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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 324
Last seen: 6 years, 2 months
A hostile presence
    #21323798 - 02/24/15 05:17 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

So this is a general occurence lately. I've done mushrooms about 10 times a year for a few years.

In the beginning it was very very good. Scary, uncomfortable but when I look back everything was friendly and teaching me something useful.

Nowadays I am beginning to get very hostile vibes. And feel like there is an enemy inside me.

My last LSD trip 2 days ago on 1p-lsd was good until I went back inside and closed my eyes. What I saw was menacing things lashing unto me. And I saw another 'presence' literally take over a piece of my heart and pump blood. And a voice was heard saying 'Hmm I feel like leeching this kid today'. I've been having the idea that I am diseasedposessed for a long time and it started with a dmt experience where literally i saw something enter my room, make it's way to my heart and drill a hole in it to sit in it. IT was a black voidlike cell-like creature. And it made me feel very bad vibes. I stayed calm and I made a descision that "I can handle this.. I will allow this creature to stay here in order to learn how demons work".. Then I saw black lines in my vision and I felt my consciousness become greedy and breathe very heavily and had memories of a dark place where I came from.

I spoke inside my head with this creatuer about it's origins. it said it used to be human. I said I would talk more with him in dreams. But I suck at lucid dreaming so it never happened
The following day I had nightmares of someone posessing me in dreams and controlling it it was a magician in my dream and it yelled at me and abused me.

And more and more (it was about 2 years ago) I am feeling abused by presences that seem to Always come back during trips. Mainly 2ce, 2cb, mescaline a little less but it's very dangerous to my psyche. On tryptamines this is of no concern but on LSD like last time and on more ocassions it feels very much like I am being abused at the expense of another. It's not like I don't learn things but in the same way that someone who is abused daily becomes stronger in due time. It's not a very nurturing way to learn. On 2ce in dose range of 10-20mg I experiences 6 hours of 'biting' and something eating on me. And was very tired the next day. Each and every time when it turns hostile my body becomes increasingly stressed and this does things to my biology. Bacteria become distasteful and sort of do a little self-destruction. My body dries, my hair becomes dry. My lips are the first to become dry and sometimes this makes them bleed a little.

There is generaly Always a presence in me that can suddenly turn hostile. There is usually nothing that precedes this.

Like I said my last lsd trip when closing my eyes I felt a presence and it was controlling me in my unconscious habits,needs,desires. and it feeds on this. It's like I am in the void of my very being and there is something there with me. It is ratgher intense. Not something you can easily ignore. I felt it pumping through my heart and in this way can access cabinets of my being that I can not access myself. I can learn from this by seeing where exactly is my unconscious habits.. But I am wondering if others feel the same. It's very hard to describe what happens but I can feel fine but then I feel an attack coming whenever my consciousness slips into a pattern and it's very hard to get out of.

I have read in 'the art of dreaming' by carlos castaneda that Don Juan talks of scouts who do similar things as these. "beings looking for awareness" and abusing by "ruthlessly playing on our desires" and deceiving us in this way. He says to be careful and not get sucked into them.

I wonder if anyone experiences the same. Or if someone here can actually give tips on how to deal with this phenomenon.

I am planning to go completely inwards but I fear more and more that every psychedelic trip I plan ends in abuse. I know i sound a little crazy but this is how I genuinely feel.

Edited by infectedstyle (02/24/15 05:19 PM)

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Registered: 04/05/11
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21323877 - 02/24/15 05:32 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

just to give a little mroe detail: I experience commonly hallucinations of teeth biting me, blood dripping into somebodies mouth. sometimes weird demon faces when i look in the mirror or stare at cats and it stares back at me.

It reminds me a bit of the 'gods' who the mayans sacrifices blood to.

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OfflineLittleDaddy
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21323897 - 02/24/15 05:35 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Solution: stop doing psychedelics


--------------------
The hotter the battle, the sweeter Jah victory.
Put the heathen's back upon the wall.

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OfflineLittleDaddy
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Registered: 11/20/13
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: LittleDaddy]
    #21323921 - 02/24/15 05:38 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

You're also easily manipulated on psychedelics. Your idea for what's happening to you isn't grounded in reality. It's illogical. You're training yourself to believe what you're saying is what's happening to you.


--------------------
The hotter the battle, the sweeter Jah victory.
Put the heathen's back upon the wall.

