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OfflineRichard_D_James
enthusiast
Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 242
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
A Lifechanging Event
    #2135986 - 11/25/03 09:53 PM (13 years, 11 days ago)

Well, it's hard to know where to start. There is a lot to say...

Basically I started dating this girl when I was 14 years old, a freshman in High School. She was 15 at the time. I wanted her to 'be my girl' or whatever real bad. I just developed an obsession with her overtime, like young people can. So I asked her out, basically, to date 'steady' (as in exclusively). She was not convinced at first, thought I was just trying to get in her pants, which i was, but I wanted so much more than that. At the same time in my life, I was having extreme personal issues, such as deep clinical depression, thoughts of suicide, living in an abusive household, etc. So I tried to convince this girl to 'go' with me. So eventually I convinced her, and we dated for a month or so, until she dumped me. I don't even remember the reasons anymore, but it basically became a habit. We would date, then she would dump me for reasons unknown. Eventually I started to act out my suicidal fantasies, and it started with mutilating myself. Cutting my arms with razors to watch myself bleed, eraser burns, self-tattooage. Something like a 'cry for help'. And that progressed into slitting my wrists (horizontally, the wrong way) So one night I slit my wrists, and decided to expression my love (obsession) in blood. That is, I wrote her a love letter in blood. So the next day, I wasnt dead, went to school and gave her the note. She showed some people and they told the school authorities on me. So I got pulled out of class, they took one look at my wrists, one at the note, and i was taken to the hospital. I was transfered to the county 'mental ward' after that. So during my time in this place, I had access to a phone, and was talking to a few of my friends, mostly girls, including the girl I was in 'love' with. After about 2 weeks, I was released into the same abusive household.

During my time in the hospital, I was still interested in this girl, and I believe she felt bad for me. So after I was back society, we started to date, probably out of her pity for me. So we ended up dating long term, and I still believe now that she fell in love with me. Well, at least the love you can experience at that age. So in high school, we were inseperable. She was a year older than I, thus started driving earlier. Our junior year, She would wake up at like 5am in order to come wake me up at my house, with breakfast. Then I would shower, get ready, and she'd take us to school. (She went out of her way bigtime for me) And during this time I was overweight, and many kids at school would make fun of me, and about me to her. Her friends would talk about my weight to her face. But she stuck by me through all of that. She was very good to me, and we had great times together. She also got a dog, which became our child. We raised this dog from a pup, together with love. Kind of like our own child for sure. Things were really great man, it brings tears to my eyes.

Right as high school was ending, I started to work as a contractor for NASA. I slowly started living with this girl at her parents house. I was making good money, and also was going to a local community college. Eventually, She and I started talking about owning a house, getting married, having children, all of that, which we had always dreamed about, but now it was becoming more of a possibility. So eventually I dropped out of school (it just wasnt working out), and started working full time. I remember during this time I was very interested in other women. I was very open to her with this fact, and we discussed it. I just made it very clear to her that I was interested in fucking other women, but that I wasnt going to do that out of respect for our relationship. I'm sure now that this hurt her feelings. Im sure it gave her issues with stability. During this time I was a pothead also, getting high at every possible opportunity.

So eventually, after living with her for about 1 year, we decided it was time to buy a house, together. My uncle just happened to be selling his place when we were looking to buy. So we cut a deal with him, and got a nice house at a discount. We moved in and things were strange. I was still smoking pot all of the time, going to work, and coming home. Thats basically all I did. Work, Smoke, Sleep. I had lots of friends coming over. I liked to go hang out with my friends, but I did not like to 'go out'. I was only 19 at this time, not old enough for the bar/pub/club scene. And the mall/movies/shopping thing was old. So I didn't really take her out. And I didn't like her going out, because I was always super-high on commercial and paranoid. Paranoid as fuck. Paranoid that some pervert would kidnap her, or that she'd get in a car crash, or that something would happen. So the only places I took her was on camping trips, hiking, playing in the forest. I didn't really like to do anything else. Or much of anything at all, except smoke.

