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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Registered: 04/05/11
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21324876 - 02/24/15 07:59 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

It usually responds in anger when I feel empowered. And it takes larger chunks while becoming impatient before leaving entirely. I truly wonder if there are others here who experience this kind of madness.

Quote:

Ah, but pretending won't work, it's what you truly believe that matters.




ye but that's like being in conversation with a stranger and trying to believe that therés noone there.

Edited by infectedstyle (02/24/15 08:28 PM)

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OfflineP.Zappatecorum
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21325068 - 02/24/15 08:37 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

If you feel it is part of you I might suggest doing some automatic writing,  journaling etc. while sober and trying to get in touch with it, or perhaps going to a psychologist that is willing to do hypnotism, see what it has to say.  Perhaps in giving voice to it on paper you may be able to better understand the issue, the presence, where it comes from and how you might be able to remove it.  If you truly feel it is in possession of you and you are unable to face it and banish it alone, then enlisting a spiritual guide that you trust to perform an exorcism, be it a priest or shaman, would probably be a good bet. 

Certainly, calling upon other, stronger entities be they totems, human or animal guides to dispel it might be in order.  Going for a tryptamine ego-death and rebirth kind of trip might be useful. 

I am currently trying to right a trip report for the mushroom trip I had this weekend and it was a very positive trip, I felt my entire body and ego was burned away and purified by a sacred, dancing fire and it dispelled some of the bad juju that had been hanging around me.  I felt quite purified and the purgative flame left me feeling whole and healthy again. 

A good course of action would be

1.  Sobriety break while journaling heavily and eating well, meditating and practicing mindfulness daily.
2.  Some kind of ceremony that holds meaning to you personally that involves ritual cleansing and banishing of the spirits
3.  Returning to the drugs that are problematic only once you have purified your mind and spirit individually and are ready to go back into the spirit realm with a trained and skillful guide in the form of a good friend or shaman. 

Good luck.  Sounds like a shitty time. 
:hug:

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: P.Zappatecorum]
    #21325097 - 02/24/15 08:43 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

There is much to learn.
THANK YOU !!! :sun:

I am a little anxious but I will do it. To see what happens in an isolation tank.

Edited by infectedstyle (02/24/15 08:47 PM)

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OfflineP.Zappatecorum
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21325458 - 02/24/15 09:42 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Here's that trip report if you want to hear more detail about the holy fire I encountered.

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Invisiblenewageshaman
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21325501 - 02/24/15 09:52 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

My personal opinion on this, though i have never done mushrooms or had a really bad time with an entities encountered in the mindscape but here it goes. Now this will sound a bit hippie/newagish but craft yourself a personal power object, something like a pendant made from a rock or a staff/wand. Something made from nature preferably (if you go the route of a staff/wand make it from a tree branch that has fallen, just a personal thing for myself about not harming nature for personal power especially if there are alot of fallen branches around said tree).

Make it eye catching and even go as far as doing a little ceremony to give the object some power, allow it to absorb the power of the sun and water or other forms of natural energy. Then make sure you have it with you during your trips, any intrusive entities you happen to encounter remember to use your power object and banish it. You are the owner and landlord of your own body, evict any entities that do you harm and maybe even attempt to banish it far away from you.

It may work or it may not, i have a few power objects myself aswell as some that are still in the works. I tend to always carry atleast one of the objects on my person at all times for piece of mind, weather it actually does anything is open to debate so in the end it's your choice.

If you do make some form of power object and use it during a trip, do let me know how well it works for you. Wish you all the best dude


--------------------
:thumbup: If you found my response helpful then leave a positive rating :thumbup:
Drugs Done/To be Done: Weed, Mescaline, Bufotenin LSD Salvia, LSA, Psilocybin Mushrooms, Amanita Muscaria, Tabernanthe Iboga, AL-LAD, LSZ

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: newageshaman]
    #21325590 - 02/24/15 10:07 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

P.Zappatecorum said:
Here's that trip report if you want to hear more detail about the holy fire I encountered.




