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OfflineChilledAwesome7
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Registered: 01/02/15
Posts: 7
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g)
    #21281761 - 02/16/15 09:17 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

This is my second trip, my first being a high dose (5g B+). I had an amazing, life-altering trip that first time, so I decided I wanted to do them again. If you want to read about my first trip, it can be found here.

In my first trip, I claimed that mushrooms cured my depression. This was naive and foolish. I now know that they sent it into remission: A relatively long-lasting remission that was much better than the effects of any SSRI, MAOI, Tricyclic, or atypical antidepressant I have ever taken. I absolutely LOVED that one high-dose mushroom trip managed to make me so happy for such a long period of time (Over 2 months). However, life happened and the last 2-3 weeks have been dark, and I realized that I needed out of the depressive cycle again. I chose mushrooms again. I must say, I DO NOT condone self-medication under any circumstances. What I do is my own choice with my body, and should not be taken as recommendation or permission or approval in any form. Know the laws in your area, assess the risks, and make informed decisions.

That being said, should one choose to partake in mushrooms, the most important aspects of any trip are set and setting. If you don’t know what these are, it basically involves where you are during your trip and the state of mind you are in before and during your trip. Preparation is key. I like to clean my place to an immaculate state prior to a trip: the smallest amount of dirtiness morphs into the most disgusting filth while under the influence. I also like to work out the day of the trip and eat completely clean for a few days prior. None of this is hard evidence of what one should do, it is just what I prefer to do in order to help get myself in the right state of mind. I also lock myself in my apartment; some people say you should be in nature, but I don’t want to be in public while I cannot control my behavior. Also, some trip reports talk about people driving while under the influence. DO NOT DO THIS. In many ways, mushrooms are like being drunk: loss of motor control, fuzzy thoughts can arise, blurred lines, getting “great ideas” that are incredibly stupid to a sober mind. Put your keys in a drawer so you won’t even be tempted.

Now begins my trip. At 11:30 AM I took 2.5g of mushrooms in capsules. I hated the taste of mushrooms the last time, so capsules were my option. I also took half the dose of my previous trip because I didn’t want to be COMPLETELY out of myself. Capsules have to digest prior to the drug taking effect, so it took roughly an hour before I noticed any effect. I got bored so eventually I laid on my bed with my dog and stared out the window. At about the 1 hour mark, the lines of the window grid began dancing, and the magic began.
I laughed. I remembered all the fun from my last trip that I had forgotten. The bright colors, the breathing walls, pictures melting as they hung. Everything was so HILARIOUS. I realized I should put some music on before technology became too difficult to handle. Good thing, because after I put music on, I laid in bed and closed my eyes, truly appreciating the music. As I listened, my mind transported me to another world. A world in which the events of my life were shown as music videos to the songs I played. Some were happy, many were sad, and a few were downright terrifying. Some were entirely fictitious. I listened to “Teenagers” by MCR and it nearly sent me over the edge, as I imagined being arrested for drug use as the government “tried to make a citizen out of you.” This also made me question so hard why our government is so oppressive, sentencing people to lengthy prison terms for something that, in most cases, harms no one but themselves. Here I am, in my own apartment, minding my own business, yet the government says I am a danger to society?

One thing I noticed is some of the side effects of mushrooms. They make my body hot. I had to be in shorts and a t-shirt and it’s February. My palms were sweaty, which felt like slime while I was tripping. I could also feel the mucous in my nose, cold and wet, much like a dog’s nose feels when it touched your skin. I also felt nauseous on the come up, and I had to struggle not to barf.
So, here’s where I realized I disrespected the mushrooms, and where I deserved to be punished. I am a college student, and as such I have homework. Being depressed the last couple weeks, I had completely shirked some of my homework and always said “I’ll do it later.” Well, about halfway through the trip, I realized how much work I had to do, and I decided I should get it done. Terrible idea. I entered the trip knowing that I had obligations to be completed, yet I failed to prepare. Writing was impossible, technology was impossible. I spent nearly two hours trying to figure out the name of a certain river in another country, as the answer to one of my homework questions. I panicked, I freaked out and became overburdened with anxiety, believing I would fail and never graduate, ending up at McDonald’s for the rest of my life. I could not handle this thought and I freaked out. I was in a living hell, thinking I would fail, and that I would also be going to prison, and that I was a terrible person in general.

I picked up my phone, turned it on (I recommend turning it off prior to any trip), and texted two of my best friends.

