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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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So I had my first herpes outbreak,
#21680857 - 05/14/15 09:32 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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And I seriously have little to no desire to go on. Straight up. This is all an illusion. I'm here to be stripped of everything that is joyous. The first part of my life was to experience pure love and gratitude. The rest of my life is to watch it fall through my fingers like sand.
It's crumbling faster and faster. I have no where to turn for support.
My mom seriously recommended suicide to me. She said I am so miserable just get it over with.
My therapist asked me yesterday....."why don't you just kill yourself?".....I said " because I don't own a gun, and the rope would break on the noose "
Going to do 6 months in jail. My family fucking hates me. I was born with some mental tick that just erupts on people and makes them hate me....when they showed so much love...it's like I'm triggered to spit in loves face.....to be ungrateful...im wired for sadness.
If it wasn't for my dogs laying at the foot of my bed I would ensure I didn't wake up tomorrow. But suicide isn't an option.
Edit. This post was a hell of a lot more dramatic then I intended it to be....I was mostly trying to point out how my hand was a bluff, and my family and everyone around me are extremely unsupportive and actually recommending suicide to me. I wouldn't kill myself....I like my dogs way too much, then they remind me of why I'm alive......but I have lost a lot this past winter, and I just keep losing more and more....it's frustrating.....Apparently this was noted by someone as a "suicide threat" when it's merely just a vent. I don't even own a gun.....I'd have to like drink bleach or something.
Edited by vandago (05/17/15 08:02 AM)
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something super extreme
NIGGA YOU A FUCK NIGGA!


Registered: 10/29/12
Posts: 17,397
Loc: TURNT UP!
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: vandago] 6
#21680899 - 05/14/15 09:41 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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[mod edit: I know this is your posting style, but sometimes you just go too far
Edited by koods (05/15/15 08:18 AM)
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Edited by vandago (05/16/15 08:59 PM)
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 3 hours, 8 minutes
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whats up Van, man i was reading your posts to see if you were being serious or not. really sorry to hear all this is going on in your life.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 3 hours, 8 minutes
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: ManianFH]
#21680931 - 05/14/15 09:52 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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why are you going to jail? forgive me for not having knowledge of your past too much, my time on here is limited overall.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: ManianFH]
#21680941 - 05/14/15 09:58 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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My brother and I got in a text arguement. He showed up at my house to show off his new gun like the 5 min after talking shit......him and I started arguing and he threatened to fight me in my parents living room. I said lets step outside. as I got up to walk out he grabbed his gun....so I turned around and shoved him as hard as I could. He fell back and caught himself, then grabbed a barstool to hit me with, I caught the barstool and put it on the ground, he instantly called 911. I have a record, he has a family, guess who was wrong?
I'll be doing 6 months on a domestic violence charge for pushing someone who pulled a gun on me.
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 3 hours, 8 minutes
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: ManianFH] 4
#21680953 - 05/14/15 10:02 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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About the herp dude, it is what it is. Not a death sentence. There are millions upon millions of people who have been fucked by similar shit. Ive had all kinds of stuff in the past too, and it just happened to be curable stuff, save the HPV, which who knows. But thats besides the point. I was upfront with women about it, except for one who i told after we had sex; regardless no one really cared.
