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Offlinezer0vega
stealing happyhours

Registered: 01/02/03
Posts: 307
Loc: In a van down by the rive...
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
First Ego Loss.
    #2170047 - 12/08/03 11:15 PM (13 years, 5 days ago)

I've tripped plenty before, but today completely kicked me in the ass.
Came home from school today and I decided to polish off the 3.5g's of standard cubes I had layin' around. I was feeling REALLY anxious about taking them, as I hadn't taken them a while, and I just tend to be pretty anxious in general - so I took about .5g of xanax to try and take the edge off. Drove over to my friend's house, broke up the shrooms, and ate them peanut butter style.
About 20 mins afterwards I started to feel the usual come up... but wait who's at the door? a cop - I freaked me out for a second, but he only asked my friend to move her car. To frustrate things further, my friend's roomates (who were all sober) decided to try to fuck with me - not cool. I brushed this off and asked my friend Mikey to take me to the park. I finished coming up on the drive there, and by the time I was laying down on the park slide I was getting crazy OEV's. The sky was amazing - clouds were changing colors, morphing into one another... crazy fractals everwhere. The grass was glowing and growing... everything was neon. It was a very beautiful experience - HOWEVER... On the car ride home I started to feel like I was dying. My body was cold, my thoughts were going blank, I couldn't even talk to my friend on my cell phone. I had never felt like this before, and I became extremely scared. I kept telling my friends who were with me that "Things aren't right, I'm TOO fucked up" By the time we came back to the house, I was completely gone. I could not function, I could not think. I tried to lay down, but.. "what is laying down"? "who am I?" etc etc. I was completely blank and scared. I eventually returned to myself, after some coaxing from some experienced psychonauts, and the arrival of my girlfriend. I felt like I was relearning my life and how to function all over again.
The experience gave me a swift kick in the balls, which I probably needed.

Couple questions to you all: My friends ate the same dose of the same batch of mushrooms and had fun lvl 2 trips, and I only expected the xanax to lessen the effects, so... is it possible the the xanax made the trip MORE intense? Also, what do you all do to make ego loss more tolerable?


Edited by zer0vega (12/08/03 11:47 PM)


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Offlineangryjslice
now with 20%more anger
Male

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Registered: 10/29/03
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: zer0vega]
    #2170100 - 12/08/03 11:38 PM (13 years, 5 days ago)

ego loss isnt something that needs to be tolerable. i try to blast past the initiall 'im too fucked up' stage. usually some salvia with mushrooms helps just blow by any thoughts of having gone to far, because your 10x further than even having a thought at that point.

once again...ego loss isnt something that needs to be tolerable.

~JSlice~


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OfflineNoviseer
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Registered: 03/18/03
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: zer0vega]
    #2170163 - 12/09/03 12:03 AM (13 years, 5 days ago)

Quote:

zer0vega said:
.5g of xanax to try and take the edge off




thats a lotta xanax! :eek: :wink:


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Offlinezer0vega
stealing happyhours

Registered: 01/02/03
Posts: 307
Loc: In a van down by the rive...
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: Noviseer]
    #2170229 - 12/09/03 12:29 AM (13 years, 5 days ago)

err sorry, i mean .5mg...


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OfflineShpongleShrooms
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Registered: 11/27/03
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: zer0vega]
    #2171851 - 12/12/03 01:19 AM (13 years, 2 days ago)

Im the friend who was there with him through all this, and I also took the same amount of shrooms from the same batch a few days before, minus the xanax. He seemed like he was handling it well at the park, just looking at everything and laughing, having a good trip. But somewhere around the time when we were on our way back to my place he started freaking out. He kept saying how everything was wrong and how he felt like he was dying. I tried to get him to explain to us how he felt, but its almost as if he really didnt know what to say. I tried calming him down, telling him everything is cool and its just the drug, but I dont know if it helped. When we got to my place I put him in my bed and tried calming him down, but he still felt that way. He kept on saying he didnt know who he was or where he was, but I explained to him he was at my place with me. I called his girlfriend over, and when she got here that helped a lot. After awhile, he came down and was fine. First time I have ever been around someone with ego loss and I have no clue as to what caused it.


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OfflinePDU
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: angryjslice]
    #2171867 - 12/12/03 01:28 AM (13 years, 2 days ago)

Yes, exactly.


