Home | Community | Message Board


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   Myyco.com Golden Teacher Liquid Culture For Sale   MagicBag.co All-In-One Bags That Don't Suck   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | Next >  [ show all ]
InvisibleAlgo
Backstrap Fever


Registered: 12/15/14
Posts: 3,857
Bullying
    #21199353 - 01/29/15 10:22 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I was wondering what people think about bullying and how they would tell their kids to deal with it? when I was young my dad said I was never allowed to start a fight but i could finish it. I got picked on twice in school and beat the shit of of both of them I never got bullied again. Seems to me this is the best appoarch. your thoughts?


--------------------

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineCaptain Kaveman
Noob
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 83
Loc: FL USA Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Bullying [Re: Algo]
    #21199472 - 01/29/15 11:00 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I don't have kids yet, but my dad gave me the same rules that yours did.  I couldn't start a fight, but I wasn't supposed to get bullied either. At around age 12 I started taking this really traditional style of Northern Chinese Kung Fu and fell in love with it for the art/fitness/weapons/fighting/beauty, etc.  I definitely didn't have to worry about bullies after that, but it was secondary to why I was training.  I would definitely tell my kids to defend themselves in any situation.  Never start a fight, but feel free to end one.  If somebody is trying to hurt you, stop them by whatever means necessary (within reason, of course).  Unfortunately, nowadays two kids have a brawl and they're suspended, arrested, and counseled into craziness.


--------------------

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleAlgo
Backstrap Fever


Registered: 12/15/14
Posts: 3,857
Re: Bullying [Re: Captain Kaveman]
    #21199544 - 01/29/15 11:18 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I would like to hear anyone from anyone who would have a diffent appoarch non violent that would actually work. im all ears. I really dont think there is a more eefective method than what me and Kaveman have pointed out. i bring up this point because of all the talk now days about bullying yet now can come up with a solution that works. besides me lol


--------------------

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSlunter
Stranger
Registered: 01/26/15
Posts: 21
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: Bullying [Re: Algo]
    #21200109 - 01/30/15 03:11 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I feel as if the best method is prevention. Being kind and respectful to those around you, and don't instigate people into wanting to harm you. I've never really understood how people get to the point of having people harass and bully them. I would imagine it would typically start with someone giving you a little bit of shit, and then it builds and builds and builds until they're constantly harassing you, possibly to the point of physical abuse. When someone gives you that first little insult, simply ignore them, and give them no response. I imagine how it happens is that the bully will call an insult towards the victim, and then the victim responds. If there is anger, calmness, or hurt in the victim's voice when they respond, the bully will feed on that reaction and continue. The smartest thing to do is to ignore the person and keep going about your way.

I truly feel that if you don't give a bully a reaction, they will not continue to harass you. If you show that you are simply not offended by it, and keep walking on, they will find someone else that's easier to get a response out of.

This might sound silly to some of you guys, but I've almost never in my life had an issue with someone attacking me, physically or verbally, so it's hard for me to even understand how people even get to that point. Feel free to pick apart my statement though, I feel like I did a bad job of explaining.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleLunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
Re: Bullying [Re: Slunter] * 1
    #21200117 - 01/30/15 03:18 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

So, you've never been bullied, but you know all about it, and how to respond best to your imaginary situation.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSlunter
Stranger
Registered: 01/26/15
Posts: 21
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: Bullying [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #21200136 - 01/30/15 03:37 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I suppose I worded it somewhat incorrectly. I've never been harassed consistently, or extremely abusively. I've definitely had scenarios where people will try and instigate me, but I simply don't give them a response and they always leave me alone. Maybe not at first, but eventually they stop.

Regardless, I was just giving my opinion. I also never said I knew everything about the subject. Just that I felt not giving a response is the best way to prevent it from ever even happening. Then I gave some supporting information.

Your comment was very productive and beneficial to this thread by the way.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSlunter
Stranger
Registered: 01/26/15
Posts: 21
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: Bullying [Re: Slunter]
    #21200142 - 01/30/15 03:40 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Not to mention, there was a point in my life where I was a sad, anxious, and confused little kid, and I would pick on people sometimes, usually through the internet. The people I would always go for were people who responded with intensity. If people didn't respond I wouldn't continue.

