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Offlinebigfatdork
Now I Have Teeth

Registered: 10/19/03
Posts: 1,310
Loc: North PoLL
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Critics, If you please...
    #2110875 - 11/16/03 06:00 AM (13 years, 26 days ago)

my love is mortal
finite, impetuous as the wind
and never lays softly in the green field
it skirts the corners
checks the clock and taps it's foot
blooms loudly at strangers
withers up in an old vase
it screams, begs, pleads
and doesn?t wait for an answer
it curses it's self and wishes it were never here
distorts the second to the life
life to a drum that doesn?t thump
compiles all to a template divine
casts it off, reaches out, and picks it up again
a wild horse, you have to drown to make it drink
a rhythm
a cant
My love! as steady as a metronome
only my ear lends injustice
and you
(no matter how broadly smiles the dark hand of death)


--------------------
"But it was alright, he had won the battle against himself, He Loved Big Brother"


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Offlinebigfatdork
Now I Have Teeth

Registered: 10/19/03
Posts: 1,310
Loc: North PoLL
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: Critics, If you please... [Re: bigfatdork]
    #2128860 - 11/22/03 09:38 AM (13 years, 19 days ago)

um... feed back?
maybe a poll would be easier:


This poem
Is perfect
is good but...
sux
I don't have time to read you're silly poems, let alone advise you on improvement ;p
I am Sir Tokes Alot





Votes accepted from (12/31/69 07:00 PM) to (No end specified)
View the results of this poll



--------------------
"But it was alright, he had won the battle against himself, He Loved Big Brother"


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
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General Interest >> Music, Art, and Media

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