This went on for like a year, then I lost my job at NASA and started collecting unemployment. I had just turned 20, I had about $8,000 in the bank at this time. So when I lost my job, all I did was PARTY!!!!!!! Smoking massive amounts of weed. Didn't have a job, didnt want one! I started having identity crisis. What will I do with my life? What do I want to be? I started to hate this country bad. I started to hate living here, in northern Ohio. I started to feel very hopeless about the future, like I was trapped. Then I realized what was happening to me. I was becoming the thing that I WAS ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that I DID NOT WANT TO BE... my father! I broke down to tears because I knew how hard he was to live with, and thus knew how hard it was for my girl to live with me. I realized what an asshole I was, and that I took lots of shit for granted. She laughed at me when I was crying and said 'you're not becoming your father' which made me feel a whole lot better. But I knew it wasnt true. I decided that I was going to change, that I was going to be better, because thats what my 'family' deserved. And I told her this, and I started to change, slowly. Nobody can wake up and change in one day, be a completely different person. It takes work. I definitely went out of my way more for her now.

But fuck. It was too late by that time. She was going to school 3 days a week, working full time, and doing ALL of the chores around the house. And all that time, I was getting high. Thats it, I didnt do ANYTHING but get high for 6 months. Except collect unemployment. And then I got a job as a landscaper. One day she came home in a bad mood. We started talking, and she said "I want to date other people". This was a shock to me! Caught me by suprise big time. When you're high all the time, Its hard to see whats going on around you. Thats why I didnt see it coming. So we talked about this for a while longer. Basically we decided to work it out. So I started trying hard for her. Started going out of my way for her more and more. But the harder I tried it seems, the most distant she became. She told me that she thinks that the "old her" is gone, and is never coming back. "I can't ever be that person again". She would tell me things like this. During this time, I started noticing a certain guy she worked with at work. She would be secretive about him, but assured me that they were simply friends. They would chat on AOLIM, and after time I noticed his number in her phone. I asked her "Why is his number in there?" and she says "we're friends".

So I stopped working at the landscaping job eventually, and was living on savings now. She was tripping out about that too. I started working part time with a family memeber, (July 2003) not enough to pay the bills. And then we had a series of problems. First, she brought home a cat, which we have 2 dogs, one which absolutely hates cats. We got in a fight about the cat. I said we cant have it, we have 2 dogs that hate cats. But she just brought the cat home without asking, and already had food for it, a dish, and toys. So then after she got tired of hearing the dogs bark at the new cat for 24 hours straight, she let the cat outside to give the dogs a break. Later she went to move her car and ran over the cats head. She called me at work bawling her eyes out. So i comforted her, but it created tension in the relationship. Then, one day we were having raunchy great slamming sex. After that, she went to take a shower. After she got out of the shower, she buckled over in extreme pain. I took her to the emergency room, and they found that she had an ovarian cyst, to be tested on further later.

Then a few weeks after that, she got involved in something fucked up at her work. Its a long story, that I cannot get into specifically. But she was strip-searched by the managers at her work, on suspicion of stealing money. They took her clothes away from her and she was without them for 4 hours. She was standing completely nude in a closet in a restaurant for 4 hours. A male manager was involved as well. All of this because of a prank caller pretending to be a cop went fishing for names. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Nobody touched her or anything, no type of assault, just a really fucked up situation. So then we filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against her employer. That created even more stress and tension for us. But we remained close. This lawsuit is still in the works.

About 2 weeks later, I went out of town on a four-wheeling trip. When I came back, she was sick, and very nasty towards me. I could notice a definite change. I blamed it on her being ill. Within a few days, she became extremely Ill. I took her to the emergency room again. They couldn't find out what was wrong with her. But I think now that she had Mono. She came home, and was still extremely ill for several days. I couldn't take it anymore. I was sitting home all day with a very ill woman. Our house was trashed. That was my fault, but by this time I was feeling that I did not care. Our relationship was obviously not working out. So with all of those negative feelings, illness, nasty house, I had to separate from her. I took her to her parents house, and dropped her off, and went to hang out with my friends.