I would imagine you've heard of trolls on the internet as well. They're main focus is people that respond, and get upset, and angry. They attack those kinds of people. This is done through the internet, as well as in real life.

I've never gotten bullied myself, but I've watched many others bring it upon themselves with the way they react to people.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleLunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
Re: Bullying [Re: Slunter]
    #21200144 - 01/30/15 03:42 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Slunter said:
I suppose I worded it somewhat incorrectly. I've never been harassed consistently, or extremely abusively. I've definitely had scenarios where people will try and instigate me, but I simply don't give them a response and they always leave me alone. Maybe not at first, but eventually they stop.

Regardless, I was just giving my opinion. I also never said I knew everything about the subject. Just that I felt not giving a response is the best way to prevent it from ever even happening. Then I gave some supporting information.

Your comment was very productive and beneficial to this thread by the way.




So, you are actually passive aggressive, and able to skate through based on your approach to life. 

Perhaps your version of "supporting information" is theoretical, as you don't really experience things first hand, the passive part does, but only the aggressive part gets to act.

Making more sense now?


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSlunter
Stranger
Registered: 01/26/15
Posts: 21
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: Bullying [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #21200151 - 01/30/15 03:50 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I don't really understand what you're saying, honestly haha.

I'm not a passive aggressive person. I just don't get involved with conflict because I see no point in spending energy responding to it.. I talk and interact with a lot of people, and I watch people get upset and frustrated with trivial things all the time, often times involving another person.

It's kind of like those kids back in high school that just attract drama all the time. They put themselves in those situations. I have almost never had any issue with drama. I simply don't get involved, with drama nor bullies.

Or maybe I'm just completely misunderstanding your point d:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Female User Gallery


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: Bullying [Re: Algo]
    #21201122 - 01/30/15 10:25 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

AlgoRythm said:
I was wondering what people think about bullying and how they would tell their kids to deal with it? when I was young my dad said I was never allowed to start a fight but i could finish it. I got picked on twice in school and beat the shit of of both of them I never got bullied again. Seems to me this is the best appoarch. your thoughts?




Well I guess it all depends on the form the bullying takes.
I would word with my kids on their emotional awareness not just for bullying situations, but because IMO it is one of the most important things to have. I wouldn't say I would offer them rules on how to respond to bullying because I would be more interested in encouraging them to find their own solutions.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleKurt
Thinker, blinker, writer, typer.

Registered: 11/26/14
Posts: 1,688
Re: Bullying [Re: Algo]
    #21201962 - 01/30/15 12:30 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I agree with the whole stoic Dad approach, but I think its convenient that I am thinking about this as an adult, and doubly so, not as a dad. Its the right thing to tell the kid, sure. But I'd say when you tell a kid to finish a fight, you are just filling him with the spirit to fight, not so much dispensing ethical or philosophical advice.

If you were talking to your boy, and he were subject to a situation  that he has no choice in, which is I take it what you are assuming, well, you are just telling him to fight.

For the most part, only later in life do you essentially find a choice in you for this. You find that you can let off a little steam, or back off from a confrontation, and generally you can regulate yourself. You are regulating testosterone in your body and the mental and physical discipline, and your temperment you have developed through all the years.

I'm just saying, to us, not instigating may seem like some kundalini yoga, but to the kid none of that is going to seem relavent. The whole discussion with your kid is predicated on the kid's subjection to the situation in a simple and probably idiotic way. And in that sense you are simply telling the kid what anyone would, not to be passive and not to be a bully. But how does one find that balance in life, beyond the talk?

One guy is a drunk idiot and his kid becomes a bully, one guy is just a reasonable dad, and so he's a pitcher and his kid is the cup, he instills the kid with fight. I agree, a kid should know that he can fight...

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!


Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
Re: Bullying [Re: Kurt]
    #21202250 - 01/30/15 12:50 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

We want to dissolve the seeds of violence and bullying is a form of violence, kids are apparently not raised right. How can the state intervene through education to induce tolerance? MDMA sessions? Meditation in schools ? Think outside the box. Bullying is definitely not okay, without love how can school be worth going to? We can't be cheesey or fake about this. If someone is caught bullying what if we surround them with every student or a large group of them and have the kids either call him names and be mean to him or her, or have them do nice things to that person?


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSlunter
Stranger
Registered: 01/26/15
Posts: 21
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: Bullying [Re: Algo]
    #22526053 - 11/15/15 01:58 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Reviving this thread because I stumbled across an article that very accurately explains what I had been trying to say before. Hopefully this is a little more clear.

"The best way to deal with a bully who is making fun of you is to make fun of yourself better than the bully did. The worst way to deal with a bully is to retaliate. This is because retaliation perpetuates the bully’s agenda and leads to violence, whereas making fun of yourself uses self-deprecating humor to derail the bully’s agenda while forcing the bully into a confused psychosocial dilemma. It’s a power-play, and it’s all psychological. The bully expects you to poke fun back at him, or cry, or run, or throw a punch; anything but you making fun of yourself."

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleLunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
Re: Bullying [Re: Slunter]
    #22526351 - 11/15/15 06:00 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

That honestly sounds dumb.  I mean why would I want to bully myself by making fun of myself to try to confuse the bully?  Maybe if he sees me bullying myself, his job is done?


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineNobodyYouKnow
Someone else
 User Gallery


Registered: 08/26/14
Posts: 16,583
Loc: To your south Flag
Last seen: 4 months, 2 days
Re: Bullying [Re: Slunter]
    #22526437 - 11/15/15 07:08 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Slunter said:
Reviving this thread because I stumbled across an article that very accurately explains what I had been trying to say before. Hopefully this is a little more clear.

"The best way to deal with a bully who is making fun of you is to make fun of yourself better than the bully did. The worst way to deal with a bully is to retaliate. This is because retaliation perpetuates the bully’s agenda and leads to violence, whereas making fun of yourself uses self-deprecating humor to derail the bully’s agenda while forcing the bully into a confused psychosocial dilemma. It’s a power-play, and it’s all psychological. The bully expects you to poke fun back at him, or cry, or run, or throw a punch; anything but you making fun of yourself."




I think this is not the greatest advice. I have no kids but I was a kid once (a long time ago). I was bullied through primary school and halfway through high school. There was no 'anti-bullying' lectures or any of that in the late 80's.

I got bullied because I was small and weak, I was an easy target and I had minimal friends (who also got bullied). Fighting back was never an option for me, I would have got my arse kicked every time. I was half the height and weight of everyone else, I never responded to it, got upset or lashed out but that did not stop it. Once someone decides to hate you for whatever reason ignoring them will not make them go away.

The main problem I had was that I felt I could not tell anyone. I was afraid to tell teachers (I thought I would get bashed and bullied for the rest of high school - which I would have). What kept it going for years was my fear of asking my parents for help. I was so ashamed that I couldn't 'finish the fight' or that I didn't start swinging back sometimes. I thought my parents would think I was weak so I said nothing for years and years.

The thing that sent me over the edge was when the guy bullying me ran me over on his fucking motorbike in the school car park. Yeah no shit, year 8 Australia so I was about 13 years old. I couldn't hide my injuries (just scratches and blood / gravel thank god) from my old man and had to tell him everything, I remember shaking telling him, I was so scared how he would react.

He reacted pretty quick and calm. He went to see this guys father straight away, I begged him not to as some rumours (probably started by him to look tougher) of his dad being in a motorcycle gang were going around. Anyway about 3 hours later my dad came back, he would never tell me what happened at this guys house, still hasn't some 27 years later. (I am now thinking they sat down and had a beer and a laugh).

No more bullying. I felt like a cunt for involving my parents, but then realized I should have gone to them a lot sooner if it could have just ended it like it did. So I can't give anyone advice on what their kids should do, hopefully they would be comfortable enough to go to their parents not just with bullying but with anything. Teaching you to not start a fight but it's OK to finish one is useless when the reason you're being picked on is because you are a shit fighter or weak. It is also completely stupid when 3 bullies are starting shit with the one of you.

