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OfflineDeadManTrips
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Registered: 04/22/15
Posts: 55
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Lessons learned from my first solo trip with 4g
    #21689492 - 05/17/15 06:13 AM (8 years, 8 months ago)

This happened a couple of weeks ago, and I'm only just getting around to writing this trip report as I felt I wanted some time to properly process what I experienced for my first solo trip. I spent several weeks preparing for this one, and laid down some specific questions that I wanted to explore. I won't list these questions, but they all pertained to ideas surrounding purpose, identity and understanding how and why I am where I am right now in my life. I've had great revelations and insights on previous trips with mushrooms, lsd and dmt, and I felt that the mushrooms could be a suitable teacher for helping me to unravel some of these questions that I wanted answers to.

From previous personal experience, trips of higher doses always tend to flood you with so much information, insights and realisations, etc. that it can be both overwhelming and somewhat difficult to properly recall everything that occurs. So for this trip I decided to have both a handheld field audio recorder and plenty of pens and paper in case I felt the need to record or write down a particular thought I had. With so much written down and recorded, I do apologise in advance if this turns into somewhat of a long post, but I hope to share only the key parts of this trip for two reasons; to summarise the experience in written form for my own benefit, and in the hope that others can learn from my experience as well.

At around 8:30pm I took 2g of dried p. cubensis. I had the whole house essentially to myself, but previously decided I would spend most of the trip in my room, which is also connected to a pretty dope little study which has floor to ceiling windows with a good view of the sky and bushland behind my property. I decided to meditate for most of the come up, to focus on my breathing and repeat some of the questions out loud. Also, I tried an idea that was suggested to me, which simply was whispering my intentions to the mushrooms before I ate them. That may sound silly to some of you, but I didn't see any harm in doing so, I actually feel that verbalising my intentions in that way made the trip all the more powerful.

It's 9:30pm, I'm not feeling that too much has changed, but I reason that it could be because I consumed a light meal a couple of hours before and the shrooms might be taking a bit longer to be absorbed. The past hour I've spent meditating and listening to some super chilled beats from dudes like teebs, flylo and elaquent. The music takes me somewhere else inside my mind and I start to feel something changing, the mushrooms start to take effect. I've also been messing around on my synth keyboard, playing improvised melodies that seem to take form in such a natural way. I smile and appreciate the sweet sounds and harmonies.

By 10:30 I'm really starting to feel it, and I decide to kill all the lights in my room. It’s pretty much pitch black, but then I notice that the moon is out, shining its brightly through the large study windows. I then start working through and thinking about the past 5 years of my life. A lot of that time was spent taking drugs, "getting fucked up" and generally just mucking around. I had a lot of fun and met plenty of people on the same kind of path, but it all seems rather empty and meaningless now - something I've realised for the better part of a year now. I start to think about why I went down that path, and it's really rather obvious: to fit in with the scene around me and, because like most human beings, I crave pleasure and enjoyment. I start to feel a little bit pathetic about some of the things I've done in the past, and I notice I'm starting to feel some bad vibes creeping up, so I quickly change my direction of thought. It's at this point a recurring realisation I've had is strongly reinforced. I recognised an absolute truth about the past few years, and in fact the entirety of my life's experiences so far: without both the good and bad times I wouldn't have learnt what I have, I would never have found the powerful, transformative potential of psychedelics and altered states of consciousness, and I most certainly wouldn't have been sitting here trying to figure how I could be a better person and fulfil my true purpose.

Then I say to myself: "Focus on the now, I want to improve myself here, because the past is the past, it can’t be undone".

I feel that that was probably something I've seen in one of the many zen books I've read. It's something a lot of us know, it’s something I've said to myself many times before. But as always, in the mushroom state, words as so much more powerful.

I let that thought sink in and realise that it is now 11:00pm and I'm most definitely starting to reach a peak. I decide that I want to go deeper, and after some meditation I agree to fully surrender to the mushroom - and with that I eat another 2g.

