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Anonymous #1

Birthday blues?
    #21225602 - 02/04/15 12:15 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I've never experienced this before.  It's my birthday soon, and I am getting older...just like everyone else.  But I'm starting to notice that as I grow older my social circle is getting smaller and smaller.

My sister is beautiful and fun and popular and I love her to pieces, but she's always pressuring me to throw some big-ass party for myself and for some reason it's really bothering me this year.  I don't have a giant circle of beautiful, fabulous friends like she does. 

As I was writing this out to myself in my journal this morning, I was releasing it, and I started crying and I guess it means more to me then I thought it did.  Am I lonely and I don't even realize it?

I'm a super loner.  I do MOST THINGS on my own.  I'm totally ok with that....so why is it bothering me this year that I don't have dozens of sparkly party invitations to hand out? 

Is it possible to be lonely and not even realize it?

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Anonymous #2

Re: Birthday blues? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21225623 - 02/04/15 12:25 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Man I get that feeling.  I really do.  This year I had a pretty lonely birthday, and I took a mescaline trip that day, and it turned into a really lonely bad trip experience.  Until I looked at my facebook page that night and saw the people that wished me a happy birthday.

New years and halloween and 4th of July can be the same way for me if I don't have anything to do.  It's definitely a thing.

Try going to a bar and getting wasted and telling people it's your birthday?  Not the best advice but I imagine that's a good icebreaker and way to get free drinks.


----- Edit: on second thought, don't take my advice.  Just because I'd do it doesn't mean it's something you should do.  My judgement is sometimes skewed.

Edited by Anonymous (02/04/15 12:27 PM)

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Anonymous #1

Re: Birthday blues? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #21225680 - 02/04/15 12:42 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

....yeah I'm probably not going to try to validate myself with strangers and alcohol....  But I appreciate the thought.  :smile:

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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Birthday blues? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21226557 - 02/04/15 03:52 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:


Is it possible to be lonely and not even realize it?




Oh for sure. It creeps in slowly. If this stuff came on suddenly most people would react, jump into action, take measures. The fact that it's so gradual and easy to miss leaves people vulnerable to it. Alienation, apathy, etc. Then when you get back into the game you look back and realize, hell I've spent months and years alone, ignoring all these possibilities to have fun, make friends, go for what I truly liked.

Quote:

journal this morning, I was releasing it, and I started crying and I guess it means more to me then I thought it did.



Birthdays, holidays (Xmas, New Years) and fucking Valentine's Day (emphasis on fucking :lol:) absolutely amplify feelings of cohesion if one is in a great group of friends and/or romantic relationship, and if one is alone, these dates amplify the feelings of loneliness all the way.

The common approach to b-day is to do what everybody else does. Party, cake, presents, whatever. But I think that we, as trippers, should hold ourselves to a much higher standard of excellence and actually play that day like we truly want to play it, not like society tells us to. I am talking stuff along the lines of "then we ate some Mescaline and went swimming" :lol:

Personally I make it a point to boycott most holidays that people keep (unless I'm traveling, then I'll party with the locals, because that's actual engagement and fresh novelty, not same old crap). I think it's important to signal loud and clear that no, we will NOT participate in rituals as retarded as "eating more fat, sugar and drinking alcohol" to mark a special occasion. If that's all the local culture has to offer, I'd keep on looking for alternatives. :sporedrop:

For my b-day, in June, I'll try to be at some psytrance festival, as that's what I like to do, and it forces choices. Vague acquaintances or relatives will leave their Facebook generic stuff that doesn't matter, and friends that truly care will probably be with there with me, on a head full of shrooms or acid, or whatever the stash fairy brings that day :lol:

About the crying, dude, seriously, nothing wrong with it. I've ended up down in fetal position and crying my eyes out like a little girl lots of times. I mean I'm surrounded by people who don't get me, as they're running mainstream programming. To go to some epic festival, drop some epic acid, be received by the universe in all its love and glory, then come back to regular people and see them bond over things that just don't work for me, sometimes the loneliness hits like a ton of bricks. If you've ever done some nice one on one tripping with a girl you love, then lose that and a b-day or holidays catch you alone, of course the contrast is huge. Especially in the cold of winter, it's fucking terrible.

But it is what it is. I think it's WAY better to be a tripper, to be sensitive, to sometimes break down and cry like a total wuss if that's the emotional level of the moment, I think that's way better than being disconnected, trivial, going through the motions like a robot.

I'd trip with friends on my b-day. Family may not understand, acquaintances either, but it's the friends that matter. The people who want to be with you as you are, not as they project their stuff on you.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Birthday blues? [Re: Spacerific]
    #21226575 - 02/04/15 03:58 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

But since we're exploring, what would you actually like to do on your b-day?

Where would you like to go, and in whose company? Screw alcohol, what proper molecule(s) would you actually love to be on, as you explore that day?



