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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: SleepyE] * 1
    #21464102 - 03/27/15 03:52 AM (8 years, 10 months ago)

Understanding is so nebulous. Reality is so poorly defined. There are no concrete dictations of what reality is. We were not born with a guide to how things are in hand. There is no law written into stone that says this is how things are, only what we can ascertain, and even those fail under extreme circumstances.  The unknown is unfathomable and what we know only occupies a finite amount of pages. You cannot explain existence for there is no possible combination of words that could ever accurately describe it. It is, what seeks to be.


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OfflineCosmopolite
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: Konyap] * 2
    #21464120 - 03/27/15 04:15 AM (8 years, 10 months ago)

    In 2012 I had a psychotic break. For a few months preceding that I started to think very erratically and obsessively, and I knew something was wrong. Nevertheless, once I was full blown psychotic, I had no idea that I was insane.
    Before my psychosis I had used lots of cannabis. I don't know if that was a determining factor, as studies have yet to find a causal relationship between cannabis use and psychosis. I had also used mushrooms around 5 times, Salvia maybe 20 times, Ecstasy 3 times, Heroin (IV) 2 times, meth 1 time, and cocaine about 6 times. Since my psychosis I've used plenty of cannabis, and mushrooms about 2 or 3 times.
    During my psychosis I had many different delusions, but not many hallucinations. I thought that I had found a loophole in religion and that I was the Antichrist. I thought that I was world famous and that the government knew all about it, had installed cameras and microphones in my house, and that I was going to meet Obama, and demonstrate for him the cutting of an onion that would emit beams of light when sliced. At one point shortly after my stay in a psych ward, when I still wasn't quite sane at times, I thought my family was speaking entirely in double entendres, and that my cousin was hitting on me (so I just went along with it and started dropping sexual innuendos in the form of double entendres). Before and after my break I was seeing a psychologist, and I actually saw him during the break. I thought that, being the Antichrist, I was sacrificing myself for the good of humanity and that he would be the one to kill me (the connection being that he worked at a religious counseling center, although he wasn't outwardly religious himself). That was probably the most profound day of my life. I remember taking the bus to go and see him that day; I was crying and shaking hands with people on the bus, introducing myself, thinking that I was being humble. School must have just gotten out because all of a sudden a bunch of middle school students flooded the bus, but I thought that they were there for me, in admiration of what I was doing. Once I arrived at the psychologist I handed him a folder containing a bunch of papers that I had written during the previous couple of weeks (which later turned out to be nonsense mixed with some weird stuff). I told him he knew what he had to do, and then I confessed that I thought my mom wasn't real (thinking that I had been crazy my whole life and that my family had been lying to me and supporting this hallucination that she was there when she actually wasn't, kind of like the complex delusional hallucinations experienced by John Nash in "A Beautiful Mind"). He knew that something was wrong, and gave me a ride across the street to where my mom was picking me up.
    All in all, basically when I was insane I experienced a lot of magical thinking (like the guy above mentioned), delusions of grandeur, and ideas of reference. I don't remember a single time when my parents calmly told me that I was losing touch with reality, which probably wouldn't have helped anyway.                  I've been told by an expert in psychosis that psychosis is the dendrites on your brain cell receding into the axon. When this happens your brain starts to lose its ability to communicate between the cells, so to make up for this it produces an excess of neurotransmitters, which can lead to brain damage (excitotoxicity).
    I've always been a fairly paranoid, and very depressed and eccentric thinker. Thankfully I recovered from my psychosis pretty rapidly, although I have noticed that my memory isn't quite what it used to be. I plan on the continuation of my use of cannabis and psilocybin, although sometimes I worry that this will lead to recurring psychoses, but it's definitely worth the risk in my opinion. Cannabis is the most wonderful substance I've yet to encounter, and mushrooms come in as a close second. However, I'm going to limit my substance use to these two items (with the exception of my anti-psychotic and a little caffeine here and there). Thank you if you took the time to read this, as this was my first post.


