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Offlinethirtygoats
Male
Registered: 12/29/11
Posts: 1,992
Last seen: 2 months, 19 days
Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours
    #21531724 - 04/11/15 06:25 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Hey all. The last thread I created detailed how my situation in rehab occurred and I got kicked out for talking about selling ibuprofens and 2 people snitched and I had to leave even though they never found any ibuprofens. Then I began sleeping outside of libraries and shit, then managed to get a tent and sleep near a bunch of other people with tents. My friend heard about it and I'm staying with him for about a week until he will try to convince me to go to another rehab that's probably just as shitty, for about another 7 months until my father is released from prison and deported back to Ireland and I will go live over there. It's sure to be a big relief from this Hell I've been living in since I was a kid, growing up in a dysfunctional house and being a bit isolated. I feel as an angel stuck in Hell being forced to change into someone I didn't want to be.

Well I guess I got lucky. I can sort of feel the excitement one feels before taking such a drug. I've only taken it once before and it was weak, about 6 years ago. My friend says the dose I took probably wasn't even as strong as half of the dose I'm gonna be taking this morning. I always feel sort of like a "big change" is coming whenever I take a psychedelic, like some huge catastrophe or maybe something positive like the national debt will be paid off, just a major shift in conscience or an awakening among the masses that may or may not be indirectly triggered by my actions. But enough of the fantasy talk.

I'm 24 years old and probably much more wise than people my age. I've been called everything from retarded to genius but I've learned who to listen to and who not to listen to. There really is a lot I could say but I feel like I'm a broken record when I am just saying the same things over and over to different people so I stay quiet because I'm a bit introverted which causes nervousness around people because I know they are wondering what's wrong with me. The problem is that even if they don't say I look like a serial killer or ask me if I'm "retarded or something", I can't seem to shake those negative thoughts and I'm not resorting to some idiot doctor and his little bottle of Zoloft. I need a soulmate who won't forget what I say. I guess I am a bit of a wuss in the way that I can't seem to get over the things people have said to me so much that the negative feeling just sticks like glue but I guess I am a bit of a warrior in the way that a lot of people would break if they even had to live half of my life.

I'm hoping that this trip (100mcg of 90's acid strength) will release me from my demons and I will become a better, more sociable person. Maybe even cure my Attention deficit disorder so that I can be more productive and not procrastinate to the point that I'm literally homeless and sleeping in a tent with a padlock on the zipper, like that is really going to stop somebody with a gun or knife.

Most people, or atleast a lot of them, take drugs solely for the purpose of getting high. Not me. But don't get me wrong, I have before taken drugs solely to get high simply because that was the only purpose that kind of drug served. It seems like everytime I get drunk/high with somebody, they'll start acting extremely stupid and I could be just as high, if not higher than them and I'm sitting there wondering what the hell's wrong with them. Like they had ego loss and don't even realize it. Just the other day, my friend Scooter (about 43 years old, also homeless) had drank 3 4Loko's, smoked some weed and decided to start talking shit to our black neighbors, of all the things to do when drunk. lol Well, long story short, they knocked his ass out, hit him a few times with a stick, kicked him, etc and threw him out in the field. I was expecting it and I thought it was funny because he did it to himself by being an idiot. I guess I can't expect much from another hobo. They went and checked on him and they said his pants were pulled down and he was in the fetal position. He was fine though. All he had was a black eye and a cut on his forehead.

What I am hoping to gain from this trip is some ambition, knowledge and to hopefully figure out some of my problems to and become a better person. It will be only the second time in my life that I've taken this, so I'm hoping for a real breakthrough or success with it. Might make a thread in the other section with a detailed trip report if I feel like the trip was significant or good enough for others to spend their time reading it, but don't want to just say the same things as the other trip reports. I wanna come up with something fantastic, groundbreaking, etc., something that won't lose it's fire after I've come down. I may be free and have tools to create something but I can't seem to focus long enough and be positive, etc because it feels like everytime I try to do something, it goes wrong and I'm left in an even worse position. Hopefully my perspective and attitude will be shifted toward a more productive mindstate and I can break free. I've got an idea of what music I'd like to listen to. There's a few good playlists on Youtube if I just search for "Psytrance", some of which sound pretty amazing even while sober. For some reason, I lean toward the darker kind of music when sober but if I trip (used to use dxm), that kind of music sounds satanic and I can't listen to it so I switch over to Shpongle and similar ones.

