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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
How often do you get depressed?
    #21608705 - 04/28/15 11:33 AM (9 years, 22 days ago)

I only ask as I find that I go through bouts of depression more and more often as I age. I was wondering if this has happened to anyone else?

It seems like when I was younger (and very much less in tune with my inner self) I would suffer depression once in a blue moon. Now it seems like I have bouts on an almost monthly basis.

This is alongside daily meditation, regularly practising living in the present, easting well, exercising well, having hobbies, etc - all the things that should (ideally) combat this condition.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
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Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #21608715 - 04/28/15 11:39 AM (9 years, 22 days ago)

I have bad depression maybe 5 times a week. Which I think is why I drink and use substances so much, been kind of isolating myself from friends and the outside world because I just feel inadequate as a human being. We live in a lonely world :sad:


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:
To define is to confine.

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21608887 - 04/28/15 12:30 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

That we do man. Even with a loving wife and friends it can feel lonely and distant at times. I've always been a responsible and recreational user but I can feel a draw to more compulsive use with the increasing frequency of depressive episodes.

Has it always been this way for you?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Registered: 07/23/14
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Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #21608948 - 04/28/15 12:45 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

Not always but as I kept seeing all my peers surpass me and live their lives happily (with abusing substances just as much as me) I just became more secluded and sunk into my comfort zone, which is my drinking sadly. I still deal with life and am semi happy but there's always that looming unknown feeling for me. lifes uncertain and you could strive your whole life for something and once you reach it, you don't even want it anymore.

I do believe LSD has helped me greatly with my drinking and depression. It's the age old hippy tale but it really does lay out your whole life to look at it like a map and put things so you have to face it instead of bury them. How do you feel about your point in life?


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:
To define is to confine.

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21609114 - 04/28/15 01:20 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
How do you feel about your point in life?



Well this is the odd thing about it all - outwardly, I'm very successful in all aspects of life. I'm intelligent, have a loving wife, a great job, earn lots, about to buy a lovely house, own several motorbikes (my hobby), etc, etc

But as my eyes have begun to open to 'what is' (IMO), these bouts have become more frequent. Even though I practice all the things that should counter these bouts, and have been since long before their frequency increased, I'm still finding myself in that agonising, soul crushing state of despair from time to time. And I think it's getting worse.

It's not all bad though, some (most) days I feel great - but when it's bad, it's getting to the point where each episode is worse than the last.

I'm hoping that it's just a phase of sorts, but sure would like to hear other peoples experiences!


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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OfflinerGhost
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Registered: 11/01/14
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Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #21609219 - 04/28/15 01:45 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

I'm inborn depressed.

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InvisibleWhite Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #21609327 - 04/28/15 02:13 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
I only ask as I find that I go through bouts of depression more and more often as I age. I was wondering if this has happened to anyone else?

It seems like when I was younger (and very much less in tune with my inner self) I would suffer depression once in a blue moon. Now it seems like I have bouts on an almost monthly basis.

This is alongside daily meditation, regularly practising living in the present, easting well, exercising well, having hobbies, etc - all the things that should (ideally) combat this condition.




If you're just having bouts on a monthly bases then I don't think that's depression. Depression is a persistent daily thing that can last for years. Feeling sad once a month isn't a condition that needs to be treated.

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: White Beard]
    #21609352 - 04/28/15 02:20 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

Quote:

White Beard said:
If you're just having bouts on a monthly bases then I don't think that's depression. Depression is a persistent daily thing that can last for years. Feeling sad once a month isn't a condition that needs to be treated.




I disagree. Whilst clinical depression is a well documented condition, situational depression is also well documented. Depression, whether persistent or infrequent, is still depression. I'm not talking about feeling sad here. I'm talking about soul crushing despair. I know this to be similar to a clinical condition as my wife suffers it.

