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InvisibleBreathlessVision
The Electric Sceptic
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Registered: 03/11/14
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Dearest Mother
    #21129942 - 01/16/15 04:04 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Here is something that has been troubling me lately.As you read on you realize this goes much deeper and my questions here are ask much more of life and its meaning and its philosophies, not just a plea for a solution to whatever it is I'm going to be talking about. I ask for your opinions and your thoughts. It is difficult for me to put this out there for it is something that is deeply part of me and my heart aches at the thought of it.

I want to open up an area of discussion with this topic, that I really haven't discussed in much detail with anyone.

My mother is a muslim and she is a firm believer in whatever doctrines have been passed down to her by social and cultural convention. So in that way she's passed it down to me and always has in some way or another. I've been through all of the initiations of Islam, the stories, the beliefs, the fear-mongering but alas it was un-fulfilling. It didn't touch me like the intriguing and ecstasy that open/speculative/free emotion and spiritual exploration brings me.

Now the question arises, and the question is that of pain. My mother has been through a whole lot. She's been cheated on, beaten, the best years of her life absolutely taken from her, her youth torn and stripped apart.

However, because of whatever Islamic teachings she's endured in life, she believes that it is Allah's plan that she go out of her way to fix my dad and me. She tells me that she feels sorrow and pain, she believes her life is a mission to show me 'the right path'. She's found solace in religon but it is also the instigator of her pain. It tells her that SHE will get MY sins because I AM A HERETIC and because I AM A BLASPHEMER and a KAFFIR.

The problem arises now when I feel that all she will experience in life from now on is pain, more pain, more SELF INFLICTED pain. It's brought on by Islam.

I am homosexual (mostly) and I haven't come out to her yet. BUT I fear that if I do, it will pain her a lot more than it'll pain me. (Bare with me I'm getting to the point). I know my mother very well and she go into deep bouts of depression and anxiety. She will feel that she's failed as a mother and as a human, that Allah's wrath will consume her, that she's failed HER TEST?

My worry for her is deep, I don't want her to feel this way, I want her to be happy. I cannot put into words why her situation is painful, it is a long story will many intricate webs of lives and lies and smaller intertwined stories. They go deep.

How deep does the religious virus go? How much does it grasp into the person's mind and trap them? Why do people put themselves through this, so they can eventually go to heaven?

This is something I am putting out there to relieve my mind of it. I want some opinions and insights, or any similar experiences etc... I hope I made my point and got my ideas across, it is very difficult to word this, it's very much an emotional part of me.

Thank you for reading this and if you reply, for your insight.

Peace,
BV


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Edited by BreathlessVision (01/16/15 04:07 PM)

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Offlinepslyke
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Re: Dearest Mother [Re: BreathlessVision]
    #21137768 - 01/18/15 11:30 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

I read this yesterday and at the time had no insight to offer---that's not really changed. Sorry. It sounds like a really difficult situation. I am guessing that the lack of response if probably because there isn't a really clear solution. The only thing I can offer is empathy for your situation. Love yourself and try to be tender with your mother. You sound like you have more strength than her, so where you can, maybe try to provide her with love and understanding. Religion runs deep.


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"What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein

"The conservatives of 70 years ago would be outraged at what has come to pass. It embodies everything they took up arms for to defeat"Asante


:kratom:

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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Dearest Mother [Re: pslyke]
    #21137982 - 01/18/15 12:12 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

In a way, your mother is a slave of her beliefs. She has been forced to believe that homosexuality is the worst imaginable thing ever. Only you know how open minded she is. If you know deep down that coming out of the closet would destroy her, simply play her game. The guy you bring to parties is simply your "roommate". There's no point telling a truth that would hurt you mother in the core of her beliefs. Deep down, she knows you're gay. Deep down you know she know you're gay. But the game is, as long as you don't confirm it, she'll live with it.

Religion corrupts someone's mind so deeply that they can never really recover from it. As long as you don't spread that corruption, you're doing good in this world. Spare your mother. Keep it "secret". It'll only create intense friction if you come clean.

Until she catches you with your dick inside  guy's asshole, I wouldn't say anything.


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InvisibleBreathlessVision
The Electric Sceptic
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Registered: 03/11/14
Posts: 1,736
Re: Dearest Mother [Re: Patlal]
    #21139362 - 01/18/15 03:11 PM (9 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you for your reply guys, I know it is something quite complex and perhaps too hot to handle.

Quote:

pslyke said:
I read this yesterday and at the time had no insight to offer---that's not really changed. Sorry. It sounds like a really difficult situation. I am guessing that the lack of response if probably because there isn't a really clear solution. The only thing I can offer is empathy for your situation. Love yourself and try to be tender with your mother. You sound like you have more strength than her, so where you can, maybe try to provide her with love and understanding. Religion runs deep.




I understand that it is a hard question to answer, there really isn't a solution to be honest, I had to get it out there regardless of whether there is a solution or not. It is a problem that will become more prominent later in my life when all of the marital traditions come into play but for the time being I look forward to keeping her happy.

Quote:

Patlal said:
In a way, your mother is a slave of her beliefs. She has been forced to believe that homosexuality is the worst imaginable thing ever. Only you know how open minded she is. If you know deep down that coming out of the closet would destroy her, simply play her game. The guy you bring to parties is simply your "roommate". There's no point telling a truth that would hurt you mother in the core of her beliefs. Deep down, she knows you're gay. Deep down you know she know you're gay. But the game is, as long as you don't confirm it, she'll live with it.

Religion corrupts someone's mind so deeply that they can never really recover from it. As long as you don't spread that corruption, you're doing good in this world. Spare your mother. Keep it "secret". It'll only create intense friction if you come clean.

Until she catches you with your dick inside  guy's asshole, I wouldn't say anything.




She is a slave of her beliefs, you've put it bluntly and you are correct. I wouldn't want to hurt her any more than she has, so I'll have to keep her in a delusion to keep her happy. It's all I want for her.

This is something I'll have to think more about, this is by no means over, it'll have to be swept under the rug for late inspection.


:cheers:


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