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Offlineant61
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Registered: 10/26/03
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: PDU]
    #2172102 - 12/12/03 04:02 AM (13 years, 2 days ago)

that doesnt sound like ego death to  me !!! :shake:


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OfflinePDU
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: ant61]
    #2172121 - 12/12/03 04:13 AM (13 years, 2 days ago)

excuse me?


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Offlinezer0vega
stealing happyhours

Registered: 01/02/03
Posts: 307
Loc: In a van down by the rive...
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: PDU]
    #2172605 - 12/12/03 10:49 AM (13 years, 1 day ago)

anyone have any ideas as to what effect the xanax could've had on me?


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OfflineGrapefruity
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Registered: 08/07/03
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: zer0vega]
    #2177263 - 12/14/03 05:58 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

man im sorry for ya...must have been a pretty shitty experience...


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OfflineLOBO
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Registered: 03/19/01
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: zer0vega]
    #2184878 - 12/17/03 10:49 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

The experience of ego loss could be the most amazing experience or could be the most terrifying one is up to you and how you handle it.
If you resist the dying process you will have a very bad time, but if you learn to let go and (die) the experience is the most sublime one you will reach that, hat can not be expressed in language.


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Invisiblelearning_byte
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Registered: 10/07/02
Posts: 1,267
Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: zer0vega]
    #2185269 - 12/17/03 02:42 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Next time c lose your eyes, calm down and let go, that works for me. The ego loss ride is one true ride, it is the real trip itself in my opinion. Once you experienced it, you will know that mushrooms are sacred and have a porpuse.


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OfflineBhairabas
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Registered: 07/21/03
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: learning_byte]
    #2185557 - 12/17/03 04:52 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Ego loss is only achieved when one give's up the illusory ego game's of being in control or in posession of your mind.. You become aware that you are simply a part of a process which is taking place both within you and without you.. There's no speration.. Any feeling's which you may have would indicate that you still had an ego..
Read this it will help you understand the ego loss process..

http://www.erowid.org/library/books_online/psychedelic_experience/psychedelic_experience.shtml


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Offlinezer0vega
stealing happyhours

Registered: 01/02/03
Posts: 307
Loc: In a van down by the rive...
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: Bhairabas]
    #2186031 - 12/17/03 08:23 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

well, the "feelings" i had happened more as it was beginning to happen... but yeah i was so blank that i could not even have the feelings of a bad trip (once it was in full effect)... i felt nothingness for quite some time


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Invisiblebilly cuts
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Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 656
Loc: Saturn
Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: zer0vega]
    #2187459 - 12/18/03 11:27 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

egoloss = samadhi = bliss


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OfflineHidingInPlainSight
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Registered: 01/27/03
Posts: 2,076
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: zer0vega]
    #2187464 - 12/18/03 11:29 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

My last trip I ate fourty grams wet .. I had no idea how far I would go because I had never eaten that much before. I realize now that I was almost at ego loss except for I kept "holding on" to my ego instead of letting it go. :mushroom2:


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Offlineshroominsmurf
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Registered: 06/24/02
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: HidingInPlainSight]
    #2189452 - 12/19/03 04:53 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

i've done shrooms and so have the people i've tripped with on xanex, and i haven;t noticed to much of an effect i like to take .5 to 1.5 mg on comedown its a nice way to smooth out the trip


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Offlineshroominsmurf
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: shroominsmurf]
    #2189465 - 12/19/03 05:03 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

as to before a trip i would definatly say its possible that its the cause of you tripping harder, or maybe not. but definatly a possibility. if u got more of the batch take the same amount without xanax and then again the same amount with xanax and see what cha get...who knows...just thoughts


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OfflineJAMsper
Psychodelic

Registered: 09/23/03
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Last seen: 11 years, 13 days
Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: shroominsmurf]
    #2189531 - 12/19/03 05:50 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Ego Loss is only possible when very scared right? The only good trip I had was when I was anxious...
todayz trips I'm not even getting a higher heartbeat and I'm completely relaxed.. (transformed my fears by the mushrooms?)
I barely get visuals but do get a cool mindtrip...
Last time I had 2 grams of Cyanescens which was BLUEeee... barely any visuals.


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Invisiblesilversoul7
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Registered: 10/10/02
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Re: First Ego Loss. [Re: JAMsper]
    #2189539 - 12/19/03 06:01 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Ego Loss is only possible when very scared right?



No, IME, ego loss contains no emotions in it, except maybe confusion, if you count that as an emotion. I've experienced it once with shrooms and three times with Salvia. One time, I swear I experienced it while completely sober, though only for a moment.


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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire


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