I'm also not looking for treatment. Just reaching out to others who may have experienced the same. Surely you have experienced something of the like in your time on this planet?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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InvisibleDividedQuantumM
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Registered: 12/06/13
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Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #21609488 - 04/28/15 02:50 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

I am clearly not a doctor, but, personally, monthly cycles of depression does not sound like 'just one of those things' to me.  If it has a periodicity and an alarming intensity, I might talk to a professional. 

Just my :twocents:


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Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: DividedQuantum]
    #21609502 - 04/28/15 02:54 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

Quote:

DividedQuantum said:
I am clearly not a doctor, but, personally, monthly cycles of depression does not sound like 'just one of those things' to me.  If it has a periodicity and an alarming intensity, I might talk to a professional. 

Just my :twocents:




Thanks DQ.

Does anyone else suffer bouts, periodically or otherwise?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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OfflineMental Taco
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Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #21609541 - 04/28/15 03:02 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

Yeah i get in a funk quite frequently. Didnt seem to happen much at all when i was younger. I notice it more in the winter, its kinda a weekly thing for me. Sometimes i feel like i could greatly benefit from some therapy that focuses on positive cognitive thought patterns.


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Did you not know that the royal hunting grounds are always forbidden?

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Mental Taco]
    #21609583 - 04/28/15 03:11 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

Quote:

Mental Taco said:
Yeah i get in a funk quite frequently. Didnt seem to happen much at all when i was younger. I notice it more in the winter, its kinda a weekly thing for me. Sometimes i feel like i could greatly benefit from some therapy that focuses on positive cognitive thought patterns.




Thanks for saying man, sounds quite a lot like what I experience. Although looking back over the last couple of years, it always seems worse for me around now (springtime). When I was discussing this with a colleague at work this morning, he mentioned that he had to take three train detours due to suicides (people throwing themselves in front of trains) this morning.

Maybe something in the air? Maybe it's just getting worse all round?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Invisibleextreme
Male

Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 9,359
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21609655 - 04/28/15 03:33 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
I have bad depression maybe 5 times a week. Which I think is why I drink and use substances so much, been kind of isolating myself from friends and the outside world because I just feel inadequate as a human being. We live in a lonely world :sad:




:hugitout:

For me I'd say it highly depends.  During the winter unless I'm high on hard drugs (which even then can sometimes be depressing depending at what point in the high and what drug, etc) pretty much, well almost, every moment I'm awake I feel at least a little depressed.  I basically live close enough to Canada to say I live there; I'm within a few hundred miles from the border though towards the middle of the country, and our winters can get fucking COLD and LONG.  When 90% of days are overcast and sometimes snowing, with sporadic temps with some "good days" being over 20F and the particularly bad ones being in the negatives, sometimes with wind chills that make it feel like negative 40 outside (that's pushing it, but the winter before this past one was BAD; it was literally in the negatives every single day for like 3-4 months) and our winters seem to drag out so long, you never know what you'll get here, up to a month and a half ago we had a few days, maybe up to a week, of like 60F sunny nice weather, just enough to be like "is that it?!?!?" and then BOOM nope another month in the 30s and 40s, which don't get me wrong is still much better than "real" winter, but you lucky ones always living in warmth and sun don't realize how much warmth and sun contribute to happiness, and how freeing and liberating it can be to go outside without at least long sleeves on and pants.  Yesterday I wore just a T-shirt (even that was too much, I'm going with a cutoff today) and the first day of wearing shorts to work since last fall when it started getting cold and I had to switch to pants.  It was GORGEOUS yesterday.  And go figure I felt strangely but particularly better.  Some of you may be surprised how much - at least for me - weather factors into happiness, or lack-thereof.