Edited by Cosmopolite (03/29/15 06:06 PM)


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
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Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: Cosmopolite]
    #21464123 - 03/27/15 04:16 AM (8 years, 10 months ago)

TL;DR


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OfflineWhyDidiDoThis
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #21464136 - 03/27/15 04:29 AM (8 years, 10 months ago)

I like to see our reality as vastly underestimated.
for the sake of keeping it in a relam we can all understand, ill be using a metaphor about computers and video games.

we got our motor and our 5 senses of perception. All of which can be used when we are not using them I.e. dreams. In dreams we also get.. different perception. Out of body, creating entire worlds.

Our brain only picks out and identifys what it is able to given the hardware we got.
We dont use sonar. Bats do. Thats part of their reality not ours.
What if we had a sixth sense.. or 7th? What would be accessible,  seeable, notable, noticeable, comprehendble?

Say the game "Battlefield 3 and the internet" is our reality. The computer is the human.(No we arent a video game. Bare with me)
Now all the high end computers will be able to render it, and use it with one another over the internet.
whilest a low end computer (us with 5 perceptions) will not even be able to render it. While a whole mutlitude of data is being exchanged right over their heads on the very same Internet.


Same internet. Same reality.
Different hardware.  Different perception.
So until a person gains an extra sense or makes a quantum leap into quantum physics, nobody can say all we see is all we get. There are still unsolved laws of physics, just like there are undefined mushrooms. We like to think we know it all, or someone does. But I think no one does.


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OfflineTheGreenArrow
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: WhyDidiDoThis]
    #21464627 - 03/27/15 08:56 AM (8 years, 10 months ago)

When I was a sophomore in college had a nervous breakdown/psychosis for a bit.  Went away to a psych ward for a bit and saw what REAL crazy looks like and decided that I'd let myself get to a ridiculous point in my head and that I needed ALOT of grounding. :shrug:

I'll never forget that time in my life as it may be the most embarrassing time of it so far.  It's easy to call somebody crazy.  It's dismissive.


--------------------
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an
invasion, butcher a hog, design a building, conn a ship, write a
sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the
dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve an
equation, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a
computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.
Specialization is for insects.- Robert A. Heinlein
Saint RedBow of the Shroomey Loomey-Patron Saint of Sandbaggin Sumbitchs


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OfflineSleepyE
DMT is metaphysical
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Registered: 07/21/08
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #21465528 - 03/27/15 01:02 PM (8 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Bodhi of Ankou said:
Understanding is so nebulous. Reality is so poorly defined. There are no concrete dictations of what reality is. We were not born with a guide to how things are in hand. There is no law written into stone that says this is how things are, only what we can ascertain, and even those fail under extreme circumstances.  The unknown is unfathomable and what we know only occupies a finite amount of pages. You cannot explain existence for there is no possible combination of words that could ever accurately describe it. It is, what seeks to be.



i feel like reality gives us the illusion that everything must follow those rules and guidelines but in truth anything goes, or has the potential to go with the right amount of energy focused on the idea.

interesting :strokebeard:


--------------------
My Drawingzz
Draw DMT!

Trip Report: SHROOMS DMT---- My Youtube Psychedelic Channel


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
I DID-DENT
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: SleepyE]
    #21465592 - 03/27/15 01:22 PM (8 years, 10 months ago)

yeah for ~three months.  "special thinking" is exactly how i'd describe it


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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OfflineSleepyE
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #21465652 - 03/27/15 01:41 PM (8 years, 10 months ago)

that "special thinking" caused me to become aware of the existence of a unified field theory so i don't really think we are understanding this phenomenon properly. Order in chaos is rearing its ugly head.:smirk:

but again thats just my experience :justdontknow:


--------------------
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OfflineSleepyE
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: SleepyE]
    #21465971 - 03/27/15 03:16 PM (8 years, 10 months ago)

it sucks, my mom is pretty much permanently stuck confused in her advanced reality.

Its really depressing when you see a person with primitive philosophy try to handle hyper dimensional realms and the schizophrenic mind.