Yes I do.

Quote:

newageshaman said:
My personal opinion on this, though i have never done mushrooms or had a really bad time with an entities encountered in the mindscape but here it goes. Now this will sound a bit hippie/newagish but craft yourself a personal power object, something like a pendant made from a rock or a staff/wand. Something made from nature preferably (if you go the route of a staff/wand make it from a tree branch that has fallen, just a personal thing for myself about not harming nature for personal power especially if there are alot of fallen branches around said tree).

Make it eye catching and even go as far as doing a little ceremony to give the object some power, allow it to absorb the power of the sun and water or other forms of natural energy. Then make sure you have it with you during your trips, any intrusive entities you happen to encounter remember to use your power object and banish it. You are the owner and landlord of your own body, evict any entities that do you harm and maybe even attempt to banish it far away from you.




I dig the power objects. They lead the mind somewhere. I have a buddha, some paintings. That's about it. haha. My mind and my house is a bit of a barren place.

I don't think I explained thoroughly the nature of my experiences. There are so many things that are related to this and that I wish to express but it's an accumilation of experiences over a few years.

Mainly, my realization yesterday scared me and it contains the essence of what i'm dealing with.

You see, there's not an entity or a form that is harassing me. Yesterday I had a feeling of meditation and looking into the void of my true being. And in this void there is an enemy who attacks me.

What gushes out of it are things.. It spreads into everything that I am. I saw my heart and I saw how it manipulated the very essence of my being. A spiral of it's injection circulated in my blood. And while I try to inject my own being into my very own heart. It works one time. But then the entity evolves. And I have to devise new tactics to be myself.

Perhaps this is my ego.

Perhaps these are 'scouts' of awareness. A being from another plane. That entered my heart a year ago in a DMT trip. The pieces certainly seem to fit.

I certainý hope it isn't the latter. But on the other hand. it is not SO bad. This is certainly a wonderful test of awareness.

Edited by infectedstyle (02/24/15 10:09 PM)

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OfflineP.Zappatecorum
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21325695 - 02/24/15 10:29 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Power objects are a good idea for anxiety while tripping in general.  I like having different talismans around on a trip.  When I was young and inexperienced and prone to fear on tripping anything metallic was comforting to me- a nickle, a ring or even a large ball bearing, anything shiny, solid, and weighty.  Organic, soft things tend to morph into threatening shapes when you've got the fear, but metal and crystals hold their shape and emanate good energy. But yeah, OP needs some serious healing. 

I recommend trying to burn everything to the ground and start anew.  High dose mushrooms with a shaman/guide, reach for ego death and (metaphorical) destruction of the body/mind/soul.  Seek the light, seek the fire, seek purity and renewal, meditate on destroying what you are now and coming through the fires of the forge new and pure.  Hopefully, whatever it is will be consumed in the process and eradicated and your new self will be purified, reborn and come out sparkling clean.  I would still detox and meditate for a while before attempting this. 

Have you ever read the Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch, by Phillip K. Dick?  What you're talking about reminds me a lot of that book.  It may not be something you should read though, I wouldn't want to give this idea any more strength in your psyche.  PKD didn't like it because it is the only book he wrote that contains real evil. 

Whatever you have, it is evil, and be it part of yourself or an external force, it is harming you and you should try to be rid of it.

Edited by P.Zappatecorum (02/24/15 10:30 PM)

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OfflineP.Zappatecorum
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: P.Zappatecorum]
    #21325707 - 02/24/15 10:32 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Also, what about a strong mescaline trip or ayahuasca with a guide from one of those churches?  Something where you have a really strong purge?  Maybe taking a huge dose of Aya could have you shitting and puking this presence out of yourself and purifying in the purge.  I've never done either so I personally would stick with mushrooms.  Anyway, keep us posted in this thread as the issue evolves/resolves, you will be in my thoughts.

