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OfflineD-Shroomhunter
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Registered: 05/11/14
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Trip report-Fighting an Ego-Death?
    #21491791 - 04/02/15 10:38 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

So... This post has been a long time in the making, In my mind, The trip to be reported is almost a year and a half old, It was my first experience with magic mushrooms and quite a frightening one to be honest... I've never really been able to tell anyone about it and have actual feedback because my friends thought I was crazy... Anyway, Here's a little back story on the mushrooms used and the trip... Leave some thoughts maybe?

I had been walking around a farmers field while it was raining and came across these 2 huge mushrooms, I wasn't sure they were a psychedelic at the time, but i was curious... I picked them and took them back home, and their stems were slightly crushed by the time i got home cause they were in a backpack, and they had bruised very very dark blue, alerting me that they were in fact active mushrooms... I inspected them for a while, researching them online and later determining that they were P.cubensis...

I decided I would consume them, I had been curious about psychedelics for a long time and was ready to experiment with them... I start from the stem of the smaller one and started to munch into the cap, The taste was weird, but it wasn't so bad i had to have them with something else... I than began on the second, bigger mushroom, this mushroom's cap was about the size of my fist, and at 6'5, 120KG and an addiction to big muscles I had a big fist... anyway... After consuming the mushrooms i laid back on my bed for about 15 minutes just thinking about what was gonna happen... I then decided to go eat dinner... I had some steak with gravy, it only took me about 20 mins to eat... and then i went back and laid on my bed, I was thinking back on all the mushroom trip reports i had read and was starting to experience the "come up" it felt weird, like i was ascending, I decided to listen to some music, I put on some Deadmau5, another 15 minutes began to pass and i can feel the mushrooms effects beginning, i got the giggles for a while, what seemed like hours, but in reality it was probably 30 minutes of constant giggling, anyway... about now i started texting my girlfriend, and i began telling her what i did, she's cool and laughs and calls me a hippie, i laugh and begin telling her how i have such a deep love for her right now and that i love everything... i probably sounded like a nut... I was beginning to lose track of time, so it's hard for me to describe the timings now, so now i will just say the events... i rolled over after saying goodnight to my girlfriend and noticed a towel i had on my floor, it was pink normally, but now it was fluorescent pink and glowing, i put my face into my pillow and began to laugh, i rolled over again and looked up, and held my hand above me, i noticed that it was leaving trails, i began playing with the trails, both hands in the air and laughing uncontrollably... I understand now how people think people on mushrooms go crazy...I shut my eyes to see what would happen, and i can see weird visuals... like a tunnel of spinning colors and objects... i cant really remember what they were, but i think they may have been faces... after noticing how pleasurable and satisfying these visuals were for some reason i decided to get up and turn the light off... i layed back in bed, pitch black, only my deadmau5 could be heard, and i was enjoying listening to the music, but now, there were no visuals.... which i found weird... and the amazement and aw i felt before started to subside, which was worrying me, i than began to notice how shallow my breathing was, and how it sounded as though it was echoing in my mind, i felt as if i was going to stop breathing at any moment ... i began to over think, i was telling myself the mushrooms i picked must have been poisonous, and how stupid i was, i began thinking i was going to die, I felt as though i couldn't move at all, and breathing was incredibly hard, i felt paralyzed and as if my spirit was leaving my body, i even stopped breathing for what felt like hours but was probably a lot shorter but the shrooms affected my judgement of time.... during this time of not breathing my eyes were shut and i couldn't hear anything, not even my heart, and i assumed i was dead, i began to feel incredibly bad, thinking about how sad my girlfriend and family would be, that i just ate some mushrooms and died... i felt a huge wave of sadness and all of a sudden i told myself im not dying, not today, and i took a huge gulp of air and opened my eyes, and fought incredibly hard to move my arms and legs, upon regaining the ability to move i walked out of my bedroom, down the hallway, through the kitchen, out onto the porch, down a flight of stairs, somehow not falling, out into the garden surrounded by trees and induced vomiting, still thinking the mushrooms i had were poisonous, and that it was best to induce vomiting so i dont die.... i then stood up and felt instantly relieved, like it was life and death before, and i had just lived...i than proceeded to walk into the man cave underneath the house and turn on the tv, where i found top gear was on, and all i remember is that i kept giggling and saying "what the fuuuuuck" while smiling when Jeremy said something funny... and whenever the ads were on i would get up and walk in tiny circles contemplating why things are the way they are... i felt like i had a huge epiphany while i was walking around holding my replica Beretta M9 in my hand, and i kept saying to myself "why doesn't the government want us to have these... Why are these illegal here" and i had this huge breakthrough it felt like where i stopped walking, my eyes widened and i held the gun in the air and said "because this small piece of metal has the power to change the world..." and after that the memory gets a little sketchy... all i remember after that is finishing watching top gear and falling asleep on the couch in the man cave.

So that's my first trip report, go easy on me if it's not up to scratch... tried my best... thoughts anyone?

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OfflineAchillita
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Registered: 05/26/14
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Re: Trip report-Fighting an Ego-Death? [Re: D-Shroomhunter]
    #21492051 - 04/02/15 11:43 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

It seemed like a great and pretty intense trip. I don't think you were fighting an ego death but it was just the process of having one. And then freaking out about it.

Also 2 mushrooms for an ego death?!?! Those shrooms mush have been HUGE!


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OfflineD-Shroomhunter
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Registered: 05/11/14
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Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
Re: Trip report-Fighting an Ego-Death? [Re: Achillita]
    #21495240 - 04/03/15 05:00 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

They were... And also very potent, judging by how much they bruised and how deep the color was... I've hunted the same spot again looking for more like them but only ever found tiny P.Cubensis mushrooms since... :frown:

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OfflineAldebaran
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Re: Trip report-Fighting an Ego-Death? [Re: Achillita]
    #21495474 - 04/03/15 07:20 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Those shrooms mush have been HUGE!




Quote:

this mushroom's cap was about the size of my fist, and at 6'5, 120KG




There you go, monster 6'5" 120kg mushrooms. Although I may have read that wrong :wink:

Quote:

i then stood up and felt instantly relieved, like it was life and death before, and i had just lived.




"Fighting an ego death" sounds about right. It's like the trip reaches a point where it will either take you under, or you avoid it - "I'm not dying, not today".

But that feeling of "I assumed I was dead" combined with the "huge epiphany" is getting into ego death-territory. It's the temporary cessation of your normal inner thoughts, overwhelmed by the trip, combined with a massive feeling of epiphany, oceanic bliss, waves of revelation. Less Top Gear, more like entering the Matrix.

Anyway, it's slightly pointless trying to define this sort of thing too much - if you take high doses you will experience endless depths of madness and revelation that is hard to put into words.

Quote:

I've never really been able to tell anyone about it and have actual feedback because my friends thought I was crazy.




Exactly.

That sounds like a pretty solid first trip, nice report :thumbup:

:feelsshroomyman:


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I wrote that, but I meant something else

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