She is so afraid of the darkness and anything that represents negative because she believes that satan made all the problems in her life and is attacking her that she has to hide from it completely and harass anyone who likes dark things.
Tried reminding her of Tiananmen Square and Standing up to bullies and she could not fathom the idea.

She thinks these trials are satans work and that its not trials but curses and somehow this satan entity is separate from this entity she calls God.
The idea that these two stem from the same force and are just two different energies or polarity teaching us different lessons causes her distress and attacks the idea.
She is obsessed with the idea that she needs to be saved by some positive force that works to destroy anything that represents darkness or evil, that she cant see it in a different perspective of letting the positive force inspire to save yourself and empower yourself, she is focused on empowered an entity outside of her. which seems silly to me.

She says this satan entity pretended to be god by speaking in double negatives and stuff, she said it was saying "this is all that is, Not."
And she said it was telling her to mess up her life in weird way and some shit that may have been her fault will use this entity as a scapegoat.
I told her "a man chooses and a slave obeys," and say said if she disobeyed then it would hurt her. :confused:

She is telling me she finally seen the light and is enlightened but i told her enlightenment is being in a state of acceptance and not raging fear and she gets all excited and defensive and saying im young so i cant possibly understand, and she is pretty much incapable of thinking that someone has a perspective that could enlighten her further.
I was talking about respecting these polarities and making peace with them and she was just ignoring me and pretending she wasn't listening.

its a shame when someone is so sure of everything and how they cant possibly wrong i have made it a goal to never be like that. It turns into a huge disaster because of how defensive she is to keep this fear that she is willing to disregard other peoples feelings to feed her compulsions.
I told her this reaction is almost identical to OCD, you throw shit out that gives you anxiety, and now you dont have anxiety = healthy?? :lolwut: and she looked at me like i was an idiot.

i was a little worried because i dont want her throwing out some of my artwork because she doesnt like the "energy" then tells me she did it for my own good and doesnt apologize.

If its to rid "satan" from the house she doesnt care who she hurts.

I have a deep respect for the darkness because i value polarity and she just shits on that telling me im young and sooner or later il learn not to mess with the devil and finally avoid things like halloween, scary movies, dark rooms and dark clothes, and entheogenic substances.
Im just upset because i cant get through to her. Since i came from her she thinks she automatically knows more than i ever will and that my opinion is beyond shit.

I stopped talking because i started getting upset with her ignorant attitude and in-ability to come to some sort of common understanding.
She just has a MASSIVE ego, and that never a good thing when dealing with this shit.
but she doesnt really understand what an ego is so she just says "no YOU have a massive ego, i have no ego.
No you are afraid, im not afraid."
:rolleyes:

I told her im willing to admit im afraid and have a massive ego otherwise i wouldnt be arguing with her if i wasnt, and i said "so can you admit you are afraid?"

and she said. "yeah see, youre the one whos afraid, not me."

and im like :lolwut: and just stopped talking.

She's not afraid when something she sees as negative is not in her sight, but as soon as it is, she goes fucking postal in an excited state of fear and panic.


she is literally going Equilibrium Movie on anything that represents darkness or the devil.

:eek:


She rejects the idea that growth comes from suffering and hates the phase "No pain, No gain."
Literally you say that in front of her and she'll have a hissy fit. :confused:

best analogy i can come up with is that she is in a classroom which is WAY beyond her academic level due to complexity, and doesnt accept help from people in the same class and wonders why shes drowns in it.


--------------------
My Drawingzz
Draw DMT!

Trip Report: SHROOMS DMT---- My Youtube Psychedelic Channel


Edited by SleepyE (03/27/15 07:39 PM)