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: P.Zappatecorum]
    #21325782 - 02/24/15 10:44 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

P.Zappatecorum said:I recommend trying to burn everything to the ground and start anew.  High dose mushrooms with a shaman/guide, reach for ego death and (metaphorical) destruction of the body/mind/soul.  Seek the light, seek the fire, seek purity and renewal, meditate on destroying what you are now and coming through the fires of the forge new and pure.  Hopefully, whatever it is will be consumed in the process and eradicated and your new self will be purified, reborn and come out sparkling clean.  I would still detox and meditate for a while before attempting this. 




I have determined that it is not a bodily state. My physique is healthy. If there's such a thing of chakras these are manipulated but not posessed or diseased if you know what I mean. Although perhaps I forget the heart chakra. Funny how I neevaa evaa get ego death though.

I have done high dose mushrooms. It's awesome. I did lose a lot of energy near the end of the trip :/ I saw this little tiny particle enter my electromagnetic sphere and I felt compassion for it. Like it was a baby.


Quote:

P.Zappatecorum said:Have you ever read the Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch, by Phillip K. Dick?  What you're talking about reminds me a lot of that book.  It may not be something you should read though, I wouldn't want to give this idea any more strength in your psyche.  PKD didn't like it because it is the only book he wrote that contains real evil. 

Whatever you have, it is evil, and be it part of yourself or an external force, it is harming you and you should try to be rid of it.




I don't think one needs to worry about the ideas. I use the ideas to strengthen my psyche not weaken. The experiences happen regardless. I am 100% certain.

I never expect demons but I get it anyway.. hahha... This is why I am so sure. When I walked in the forest I bring with me home light in my hair that some people would be frightened off but I love it. These are good parasites.. Bad parasites.. I don't know about these.. I love PKD though. I am listening to this audio book tonight :wink:
Quote:



P.Zappatecorum said:
Also, what about a strong mescaline trip or ayahuasca with a guide from one of those churches?  Something where you have a really strong purge?  Maybe taking a huge dose of Aya could have you shitting and puking this presence out of yourself and purifying in the purge.  I've never done either so I personally would stick with mushrooms.  Anyway, keep us posted in this thread as the issue evolves/resolves, you will be in my thoughts.




I am glad to meet such a compassionate soul. Don't worry about me. I do wish to sort of spread truths but not anxiety. Perhaps I made a bad choice but if there is some kind 'demon' i also know that it is not pure evil it has goodness.. But I suppose that intense bad karma might make one inherently evil if faced with the wrong premise.

Like I said I hope to do an inward journey. I did mescaline I felt like I had been purging out souls of the afterlife for 2 long hours. I got a little bit of stomach cramps at first it hurt but when I did body movements what came out of me was an extreme amount of breathing it's hard to explain and fluids/liquids in my back. Phlegm or whatnot. And since then this has surfaced even harder and evolved to where I am now. I do fear gonig back to this state. Strangely, I do not need high doses I am talking 300mg mescaline 100ug lsd dosing. Sometimes even sober. And it comes back in every drug.. Even in dreams it haunts me

But.. I don't want to scare-monger.. In fact I feel quite strong about it. If I make it out I will perhaps be able to tell a great tale. Maybe our friend Phillip has some insightful nuggets to share. His style is certainly close to home. :smile: Thanks for entertaining me and my thoughts now slowly forget all about me :tongue:

Edited by infectedstyle (02/24/15 10:46 PM)

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Invisiblenewageshaman
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21325903 - 02/24/15 11:11 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

infectedstyle said:
I don't think one needs to worry about the ideas. I use the ideas to strengthen my psyche not weaken. The experiences happen regardless. I am 100% certain.

I never expect demons but I get it anyway.. hahha... This is why I am so sure. When I walked in the forest I bring with me home light in my hair that some people would be frightened off but I love it. These are good parasites.. Bad parasites.. I don't know about these.. I love PKD though. I am listening to this audio book tonight :wink:
Quote:


You look at these entities as Demons, Who is to say they are not merely Gods of the past that have been forgotten. I've always believed there is a conglomerate of "Divine/Godly" beings who are perhaps not omni-potent and all being as the Christian Definition of God. But have there own specific location/area/enviroment as to where they manifest, I've had my one completely helpless and scary but harrowing experience on mescaline.