--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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Anonymous #1

Re: Birthday blues? [Re: Spacerific]
    #21229696 - 02/05/15 09:28 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

You guys are fucked.  Everyone's answer to everything is to go get stoned.  Do you guys realize how much more there is to life then drugs?

Don't get me wrong, I am not opposed to partaking in spiritual adventures from time to time... but this is really bad advice.  You tell someone who is sad that they should do drugs to help solve their problems?  Are you kidding me?  That is pretty  much the worst advice ever.  I was reading a different thread where the poor guy had a busted-ass heart cuz his woman left him and 3 people were like "DOOD.  EAT DRUGS!"  :facepalm:

So I'm probably not going to do that either, I got my period today, so I think it's pretty safe to say that I had a pretty bad case of PMS moody moods.

I'm probably just going to go get my nails done and eat sushi.  Perfect.  Stop telling people to eat drugs to solve their problems, it's not a good idea.

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Re: Birthday blues? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21229818 - 02/05/15 10:05 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Take it easy with the outrage yo :lol:

I said what I would do, and that is trip WITH FRIENDS. That's miles away from "taking drugs to fix life's problems".

Also, note that I said you should do what YOU want to do, not what I want or what your family wants. If you like to get nails done and eat sushi, go get nails done and eat sushi. Probably a good idea if you find some people to share this with, but again if you feel like actively being alone, seeking solitude, then enjoy.

And you may want to spend some more time (in general) figuring yourself out, what you want out of life, where you want to go and be, not just superficially what pisses you off or what doesn't work. Things like next b-day or how you like to do b-days in general, what values and rituals are important to you and what you couldn't give a shit about. If you're clear about these things with yourself it'll be easy to tell people you don't party or don't drink or b-days or whatever, and be fine with it. Maybe you like to bungee jump or eat sushi, just figure it out and enjoy it :thumbup:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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Offlinecircastes
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Re: Birthday blues? [Re: Spacerific]
    #21231802 - 02/05/15 05:48 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I'm a bit worried about my 30th in 3 years. I hope I pick myself up and dust myself off before then and get a decent circle of friends, but I have an excellent excuse - schizophrenia and other brain complications took me away from my old circles and isolated me in a room (in a manner of speaking) for 5 or more years. Only just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now. What a bitch life has been...


--------------------
My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...

TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE

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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Birthday blues? [Re: circastes]
    #21231961 - 02/05/15 06:15 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Well as long as you have an excellent excuse, I guess that's the main thing.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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OfflinePDU
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Re: Birthday blues? [Re: Spacerific]
    #21233074 - 02/05/15 10:16 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

OP - sounds like your sister is bumming you out. Social expectations that go against one's own wishes have a way of bumming me out aswell.

Like spacerific, I also basically boycott holidays for the same reasons. If you like to be alone, and do things alone, i don't see anything wrong with that. However, if you want to surround yourself with people to celebrate you and get tipsy or whatever, that's ok too. There is no right way. Personally, I don't see the big deal about a birthday of an adult.

I do believe that it is possible to become lonely without realizing it. The same thing has happened to me ... I've really distanced myself from people, for all sorts of reasons. I've justified it in many ways, but know in my heart that a good balance of socialization and alone time is what's best. Now - after a handful of years with sparse social interaction, and without making any new friends.

I am starting to get social interactions at school. Even the sparsest interaction with classmates hits me with a massive dose of feel good chemicals ... and this is what made me realize that I may have been missing out the past few years.

As with all things - balance is key.

Goodluck sorting out your birthday - I wouldn't be too worried about it. Just do what you want to do. I'd probably just have dinner with my folks or a close friend if i didn't feel like being alone.


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.

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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Birthday blues? [Re: PDU]
    #21233515 - 02/06/15 12:57 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:


I am starting to get social interactions at school. Even the sparsest interaction with classmates hits me with a massive dose of feel good chemicals ... and this is what made me realize that I may have been missing out the past few years.




Same here.

Initially (well, for most of my life actually) I thought that I had a problem, that it's me. That I don't fit in and I should. Gave myself terrible grief about it.

Then I went to other countries, traveling on my own, or to some psytrance festivals and saw people that I could actually carry on a convo with without my head exploding of boredom, people that knew how to have fun the way I like to have fun (and not just getting high and tripping, that too, but so much more) and then it hit me.

It's not me at all, it's them :lol:

There are large sections of the mainstream population that just can't venture much outside tradition, into imagination, spontaneity and original thought to any lengths. It's as if they're made to rigidly run a program, iterate some code that was pre-written for them by others. Minimal divergence from social mores, from the overt propaganda flooding media channels, etc.

If ever you entertain similar feelings or ideas (that it's you) I would absolutely encourage you to travel more, go visit some islands, some deserts, some new countries and continents, whatever you can afford cash and time-wise. Couchsurfing and helpx/woofing can be a great help here. Spending years among people that you're not thriving with is a complete waste of life, not really worth living IMO. Plenty of communities out there that you'd thrive amongst :thumbup:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16

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