I told them I was freaking out. They talked to me, tried to calm me. One friend found the name of the river for me. Things turned around from here, and I spent the rest of the trip talking to them, telling them how amazing they were. Reading back over the text messages, it is amazing how one’s mind works on mushrooms. My thought process was: Start with an ideahave a tangential thoughhave another tangential thoughthave another tangential thoughhave one more tangential thought that connects back to the original idea. It follows absolutely no logical flow, but in the overarching scheme, it makes perfect sense.

Within these text messages was my greatest realization in life: I just want to be happy. I don’t really want to be rich or have a fancy car or date a gorgeous woman (though these are nice). I just want to be happy, in whatever I do. I can be the poorest person in the world, but as long as I’m happy that’s all that matters. I also realized that I want to love and be loved by those around me. I want to emanate love in everything I do. And within that state I realized that love is equal to happiness, so when I say that I want love, I am just saying that I want happiness, but in different words.

Overall, even though I was terrified at times, the trip was beneficial. I’ve learned some key takeaways, and there are some aspects which I am still pondering. My depression is again in remission, for which I am incredibly thankful. My most important advice: respect the drug and THOROUGHLY prepare.

Edited by ChilledAwesome7 (02/16/15 09:18 AM)

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OfflineMatt87
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Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 3,339
Loc: Tennessee
Last seen: 3 months, 20 days
Re: I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g) [Re: ChilledAwesome7]
    #21281836 - 02/16/15 09:41 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Do you exercise? Seriously, exercise is like the number one cure for depression. Join a boxing gym and stay there. Its a pretty permanent fix.


--------------------

Once you understand the way broadly, you see it in all things. -Musashi

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OfflineChakatron
JOOSA JOOSA
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Registered: 07/09/13
Posts: 1,646
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Re: I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g) [Re: Matt87]
    #21281907 - 02/16/15 10:02 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

What was the name of the river.......just wonderin


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OfflineChilledAwesome7
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Registered: 01/02/15
Posts: 7
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g) [Re: Chakatron]
    #21282702 - 02/16/15 12:52 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I do exercise, and while I agree that it can help, it's also not the ultimate solution. I'd really rather not get into a debate over the internet, but I would recommend you hesitate giving out advice on how someone treat their depression, as every case is different. Exercise may work for some, but for many cases of depression, obsessive exercise is actually part of the problem (certain cases of anorexia and exercise bulimia, for example.) It's also rather offensive, as it implies that people who are depressed are just lazy, which is a stereotype we already have to deal with.

The river is named Moselle, by the way.

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OfflineMatt87
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Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 3,339
Loc: Tennessee
Last seen: 3 months, 20 days
Re: I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g) [Re: ChilledAwesome7]
    #21283854 - 02/16/15 04:28 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

ChilledAwesome7 said:
I do exercise, and while I agree that it can help, it's also not the ultimate solution. I'd really rather not get into a debate over the internet, but I would recommend you hesitate giving out advice on how someone treat their depression, as every case is different. Exercise may work for some, but for many cases of depression, obsessive exercise is actually part of the problem (certain cases of anorexia and exercise bulimia, for example.) It's also rather offensive, as it implies that people who are depressed are just lazy, which is a stereotype we already have to deal with.

The river is named Moselle, by the way.



I'm sorry. Inflection doesn't come through in text. I just wanted to help. I've been depressed for months at a time. I don't judge you as lazy at all.


--------------------

Once you understand the way broadly, you see it in all things. -Musashi

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OfflineSpacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
Re: I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g) [Re: Matt87]
    #21290335 - 02/17/15 07:41 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Very nice trip report. IMO if you persist with the shroomies, you'll get exactly and precisely what you were mentioning (being deeply happy, regardless of circumstances). Personal intuitive hunch, based on how you write now.

Quote:

Being depressed the last couple weeks, I had completely shirked some of my homework and always said “I’ll do it later.” Well, about halfway through the trip, I realized how much work I had to do, and I decided I should get it done. Terrible idea. I entered the trip knowing that I had obligations to be completed, yet I failed to prepare. Writing was impossible, technology was impossible. I spent nearly two hours trying to figure out the name of a certain river in another country, as the answer to one of my homework questions. I panicked, I freaked out and became overburdened with anxiety, believing I would fail and never graduate, ending up at McDonald’s for the rest of my life.



I know what you're talking about, and IMO a great deal of this has to do with loneliness, specifically insufficient skin contact, hugs, kissing, romance, sleeping next to a female (or whatever your preferred gender, female if you're a straight dude).