Anyone with any advice, input, suggestions, comments, or just random words for no reason, feel free to reply. :potleaf:

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Offlinekoods
Ribbit
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 107,126
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 3 hours, 18 minutes
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: thirtygoats] * 2
    #21531743 - 04/11/15 06:36 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Drugs aren't going to fix your drug problems.

Psychedelics can be eye opening and insightful. You're using that as an excuse
To get high.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”

Edited by koods (04/11/15 06:39 AM)

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Offlinethirtygoats
Male
Registered: 12/29/11
Posts: 1,992
Last seen: 2 months, 19 days
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: koods]
    #21531751 - 04/11/15 06:41 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

That's like saying I will lose a bike race if I show up to a bike race riding a rusty p.o.s. on wheels. I dunno. I know drugs aren't going to solve the problems but they might help. I'm not doing so well on my own.

If I wanted to get high, I wouldn't take this, that's for damn sure.

Edited by thirtygoats (04/11/15 06:43 AM)

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Invisiblepsychodelia
Not a cop


Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 2,284
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: thirtygoats]
    #21531767 - 04/11/15 06:53 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Ur so wise


--------------------
don't be nervous

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InvisibleRustifer
prestige worldwide
Male


Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: psychodelia]
    #21531813 - 04/11/15 07:25 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

I got kicked out for talking about selling ibuprofens




How did any of you read past this?

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Offlineberdinwall
<3 whooooshhh


Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 4,276
Loc: West Virginia
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: psychodelia]
    #21531817 - 04/11/15 07:29 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Good luck man.. Lifes tough. I have a feeling its gonna be a good one for you ; )


--------------------

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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 5 months, 15 days
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: Rustifer]
    #21531822 - 04/11/15 07:31 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Rustifer said:
Quote:

I got kicked out for talking about selling ibuprofens




How did any of you read past this?




That can happen though, I have never been through a rehab, but have heard of plenty of stories like that.  People that run those places don't want any behavior which might remind people of using.


--------------------
©️

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InvisibleRustifer
prestige worldwide
Male


Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: Lucis]
    #21531828 - 04/11/15 07:35 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah I've been through more than my fair share of rehabs buddy. Still never tried to sell ibuprofen.

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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 5 months, 15 days
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: Rustifer]
    #21531831 - 04/11/15 07:37 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Rustifer said:
Still never tried to sell ibuprofen.





Clearly you're not thug life.


--------------------
©️

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OfflineShroom Kitty
Im just a kitty


Registered: 02/12/15
Posts: 553
Loc: Earth Realm
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: psychodelia]
    #21532159 - 04/11/15 09:40 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

psychodelia said:
Ur so wise





What!?!?!?!

Also to op man I think your first thing to do is get a job brother. Job trend to distract from using. There are other rehabs that don't cost to go to. You have to want to change. Not just blame it on people just don't understand you. How about taking accountability for your actions. Your exactly where you put your self in life. One thing you have to realize is that nobody I your friend in life. You can't depend. On nobody for shit. Stop being a bitch about things and man up. I have struggled with addiction and got my life right. At the age of 24 I couldn't of imagined living in a fucking tent dude. I hate to be this harsh but maybe its what you need ...wake the fuck up. The world doesn't owe you shit. I hope you make it in life where you want to be . Be careful out there .
ONE LOVE BROTHER

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Invisible1234go
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 57,883
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: Shroom Kitty]
    #21532207 - 04/11/15 09:52 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Shroom Kitty said:
Quote:

psychodelia said:
Ur so wise





What!?!?!?!





Ha, I think that was sarcasm broseph.

This was my favorite part.

Quote:

my friend Scooter (about 43 years old, also homeless)




thirtygoats, I know where you're coming from with the psych's clearing negative juju.
I strongly believed that for a while. But it's a dead end path.
Unless you really want to make the effort to change, like deep down in your heart kinda shit.
Psychedelics aren't going to do anything for you in the long run.

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OfflineNateBadass
Shady guy
Male


Registered: 03/29/15
Posts: 148
Loc: New Jersey, USA Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
Re: Temporarily not homeless and will be dosing in about 5 hours [Re: 1234go]
    #21532230 - 04/11/15 09:58 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Honestly, just find a job, and try to get your life on track, I STRONGLY recommend you don't dose, since your carrying all that negative baggage in your brain, just putting my two cents in


--------------------
Would you believe in what you believe in if you were the only one who believed it?









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