But yea my drug consumption each winter always goes up, for the last 3 years the first winter I had a crazy meth binge for 3 weeks, it doesn't sound like a ton but that was THE most manic period in my life (went HARD on it, had plenty...); only time I ever voluntarily dumped the rest of my drugs, because in that short time I had become more insane than ever, but it sorta just fell into my lap in mid-Nov so the timing was more random.  But the 2 winters ago that was extra cold, I started with and consumed about a ball of heroin, 400mg oxy, followed by what I now view as a small binge on 10g MXE (first time I couldn't control my compulsive, nightly use, like booze I can easily go without during the day but if I have it, I wanna do that at night, and I'd had MXE a few times before, once I got 20g of the best UK snow ever, but never had that uncontrollable urge before to do it EVERY night) anyway I also got a half gram of 3meopcp with that, which requires really small doses so a half G of that is actually kind of a lot, and by the end I'd done like 5-7g of ketamine; jeez after all the MXE ran out when I got most of the K, I could sniff a fatass line and barely feel an inkling of anything from it for like 10 minutes, then absolutely sober.  Also that whole time, and after too, I did my share of amphetamines, like 4FA and 2FMA and a little 2FA, not daily but a few times a week at least.  I had one class that started at like 9 AM so every Wed the whole semester I did a ton of amps before class lol.

Like the meth the year before that, this was all actually earlier winter - I should note to me "winter" is that long stretch it's cold out, I don't really define our months with their proper labels; we don't have 4 seasons, we moreso have summer and winter, with maybe a month of fall and a month of spring - anyway so when I say "early winter" like that, for that particular one I meant I started with the dope around Oct maybe and everything was gone by mid Dec maybe.  From really the start of "winter" (cold) to the early-mid phase.  Kratom honestly saved my ass once I ran out of all the goodies, and it's been my #1 med to this day.  It doesn't get to be the coldest until about Jan through Feb usually, but the transition even going into that, knowing it's just "another fucking winter, this is gonna suck" even if it's not at its coldest point yet I can start early.  I don't have easy access to all drugs all the time, but they tend to find me in winter, for some reason, maybe to lift my spirits, or maybe I don't try as hard to find them when we have better weather, I'm not sure haha.  I'm pretty sure that has to be a combination of both, or at least I know I don't try so hard to score when it's nice out, that IS for sure.

:strokebeard::shrug: Sorry for the long paragraphs by the way guys, I just kinda get going and then it's hard to stop :tongue2:

Well I may as well go to this most recent winter now, the one that JUST ended.  Also for the past 3 winters I've been over 21, so you can add booze to all of them, particularly after I've run out of the better hard drugs.  Anyway for this winter, from what I can recall I actually didn't go overboard with anything too much in the earlier winter; I did have maybe 10-14 days starting in early Dec around finals time where I consumed I think it was like 1.2-1.4g of meth (always had the good crystal too) but honestly considering my past that little stint, with healthier habits like still trying to eat and sleep, and taking a few days off, that wasn't really very much.  Got hooked on benzos again in Sept sometime and it hasn't stopped yet (ugh!) it sucks.  But around the meth/finals time I was having a tough time, so I tried to grab some MXE (a lot...) and that ended up taking a long time to come through but I was finally able to get my hands on it I think mid-late Jan.  This may spin some heads if nothing yet already has, but I ended up doing roughly 70 grams (2.5 ounces) from when I got it up until about 2-3 weeks ago I think.  Did all that in some 2.5 months, and I tried to save .8g as a "good times" stash, and made it exactly one week, then did some of that, and then a couple days later, said I don't want any of this anymore and did the rest.  Just can't seem to control myself like I used to, I hope one day I can again and get more and actually save it for mostly good times!  Anyway if you do the math, ~2.5 ounces in 2.5 months turns out to be about a gram a day.  And I obviously didn't start that high, so that means by the end I was probably doing up to 2 grams each night, if not more on the craziest of nights.  It wasn't until the end (I usually don't weigh my doses) that I realized how small a 100mg line looked, enough to hole anyone without a tolerance.  Anyway this got longer than intended, but it's all just a long drug filled rant on how much the goddamn weather can actually effect my mood.


Sorry I didn't mean to talk so much just about just about my past 3 winters and drugs lol.  I really started trying RCs though like 10-11 months (Jan) before that first 3 week meth binge.  Remember getting some amps and MXE.  Didn't get out of control though.