The jist was a form of possesion by the spirit or Divine presence of the San Pedro cactus, He showed me some dark and outright disgusting aspects of my life by projecting an "astral" body of sorts to the seat beside's where I was sitting. He showed me pain i had put others through (physical, mental or otherwise) and I experienced every second of it. I was in a timelapse of pain, time wasn't moving and I was crying for the forgiveness of those i had wronged. After what felt like an eternity of repenting I was then showed another aspect of my life, All the pleasure and good-times I have been apart of and people I have shown compassion for. I was getting the most intense euphoria and pleasure i ever felt in my life, I knew what to do and how to fix my life.

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: newageshaman]
    #21325941 - 02/24/15 11:20 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

You say entities but for me it is only one entity which i call demon. If it is a deity of sorts it is most akin to the Mayan deity who they offered human blood rituals.

Hahaha

I love your experience with Mescaline though. It affects me differently. But I resonate with being 'posessed' by divine spirits. In the form of Zeus, aliens, bodhisattvas.

Always teaching very harsh lessons when they do this. The bodhisattva was the kindest of them all. "Mescalito" is said to be very gentle. I wish to meet this and have an experience like urs.

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InvisibleJimmy Sage
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21325962 - 02/24/15 11:27 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

I'll be honest, I had my suspicions that it was the ego from the beginning, since your symptoms share a lot of similarities with the way the ego operates. The more you elucidate upon your symptoms, the more it appears to do with the ego creating obstacles for yourself. There is a very simple way to stop this: stop thinking about it, get out of your head and out of these thought loops. The more you rationalize, the more invested your personality will become into its rationalizations and stories. This is a battle you will always lose. The way out is mindfulness meditation.

You also mentioned it getting worse after taking LSD and pure phenethylamines. This is why I don't indulge in LSD anymore, because I realized that it makes my ego and OCD worse after every trip, rather than feel calm and refreshed after tryptamines. That part about going into cabinets in your mind, feeling like you have no control over it... I have had the exact same experience on LSD, my last trip on the chemical as a matter of fact. I had the vision of going into this room with stacks and stacks of drawers, and hopelessly opening, taking things out and making a mess in general. I interpreted this as my ego running wild in a state when on tryptamines I would basically have disidentified with the ego and given full control to the will of the substance, and let nature take its course.

LSD and phenethylamines, especially the synthetic ones, are very effective in maintaining your lucidity and your sense of self, rather than losing it. However, they still can take you to the same place as tryptamines, only with the ego fairly intact. This can lead to false delusions. I have made a number of posts over my time on the shroomery expressing my distrust of LSD in particular, for this exact reason. I feel you can really do damage to yourself as it is a very powerful tool that is put in the control of the ego, and seeing as how the vast majority of users are not taking it in clinical settings (me included), it can be too easy to delude yourself out of reality, therefore entrenching and investing your personality more into the ego, rather than simply being.

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: Jimmy Sage]
    #21325980 - 02/24/15 11:35 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Taht dog though :laugh:

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InvisibleJimmy Sage
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21326022 - 02/24/15 11:48 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Lmao yeah man, that's how I looked in 2013 :grin:

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OfflineP.Zappatecorum
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: Jimmy Sage]
    #21326082 - 02/25/15 12:12 AM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Jimmy Sage said:
I'll be honest, I had my suspicions that it was the ego from the beginning, since your symptoms share a lot of similarities with the way the ego operates. The more you elucidate upon your symptoms, the more it appears to do with the ego creating obstacles for yourself. There is a very simple way to stop this: stop thinking about it, get out of your head and out of these thought loops. The more you rationalize, the more invested your personality will become into its rationalizations and stories. This is a battle you will always lose. The way out is mindfulness meditation.

