. Try not to beat yourself up over it. Life is full of choices so we're bound to have a few regrets.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Still Not Over My Brother's Death 20 years on [Re: Elff]
#21724241 - 05/26/15 09:59 AM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Elff said: check this link there are a whole bunch of support agencies:
http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/depression.php
just google "depression support groups uk" and you get a whole lot of references
also I just did a search for samaritans that you mentioned and this is what I pulled up from their website:
"Most people aren't suicidal:
Most people who contact us are not suicidal. When you talk to us, we will give you an opportunity to talk about any thoughts or feelings you have, whatever they may be."
Thanks for that. I appreciate the help and will look into it.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Still Not Over My Brother's Death 20 years on [Re: CherryBom]
#21724297 - 05/26/15 10:17 AM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
CherryBom said: You've been suffering for 20+ years and you haven't sought out therapy yet?
Dude.
You are ALLOWED to be happy. You are allowed to have peace. You are allowed to live, even though your brother couldn't.
Do this for yourself. Let yourself heal. Really...consider it.
Well I never had the option at the time. I didn't really know what therapy was, or that I needed it. Nobody even suggested the idea to me. It's not like I've been suffering non-stop for 20 years. I thought I'd gotten over it as I grew up so I didn't need therapy then, until I overtook the age he died; 22. Things just started to slowly change and get a bit weird. Instead of him being my cool big bro who I look up to, he is now my little bro. But whenever I think about him, I still think of him as being 10 years older than me. It's hard to explain, and probably doesn't sound like much of a headfuck to an outsider, but it is.
Thanks for the help again. I will try
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