Anyway there's a lot of factors, but I said almost all the time during winter I feel depressed, but during summer, it's usually not that bad.  I'm always a bit melancholic by nature it feels, but summer is much better, and I'm less reclusive and distant.

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
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Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: extreme]
    #21609728 - 04/28/15 03:56 PM (9 years, 22 days ago)

Thanks for that post extreme, long winded or not it was nice to see a snapshot of your life over the past few years.

I was in fact just talking to my wife about the dozen or so meth binges we've had over the past couple of years (mostly for the amazing sex one can have on it) and she feels they may have contributed to these depressive bouts. I know that it has a long term detrimental effect on the brain - something to do with new pathways being formed and then dying off - so it is a possible contributing factor. Sounds like you used a lot more heavily than I ever did though. Do you think it might have affected you long term?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Invisibleextreme
Male

Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 9,359
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #21611405 - 04/28/15 11:12 PM (9 years, 21 days ago)

Thanks for reading, by the way I don't post a ton in this forum but love to read posts here a lot, it seems the real "thinkers" tend to congregate here and I love reading a lot of the thoughts and opinions of people here; for the most part y'all seem a little more in touch with reality (or extra out of touch, giving you another interesting angle) but also I'd say some of you are truly open minded (I try to see myself that way too) but 99% of the Shroomery probably thinks they're open minded too, but I'd say like 10% of them actually are.  I've always enjoyed your contributions and posts JSB, I'm gonna +5 you for reading that and not judging me, and also actually reading another one of my very often long winded posts.

I really like to write and express myself and I've found nice outlets for that in certain places on the Shroomery.  It is a bit funny I remember all these different winters so well despite the loads of drugs I've done.  Thing is I was a huge stoner for like, 2-3 years, smoked a bit senior year and once I turned 18 and graduated, I just became a stoner for some years and I don't remember much nor did I get much done in life.  It's kinda funny that maybe that was a more healthy period (for my physical body and brain) than the 3-3.5 years after that, yet I've managed to actually do more with my life in these more recent years, and remember more too.  And I prefer that.  I try not to see myself as having any regrets.  I probably do, I'm sure we all do, and at the time if I woke up 3 years ago and had no memory of my current life since then, THEN I could maybe say I'd like to have done things differently, but alas, you can't change the past, so that's why I wouldn't change a thing :smile:

Something worth noting is that I joined this site and maybe my first post was a trip report on some MDA/"L" (it was super weak L) but that was my first roll (and L experience) ever, sucks I've never had any MDA since then cuz that was AWESOME, but anyway, about 2 months after I joined here is when I got connected with a bunch of super legit L and MDMA.  For about a year I was basically a huge acid head, and rolled quite often too, until May 2012 when I took my first solo "heroic dose" of L (6 hits of VERY strong L, just trust me on that, this is some one hit for the full experience stuff) and that really gave me a peak into my life from an angle I've never seen before; such an amazing trip but I think it changed me a lot and also opened up the door to some issues I have that I've never acknowledged prior to that.  After that I tripped less, then in late August '12 I believe, I took twice that much, 12 hits of again I stress VERY strong L, and since then I've really rarely tripped because it's kinda like once you get the message, you can hang up the phone.  For the most part I think I've gotten the message that psychedelics try to do for people.  A lot of people will call that bullshit while others may call it a peak into enlightenment, I guess I'm sorta on the fence there, like my stance on the afterlife and other such impossibly knowable things, but there's no question I learned things about MYSELF, and I've always been sorta "different" but I really haven't been the same since then, but all the while I wouldn't say that means I'm permafried or anything (who knows maybe I am though haha) I've probably been slightly more neurotic, and OCD, since then, but at the same time I'm also more grateful and mesmerized, almost some contradictory things - some good some bad - that have changed.  I think there have been parts of me that have just been pushed more to the extremes more thoroughly than before, and life is just different now, even though it always has been lol.  Hard to explain, but I tried...


