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Anonymous #1

I think my friend is becoming a douchebag
    #21474147 - 03/29/15 11:43 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Long story short he's one of my four closest friends, and he's got some status and seems to be hell bent on building his ego more and more. That's fine and dandy, but I'm getting the sense that he thinks he's better than me. All guys talk shit to eachother, but with him it gets personal and backhanded. When we drink, he'll sometimes throw his weight around (he's a body builder) and makes things really tense sometimes.

With my other close friends things are always chill and relaxed, when he enters the room life becomes a god damn competition.

Worst part is, for me at least, is that I recently got myself a girl. She's damn cute, and I know it kills my friend that I landed a chick this perfect physically and mentally. I get the sense that he doesn't think I deserve her, and that pisses me off. Lately he tries to test me with subtlties like taking my beer, "joking" by telling me he loves my girl, and mentioning the 4 inches in height he has on me.

I don't think my other friends are as bothered by his behavior, as me and him go back the farthest and I've delt with this tension far longer than they have. Then again there have been times where my other friends don't seem to want him around either.

What do I do about this? He's got a short fuse, as do I. I'm afraid to call him out in an angry way becuase it would stir up some shit and we'd probably fight. I've lost a friend in the past for the same thing, rather not do it again.

Usually I just try and downplay all of it, but if I show the slightest hint of opposition he turns it into a "what are you gonna do?" Situation...

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OfflineColours
Registered: 01/20/13
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #21474224 - 03/29/15 12:01 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Sounds like he is just being a douche bag. 

People change and things go sour, so maybe it's getting near that time where you should just move on, at least for a little while. I mean, you make it sound like you don't really enjoy being around him, and it's more stress than enjoyment.

I'd just take a break from him when you start to chill with friends. Maybe he'll get the message. If he doesn't and he asks "why don't you want to hang out anymore" or whatever, you just tell him because well, he wants to know.

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OfflineBikerfool
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21474233 - 03/29/15 12:03 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

He doesn't sound like much of "friend."

So there's a repeating pattern in his behavior that is causing friction..

You should confront him about it in the most mature way possible, while sober.

Express how you feel first, such as, "I don't feel very good about our friendship. I feel like you think you're better than me and I'd like to resolve this."

If you don't want to take the direct approach than you should probably stop hanging out with him much because it sounds like it sucks.

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OfflineLittleDaddy
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21474244 - 03/29/15 12:05 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

This is what I recommend: Bring it up, if he doesn't respond well, leave the situation at that. He may be too arrogant to realize his mistake, but friends and relationships change and if he is acting too arrogant to accept his fault then maybe it's time to just let him go. Doesn't mean you have to avoid him, but maybe be straight up and tell him you don't want to chill with him if he asks to.

If he listens to what you say then help him work on it and it may take some patience.

As for your girl, people pick up on his kind of attitude pretty quickly and it's quite the turn off, so I don't think he'll hit her up successfully - not to say you are concerned about that.


--------------------
The hotter the battle, the sweeter Jah victory.
Put the heathen's back upon the wall.

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Offlinesprinkles
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21474248 - 03/29/15 12:06 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

do you have a bigger penis than he does?  If so, thats all you have to say


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OfflinePed
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #21474312 - 03/29/15 12:20 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Over the years a lot of my friends have gone down this pathway.  I've experienced what seemed like life-long, unbreakable friendships erode under odious hippy smugness, and I've experienced otherwise amicable people turn into what I perceived as swaggering meat heads.

People come and go in life.  People change.  It's not up to us to decide whether or not these changes are good or bad, but when compatibilities fluctuate the kindest thing you can do for yourself and them is to gradually distance yourself from the relationship.

If you can muster the internal security to put up with your friend's behaviour, and can maintain the friendship despite its changing tides, all the power to you.  For most of us, however, this just isn't realistic.  There's no shame in acknowledging this and moving on with your life.


--------------------


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OfflineOggy
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Ped]
    #21474387 - 03/29/15 12:37 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Just remember there's no such thing as a fair fight, if it comes to it.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Oggy]
    #21474510 - 03/29/15 01:08 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah I actually have distanced myself from him over the years, purposely. We went to college together, he joined a frat and I didn't. We each kind of developed our own groups. His brothers were ok, but not the kind of people I'd want to associate with.