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: LittleDaddy]
    #21323927 - 02/24/15 05:39 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

LittleDaddy said:
Solution: stop doing psychedelics




While maybe yes. I wonder how this is affecting me in day-to-day life. I also seek transcendant experiences and healing through psychedelics.

But thanks for the reply, I appreciate you took the time.

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: LittleDaddy]
    #21323945 - 02/24/15 05:40 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

LittleDaddy said:
You're also easily manipulated on psychedelics. Your idea for what's happening to you isn't grounded in reality. It's illogical. You're training yourself to believe what you're saying is what's happening to you.




There's a truth to this. I am manipulated on psychedelics. But what happens to me on psychedelics actually happen.

I do not believe in the memory and I do not necessarily condone the thoughts I have with full conviction but during a psychedelic experience it is very hard to ignore the interaction I have with this presence.

Talking to oneself seems common to most people on psychedelics. But really, what to do when the other voice turns hostile and there's more than one.

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OfflineLittleDaddy
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21323962 - 02/24/15 05:43 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

what happens to you on psychedelics is real to you, but that doesn't mean they're revealing something mystical. From what I've gathered, when psychedelics are abused they tend to destroy a person and not help them; seriously homie I want you to take a long (year +) break on them.


--------------------
The hotter the battle, the sweeter Jah victory.
Put the heathen's back upon the wall.

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: LittleDaddy]
    #21324046 - 02/24/15 05:56 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

I fear this kind of response would happen. I understand ur trying to help but it's not a new perspective to me. I hope you or someone else can respond with just a little more substance.

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OfflineCarbonobo
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21324214 - 02/24/15 06:17 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Hmm... Just to clarify, do you think that this is a real entity? Or do you thinks it's some sort of manifestation of your subconscious, or something created by your brain?


--------------------
“I think we’re part of a greater wisdom than we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is. And so are we. For a little while."

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: Carbonobo]
    #21324267 - 02/24/15 06:26 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Carbonobo said:
Hmm... Just to clarify, do you think that this is a real entity? Or do you thinks it's some sort of manifestation of your subconscious, or something created by your brain?




I prefer to leave out ontological description at this point.

It has comparison with an AI who is ever-present in the back of my mind and shows itself when opportunity arises and starts it's program whenever opportunity arises. If I feel a negative emotion this program comes up and attempts to scare me or kick me so to speak until I lose all will to resist. Then it keeps going until I feel like I am completely drained of energy.

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Offlinecube talk
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21324326 - 02/24/15 06:32 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

there was a time for about 10 trips a few years ago where I had this problem

you know what totally solved it?

music

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OfflineLittleDaddy
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21324417 - 02/24/15 06:45 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

infectedstyle said:
I fear this kind of response would happen. I understand ur trying to help but it's not a new perspective to me.




Then you'll remain ignorant of it and you'll continue to suffer.

If what you're saying is a metaphor then counseling can help - not some drug prescribing one; just one you can talk to.


--------------------
The hotter the battle, the sweeter Jah victory.
Put the heathen's back upon the wall.

Edited by LittleDaddy (02/24/15 06:53 PM)

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: cube talk]
    #21324568 - 02/24/15 07:05 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

cube talk said:
there was a time for about 10 trips a few years ago where I had this problem

you know what totally solved it?

music




I had no problem with this in Nature. Most consitently and quite superisingly I have no issue of this when in the presence of other people! Unless I feel alone with other people but during active engaging any negative vision is absent. My thoughts can still go haywire but I notice that my thoughts have really nothing to do with it. When I had this 'attack' as i will call the experience. during 2ce i did listen to music and it helps.

I see very sad souls in the trees and hear the forest speak to me. But it's I think only the result of industrialization and littering. These trees themselves don't even look very Majestic. Not all of them. I imagine an experience in the true jungle to be very different.

I have a plan though.. So I'm glad I made this thread. I am going to try and instead of fight it I will "love" the presence and see where it leads.

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OfflineCarbonobo
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21324639 - 02/24/15 07:18 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Well I think whether or not you believe it to be something real affects a lot when it comes to psychedelics. For example, if you think it's real, and your constantly worrying about it while tripping, your probably going to experience it. In my unprofessional opinion, the way to make this stop would be to prove to yourself that this is nothing but yourself, and the only thing that will make it happen is you willing it to.


--------------------
“I think we’re part of a greater wisdom than we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is. And so are we. For a little while."

