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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
my friend is depressed...(long...but please read) !!!HELP!!!
    #2168106 - 12/08/03 04:44 AM (14 years, 12 days ago)

...and it kills me to see him like this.

i'm living in my dormroom in SOCAL and got a phone call from him late friday night, around midnight to 1 in the morning. he now goes to school in ORegon and we have gone to school with eachother throughout grammar school and highschool. i talk to him just about weekly.

i was extremely stoned when i got the message that he called (i was out of the room when he called and i heard the phone but i was busy so i checked for his message about 10 minutes later when i went back to my room). after hearing his message i got the vibe from how he was talking that something was wrong.

i called him back and left a message on his phone because he didn't pick up. i got his call back around 1:30 am (now saturday morning) and he said that he was gonna be honest and then he told me that he had a really bad depression attack. he has been feeling bad about himself for a long time and has fits of depression about how he looks. he is short and a little overweight (he calls it fat). he hasn't had any experience w/ girls and he feels that he can't get any girls because he is overweight. i haven't had much expereince w/ girls either and we have talked about it many times in the past so that is why he is comfortabale turning to me with his problems.

i knew he was interested in starting to excercise and going running and from my weekly conversations with him i found out that he was running alot and losing some weight. i got really excited for him because i knew that was what he had wanted to do. we were talking about our meal plans at each school early on this year and i said that i was eating so much food that i had gained almost 10 lbs. he said that he didn't eat very much and actually doesn't get hungry alot. i didn't like the sound of that but i didn't realize the seriousness of the situation until now.

i ran into a friend of mine from high school during thanksgiving weekend (last weekend) and we were catching up and my troubled friend was suddenly the topic of conversation. apparently this girl had an eating disorder in the past and she was telling me that my troubled friend had confided in her that he was anorexic or something like that and i said i would try to talk to him. i saw him the next night because he had just gotten back home for thanksgiving break too. he was very thin and looked like my same old friend, just slimmer. his face has lost alot of roundness and was very slim. he also looked slimmer in the shoulders and all of that. i told him it looked like he lost alot of weight and that he was looking good, which was very true except that i didn't know it was as big of an issue as it truly is.

so his calling me this weekend and telling me of his depression attack because of his image problems was really the end-all to my assumptions about him. he has a serious problem and he told me that i'm the only one he can talk to about it. i asked him if his parents knew about it and he said "NEVER", like it would be the worst thing in the world if his parents found out about his problems (which i can very well understand). i think i am the only person he can go to right now and i don't know what to do. i talked to him long and hard that night about it but i really don't know how i can help him. this is killing me because i know him very well and we are really good friends. he is a very intellectual person and it is very hard for me to try to help him because my rationalizing of his problems to him don't seem to do any good. he's smart enough to know that his worries about his self-image aren't rational and this makes it hard because i know that if he can't get past this then it is a really deep problem.

i would love to hear your thoughts about how i can help my friend because i feel that i am the only person in the world that he can talk to about his problems and i think i am the only person that can help. it makes me very sad that he is going through this. i know i have a few problems but compared to how his problems are affecting him, my problems are very minor. these problems of his and how they affect him worry me the most i've ever worried and even overshadow any of the problems i have w/ myself, its that bad.

thank you for reading and please help my friend.peaceout


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: my friend is depressed...(long...but please read) !!!HELP!!! [Re: TODAY]
    #2169184 - 12/08/03 04:55 PM (14 years, 11 days ago)

It's hard to help someone realize the error of their ways.  What i would suggest is tell him how it is effecting you, how it would effect his family and his own life in the future.  If this continues, his stomach will shrink so much that he wont be ABLE to eat.  He'll have to seek professional help.  And having to go to such an extent to do something we all do natually (eat) is like having to live thru some sort of insane withdrawl.

Explain to him what the outcome of this could be, including death..  Let him know how it is effecting you.  He sounds like he has a low self-esteem so telling him solely how it is effecting himself, he probably won't care about.  But if you explain how it hurts you, etc, he may come to his senses.  I'm sure you have already told him, but keep telling him that physical appearance means nothing is someone really likes him.  Beauty comes from within.

I wish you and your friend the best of luck.  I hope he realizes what he's doing to himself and climbs out of his depression. It's hard when you continue to think negatively.  Try to get his thoughts on positive things.  Remind him how much you enjoy his friendship and good memories you two have had together.

:heart:


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: my friend is depressed...(long...but please read) !!!HELP!!! [Re: sykobish]
    #2169393 - 12/08/03 06:52 PM (14 years, 11 days ago)

thank you sykobish, it is going to be tough but x-mas break brings us all home to the same town so i will be seeing him soon and trying to talk some sense. he told me he was going to quit drinking because he thought that may have been a part of the problem. so that is at least SOME good news.


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
 User Gallery

Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: my friend is depressed...(long...but please read) !!!HELP!!! [Re: TODAY]
    #2171467 - 12/11/03 08:47 PM (14 years, 8 days ago)

I hope everything goes well. Be sure to post again and let us know what's going on with him and how you both are doing. I wish you both the best.


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: my friend is depressed...(long...but please read) !!!HELP!!! [Re: sykobish]
    #2172024 - 12/12/03 03:19 AM (14 years, 8 days ago)

thank you thank you...we are going ot be chilling out this winter break and i'm going to TRY to talk some sense into him...i'll keep you all posted, thanks


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
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