I think theres a website as well, like a dating site where you can meet up with people who have similar STDs or something, which I know might sound kinda weird, but shit im sure there are some really cool chicks who have been put in the same unfortunate situation as yourself.
about your mom, and your 'therapist' who are suggesting suicide - I feel like they might be very toxic people in your life, and you should take steps to distance yourself from people with this mindset. Thats the great thing about this world, is that when you feel like you have no one, you can go somewhere and meet new people. You dont have to sit stuck in a world of misery surrounded by people that hate you for whatever gay reason. Sucks its your mom, and some charlatan of a therapist, but it is what it is. If I were you and people said that to me, that would be the last thing they ever said to me; I would leave town and their lives forever.
About the jail - sucks but look at it this way. Its 6 months. youll get out in 3 or less with perfect behavior. I would use that time in jail to plan your move once you get out. People have built empires and fortunes on less time than 3 months. You can use that time to really change your life man. Get some good books that they hopefully will let you bring into jail; like self help books and study that shit well. If you think that you happen to ruin all relationships you touch, maybe you should study some books that focus on building and maintaining healthy relationships. Theyre out there. I am somewhat of a self help guru, and can attest to the positive effects they can have on your life. Do your time, do some hard reading and thinking, then when you get out, find a new and better life for yourself.
Are you still using drugs of any kind? If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to STOP using. no drugs, alcohol, tobacco, anything. Clean your body up and treat it well. Doing that helps you get your mind in a better place. I really recommend and hope you follow that advice.
Where do you live? Where would you like to live?
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 3 hours, 8 minutes
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: vandago]
#21680963 - 05/14/15 10:06 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said: My brother and I got in a text arguement. He showed up at my house to show off his new gun like the 5 min after talking shit......him and I started arguing and he threatened to fight me in my parents living room. I said lets step outside. as I got up to walk out he grabbed his gun....so I turned around and shoved him as hard as I could. He fell back and caught himself, then grabbed a barstool to hit me with, I caught the barstool and put it on the ground, he instantly called 911. I have a record, he has a family, guess who was wrong?
I'll be doing 6 months on a domestic violence charge for pushing someone who pulled a gun on me.
gotcha. well whatever fuck that guy too then. if your fam isnt helping to improve your life, or what more, if they are having a negative impact, which it sounds to me they are, maybe its better to just excommunicate yourself from them. I love my family to death, but really if it was getting toxic like that I would just up and leave; I would expect the same from them if I was behaving in such a manner.
please read my post above dude. your life isnt fucked. You just gotta have hope that things will get better. Keep a positive attitude for yourself because no one else will.
What are your plans for when you get out of jail?
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: ManianFH]
#21681033 - 05/14/15 10:21 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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I just kept making the wrong decisions and it turned into this. I can't believe the first post on a serious cry for some help is LOL. Trolls will be trolls, and if you can't even love online, you must be one miserable fuck in real life.
My family hates drugs. I love psychedelics. My family is all drunks. I should've left eons ago.....but with court now im stuck here again...and if I go to jail will be stuck in jail 6 months, and then be on prob for another year. ohio calls it "community control"
I'm stuck here unless I beat this court case, for a year min. I have no where to go. I'm a stupid fucking asshole. I deserve it. I have to.
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something super extreme
NIGGA YOU A FUCK NIGGA!