I don't know mannnn, life's a trip haha.  May have gone a bit over the top again with such a simple OP, but this is all related to the OP.  There's times every once in a while I feel complete bliss, high or not.  Other times I want to just die, or wish I'd never been born in the first place, or feel like a failure.  Those are mostly just THOUGHTS though, as shitty as life can be at times it's still a blessing I believe.  You only get one of these (lifes) AFAIK :wink:

Oh yea since I stopped smoking so damn much weed - I hardly ever smoke now maybe once every 3 months on avg, actually Friday night I think I actually smoked by myself, not because I was around peers or anything but because I wanted to, for the first time in over a year probably - but yea (sometimes I start with something and then a sidepoint comes up that is way longer lol) anyway my dream recall and intensity has gone up a LOT, and dreaming is one of my favorite parts of life.

A good night of dreaming can have serious implications on my happiness, good or bad dreams.  I had a night in Dec with possibly the best dream sequence ever (and I've manyyyy memorable and awesome dreams) and I was straight manic the next day.  I shouldn't have felt that way either (I may have touched on this a bit in my previous post) but it was the first night off from methamp after 2 days/nights up on that, I have a theory that somehow after tweaking or something you get very vivid dreams when you sleep, at least from a few of my experiences, but that had me impossibly happy the next day it took a LOT to bring me down (coincidentally my favorite work buddy was giving me a TON of shit that day, to the point he almost ruined it all) but I just took a personal break from him as he was really getting to me, then we talked it out, then I was happy again.  This is the day after at least a few points of crystal, in the winter, at work, why was I so happy?  That fucking dream man.  For a number of days after that (some on meth but some not) I still felt that same unparalleled happiness.  Over some days I started reverting back and forgetting, or rather, thinking too hard/much again, and those good feels started to fade, but that must have been close to a week of increased happiness that is extremely rare and hard for me to hold onto, especially just sober during a tough part in my life at the time (like I said, finals, winter, etc).

I had a night that falls into probably my top 5 nights of dreaming maybe 2 months ago, OMFG, I think I actually was lucid during one (at least) and told myself "WOW" and started crying tears of joy (*did take MXE that night*).  The happy feelings after that night didn't last as long as that time in Dec, but no doubt that did increase my mood for at least the next day.  Most recently, 2 nights ago I had a ton of vivid dreams (after some 30+ hours awake from adderall) and my spirits have definitely been lifted more than I think they normally would be since that night.  These past 2 days at work too, I've fucking KILLED it.  No addy since that, by the way, just the daily routine of kratom, some caffeine, nicotine, and a small dose of benzos (for me) I'm trying to at least reduce my tolerance even if I can't come off them right now (there's a reason I kinda can't at the moment) but anyway none of those daily drugs increase my mood as much as it's been lifted since 2 nights ago (they help but there's more to it - I'm basically addicted to all those anyway - the kratom doesn't bother me though as it's worth it for me, and I can control the caffeine, but I'd definitely like to cut out the nicotine and [recreational use of] benzos possibly this summer or fall).

Then again as I also stated it's actually super nice outside too, and that helps a lot.  After a winter here, I can't walk outside on a spring day and let the sun hit my face and not feel OK.  Ha, another super long post, this is kinda just my style really.

That said I'll stop here, I think I've done the best I can for now explaining what affect my happiness levels.  Indeed there are a lot of variables.  If you read all this I hope it was worth it haha.  It's been good for me :lol: I'll be around :peace:

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Invisibleextreme
Male

Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 9,359
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #21611495 - 04/28/15 11:45 PM (9 years, 21 days ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Sounds like you used a lot more heavily than I ever did though. Do you think it might have affected you long term?