It's just tough now being out of college as he's a part of our main squad, you know? I can't distance myself from him now without isolating myself from my friends.

I'll be honest, I don't care to salvage the friendship. He's been like this for as long as I've known him and I hate to admit that he's undermined my confidence wherever he could for his own gain. I know that's a little dramatic but it's true. We became friends because we were both outcasts, but we were outcastes with very different game plans.

I mean, the dude named his little yappy dog after me...call me sensitive but I find that really insulting.

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OfflinePed
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21474704 - 03/29/15 01:57 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

>> he joined a frat and I didn't

It stands to reason that this was the beginning of the end.  I'd wager high odds that his behaviour changed as direct result of fraternity peer influence. 


>> I can't distance myself from him now without isolating myself from my friends.

Yeah, that's unfortunate.  It's like when your girlfriend becomes friends with all your friends -- at first it's great, but then when you break up the social dynamic becomes intolerably difficult.


>> the dude named his little yappy dog after me...call me sensitive but I find that really insulting.

I'm not sure what to make of that.  On the one hand, it might be a benign token of his affection, but the other hand it might be an externalization of some convoluted power dynamic.  What a strange move on his part.


--------------------


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Anonymous #1

Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Ped]
    #21474758 - 03/29/15 02:10 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah it was more of a "power move" on his part I guess you could say. That's one of the things he's started doing, saying my name in a condencending way. That's kind of how the dog thing happened. He started calling his dog by my name in the same tone of voice, the dog picked it up and it's been "hilarious" ever since.

Yeah things are weird between us. I can't fucking stand it.

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OfflinePed
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #21474998 - 03/29/15 03:03 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

I had a friend who, upon noticing my willingness to do things for other people like open doors or bring them beverages, started calling me "Jeeves" in a condescending tone.  The friendship did not persist more than one year after that.  There's no ill will there, nor was there any falling out, but when that's how he chose to relate to me, I gradually chose not to relate to him.


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace

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OfflineBikerfool
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21475842 - 03/29/15 07:02 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I mean, the dude named his little yappy dog after me...call me sensitive but I find that really insulting.




That's fucked up man. I would definitely call him out on all this bullshit.
Down the line you'll be happy you did.

I understand that it could create tension within your circle of friends which makes it a tricky situation.

Still though, I would be real with him about how you feel. It will be the best thing for both of you.

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Offlinemystica
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21480057 - 03/30/15 04:24 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

I'm not saying he's a great friend or you should salvage the friendship but recently some people said the exact same thing to me and I was rather shocked - my situation could help you understand his outlook - you'll know for sure if you ask him.

First of all, indirect speech never worked on me and many comments on my behavior slipped by unnoticed since I thought we were talking of 'other friends' etc. Second, I was brought up in a competitive environment and was surrounded with 'worse' people when it comes to being an 'ego douche' as people put it. In such environments (prep schools, strict parents, logic-heavy work places, being an outcast even) it is normal and even desired that you speak of your attributes and doing so you're not viewing it as 'competing' with anyone or being a narcissistic douche, but simply weighing options, planning goals, sharing your growth process/thoughts with others..

For instance when he ''boosted'' with his body, if this were such environment, the person talking with him (you) would then reply with additional questions or his own achievements like ''today I bought my girl something expensive and she really liked it'' --> if this were the usual convo you'd understand he didn't 'attack you' with his body, nor you with your 'wealth' or whatever

I am only recently noticing that there's many many people who are rather lost in life, not doing too well or never had any particular far reaching plans and I know for sure that things they do and talk about differ greatly from an environment in which people believe 'they aren't there yet and need to constantly make plans and follow them (to get there)'.

Your friend seems determined to work on himself, but if you don't tell him you're bothered by his behavior he might not even know it's problematic (I didn't). He might even get bossy or nasty now and then since he might feel like something's wrong but not know what exactly it is and grow grudges on you for all the wrong reasons. Something that definitely helped me was noticing how different the vibe and conversations between my friends are when I'm silent. Perhaps tell him to observe this for a while and come up with some conclusions and decisions.