So I spent that weekend, the weekend before, and the weekend after that out of town, taking time apart from her. She seemed to like this. Our relationship became better for a time, until I moved back home. Then it started getting worse.


Not too long after that, she totaled her car. When she came home and told me, I asked her some questions, like where, when, what happened etc. Then the next morning i said something like " what were you doing THERE?" ANd i got her to admit that she was taking this guy home. And she maintained that she and he were only friends.

So things werent going great at home. Until I could tell that my presence was REALLY not wanted in that house. So I started packing my shit one morning. As I was packing my clothes, I found a notebook that she writes in. I started to read it. It was dated for the weekend that I was out of town on a four-wheeling trip. It said that she had invited this kid over to our house to 'watch movies', the one that she crashed her car while taking him home. And then her dairy turned into a love story basically. That she had feelings for him, that 'something' had happened. So as I was reading this she came in. She snatched the notebook away from me. She started asking me questions which I did not respond to. I started asking her questions. Basically, I got her to admit that she had been lying to me for 6-9 months about her feelings for her friend, that she had kissed this guy (french), that she had sexual feelings for him. So I made her leave the house. I did not speak to her for some days, and then I started asking questions. I tried to be friends with her and start over, but she had deep feelings for this guy by this time. I tried to do everything I could to get her to slow down. I admitted I was wrong. I told her it was not a good idea. I did everything in my power, but exactly 2 weeks after our 7.5 years relationship ended, she and he had sex. 2 fucking weeks after a 7.5 years relationship. Would you feel cheated on? I certainly do. So I gave her one last chance to her to have me in her life. I made her 'choose' between this guy and I. I said someone is getting cut out of your life completely, its me or its this guy. And basically, she chose him over me.

So what do I do now?
Do I never talk to her again, act like she doesnt exist?
Or do I be her friend, although it hurts me deeply?


Im so fucking confused man, we were so happy for so long. Our relationship was based on truth, honesty, integrity, purity. When I was interested in fucking other girls, she begged me that if i ever had feelings for another woman, if anything ever happened, to just tell her. Because nobody wants to be the fool. Because if she was the last to find out it would hurt worse than anything. I promised her with tears in my eyes that I would, I Could, NEVER do this to her. I had too much respect, and love for her. And yet she turned around and did to me the thing she BEGGED me not to do.

I realize I fucked shit up, that I took her for granted, that this was bound to happen. But I trusted this girl more than anyone ever, and she totally violated me in the worst way. I never cheated on her in 7.5 years, although there was plenty of opportunity.

So, she still wants to be my friend. At least she says so. She was very good to me for a long time. But she violated my trust in the worst way. She was willing to destroy our relationship, our home, our family, our friendship and our past for this guy.

So, What should I do about her? Do i be her friend even though it tears me up inside? Or do I walk away and forget about this life forever?


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Posts: 17,805
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Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: A Lifechanging Event [Re: Richard_D_James]
    #2136236 - 11/25/03 11:23 PM (13 years, 11 days ago)

exactly 2 weeks after our 7.5 years relationship ended, she and he had sex. 2 fucking weeks after a 7.5 years relationship.

I hate to say it hun, but if you guys were broken up when she slept with that other guy.. that's not cheating.  I understand that it feels that way because you two were together for so long.  I know that you feel betrayed and hurt but technically she didn't cheat on you.

I don't blame you for still being torn up over the whole thing.  You have every reason to be.  I would suggest that you try to be friends, if that's what you want.  Not right now tho.  You need your space and you need time to 'mourn' over your loss.  It will take some time for the pain to fade.. and when it does, you can then decide if you would like to continue a friendship with her.  I believe you will want to.  Someone that you have known and that knows you for such a long period of time is hard to completely cut all ties with.

What you really need to do is look inside your heart, after you have given yourself time to think about things and time to 'mourn' and ask yourself what YOU want.  No one can tell you what you should do.  Follow your heart.

My heart goes out to you and i'm truly sympathetic and wish you all the strength you need to get over this unhappy time in your life.  I hope that things work out for you.