Bully's were already making me feel like shit with their insults, the last thing I would have wanted to do is insult myself and make myself feel even more shit. It's not just kids that get bullied. I will never work in a not saying my industry again in my life. I was never bullied but witnessed someone else being bullied (fucking 45 year old adults and someone else already said in this thread that yep, the bully was the one who was always sprouting the 'anti bully' workplace BS). This went on for months and eventually resulted in a suicide.

My long post is just the tip of the iceberg, as someone who has been bullied full on for years myself I think the greatest piece of advice in this thread is this;

Quote:

I wouldn't say I would offer them rules on how to respond to bullying because I would be more interested in encouraging them to find their own solutions.




Every 'bullying' is different, it's not just a big guy screaming insults at you, it rips you apart on mental, physical and I think even spiritual levels. I wasn't strong but felt even weaker the more I got bullied. My friend had an English accent, my other friend got good grades that's why they were picked on. So I am guessing not much has changed in school for a long time :shrug:

Of course the bullying affected me for a while after but I am anything but a weak pussy now. I heard stories of other kids that were bullied at my school spending years after high school getting 'big muscles' and hunting down the people that bullied them at high school, of course that was just dumb and always ended badly.

Thanks for posting that Slunter it's a rough topic that is still getting swept under the carpet after all these years. I thought I would share a bit of how it felt to be on the end of it, maybe that can help someone. Nice to know someone is actually thinking about this shit. :thumbup:

Peace

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineThanatos10
Stranger
 User Gallery


Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
Re: Bullying [Re: Slunter]
    #22526742 - 11/15/15 09:08 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Slunter said:
Reviving this thread because I stumbled across an article that very accurately explains what I had been trying to say before. Hopefully this is a little more clear.

"The best way to deal with a bully who is making fun of you is to make fun of yourself better than the bully did. The worst way to deal with a bully is to retaliate. This is because retaliation perpetuates the bully’s agenda and leads to violence, whereas making fun of yourself uses self-deprecating humor to derail the bully’s agenda while forcing the bully into a confused psychosocial dilemma. It’s a power-play, and it’s all psychological. The bully expects you to poke fun back at him, or cry, or run, or throw a punch; anything but you making fun of yourself."




That is honestly the worst advice I have ever heard in my entire life. Because that eventually turns into self hatred. I remember being bullied and picked on through all my primary years of schooling. You can't ignore them because then they know they can just do whatever they want to you, if I tried to tell someone about them no one believed me (the teachers thought I was just lying), and insulting yourself didn't make their words drug any less. It just added to me feeling worthless. I was soon afraid to interact with other people so I spent most of not all my free time in the library. I knew it to be safe in there, until high school that is.


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSweet Vitriol
Bathtub Alchemist
Female

Registered: 11/14/15
Posts: 20
Loc: Nomadic
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: Bullying [Re: Thanatos10]
    #22527068 - 11/15/15 11:04 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

My son is two, and already I am teaching him close quarters.  He's a hard hitting toddler and knows all sorts of the "soft spots" that make good targets.  I will teach him to fight dirty and encourage him to thrash bullies and stand up for other bullied kids.  Nonviolence never got me anywhere. 

He's going to have it tough growing up with two moms.  I'm going to prepare him well for what I know I will not be able to protect him from

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 22 days, 18 hours
Re: Bullying [Re: Slunter]
    #22544738 - 11/18/15 11:40 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Slunter said:
Reviving this thread because I stumbled across an article that very accurately explains what I had been trying to say before. Hopefully this is a little more clear.

"The best way to deal with a bully who is making fun of you is to make fun of yourself better than the bully did. The worst way to deal with a bully is to retaliate. This is because retaliation perpetuates the bully’s agenda and leads to violence, whereas making fun of yourself uses self-deprecating humor to derail the bully’s agenda while forcing the bully into a confused psychosocial dilemma. It’s a power-play, and it’s all psychological. The bully expects you to poke fun back at him, or cry, or run, or throw a punch; anything but you making fun of yourself."