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Offlineqman
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21480924 - 03/30/15 08:15 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Yeah I actually have distanced myself from him over the years, purposely. We went to college together, he joined a frat and I didn't. We each kind of developed our own groups. His brothers were ok, but not the kind of people I'd want to associate with.

It's just tough now being out of college as he's a part of our main squad, you know? I can't distance myself from him now without isolating myself from my friends.

I'll be honest, I don't care to salvage the friendship. He's been like this for as long as I've known him and I hate to admit that he's undermined my confidence wherever he could for his own gain. I know that's a little dramatic but it's true. We became friends because we were both outcasts, but we were outcastes with very different game plans.

I mean, the dude named his little yappy dog after me...call me sensitive but I find that really insulting.




"he's a part of our main squad"

Sometimes you even have to disassociate yourself from your squad to handle this type of situation.

If your other friends ask what's the deal?  Tell them you don't want to spend time around this guy, maybe they will join your side maybe they won't, but don't allow this squad to compromise your principles.

Learn to do stuff without needing a group of friends, in-dependency is the key.

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InvisibleballsalsaMDiscord
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: qman]
    #21481033 - 03/30/15 08:49 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

learn a few basic grabs and holds by taking about 2 weeks of ju-jitsu.  then the next time your friend wants to step, choke him till he taps.  maybe you will still be friends, or maybe not, but you won't have any more problems with that guy.

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Anonymous #1

Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: ballsalsa]
    #21481245 - 03/30/15 09:38 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

I'm not getting physical unless he starts it, which he probably won't because I've acually got a few years of jitsu under my belt and there'd be nothing more ego-crushing than me beating him in a fight, haha.

But the thing is, I'm seriosuly over that shit. I don't give a shit who can beat who up. Neither do my other friends.

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OfflineYouCanCallMe
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21485925 - 03/31/15 11:54 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Long story short he's one of my four closest friends, and he's got some status and seems to be hell bent on building his ego more and more. That's fine and dandy, but I'm getting the sense that he thinks he's better than me. All guys talk shit to eachother, but with him it gets personal and backhanded. When we drink, he'll sometimes throw his weight around (he's a body builder) and makes things really tense sometimes.

With my other close friends things are always chill and relaxed, when he enters the room life becomes a god damn competition.

Worst part is, for me at least, is that I recently got myself a girl. She's damn cute, and I know it kills my friend that I landed a chick this perfect physically and mentally. I get the sense that he doesn't think I deserve her, and that pisses me off. Lately he tries to test me with subtlties like taking my beer, "joking" by telling me he loves my girl, and mentioning the 4 inches in height he has on me.

I don't think my other friends are as bothered by his behavior, as me and him go back the farthest and I've delt with this tension far longer than they have. Then again there have been times where my other friends don't seem to want him around either.

What do I do about this? He's got a short fuse, as do I. I'm afraid to call him out in an angry way becuase it would stir up some shit and we'd probably fight. I've lost a friend in the past for the same thing, rather not do it again.

Usually I just try and downplay all of it, but if I show the slightest hint of opposition he turns it into a "what are you gonna do?" Situation...





he's recently gotten on steroids, seems unlikely but proabbly true, i know people that this has happened to.


he proabbly started reading or listening to stupid websites/music/etc and is trying to be someting he's not

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OfflineMickalopagus
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: LittleDaddy]
    #21487916 - 04/01/15 01:55 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

I would choose not to hang out where he is hanging out. If this means distancing yourself from friends a bit so be it. Or just make plans to hang out with them where he isn't. If it ever comes up just be honest that you feel like everything becomes a competition between you two, and rather than create some big confrontation about it you decided to step back from it all. Friends should be happy for one another, and enhance each other's life experience. If this is not happening, it is upon you to decide how move forward and make it happen (either with or without this person).


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

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Invisibletito123
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: Mickalopagus]
    #21489778 - 04/01/15 08:55 PM (9 years, 1 month ago)

There's a murs song where he says that you need to keep your pitcher full if you want to keep filling up everyone else's glass.

It sounds like this guy is a drain.

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InvisibleLackToast
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Re: I think my friend is becoming a douchebag [Re: tito123]
    #21491756 - 04/02/15 10:28 AM (9 years, 1 month ago)

This guy sounds like an asshole who is trying to make you his bitch. Drop him and never look back.

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