I've gotten in precisely that vibe before (and also with the rushed conclusion that mushrooms cure depression, once and for all, no other effort needed). In my case, it took several trips to start getting this, that no, you CANNOT AND WILL NOT start feeling well, feeling good, worthy, loved and appreciated, because of doing something. You're not worth loving because you can dissect a frog correctly, or program a computer correctly or any technical or academic task that you can do.

I've had the same tendency to push myself to doing, doing, doing, without taking time to honor the rest time, the play time, the appreciation time for the flowers, the animals, the sounds of young voices and kids playing, ducks quacking, etc. When tripping, I've noticed that there's huge waves of emotions coming on, and if I have a girl that I like around, we can hug, talk, get naked and play, we can do all sorts of things. Once that's taken care of, once that level of energy is balanced, oxytocin released into the mix and the ta-dee-dah is on, then yes I can take something and be fascinated with it. Science, space, biology, eyes-closed visions, art, whatever. But if I'm alone, the lack of oxytocin will twist those emotions into coarse, rugged, intolerant requests. Do this! Get an A! Paint nicer! You're no good! Not fast enough! ARGH!

I've been hit over the head a good couple of times with this, to now know that this is not the way to live. As you've said, far better to live on modest means and full of love, than to have all the toys and feel lost and empty and dead inside. And actually, to one who values and respects and "gets" their emotions, one who works with their flow not against it, few things will be denied. Any chosen field or profession will be pushed to excellence levels, because most obstacles to learning and growth are self-imposed. Once we clear the internal troubles, the external world follows suit. Girls, health, money, they flow if we flow.

So to explore more of this, I highly recommend you to trip with a girl, ideally a fwb or gf that you've already had sex with, or at the very least had some intimacy with, like say massage for instance. From there you can play, explore, be together, share emotions, however they come. I've had AMAZING insights about myself and life and the world at large, form trips with girls, that I don't think would have been possible in solo trips. It just has a bunch to do with oxytocin and/or testosterone, and having someone to be receptive to that, and to provide the complementary energy (female, estrogen, soft, yin). I recommend tripping with girls that you've already had sex with (broken the ice as it were) as if you take with you a bunch of sexual tension and need for validation, that can amplify all sorts of insecurities, it's just not worth the hassle. Break the ice, have some fun, then partake together and see the wonders and magic.

Try this stuff out, IMO you'll see some amazing things regarding your depression. And yes it is a bit more risky, you do have to put yourself out there emotionally, you do risk some rejection, but IMO it's well worth it :thumbup:

Trust yourself and the shroomies, to help you make the best of things and show you the optimal way. If you want any sort of encouragement for future trips, here's what they told me :biggrin:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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Offlineak47myth
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Registered: 08/04/11
Posts: 1,306
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g) [Re: Spacerific]
    #21293769 - 02/18/15 01:48 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Nice report.

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OfflineTheIrishDon
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Registered: 04/30/14
Posts: 11
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
Re: I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g) [Re: ak47myth]
    #21302735 - 02/20/15 08:42 AM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Very cool report, ChilledAwesome I'm doing a little project for my masters on bad trips. If you are at all interested please give me a shout. You seem like a well-articulated person who would be a perfect fit for the type of research I'm conducting. Of course if you aren't comfortable don't hesitate to say noI will not be offended.

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OfflineChilledAwesome7
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Registered: 01/02/15
Posts: 7
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g) [Re: TheIrishDon]
    #21318271 - 02/23/15 03:02 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Hey, I may be interested in participating in your research, though I would first need to now more about it. Feel free to message me.

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OfflineChilledAwesome7
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Registered: 01/02/15
Posts: 7
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g) [Re: Spacerific]
    #21318285 - 02/23/15 03:04 PM (9 years, 2 months ago)

This is an interesting idea. I'm not seeing anyone at the moment, but I may hold onto it for later when I am seeing someone who may be interested in this. I've hear that mushrooms make it damn near impossible to have sex, which I had believed due to my own experience. It would be worth a try though!

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Offlinecube talk
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Registered: 10/11/07
Posts: 1,223
Last seen: 4 months, 29 days
Re: I disrespected the mushrooms, and Lord, how they punished me (2.5g) [Re: ChilledAwesome7]
    #21347530 - 03/01/15 10:03 AM (9 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

ChilledAwesome7 said:
This is an interesting idea. I'm not seeing anyone at the moment, but I may hold onto it for later when I am seeing someone who may be interested in this. I've hear that mushrooms make it damn near impossible to have sex, which I had believed due to my own experience. It would be worth a try though!





pffffffffff shrooms me so cot damn horny its unreal

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