You also mentioned it getting worse after taking LSD and pure phenethylamines. This is why I don't indulge in LSD anymore, because I realized that it makes my ego and OCD worse after every trip, rather than feel calm and refreshed after tryptamines. That part about going into cabinets in your mind, feeling like you have no control over it... I have had the exact same experience on LSD, my last trip on the chemical as a matter of fact. I had the vision of going into this room with stacks and stacks of drawers, and hopelessly opening, taking things out and making a mess in general. I interpreted this as my ego running wild in a state when on tryptamines I would basically have disidentified with the ego and given full control to the will of the substance, and let nature take its course.

LSD and phenethylamines, especially the synthetic ones, are very effective in maintaining your lucidity and your sense of self, rather than losing it. However, they still can take you to the same place as tryptamines, only with the ego fairly intact. This can lead to false delusions. I have made a number of posts over my time on the shroomery expressing my distrust of LSD in particular, for this exact reason. I feel you can really do damage to yourself as it is a very powerful tool that is put in the control of the ego, and seeing as how the vast majority of users are not taking it in clinical settings (me included), it can be too easy to delude yourself out of reality, therefore entrenching and investing your personality more into the ego, rather than simply being.



:nodofunderstanding:

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Offlineendogenous
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21326222 - 02/25/15 01:14 AM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Are you a vegetarian?


--------------------
The Day of the Lord has come like a thief in the night. -- It is there but no one knows it.

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InvisibleOnePerEyeM8
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21326308 - 02/25/15 01:59 AM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

infectedstyle said:
So this is a general occurence lately. I've done mushrooms about 10 times a year for a few years.

In the beginning it was very very good. Scary, uncomfortable but when I look back everything was friendly and teaching me something useful.

Nowadays I am beginning to get very hostile vibes. And feel like there is an enemy inside me.



Couldn't just be the drugs, right?

Quote:

I do not believe in the memory and I do not necessarily condone the thoughts I have with full conviction but during a psychedelic experience it is very hard to ignore the interaction I have with this presence.



Again.

Quote:

Each and every time when it turns hostile my body becomes increasingly stressed and this does things to my biology. Bacteria become distasteful and sort of do a little self-destruction. My body dries, my hair becomes dry. My lips are the first to become dry and sometimes this makes them bleed a little.



Stress can do this all on its own with no need to point fingers at spiritual parasites and self-destructing bacteria. Not to mention it's winter. Also vitamin B12 deficiency is not uncommon and can manifest as dry skin and chapped lips, and it can even cause/contribute to paranoia, hallucinations, and delusional thinking. Just a couple non-supernatural explanations out of the infinite number. But really, the foremost solution here is to stop tripping, for heaven's sake.

Quote:

I fear this kind of response would happen. I understand ur trying to help but it's not a new perspective to me. I hope you or someone else can respond with just a little more substance.



But it's a perspective to which it's clear you need to lend more credence. Unless my eyes have deceived me, you prefaced a description of how you're tormented by myriad psychiatric symptoms with the fact that you do mushrooms 10 times a year, then you go on to mention using 2cb, 2ce, LSD, and mescaline [possibly] in addition to the mushroom use.

The "substance" you seem to be asking for is that which magically makes things better while permitting you to still have fun drug times. Sorry man, the hard truth is that psychedelics and things like this just don't get along very well.

I'm not trying to be a dick and I'm definitely not trying to undermine the severity of your situation. Mental illness isn't something to fuck around with. Psychedelics have a real potential for abuse, even our beloved mushrooms can be extremely harmful. Time and again people fail to realize this until things begin to get messy, and you have to understand that it's all too often that those people initially refused to accept their use as the cause. It's pretty clear from what you've posted that psychs are likely entirely the reason for or at least severely augmenting the problems you're having. Please dude, take six months completely off from mind-altering substances and give your head a chance to straighten itself out. While what you've described is unique and no doubt very troubling, I hope you at least entertain the possibility that those of us who have encouraged you to simply cease your drug use may actually know a thing or two.

Good luck.