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: Carbonobo]
    #21324677 - 02/24/15 07:26 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Well if so. I pretented like it was not affecting me and I hear voices in my head saying 'he doesn't even care' while I still feel bites and teeth on certain parts of my body.

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OfflineP.Zappatecorum
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle] * 1
    #21324703 - 02/24/15 07:31 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

infectedstyle said:
Quote:

cube talk said:
there was a time for about 10 trips a few years ago where I had this problem

you know what totally solved it?

music




I had no problem with this in Nature. Most consitently and quite superisingly I have no issue of this when in the presence of other people! Unless I feel alone with other people but during active engaging any negative vision is absent. My thoughts can still go haywire but I notice that my thoughts have really nothing to do with it. When I had this 'attack' as i will call the experience. during 2ce i did listen to music and it helps.

I see very sad souls in the trees and hear the forest speak to me. But it's I think only the result of industrialization and littering. These trees themselves don't even look very Majestic. Not all of them. I imagine an experience in the true jungle to be very different.

I have a plan though.. So I'm glad I made this thread. I am going to try and instead of fight it I will "love" the presence and see where it leads.




While I personally don't think anything you experience in the psychedelic state is "real" in the sense of being external and from the outside universe, they are genuine psychic phenomena that gain importance in the subjective experience and are as real as any memories and dreams in the introverse.  OP, it sounds like you are taking way too many psychedelics and losing the distinction between the koinoskosmos and the idioskosmos, which is a very dangerous thing to do and I would wholeheartedly suggest you take a good 6 month abstinence from these drugs, focus on meditation and mindfulness, then return to the host and see if your experiences change for the better.     

That said, in interest of speaking to you metaphorically and treating this presence as real as it is in your subjective reality, I would wholeheartedly suggust next time you feel this presence that you summon all the light and power you have and burn it away with the sacred fire.  I have been attacked while journeying and I always dispel the entities by facing them down without fear and telling them they cannot harm me or batting them away like flies with the force of my will.  Letting a spiritual parasite into your body as a science experiment in not an intelligent thing to do.  This will continue to be a problem until you face this hecura and banish it to whence it came. 
:onfire:

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InvisibleJimmy Sage
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21324727 - 02/24/15 07:35 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Be careful. There are reasons why all cultures that regularly use/used psychedelics do so in a ritual setting, with a shaman or a guide. You should not have conversed with whatever it was. Terence McKenna quit using his beloved mushrooms for a similar reason, when the mushrooms felt that he was no longer genuine enough to be considered the "ambassador" of the mushrooms. That put him into an existential crisis for the majority of his remaining life (this trip occured in 1988).

Even before this trip occured, Terence was often asked about having conversations with a voice heard on higher doses. Some of these voices appeared benevolent, but some voices would tell the user things like, "turn around" while lying down, in a dark, malevolent tone. In this particular case, the user did not turn around and stood his ground, leading the darkness to move on. Such stories are quite common regarding psychedelics, and it is not simply a side effect of the trip, but an actual force that can be felt by everyone in the room if you are doing a ceremony. Such stories are common in Ayahuasca ceremonies, for e.g. when the shaman would instruct everyone to expel a dark force in the room that would be clearly apparent to everyone in the room, whether it be chanting or breathing in a specific way, etc...

Even Paul Stamets, who is the most renown mycologist around today, has been asked this question about these entities. He had a simple response to this question (not verbatim but along the lines of), "anything above 5 grams should be done with a shaman". Stamets has a self-professed, extremely close relationship with psilocybin mushrooms.

I'am no shaman, but I'am an Anthropology major. Imo your best bet for getting rid of this force is to take part in an actual ceremony, led by a credible and benevolent shaman. My 2c

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OfflineCarbonobo
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: P.Zappatecorum]
    #21324810 - 02/24/15 07:49 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Ah, but pretending won't work, it's what you truly believe that matters.

Quote:

P.Zappatecorum said:
Quote:

infectedstyle said:
Quote:

cube talk said:
there was a time for about 10 trips a few years ago where I had this problem

you know what totally solved it?

music




I had no problem with this in Nature. Most consitently and quite superisingly I have no issue of this when in the presence of other people! Unless I feel alone with other people but during active engaging any negative vision is absent. My thoughts can still go haywire but I notice that my thoughts have really nothing to do with it. When I had this 'attack' as i will call the experience. during 2ce i did listen to music and it helps.