Whoops sorry, I didn't respond specifically to this part.  I believe any single time you use almost any drug, it affects your brain (I'm saying after the high wears off) at least a little bit, even if it's so small you barely notice it.  I like the lyric from a Linkin Park song "once the paper's crumpled up it can't be perfect again" I like to think of our brains like that.  Whether your paper is torn, crumpled, drawn on - a complete mess - or there's just a small crease in the corner, it's not "perfect" anymore.  But that isn't always a bad thing; for example taking MDMA even just once probably still hurts your brain a bit, but if you have an amazing experience it can still help more than it can hurt long term.  Interestingly, I've learned a lot about myself through meth.

So in short, yes.  I feel like it has changed my perception/experiences and taught me things about myself (almost like psychedelics can) and I believe those are good, but I think it's definitely burnt me out some too, especially when you consider all the amphetamines I've done altogether (mainly I've done a good bit of 4FA, probably more grams of that than meth, a couple other RC fluoros like that but mostly 4FA, and then things like adderall, and a little blow if we're including that).

Mind if I ask what your meth is like over in the UK and how prevalent it is?  I thought in Europe speed paste and stuff like that was basically like what meth is in the USA.  Never really heard of meth in Europe honestly, not much anyway.

One of the reasons I've fallen in love with kratom and couldn't care less if I'm addicted to it is because it hardly has any side effects and I've been taking it for a solid 16 months now every day, pretty much around the clock so 2-3x a day normally.  Even the long term negative effects are basically unnoticeable, the worst being that I want to stay on it lol.  It helps me so much, especially given my past drug use, it particularly helps with things like lethargy which is big, mood, etc.

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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #21613092 - 04/29/15 11:57 AM (9 years, 21 days ago)

I get little bouts of feeling disappointed with others/and feeling isolated, but experience pleasure in excess and have tons of interests, so I wouldn't quite say I'm depressed.  I spent the weekend candyflipping (two hits of acid, and hit of MDMA) followed by a giant pile 80mg of MXE at the peak.  There's little to discuss about such altered states of consciousness, yet they are the most profound and important experiences to me.  Some friends to trip with (perhaps not at such excessive dosages) would be nice, but I'm pretty picky about who I trip with these days.



--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.

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InvisibleDividedQuantumM
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Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,885
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #21613132 - 04/29/15 12:07 PM (9 years, 21 days ago)

That must have gotten your attention, CJ.


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Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici

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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: DividedQuantum]
    #21613159 - 04/29/15 12:16 PM (9 years, 21 days ago)

What is mxe like? Never got to try that one


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:
To define is to confine.

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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
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Re: How often do you get depressed? [Re: DividedQuantum]
    #21613189 - 04/29/15 12:33 PM (9 years, 21 days ago)

Quote:

DividedQuantum said:
That must have gotten your attention, CJ.




Weekend of excess, on my birthday eve after eating the best Indian food of my life, went out to multnomah county whiskey library and drank $15-35 glasses of scotch for an hour, such wonderful smokey flavors, have never had better scotch in my life.  Then rolled and went dancing with a lover at a bar, ate a vooodoo donut, took another roll at home and went to take a bath before some love making....  too drunk / rolling to fuck :ohwell:

On birthday intended to go to Mexican restaurant, it had closed and was replaced with Portuguese restaurant.  Ate some overpriced risotto, finally watched Interstellar, at home took two hits of LSD and decided fuck it, I've never candyflipped and took a hit of ecstasy.  Had some tolerance to both acid and mdma at that point, big pile of MXE.

Straight into pure being, clear light, ecstasy, visions were exotic, 3d black latex, like the stuff spiderman/venom use making beautiful oragami like artwork, listened to the beatles, the dead... heart wide open, sensitive, walls upon walls of identity maintained and defended evaporated, just the heart's secret domain, a hidden place where everything sacred to me was readily accessible...  about 9am I woke up my lover, we had hours of crazy temple sex, felt like wise sage :lol:  He was pretty good sport about it, and was very into it - I personally wouldn't want to have hours of sex dead sober, my back would end up sore or something :lol: 

Was a great birthday to say the least.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.

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