Edited by OnePerEyeM8 (02/25/15 05:38 AM)

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OfflineAldebaran
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21328818 - 02/25/15 03:23 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

I felt a presence and it was controlling me in my unconscious habits,needs,desires. and it feeds on this. It's like I am in the void of my very being and there is something there with me.




I'm not totally clear if you are talking about a repeated "theme" that occurs purely within your trips, or if this is something that bothers you in your normal life. A statement like the one I've quoted would be worrying if it came from somebody who wasn't talking about a trip, because it sounds schizophrenic. If you get this kind of feeling in-between trips I would advise staying away from the psychedelics as they appear to be feeding the strangeness.

If it's just a description of what happens in your trips, that's different. Still weird, but easier to deal with. It might help if you are more clear in your mind that these are delusional entities. If you treat them as being real, then they are not likely to go away. If you think of the advice in the Tibetan Book of the Dead, there is a lot of stuff about encountering all kinds of frightening "blood-drinking deities" and so on, with a constant reminder that these are simply emanations of your own mind that you should not be frightened of.

When I have strong mushroom trips, these can feel very hostile.

Quote:

I went back inside and closed my eyes. What I saw was menacing things lashing unto me.




This kind of thing is familiar to me from shroom trips; a very sinister feeling that I am about to be consumed by alien presences within the CEV. With these trips, sometimes the best way to deal with all this is to let yourself be totally consumed by the trip, so that you surrender yourself to the very presences that seem hostile. It sometimes feels like you are being burned in a purifying fire (not literally) and that all the mental baggage that you brought into the trip has been lost in the inferno.

I'm not sure if this kind of "cleansing" trip would help or if it would make things worse. Maybe you need a break from drugs in general.

Quote:

On 2ce in dose range of 10-20mg I experiences 6 hours of 'biting' and something eating on me.




That sounds bad. In your position I would see if sticking to mushrooms brings your trips back to something less freaky (possibly this weirdness is coming from the range of substances being used) and if that doesn't work take a complete break from all drugs for a while. :peace:


--------------------
I wrote that, but I meant something else

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OfflineFakePlasticSky
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: Aldebaran]
    #21328854 - 02/25/15 03:30 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Aldebaran said:
Quote:

I'm not totally clear if you are talking about a repeated "theme" that occurs purely within your trips, or if this is something that bothers you in your normal life. A statement like the one I've quoted would be worrying if it came from somebody who wasn't talking about a trip, because it sounds schizophrenic. If you get this kind of feeling in-between trips I would advise staying away from the psychedelics as they appear to be feeding the strangeness.

If it's just a description of what happens in your trips, that's different. Still weird, but easier to deal with. It might help if you are more clear in your mind that these are delusional entities. If you treat them as being real, then they are not likely to go away. If you think of the advice in the Tibetan Book of the Dead, there is a lot of stuff about encountering all kinds of frightening "blood-drinking deities" and so on, with a constant reminder that these are simply emanations of your own mind that you should not be frightened of.

When I have strong mushroom trips, these can feel very hostile.




Yep, shrooms can become extremely dark and sinister.  I've seen friends turn into devils and intimate objects come to life and start closing in on me.

Quote:

This kind of thing is familiar to me from shroom trips; a very sinister feeling that I am about to be consumed by alien presences within the CEV. With these trips, sometimes the best way to deal with all this is to let yourself be totally consumed by the trip, so that you surrender yourself to the very presences that seem hostile. It sometimes feels like you are being burned in a purifying fire (not literally) and that all the mental baggage that you brought into the trip has been lost in the inferno.

I'm not sure if this kind of "cleansing" trip would help or if it would make things worse. Maybe you need a break from drugs in general.




I agree.  Sometimes a break is perfectly in order.  It was so hard for me to take a year off, but it was the best thing that could happen to me.  Before my break, it was almost clockwork on the bad trip coming right when the peak started coming in, regardless of dose.  I think that's when you absolutely know a break is needed.


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I've kissed mermaids, rode the El Niño.

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