I see very sad souls in the trees and hear the forest speak to me. But it's I think only the result of industrialization and littering. These trees themselves don't even look very Majestic. Not all of them. I imagine an experience in the true jungle to be very different.

I have a plan though.. So I'm glad I made this thread. I am going to try and instead of fight it I will "love" the presence and see where it leads.




While I personally don't think anything you experience in the psychedelic state is "real" in the sense of being external and from the outside universe, they are genuine psychic phenomena that gain importance in the subjective experience and are as real as any memories and dreams in the introverse.  OP, it sounds like you are taking way too many psychedelics and losing the distinction between the koinoskosmos and the idioskosmos, which is a very dangerous thing to do and I would wholeheartedly suggest you take a good 6 month abstinence from these drugs, focus on meditation and mindfulness, then return to the host and see if your experiences change for the better.     

That said, in interest of speaking to you metaphorically and treating this presence as real as it is in your subjective reality, I would wholeheartedly suggust next time you feel this presence that you summon all the light and power you have and burn it away with the sacred fire.  I have been attacked while journeying and I always dispel the entities by facing them down without fear and telling them they cannot harm me or batting them away like flies with the force of my will.  Letting a spiritual parasite into your body as a science experiment in not an intelligent thing to do.  This will continue to be a problem until you face this hecura and banish it to whence it came. 
:onfire:




I second this. No matter what it is that's causing this, a break from psychedelic could only help.


--------------------
“I think we’re part of a greater wisdom than we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is. And so are we. For a little while."

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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence *DELETED* [Re: Jimmy Sage]
    #21324816 - 02/24/15 07:50 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by infectedstyle

Reason for deletion: dubble


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Offlineinfectedstyle
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Re: A hostile presence [Re: infectedstyle]
    #21324867 - 02/24/15 07:57 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Appreciate the feedback. I do feel better after making this thread.

Quote:

That said, in interest of speaking to you metaphorically and treating this presence as real as it is in your subjective reality, I would wholeheartedly suggust next time you feel this presence that you summon all the light and power you have and burn it away with the sacred fire.  I have been attacked while journeying and I always dispel the entities by facing them down without fear and telling them they cannot harm me or batting them away like flies with the force of my will.




Quote:

'am no shaman, but I'am an Anthropology major. Imo your best bet for getting rid of this force is to take part in an actual ceremony, led by a credible and benevolent shaman. My 2c




These are my thoughts at this point. I fear doing Stan Grov's Holotropic Breathwork because I feel like a part of me has been posessed. I fear that it will overpower me if I fully let it go and I don't want to scare other people. I have once let myself go and it's like a subconscious thing is in my mind and breathing with me and during this initial posession my breathing pattern was the most notable change. To a very greedy forceful breath. It was intense. But not completely unenjoyable. Funny I mention holotropic breathwork and this in the same sentence I never even connected these thoughts.

An actual shamanic ceremony.. It's a long shot. I am in no position to take such a journey for a long long time. :frown:

Quote:

TLetting a spiritual parasite into your body as a science experiment in not an intelligent thing to do.  This will continue to be a problem until you face this hecura and banish it to whence it came. 




Yes, I am starting to realize in hindsight this was a pretty bad descision :P I certainly had a choice back then.

..

Don't worry guys I do not take very much drugs. I find tryptamines to be much less worrisome. In the presence of higher entities I see no problem.

Another thing Just to clarify. Someone mentioned being able to overpower and shy away bad entities. I have no problem when I see dark kind of entities or things. I feel they can not harm me. But this thing I feel actually IS me in a sense. It is a part of me since I let it be it can hide in the confounds of my mind. I can scare it away but it will run into another part of my mind that is unconscious and hidden to me. This is the problem it is frustrating.

I woulden't mind at all if I did not have the fear and the "impending signal" in the back of my mind that IF this is a real entity that it is growing and evolving.

I feel in this case that It's like I have a disease in the mind. And simply ignoring it means letting it grow. But on the other hand facing it head-on like I did yesterday was giving me a hell of a ride. I am not used to this shamanic thinking.

-- Just to clarify the visions it uses to scare me. At one point I just laughed at it because of how ridiculous this was getting.. And honestly I feel like it can not really touch me. I am in control but if I let it take control you see I think there is danger. I must not give up..

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