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stonesun
Sclerotia Aficionado




Registered: 05/22/09
Posts: 5,444
Loc: 64º08'00"N 21º56'00"W
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My condolences for your loss Marc. Stay strong my friend and in time I'm sure you'll be back.
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Bugler Boy
Cultivar


Registered: 09/19/11
Posts: 998
Loc: In your head
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: A Thanks To RR [Re: stonesun] 1
#21132564 - 01/17/15 07:25 AM (9 years, 13 days ago) |
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So unbelievably sorry for your loss.
I wouldnt even know where to begin to respond to that and it'd probably turn into an essay. I got all tingly reading it.
-------------------- The mushroom speaks: '"I am old, older than thought in your species, which is itself fifty times older than your history. Though I have been on earth for ages I am from the stars. My home is no one planet, for many worlds scattered through the shining disc of the galaxy have conditions which allow my spores an opportunity for life... How the hypercommunication mode operates is a secret which will not be lightly given to man. But the means should be obvious: it is the occurrence of psilocybin and psilocin in the biosynthetic pathways of my living body that opens for me and my symbiots the vision screens to many worlds"
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BluntsenBurner
Smoker of Blunts



Registered: 11/24/14
Posts: 263
Loc: Under that cloud of smoke
Last seen: 4 months, 9 days
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I'd like to offer my condolences as well, won't even attempt to imagine what you're going through. Hopefully your work growing marijuana (or maybe even mushrooms if you can bring yourself back to it) will help take your mind of things and get you in a better head space.
-------------------- Blunted Nothing is more insightful than a trip into your own consciousness. Noobs click HERE for tons of helpful information. Interested in trading for San Pedro/Bridgesii, PM me
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Edmunter
Mr



Registered: 05/01/13
Posts: 5,699
Last seen: 17 days, 17 hours
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So sorry to hear this, maybe when you feel a little better all the energy and time you spent in helping her could help another out there somewhere. You are a top guy and my heart goes out to you.
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houdinihar
Adventurous Learner


Registered: 09/12/08
Posts: 1,111
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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RR is a friend I've never met, although I have been priviledged to be a part of his life here at the Shroomery for many years now through his posts, some personal, always helpful. Our beliefs and knowledge in certain areas of mycology have been strengthened by his insights, videos, and the courage to begin such an endeavor in the face of our countries harsh laws.
For our sakes I am glad that RR was not the single pillar that kept this forum going strong, but that he taught others to be pillars as well and to keep learning, growing, experimenting, and sharing with others. Our world is blessed to have people like RR who contribute so selflessly for freedom of expression.
I can see him at Woodstock in 1969 with Jimmy Hendrix, Santana, Credence and so many others playing in the rain. I see him at the Wall in Germany when it fell in 1989, and I see him in Iraq in 2003 when the sculpture of Saddam Hussein is toppled.
Thanks for you courage RR. Come back whenever your time is right. We love you and miss you. I am indebted to you.
A student for all time- houdinihar
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TheChief
Cube Collector



Registered: 07/09/14
Posts: 1,905
Loc: Executing TEKs...
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Thank you for everything, Marc.
Terribly sorry to hear about your loss... I read about the struggle with your wife and the big C a little and was intrigued, to say the least, by your efforts to grow cancer fighting mushrooms and save her from it... Cancer is the beast that will take a lot of us, no matter what we do to try and stop it... I'm very saddened to know that your efforts could not save her. I really don't believe you should feel at fault at all though, you tried your best and worked so hard to keep her around, it wasn't a failure and you succeeded at keeping her around longer... It really is amazing how far you have come since some posts I've read from you years ago to now... You are a great person and an idol to many.
Whatever you choose to do in the future, I hope you can find happiness again in some way without her. I can't even imagine what you are going though at this time. My thoughts are with you.
-Chief
Edited by TheChief (01/17/15 03:13 PM)
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Srirachi
Mold Hand



Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 11,411
Loc: Fare Thee Well.
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Words utterly fail, RR. How wonderful for Vivian to have been so deeply loved in her lifetime. Most of us will go through our entire lives never having known that kind of love.
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nooneman


Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,555
Loc: Utah
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I am so sorry, RR. You've done so much for so many, I hope that eventually, you feel at least a little better. You deserved so much more.
I wish you the best in your life, as I'm sure everyone here does. Wherever you go, and whatever you do, all of us here support you and are rooting for you.
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X0cyris
The 12th Strain



Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 89
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Re: A Thanks To RR [Re: cronicr] 1
#21132786 - 01/17/15 09:22 AM (9 years, 12 days ago) |
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Signed up recently lurked for years and the thing that's pissed me off the most about this site was the misinformation. I loved finding your posts setting dumb shit straight. RR was the reason my first attempt produced.
-------------------- The first step to being part of something bigger than yourself is realizing you already are.
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taGyo
Strainiac/AMU



Registered: 10/16/14
Posts: 18,802
Loc: Journal Land
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Re: A Thanks To RR [Re: X0cyris] 1
#21132820 - 01/17/15 09:37 AM (9 years, 12 days ago) |
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-------------------- Gyo's Better Grows TNF Q&A AMU Q&A Dominus fortunae meae sum
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wowimflabbergasted
supercalifragilistic



Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 18,918
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Re: A Thanks To RR [Re: taGyo] 1
#21133025 - 01/17/15 10:40 AM (9 years, 12 days ago) |
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You're a good man Marc.
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Inocuole
Scalpel of Evil's Bane



Registered: 11/21/11
Posts: 24,863
Loc: ★
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While I am 100% sure that there is nothing that can make things more tolerable for you in this extremely difficult time, please remember that nothing you've ever done was a failure, nor was it wasted. The number of people who have benefited from you just being yourself and doing what you think is right outweighs the number of people I've ever interacted with in my life.
You've left a strong legacy and it pains me that in this moment of darkness, you feel that it was all for nothing.
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taGyo
Strainiac/AMU



Registered: 10/16/14
Posts: 18,802
Loc: Journal Land
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Quote:
RogerRabbit said: Thanks for the nice comments. I started to make a thread to say goodbye but saw this one. People need to realize I'm not moving on because of my new business-I'm moving on because of the abject failure of my most important mission in life.
Those of you who have followed this site for a few years know my wife Vivian has been fighting cancer for over ten years. She appears in a few of the clips on Let's Grow Mushrooms, which I got out and watched yesterday just to have a chance to see her smiling face again.
My baby, the love of my life and my very reason for living died in my arms over the holidays.
I suffered through 4 failed marriages before I found her. I always knew that with Vivian I had true love and that it wasn't conditional on being in a good mood, or having a good financial year, or always saying the right thing, etc. She was the only person I ever had who loved me no-matter-what and made sure I knew it. Now she's gone after 15 wonderful years, and I'm all alone up here in the middle of nowhere.
I started growing medicinal mushrooms instead of psychedelic when we met because I was sure I could save her. John Holliday of Aloha Medicinals graciously provided her with products not yet on market but which had shown promise in jump-starting the immune system. She got a medical marijuana card in 2000 and a designated provider certificate for me so I could grow medical pot. I've developed a high CBD strain that achieves nearly 20% CBD because it's rumored to impeded tumor growth.
Unfortunately, none of it worked and the only person I've ever truly loved in this world is gone. My heart is broken and I've spent most of the last three weeks curled up in a fetal position on the floor bawling my eyes out.
How can I continue to answer questions about mushroom growing when the most important reason for growing them in the first place turned out to be a devastating failure?
Our local newspaper did a front-page story on her. If anyone can get it, please post it here. If not, I'll try to scan it and get it posted in a few weeks. It's on the front page of the Jan 14, 2015 issue of the Ferry County View. It gives information that I've never released before about her life in Russia and the sacrifices her family went through to get to America.
Take care, RR
Wow that's the saddest thing I've ever read.
-------------------- Gyo's Better Grows TNF Q&A AMU Q&A Dominus fortunae meae sum
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m4dScientist
Music Always Helps


Registered: 08/04/14
Posts: 1,616
Last seen: 10 months, 24 days
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Re: A Thanks To RR [Re: cronicr] 2
#21133417 - 01/17/15 12:13 PM (9 years, 12 days ago) |
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You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
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Dos Ounce
Fighter of the Nightman



Registered: 09/07/12
Posts: 873
Loc:
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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Very sorry to hear about all this..
You will always have people on this forum that care about you RR. Even though many of us haven't met you. You've made a legacy on the shroomery (and mycology as a whole, in my opinion)
Stay positive my friend, and thank you for everything you've done. I'm sorry the medicinal mushroom thing didn't work out. sometimes cancer just can't be beat. It isn't on you. Just be thankful and glad for the opportunity to spend the time with her that you did.
Good luck and remember you'll always have caring friends to reach out to on the Shroomery.
Quote:
m4dScientist said: do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
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Inocuole
Scalpel of Evil's Bane



Registered: 11/21/11
Posts: 24,863
Loc: ★
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Quote:
m4dScientist said: You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
I really think it's healthy to do both of these things, in the correct order, rather than to abstain from one in favor of the other. It's natural and expected to experience overwhelming hurt and it's important to allow those feelings to be expressed when they surface, rather than to bottle them up and maintain a false semblance of stability.
However, I don't feel that it's necessarily fair for anyone to tell him how he should be handling this.  He'll make these decisions when he's ready, and to do so even a second sooner than that would be dishonest to himself.
Not that I want to take away from your message , because it is quite true, and a beautiful sentiment, and well written at that.
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eatyualive
Eat's You Alive :)



Registered: 08/17/01
Posts: 19,026
Loc: In Your Head
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Re: A Thanks To RR [Re: Inocuole] 1
#21133826 - 01/17/15 01:39 PM (9 years, 12 days ago) |
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Good luck for the future! May your journey take you far.
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PirateSwazey



Registered: 12/12/12
Posts: 2,993
Loc: Here, Now
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So sorry for your loss RR, had been hoping you were only leaving for the security of your new business 
Edited by PirateSwazey (01/17/15 02:15 PM)
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bodhisatta 
Smurf real estate agent


Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 61,889
Loc: Milky way
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RR I thought you would have been around long enough to not take your work as a failure because of your expectations for the efficacy of your work. Hopefully the memories of your dear Vivian will help you see through the bullshit that is feeling like a failure.
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tripdawg420
low life with no life



Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 7,071
Loc: illinois
Last seen: 32 minutes, 51 seconds
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thx for every thing you have done
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