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OfflineNiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'
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Registered: 09/01/02
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He's right, but it's still depressing
    #2132997 - 11/24/03 07:05 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I just spoke to my boyfriend about 10 minutes ago and brought up how it's been a long time since I've seen him, over 2 weeks, and how that sucks. He lives a town over and the transit system doesn't connect so we have a hard time getting together since neither of us drive...

Anyways, he said "yeah I've been thinking about that a lot too..." and then said that he thinks we should just be friends because since we don't see each other often enough, and don't really talk a lot it hasn't really been a relationship. I'd been thinking about the exact same things lately, he's totally right... but the thing is, I wanted to fix them while staying together. If we couldn't see each other a lot more often then at least we could start talking about a lot more important things when we do see each other. I've always had a bad habit of being quiet and I've been trying to get over it for a long time.

The other thing is that he's got some big concerns of his own right now, he's been trying to find a job for a long time and isn't having a lot of luck, he's been living in his place for awhile and hasn't been able to pay rent so he's really worried about it. He says he has been so absorbed by this that he hasn't been putting in a full effort and isn't able to.

He wants to be friends and get to know each other that way right now. I can't fault anything he said coz he's right, but I'm still really sad. I really care about him a lot and I'm worried that just being friends we'll just get even more distant and see each other even less often.

I may be seeing him on friday, I'll be able to give him the letter I wrote before about all this stuff I was also noticing and what I was thinking about it, as well as the one I just started writing now. Hopefully we'll be able to talk.

Bah, this sucks. I guess it was pointless to have started taking birth control pills this morning... hmm... I don't know if I should keep taking them coz you never know whats gonna happen or just not bother.


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InvisibleHarveyWalbanger
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Registered: 06/24/02
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Re: He's right, but it's still depressing [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #2133044 - 11/24/03 07:25 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

While I have no advice of real value,

1) I WILL say that I have never kept any of my Ex's...
2) Theres a bijillion guys out there that would fall all over themselves to have you. They're NOT that hard to find :P


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: He's right, but it's still depressing [Re: HarveyWalbanger]
    #2133106 - 11/24/03 07:53 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

3) keep taking those bc pills. :smirk:


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OfflineGrav
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Re: He's right, but it's still depressing [Re: adrug]
    #2133293 - 11/24/03 09:03 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Next time you see him, say everything you want to him.


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: He's right, but it's still depressing [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #2133632 - 11/24/03 11:29 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I'm sorry to hear that. It sucks when something like this happens, especially if it's not because of something negative. The feelings are still there, but it's just too hard to continue at this time.

What i would suggest is just continue on as you have before. Go see him whenever you can. Still put in that effort. I feel pretty confident when i say that he still cares about you but is thinking about you and your feelings first. He doesn't feel that it's fair for you to have to commit yourself to him when he is unable to spend the time to put everything he's got into the relationship.

Maybe once he gets a job and he's a little less stressed about the job and rent situation, he'll come back to you. Just continue to visit when you can and keep your head up. Get to know him on a friendship level and i'm sure it'll make the bond the two of you already have much stronger.

Try not to stress so much. Stay positive.


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
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OfflineNiamhNyx
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Re: He's right, but it's still depressing [Re: sykobish]
    #2133708 - 11/25/03 12:08 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Thanks guys,

especially sykobish. I think you're right, I really think he still cares about me. He said he doesn't want me to limit my options staying with him when circumstances are making this less than a relationship.

Bah, another relationship that ends at the 2 month mark... just my luck. Whats with me always having breakups at this point?

I'm writing him a letter right now, telling him that I fully understand that he has a lot going on in his life that he needs to focus on and that he's right about us not communicating enough. I agree that we should really get to know each other during this break, and am writing down a whole bunch of questions... things I want to know about him and should have asked ages ago but didn't. I'm so much better at writing than I am at conversing. It's something I really should work on, hopefully the questions in the letter are something we'll discuss in person.

What particularily sucks about this is that I've been attracted to some of my past boyfriends based on what they've said or what they think about but this time there was chemistry, emotion that was there without needing the help of my analytical intellectual self to justify it. This is chemistry that kept me interested the whole time he was away hitchhiking across the country for a month and a half... 2 weeks after I met him. And I'm pretty sure it goes both ways since the reason we met in the first place is he saw me walk by one day in may and asked around about me until he found out his friend was friends with my friend, and his roomate worked at the job i got a month later. We met in mid July. Stuff like that makes me believe that there's really something there so it's really sad that circumstances won't allow it to work right now.

I guess he's right about what we should do, the thought crossed my mind but I so badly didn't want to consider it that I blocked it out. I just really hope this friendship thing actually works like we want it to, gives us a chance to know each other and doesn't make us distant. *sigh* Well, I'll try and get out there friday and hopefully we'll have a really long heart to heart conversation and find some common ground, hopefully come to the same conclusions.


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OfflineNiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'
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Registered: 09/01/02
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Re: He's right, but it's still depressing [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #2133711 - 11/25/03 12:09 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Oh, and adrug, yeah I'll probably stay on the pill, you never know whats gonna happen. Better safe than sorry. I'd rather take it and not have any sex than not take it and have to say no when the situation arises!


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
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Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: He's right, but it's still depressing [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #2135364 - 11/25/03 05:38 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Also, the pill is a great way for you to know when to expect your 'monthly friend'.  I would also advise staying on it as well.

I'm glad i could help you a bit, even if it is just to help you see the reasoning behind it and possibly feel better about it.  I hope everything he needs to do, gets done and the both of you can continue on as you have been up until this point.  But keep in mind, even if it doesn't go back how you want it, you have gained a friend.  Everything happens for a reason.  Who knows, maybe this bit of space will bring you both closer together so you can pick up from where you left off.

:heart:

I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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