I find this intellectually interesting. I'm not sure what I think of it, but the strategy is interesting because it neutralizes the bully by not feeding their psyche with what he/she wants.

Bully's, like internet trolls, are yearning for a very specific reaction. There may be psychological methods that frustrate the bully and cause them to move on and look for another victim.

I don't support bullying, but it is an opportunity to teach kids about life, in that there will be bully's throughout adulthood for some people. In the workplace, there is often bully behavior. Many times I've seen bully's in the workplace force weaker individuals to do their work for them.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 22 days, 18 hours
Re: Bullying [Re: Thanatos10]
    #22544947 - 11/19/15 12:47 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Thanatos10 said:
Quote:

Slunter said:
Reviving this thread because I stumbled across an article that very accurately explains what I had been trying to say before. Hopefully this is a little more clear.

"The best way to deal with a bully who is making fun of you is to make fun of yourself better than the bully did. The worst way to deal with a bully is to retaliate. This is because retaliation perpetuates the bully’s agenda and leads to violence, whereas making fun of yourself uses self-deprecating humor to derail the bully’s agenda while forcing the bully into a confused psychosocial dilemma. It’s a power-play, and it’s all psychological. The bully expects you to poke fun back at him, or cry, or run, or throw a punch; anything but you making fun of yourself."




That is honestly the worst advice I have ever heard in my entire life. Because that eventually turns into self hatred. I remember being bullied and picked on through all my primary years of schooling. You can't ignore them because then they know they can just do whatever they want to you, if I tried to tell someone about them no one believed me (the teachers thought I was just lying), and insulting yourself didn't make their words drug any less. It just added to me feeling worthless. I was soon afraid to interact with other people so I spent most of not all my free time in the library. I knew it to be safe in there, until high school that is.




I think the concept is to pretend to agree with the bully and insult yourself.    Pretending to hate oneself generally doesn't cause self loathing.

If someone calls me a "stupid idiot", and I reply, "Yes, I am a dumb fool" there is nowhere for the conversation to go.  And zero escalation.

You're correct, that might not keep the bully from kicking my ass, but many bullys are only aggressive verbally, and this might take the wind out their sail.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleCognitive_Shift
CS actual
 User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 29,613
Re: Bullying [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #22549726 - 11/19/15 11:56 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

"bullying" is just a natural part of human social interaction.  If you're weird or weak you aren't seen as worthy of "in" the group.  If you want people to like you just don't be a weird ass and don't be a pussy.  It's pretty simple.


--------------------
L'enfer est plein de bonnes volontés et désirs

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | Next >  [ show all ]

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   Myyco.com Golden Teacher Liquid Culture For Sale   MagicBag.co All-In-One Bags That Don't Suck   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* On the subject of human hatred/ bullies/ "meanness"
( 1 2 3 4 5 all )
Ratci 4,708 94 11/16/08 08:31 PM
by Lndrydusting
* Hey FUCK face, what do you think about being Insulted? JoseLibrado 1,415 18 08/30/07 01:32 AM
by onlynow
* You are at your best when you are simply yourself - is this an insult?
( 1 2 all )
kaniz 2,107 21 01/18/06 05:52 AM
by MarkostheGnostic
* haha..w00ps..i stumbled into the wrong forum 40oz 965 19 06/10/04 04:47 PM
by wrestler_az
* Insult word magnet poem. Vote and ctiricize ScavengerType 600 4 02/16/09 02:39 AM
by MushroomTrip
* If You Don't Believe in UFO's then Please do NOT bother To Respond *DELETED*
( 1 2 all )
wishcouldeletethis 4,136 30 03/02/05 08:32 PM
by Silversoul
* Atheist Website responds to Christian Letter
( 1 2 all )
Swami 4,134 20 06/22/03 03:55 PM
by Sclorch
* The man who mistook his belief for a fact.
( 1 2 3 4 ... 10 11 all )
Icelander 12,576 203 12/17/07 05:48 PM
by Icelander

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, DividedQuantum
3,612 topic views. 1 members, 4 guests and 10 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.024 seconds spending 0.004 seconds on 13 queries.