:heart:   


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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Anonymous #1

Re: A Lifechanging Event [Re: Richard_D_James]
    #2136517 - 11/26/03 01:33 AM (13 years, 11 days ago)

Replace NASA with "porn store" and 7.5 years with 2.5 years and your story could be told by me. I have just been through the exact same thing, except mine tried to pretend she was raped (which made me go through a lot of personal shit because I was still madly in love with her and I thought someone had violated her). Instead, she's off being the campus slut. She thought it'd hurt me more if she told me she was cheating on me.

I dropped her shit off at her door at 2:30 in the morning after trashing my room trying to find all the stupid shit. I gave the necklaces and watches she bought me back, even though I should have pawned em. All women are whores.

Forget it, man. Fuck it. Remembering bad shit like this sucks. Move on and go get a new piece of ass.


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InvisibleXibalba
Stranger
Registered: 05/14/00
Posts: 2,114
Re: A Lifechanging Event [Re: sykobish]
    #2136538 - 11/26/03 01:45 AM (13 years, 11 days ago)



Edited by Xibalba (09/30/05 01:13 AM)


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: A Lifechanging Event [Re: ]
    #2136632 - 11/26/03 02:52 AM (13 years, 11 days ago)

All women are whores.

:sad: That is so untrue.  I'm really sorry you feel that way.  Just because one person did you wrong, doesn't mean we are all like that.  Alot of men have done me VERY wrong, and i know they aren't all like that.. 


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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InvisibleFungushungry
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Registered: 07/17/02
Posts: 2,014
Loc: Whispering Winds
Re: A Lifechanging Event [Re: sykobish]
    #2136806 - 11/26/03 05:47 AM (13 years, 11 days ago)

Grant - Im truely sadden to read this.. i know how bad it hurts to loose your first love.. its why im in this shitty deal too.. cuz my first love ripped my heart out and it took me a long time to get over it.. my advice is take a vacation go camping go take high doses of lsd .. just go escape somehow someway... you know your body and mind way better than i do.. do whatever it is that pops in your head.. and yes most women are whores.. thats life.. ive known to only known like maybe 10 girls my whole life that never cheated on there man.. and thats ALOT of girls .. but drink a beer .. go find ya some lil cutie somewhere .. Time is your on side even thou it doesnt seem like it.. and honestly its goin take awhile.. but Time is on your side.. Pm bro if you need to talk outside this post.. much love  :heartpump:


--------------------
"Early man walked away
As modernman took control
There mind's weren't all the same
And to conquer was their goal
So he built his great empire
And he slaughtered his own kind
He died a confused man
And killed himself in his own mind"


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Anonymous #1

Re: A Lifechanging Event [Re: sykobish]
    #2137477 - 11/26/03 01:14 PM (13 years, 10 days ago)

I didn't truly mean it, sykobish. Not all women are whores. Just a random statement that helps me vent my frustration and anger :devil: Sorry if I offended you sweetheart :wink: 


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Offlinetuco_ramirez
Fistful ofShrooms

Registered: 11/06/03
Posts: 398
Loc: DETROIT!
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
Re: A Lifechanging Event [Re: ]
    #2137559 - 11/26/03 01:30 PM (13 years, 10 days ago)

Women.

Can't live with'em.

Can't kill'em.


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: A Lifechanging Event [Re: ]
    #2138660 - 11/26/03 08:56 PM (13 years, 10 days ago)

That's alright.  I understand.  I know i've said some pretty mean things towards men. :smirk: 


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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InvisiblePhoshaman
L.A, L.A., BigCity of Dreams.
Male
Registered: 06/02/99
Posts: 1,521
Loc: Downtown L.A.
Re: A Lifechanging Event [Re: sykobish]
    #2138965 - 11/26/03 11:47 PM (13 years, 10 days ago)

Happened to me except change 7.5 years to 2.5 years; and 'some guy' to my best friend and bada bing bada boom.

Also numerous faked pregnancies.



--------------------


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