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OfflineMquire
Stranger
Registered: 03/23/15
Posts: 82
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Is it better to try and act and think optimistically? Or to act "natural?"
    #21718557 - 05/24/15 07:13 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

These past few days I've tried positive thinking, trying to put optimistic spins on things I view negatively by default. It works somewhat, but today it's just not happening. I'm fucking irritable and pissed off.

For example my loving, awesome girlfriend just got her wisdom teeth out, and she has been texting me non-stop since Wednesday. I'm trying to put a positive spin on it, telling myself how lucky I am to have her and how sweet it is that she turns to me in her time of need, but then the phone buzzes again and I get ticked off. Not just because she texted me, but if I dont text her back it wears down her mood and she gets annoyed at me. Then I have an angry gf to deal with.

I know she's in bed with nothing to do, but I cant sit there and text her all damn day.

Anyway that's just an example.

Should I drill it into my head to stay positive or is it healthier to follow my first reaction which is more along the lines of "I love you but leave me the fuck alone already please."

Also I should note that if I told her I needed a break from texting it would result in her deciding not speaking to me for days. Of course she won't do that, but she'll threaten to.


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OfflineMquire
Stranger
Registered: 03/23/15
Posts: 82
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Is it better to try and act and think optimistically? Or to act "natural?" [Re: Mquire]
    #21718563 - 05/24/15 07:15 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Also either way I'm being nice and texting her regardless of how I feel. I'm asking if it's better for me to try and force a positive perspective or to let myself be annoyed.


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OfflineDeviate
newbie
Registered: 04/20/03
Posts: 4,497
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: Is it better to try and act and think optimistically? Or to act "natural?" [Re: Mquire] * 1
    #21718613 - 05/24/15 07:33 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

It is better to let yourself be annoyed, while putting a positive perspective on that, if you feel so inclined. Try to learn to follow what feels right to you, in your heart.

So to give an example, one of my favorite spiritual teachers (Matt Kahn) says that when we react to something, like getting annoyed, that is actually our inner divisions and conflicts being brought to the surface in order to be healed. So you want to allow those feelings, but at the same time you can be positive about it by telling yourself "ok, these feelings are coming up to be released". THis is much better than trying to force yourself to feel good about a situation you dont feel good about.

Also, if your gf cant leave you alone and threatens not to talk to you because youre busy and cant text her all day, she's got some issues and I would recommend talking about that with her.


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InvisibleDividedQuantumM
Outer Head
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Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
Re: Is it better to try and act and think optimistically? Or to act "natural?" [Re: Deviate]
    #21718715 - 05/24/15 08:14 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

That's excellent advice.


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Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici


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Offlinebackfire16
Male


Registered: 04/29/10
Posts: 117
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: Is it better to try and act and think optimistically? Or to act "natural?" [Re: DividedQuantum]
    #21718839 - 05/24/15 08:55 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

I suggest communicating to your girlfriend in the lightest way possible that although you do love texting her, there's times where you just cannot text. If she is not open to how you feel or isn't willing to work with you to resolve potential conflicts, I'd say that's actually a much bigger issue than her texting you.

If either party in a relationship is unwilling to openly communicate/listen empathetically to the other partner's feelings and most importantly work on things together,  your relationship will likely be wrought with slights and fights.


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InvisibleKurt
Thinker, blinker, writer, typer.

Registered: 11/26/14
Posts: 1,688
Re: Is it better to try and act and think optimistically? Or to act "natural?" [Re: backfire16]
    #21719071 - 05/24/15 10:16 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Texting is kind of intimate in a psychological way which is without intimacy. A lot of outgoing transmissions with technology, and maybe that outgoingness is associated with the way some particular feelings are expressed like pain. (Whereas one does not spontaneously express joy or pleasure necessarily in words or ideas). Not sure if that makes sense, but look at the way the internet vents human emotions, and you have to wonder...

I feel like I am going through a similar thing with a girl actually, who I've been away from. I started writing letters, in an attempt to acknowledge the time and distance we were apart. It put me on the outgoing end, and I was trying to be more authentic about it. (A letter is something outgoing because you can't expect an immediate response, or really any response at all from it. I was moving about so it became a practical impossibility)

Now I am back a few towns away from her, and think she's probably the reason I'm here...and I'm back to trying to communicate by texts and its leaving a lot to be desired.

Its like you expect a response, in a matter of time, like you are right next to them, and that is all reasonable and healthy, but the fact is you are not next to this person, or in your back pocket.

I dunno, just some associated thoughts.


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OfflineFishOilTheKid
Ascended
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Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 5,401
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
Re: Is it better to try and act and think optimistically? Or to act "natural?" [Re: Mquire]
    #21720172 - 05/25/15 09:39 AM (8 years, 8 months ago)

For a long time I've sensed an inner anger with some people that they do their best to mask with a big fake Mc-smile.  Sometimes honesty is best to express and if that is anger it might quickly be vented instead of bottling things up until a bigger problem occurs. 

At one point, with my little sister especially, I prided myself on bringing people into the anger that it seems they get off on expressing but won't show themselves as in front of other people.  Its fulfilling.

If your GF can't understand that you have shit to do...  Dunno.  Seems immature at least.

Perhaps honesty (of emotions and such) in a relationship is important if people can handle that.

What pisses you off most OP?


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Offlinestratocast
Has Been
Male


Registered: 04/11/15
Posts: 345
Loc: ohio, U.S.
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
Re: Is it better to try and act and think optimistically? Or to act "natural?" [Re: FishOilTheKid]
    #21726378 - 05/26/15 08:20 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

You feel that way for a reason. It is best to try to communicate your feelings in a positive way. You can't stuff it down, without eventually feeling overwhelmed by it. It is good to try to be positive, but not at the expense of your own feelings. You gotta deal with it, even if it is frightening (like you might upset someone else).


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