Then I sit down in front of my laptop and begin to type. The ideas and words just start flowing and it's a struggle to keep up with the speed of my thoughts. Typing furiously, I start to reach some fairly "abstract" spaces. I contemplate the idea of language, specifically words and how they truly are just sounds and symbols with a meaning that we attach to them. I know that that statement is extremely obvious, but there's something different about truly realising this and actually understanding it, rather than just stating it as a fact. The same applies to other ideas that I begin to 'feel'. This is a recurring sensation I and others I know have experienced before. Everyday concepts and ideas are fully realised and understood. You can learn something by reading about it, listening to seminars about it and studying theories relating to it, but the real understanding can only be attained when you actually experience it. After all, the language of the universe is experience.

It's nearly midnight and the filter that exists in normal waking consciousness is now truly gone, the ideas and insights continue to flow! The one resounding thought that stuck with me through all of this was quite possibly the answer I was looking for. Ironically, it's rather obvious and again was something I had heard before, but not truly understood it.
It simply was:

Focus on what you do know, not on what you do not know.

Now that might not seem all that profound, but to me it resonated deeply. Personally, I've always been a deep thinker. And like many others around me (and most likely on this forum too), I spend a lot of my time thinking about (and overthinking) the "big" life questions and mysteries. As McKenna put it: Where did we come from? What are we supposed to do now? And where are we going? These questions are so inconceivably huge that they simply cannot be answered or understood, at least not to the fullest extent. We can conceptualise and organise ideas or recite ancient stories to help us feel that we understand what the fuck is going on, but ultimately we can never completely know. And I am slowly realising that that is the whole point. As one individual expression of consciousness, I'm not meant to know everything, nor could I possibly comprehend it all. What I'm getting at here is that I completely realised that by spending so much of my time and effort trying to "figure it all out", I was missing out on the things that I actually have, the things that I actually do know.

This was a powerful lesson for me. And again, like I've previously said, this was a lesson that I understood properly because I experienced the meaning of it. This concept could be translated further by saying that I should focus on what I can actually do right now, rather than waiting for some imagined, unknown, distant purpose. I also started to realise that I've known my purpose all along, I've known what it is that I want to be doing with my life and that it was time to start acting on that, rather than contemplating and searching for something more. I'll still continue to read and experience and learn, but now my focus is on what I am actually capable of doing right here and now.

I lie down on the floor and for some reason I start to think about all of the fucked up things we do to each other and to the planet. Like many people, it hurts so much to think about the atrocities that we as a species are capable of. I whisper “I’m sorry”. I’m not sure whom to, but it feels like I’m just speaking out loud, but maybe I was trying to apologise to the planet or to everyone who’s every suffered because of the recklessness of mankind. Apologising like that seems a bit strange now, but felt so very right, at the time.

The second dose seems to kick in much quicker, and before I know it I'm seeing intense closed eye visuals (CEV). I always find that my CEV's are much more powerful than open eye visuals. A mass of swirling colours, patterns, objects and shiny, squeaky geometric shapes begin to take over my field of vision. I crawl into bed and enjoy the visuals, whilst a wacky, colourful soundtrack of distorted electronic bliss creates itself in my mind. I marvel at the ability and capacity of the human mind and how lucky I am to be a healthy human being.

As I drift off, a final thought comes to my mind:

Just focus and let it go.

This is just some of what went down that night, and I feel that by meditating beforehand and setting out clear intentions, I was able to uncover something more about my life and myself. However, like always, the trip takes you where it wants to, and that's not always going to be where you want to go. But just learn to let go, and go with it.


--------------------
An adventurer, in search of his treasure...


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OfflineWindWisperer

Registered: 05/04/15
Posts: 333
Last seen: 9 months, 24 days
Re: Lessons learned from my first solo trip with 4g [Re: DeadManTrips]
    #21690953 - 05/17/15 03:17 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

Insightful trip man, I always strive to unravel the mysteries that come along with an experience like this. It was smart to have a way to record thoughts, and feelings during though!


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OfflineSyKaDelix
Stranger

Registered: 04/08/15
Posts: 17
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: Lessons learned from my first solo trip with 4g [Re: WindWisperer]
    #21707219 - 05/21/15 05:33 PM (8 years, 8 months ago)

This was a great TR... you thoughts, your questions and the answers givien resonated with me very much. Thanks man...Peac.


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