Registered: 10/29/12
Posts: 17,397
Loc: TURNT UP!
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: vandago] 1
#21681043 - 05/14/15 10:23 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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hint: if everyone in your life hates you, think about what the common denominator in that equation is. it's you
You already said it yourself; you're an asshole and you deserve it. Haha.
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Ya I probably deserved that cancer I was born with too.
Everyone in my life doesn't hate me. My drunk family does because I eat acid.
Thanks though. You helped me remind myself that there are way more miserable people then myself.
It has to really suck to be you. You don't even have an excuse to suck.
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 3 hours, 8 minutes
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Quote:
sVs said: hint: if everyone in your life hates you, think about what the common denominator in that equation is. it's you
You already said it yourself; you're an asshole and you deserve it. Haha.
if hes already said that himself why are you reiterating? do you feel the need to kick someone while hes down? the common denominator here is: youre not helping. go back to OTD swine.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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something super extreme
NIGGA YOU A FUCK NIGGA!


Registered: 10/29/12
Posts: 17,397
Loc: TURNT UP!
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: vandago]
#21681080 - 05/14/15 10:32 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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wow you have cancer too? Gosh I am really sorry for being so brash! Hey man, life is always gonna get better and people will be nice to you 
It's totally not your fault and I think you are a great person going through a really tough time. There is just no way you could have wrecked your own personal life. Matter of fact, I think it's safe to say that having cancer absolves you of all responsibility at all. You should probably keep venting, sounds like you've got a lot to work on!!
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 3 hours, 8 minutes
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: vandago]
#21681081 - 05/14/15 10:32 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said: Ya I probably deserved that cancer I was born with too.
Everyone in my life doesn't hate me. My drunk family does because I eat acid.
Thanks though. You helped me remind myself that there are way more miserable people then myself.
It has to really suck to be you. You don't even have an excuse to suck.
so what are your plans after jail? do you see yourself leaving ohio eventually?
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: ManianFH]
#21681083 - 05/14/15 10:32 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
mick said:
Quote:
sVs said: hint: if everyone in your life hates you, think about what the common denominator in that equation is. it's you
You already said it yourself; you're an asshole and you deserve it. Haha.
if hes already said that himself why are you reiterating? do you feel the need to kick someone while hes down? the common denominator here is: youre not helping. go back to OTD swine.
I got herpes from a girl a mistakenly fell in love with that I knew had it. I made a mistake that will live in my heart, and my dick, for the reast of my life. Fucking hilarious.
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Quote:
sVs said: wow you have cancer too? Gosh I am really sorry for being so brash! Hey man, life is always gonna get better and people will be nice to you 
It's totally not your fault and I think you are a great person going through a really tough time. There is just no way you could have wrecked your own personal life. Matter of fact, I think it's safe to say that having cancer absolves you of all responsibility at all. You should probably keep venting, sounds like you've got a lot to work on!!
Had*. I was born with it. It was removed completely. Reading comprehension goes along way when trying to troll. Please just leave this thread. I don't need a douche, I need valtrex.
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: ManianFH]
#21681093 - 05/14/15 10:34 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
mick said:
Quote:
vandago said: Ya I probably deserved that cancer I was born with too.
Everyone in my life doesn't hate me. My drunk family does because I eat acid.
Thanks though. You helped me remind myself that there are way more miserable people then myself.
It has to really suck to be you. You don't even have an excuse to suck.
so what are your plans after jail? do you see yourself leaving ohio eventually?

Edited by vandago (05/16/15 09:00 PM)
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Black_Sunset
Amateur Anesthesiologist


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,451
Loc: Somewhere California
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
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vandago, I've been here a while and you're one of the users that I feel made this community inviting for me years ago. I hate to see anyone struggling like you are. I think you're reaching out and going through all this turmoil because you know there's something else. Suicide...why...perhaps you feel there's more to life?
You can change buddy and it sounds like you're overdue. Fighting with your family, hating others, anger and violence. You don't have to live that way anymore. Do you want to live a different life? What goals do you have for yourself or the world?
There's always another way and shit isn't over 'til it's over. Herpes suck but hey what can you do. Take some drugs to control it...that's not hard. There's literally millions of people out there in your situation and it doesn't stop them from finding new partners and real love.
You love psychedelics....have you ventured out and worked with ayahuasca? what are you waiting for. You know it can help you
--------------------

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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 3 hours, 8 minutes
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: vandago]
#21681106 - 05/14/15 10:38 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said:
Quote:
mick said:
Quote:
sVs said: hint: if everyone in your life hates you, think about what the common denominator in that equation is. it's you
You already said it yourself; you're an asshole and you deserve it. Haha.
if hes already said that himself why are you reiterating? do you feel the need to kick someone while hes down? the common denominator here is: youre not helping. go back to OTD swine.
I got herpes from a girl a mistakenly fell in love with that I knew had it. I made a mistake that will live in my heart, and my dick, for the reast of my life. Fucking hilarious.
like i said its not a death sentence, yeah it sucks, but if you own it youll probably meet a cool chick regardless. check out STD dating sites man, theres hot chicks all over those things. its actually a goldmine, and youll probably find good hookups on there.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: So I had my first herpes outbreak, [Re: Black_Sunset] 1
#21681119 - 05/14/15 10:42 PM (8 years, 8 months ago) |
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Aya brew would probably be a better choice then pulling the trigger.
This heart is swollen and cracked. Alcohol has soured so many good friendships. My love for abstract life has driven my blood family away.
The other family loves me....for the most part....I try so hard to be a kind soul.....I just.....give into temptation too easily.....
I'm just so fucking sad. So lost. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to call. I miss my grandpa. I miss breathing instead of hyperventilating. I miss talking on the phone for hours to people. I am so glad I have my dogs....and the shroomery is the main reason I still have my first dog.
I was 50/50 for a while.....great then horrid.
now I am paying for all the horrid and forgot how to be great.
Someone fucking print my ass and get me back to love. I just want that love I used to feel for everyone back. I miss eye contact. I miss feeling peoples souls.
I miss trust.
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