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Offlinelivelovelaugh
Stranger
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Registered: 06/21/10
Posts: 94
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
i thought he was the one
    #21249782 - 02/09/15 05:56 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he no longer wanted to be with me last week. i am literally heart broken. i feel like a piece of me is gone. i cant go one full day without randomly bursting into tears. he is the greatest guy i have ever met. we are quite different, but he loved me unconditionally, always taking part and encouraing me with my interests even though they differed from his. he treated me like a goddess.
this is the second time he has decided he doesnt want to be with me. last time he came back and said he made a mistake. i dont think that will be the case this time. we have been arguing (ever since he left me in september). i couldnt let go of the pain he caused me when he left. he went out two days later with some friends (guys and girls) and did mdma and slept in a hotel with them, and now this same group is going to a cottage together for a drunken bday celebration. i think he just wants to fuck this one girl..

he says he needs to work on himself and focus on his life right now. im not convinced that this is the truth, i think he wants to fuck around (because hes moving in with his single bestfriend who always has girls around, and also im currently living 3 hours ago from him) although he has never lied to me before.

is this my fault? will i find another person who will treat me like a goddess?
do you think hes being honest when he says he wants to work on himself and find what makes him happy? or is it to sleep with this girl?

ahhhghgg im so hurt and confused and i just dont know what to think.

Edited by livelovelaugh (02/09/15 07:28 PM)

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OfflineJacksonMetaller
Stranger


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: i thought he was the one [Re: livelovelaugh] * 1
    #21250168 - 02/09/15 06:57 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

His motives are irrelevant. My ex straight up told me after two and a half years "i want to have a college experience... like make out with random drunk boys downtown." Hearing the truth isn't going to make you feel any better i promise :hug:

Don't let your happiness hang on him though. I moped for months at that last one and literally THE day I got over my shit and pulled myself together enough to go back out and socialize I met my current fiance. You just have to accept that you two want different things in life right now and you deserve to be with someone who has the same relationship goals as you. It seems impossible to tolerate at first, but you just have to know that the day you find someone better you're going to be laughing (and probably decently upset) at the amount of time you wasted crying over him. It happens this way way too often.

In the mean time work on independence. I don't mean that to sound condescending, it's just natural in relationships to let the other person be a provider of happiness and lose some of your independent self in the process. But you'll start feeling a hell of a lot better once you start prioritizing your hobbies and your own social needs and so on. Those few months single last time were some of the most productive of my life in regards to personal health

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Offlinebloodsheen
ChemChaplin
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Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: i thought he was the one [Re: JacksonMetaller]
    #21250265 - 02/09/15 07:15 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I agree his motives dont matter. Trying to figure people out is a bad idea. Either way hes gone and youll never figure out 100% the reason why. Im sorry that happened to you, my heart goes out to you :heart:


--------------------


A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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InvisibleRedwood
Registered: 05/22/14
Posts: 2,077
Re: i thought he was the one [Re: livelovelaugh]
    #21250690 - 02/09/15 08:30 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I'm sorry to hear that. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and treats you well. You'll find someone way better than him. :hug:

Feel better :heart:

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Offlinegref
Philosoraptor


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 1,143
Last seen: 10 months, 26 days
Re: i thought he was the one [Re: livelovelaugh]
    #21251415 - 02/09/15 11:31 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

So he left you, came back, and then left again. That sounds like a roller coaster of pain.

Quote:

livelovelaugh said:
he says he needs to work on himself and focus on his life right now. im not convinced that this is the truth, i think he wants to fuck around




I think your intuition is right. When people say things like this they're trying to let you down easily.
It's a variation of the "It's not you it's me" routine. The last girl I really liked used it on me too! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


I'm sorry for your troubles, I know how you feel. :hug:

Quote:

livelovelaugh said:
will i find another person who will treat me like a goddess?




Only if you get out there and start dating again, but give yourself some time to heal first.

Edited by gref (02/09/15 11:44 PM)

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OfflineWhoManBeing
PsychedelicYogi
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Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 3,844
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 9 days, 12 hours
Re: i thought he was the one [Re: gref]
    #21251474 - 02/09/15 11:51 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

i was walking down the street today, pondering what it would be like to be a lady left by a fella.  you know?  the vice-versa of what would be like for me.  so many variables come to play, but all in all, i guess, i don't know...


--------------------
Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!!

Eye was thinking the other day...  ahh, thinking never done me no good.


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InvisibleThayendanegea
quiet walker
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Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,600
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation Flag
Re: i thought he was the one [Re: livelovelaugh]
    #21252251 - 02/10/15 07:57 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Relationships help us to grow....whether they feel good or bad at the time. Unfortunately, the growth is always realized in hindsight. OP...if that is a pic of you in your gallery, you are a very pretty girl. The suitors will come...my advice to you is to  spend some time getting to know and love yourself for who you are....then wait for someone that will love you for you.:sunny::peace:


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein

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OfflineMushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
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Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: i thought he was the one [Re: livelovelaugh]
    #21252801 - 02/10/15 10:53 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

livelovelaugh said:
the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he no longer wanted to be with me last week. i am literally heart broken. i feel like a piece of me is gone. i cant go one full day without randomly bursting into tears. he is the greatest guy i have ever met. we are quite different, but he loved me unconditionally, always taking part and encouraing me with my interests even though they differed from his. he treated me like a goddess.
this is the second time he has decided he doesnt want to be with me. last time he came back and said he made a mistake. i dont think that will be the case this time. we have been arguing (ever since he left me in september). i couldnt let go of the pain he caused me when he left. he went out two days later with some friends (guys and girls) and did mdma and slept in a hotel with them, and now this same group is going to a cottage together for a drunken bday celebration. i think he just wants to fuck this one girl..

he says he needs to work on himself and focus on his life right now. im not convinced that this is the truth, i think he wants to fuck around (because hes moving in with his single bestfriend who always has girls around, and also im currently living 3 hours ago from him) although he has never lied to me before.

is this my fault? will i find another person who will treat me like a goddess?
do you think hes being honest when he says he wants to work on himself and find what makes him happy? or is it to sleep with this girl?

ahhhghgg im so hurt and confused and i just dont know what to think.




Don't let yourself caught in his indecisions, it sounds like you're identifying yourself with them, maybe in order to understand him better, maybe also to prevent him changing his mind? It can be damn difficult to let go of the idea that you must do something to show him what he truly wants, but this isn't your job, and the fact that in between he makes you feel like a goddess can make you feel even more anxious about his instability. Accepting the pain you're feeling, as your own, and as something to go through frame by frame will turn this suffering into something more manageable and empowering in the long run.
It also sounds like when he came back, the issue and discomfort weren't really addressed, hence your change in attitude, living in anxiety, and the repeated fights you had.
Don't expect to feel all better, just like that, because you'll be prone to making the same errors.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Offlinelivelovelaugh
Stranger
Female User Gallery


Registered: 06/21/10
Posts: 94
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
Re: i thought he was the one [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #21259928 - 02/11/15 06:00 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

thank you for all your replies! i'm going to eliminate the what ifs, and negative thoughts from my mind, and focus on learning about myself, and loving myself.
sending you all love <3

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