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Offlinefapjack
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: Cosmopolite]
    #21469715 - 03/28/15 09:57 AM (8 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Cosmopolite said:
    In 2012 I had a psychotic break. For a few months preceding that I started to think very erratically and obsessively, and I knew something was wrong. Nevertheless, once I was full blown psychotic, I had no idea that I was insane. Before my psychosis I had used lots of cannabis. I don't know if that was a determining factor, as studies have yet to find a causal relationship between cannabis use and psychosis. I had also used mushrooms around 5 times, Salvia maybe 20 times, Ecstasy 3 times, Heroin (IV) 2 times, meth 1 time, and cocaine about 6 times. Since my psychosis I've used plenty of cannabis, and mushrooms about 2 or 3 times. During my psychosis I had many different delusions, but not many hallucinations. I thought that I had found a loophole in religion and that I was the Antichrist. I thought that I was world famous and that the government knew all about it, had installed cameras and microphones in my house, and that I was going to meet Obama, and demonstrate for him the cutting of an onion that would emit beams of light when sliced. At one point shortly after my stay in a psych ward, when I still wasn't quite sane at times, I thought my family was speaking entirely in double entendres, and that my cousin was hitting on me (so I just went along with it and started dropping sexual innuendos in the form of double entendres). Before and after my break I was seeing a psychologist, and I actually saw him during the break. I thought that, being the Antichrist, I was sacrificing myself for the good of humanity and that he would be the one to kill me (the connection being that he worked at a religious counseling center, although he wasn't outwardly religious himself). That was probably the most profound day of my life. I remember taking the bus to go and see him that day; I was crying and shaking hands with people on the bus, introducing myself, thinking that I was being humble. School must have just gotten out because all of a sudden a bunch of middle school students flooded the bus, but I thought that they were there for me, in admiration of what I was doing. Once I arrived at the psychologist I handed him a folder containing a bunch of papers that I had written during the previous couple of weeks (which later turned out to be nonsense mixed with some weird stuff). I told him he knew what he had to do, and then I confessed that I thought my mom wasn't real (thinking that I had been crazy my whole life and that my family had been lying to me and supporting this hallucination that she was there when she actually wasn't, kind of like the complex delusional hallucinations experienced by John Nash in "A Beautiful Mind"). He knew that something was wrong, and gave me a ride across the street to where my mom was picking me up. All in all, basically when I was insane I experienced a lot of magical thinking (like the guy above mentioned), delusions of grandeur, and ideas of reference. I don't remember a single time when my parents calmly told me that I was losing touch with reality, which probably wouldn't have helped anyway. I've been told by an expert in psychosis that psychosis is the dendrites on your brain cell receding into the axon. When this happens your brain starts to lose its ability to communicate between the cells, so to make up for this it produces an excess of neurotransmitters, which can lead to brain damage (excitotoxicity). I've always been a fairly paranoid, and very depressed and eccentric thinker. Thankfully I recovered from my psychosis pretty rapidly, although I have noticed that my memory isn't quite what it used to be. I plan on the continuation of my use of cannabis and psilocybin, although sometimes I worry that this will lead to recurring psychoses, but it's definitely worth the risk in my opinion. Cannabis is the most wonderful substance I've yet to encounter, and mushrooms come in as a close second. However, I'm going to limit my substance use to these two items (with the exception of my anti-psychotic and a little caffeine here and there). Thank you if you took the time to read this, as this was my first post.





Rewrite that if you want people to read it using paragraph breaks and try to make it more formal.  It takes more effort to read someone's writings than to listen to someone talk so you really need to try and make it easier for people to comprehend.  I didn't even read what you wrote cause it was too overwhelming.


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: Angel_Above]
    #21469973 - 03/28/15 11:40 AM (8 years, 10 months ago)

For people who have been there, we have a Psychosis forum. PSSS


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Offlinestarfire_xes
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Re: Ever experience short or long term psychosis? [Re: Angel_Above]
    #21469990 - 03/28/15 11:45 AM (8 years, 10 months ago)

well fo course you can with acid.  "They" said I did when I took speed.  But they were full of shit.


There really were radio cars cruising past my house watching me, and people behind the bushes in the park across the street. 

then I was hanging out near the mall buss terminal in la jolla, and picking up chicks everyday going to the schools around there--especially foreign chicks--and the authorities caught wind of it.

One day a black guy was there, he started talking to me.  He was pretending to be a black guy waiting for the bus but I know they planted him to watch me. :smirk:


--------------------
:smug: [/url][/url] 
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