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OfflineMental Slavery
Eternally Confused
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Registered: 08/03/14
Posts: 828
Last seen: 2 months, 1 day
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: BreathlessVision]
    #21029035 - 12/26/14 05:44 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

BreathlessVision said:
Yeah seriously they just fucked me up, my psychiatrist looked at me and said here go on these meds and you'll be fine.

I found that for me weed worked wonders at getting rid of my depression, it doesn't help everybody but it helped me realize how idiotic my thoughts are, helped me to see clearer so to speak.




I find that weed doesn't relieve it at all and can sometimes cause my motivation and self esteem to drop to drop even more.

I'm about to go on some SSRI's after denying them for so long. Hopefully they will work out better for me than they have for you.

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: aciddrop]
    #21029206 - 12/26/14 06:27 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

aciddrop said:
I've tried to kill myself as well. The worse thing is when you fail. I ate a handful of pills and slit my wrist, more like almost cut my arm off with a box cutter and passed out. I woke up off and on at the hospital (with no idea on how I got there at the time) and was told that my arm will most likely get amputated. That shit was scary and it was a miracle that it healed. In conclusion, it's not worth it with all the advances in medicine. They can bring you back and you could be in a worse state then you were before. It took me 7 years to somewhat fully recover from that injury and my arm still hurts like hell from time to time.




If one wants a sweet release then one needs to educate themselves on the best methods. Something you did not do.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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InvisibleDividedQuantumM
Outer Head
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,885
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: hTx]
    #21029319 - 12/26/14 06:55 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

hTx said:
I was very close to killing myself onetime..

I had hidden myself in a bathroom at some gas-station with a little pocket .38 with every intention of pulling the trigger and releasing a bullet into my skull.

I had, in that bout of major depression, one last saving grace in that I wanted to tell my sister goodbye and that I was sorry for what I was about to do.
she was, at that time and in my mind,  the only one who I felt would have truly been hurt by my doing this.
I called and told her I loved her and I started sobbing and told her "I'm so so sorry" and I hung up the phone.

I made one last plea to the universe, which went something like "If there is anything, anything out there at all, than prove it now"
And I pulled the trigger.

Click. Misfire or dud.
Nothing, and almost two seconds later, the door was slammed open (somehow the lock had broke) and to my surprise, there stood my mother..who somehow knew what was going on already (maybe my sister told her) and somehow found me. She and the gas station attendant subdued me and called an ambulance.

I spent the next 5 days in the loony bin wondering why the hell I wasn't dead, or if I did, in fact, die and this was just some limbo simulation playing out.

I also never thought about suicide again.




QUANTUM SUICIDE


--------------------
Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici

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InvisibleBreathlessVision
The Electric Sceptic
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 03/11/14
Posts: 1,736
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: Mental Slavery]
    #21029380 - 12/26/14 07:13 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Hopefully they do work out for you,
they have worked for many people, they worked for one of my close friends and she was quite an anxious and depressed person, more so than I ever was.

Weed is really not for everyone, it is good with some and terrible with others.


--------------------



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Invisiblewayne23
confused as fuck
Male


Registered: 01/01/15
Posts: 4
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: BreathlessVision] * 1
    #21052803 - 01/01/15 03:27 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

I started having existentialist thoughts when i was 9. Life seemed pointless. It caused great depression because i felt alienated from everyone around me. Everyone seemed to be deaf to these ideas. For the next ten years i struggled with pushing these thoughts away and sometimes succeeded for longer periods of time. But they always came back and hit me like a truck.
about a year ago i accepted it, depression faded and left mostly indifference.
I took mushrooms to reach an ego death which was just two days ago.
I read alot about it, how it`s supposed to bring spiritual revelations, the feeling of significance and how people feel pure joy of life afterwards.
Well, at the moment I'm rather disappointed. Sure the egolessnes was accompanied by the feeling of pure understaning but looking back I just see it as a sensation of the brain just like everything else and can't see why it should be a more significant experience than eating a pizza. So it's just up for interpretation just like everything else.
The 'rebirth' was terrifying. Just being conscious about my own existence made me feel sick, I didn't want my body back.
So in the end I'm as confused (probably even more) as before.

Regarding the thread title I can relate to OPs POV.
Just like Albert Camus said:"should i kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?"

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: wayne23]
    #21053681 - 01/01/15 07:06 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Pretty nice for a first post. Welcome to the fray. :satansmoking:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Offlineviktor
psychotechnician
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 4,293
Loc: New Zealand Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: BreathlessVision]
    #21053773 - 01/01/15 07:25 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

BreathlessVision said:
Weed is really not for everyone, it is good with some and terrible with others.




The difficulty I have with weed is that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. :shrug:

I'm using sertraline and weed as a double-pronged approach. Seems to be working so far.


--------------------
"They consider me insane but I know that I am a hero living under the eyes of the gods."

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Invisiblewayne23
confused as fuck
Male


Registered: 01/01/15
Posts: 4
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: Icelander]
    #21053886 - 01/01/15 07:46 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

well thanks :biggrin:

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InvisibleDividedQuantumM
Outer Head
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,885
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: wayne23]
    #21054078 - 01/01/15 08:26 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Wayne, your honesty is brutal, refreshing and delightful.  To me you actually seem a lot less confused than many others around these parts.  Welcome.


--------------------
Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici

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Offlineaciddrop
Lich King
Male


Registered: 07/08/14
Posts: 470
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: wayne23]
    #21055041 - 01/02/15 01:18 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

wayne23 said:
I started having existentialist thoughts when i was 9. Life seemed pointless. It caused great depression because i felt alienated from everyone around me. Everyone seemed to be deaf to these ideas. For the next ten years i struggled with pushing these thoughts away and sometimes succeeded for longer periods of time. But they always came back and hit me like a truck.
about a year ago i accepted it, depression faded and left mostly indifference.
I took mushrooms to reach an ego death which was just two days ago.
I read alot about it, how it`s supposed to bring spiritual revelations, the feeling of significance and how people feel pure joy of life afterwards.
Well, at the moment I'm rather disappointed. Sure the egolessnes was accompanied by the feeling of pure understaning but looking back I just see it as a sensation of the brain just like everything else and can't see why it should be a more significant experience than eating a pizza. So it's just up for interpretation just like everything else.
The 'rebirth' was terrifying. Just being conscious about my own existence made me feel sick, I didn't want my body back.
So in the end I'm as confused (probably even more) as before.

Regarding the thread title I can relate to OPs POV.
Just like Albert Camus said:"should i kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?"




It's nice to see that someone gets it. Hope all is well because that can be a bitter pill to swallow.


--------------------

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Invisiblewayne23
confused as fuck
Male


Registered: 01/01/15
Posts: 4
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: aciddrop]
    #21056247 - 01/02/15 11:04 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Life's absurd so I don't think one can say it's bad or good on any basis.
Most of the time I'm feeling depressed or just indifferent and I'm having a hard time connecting to myself and other people, so to interpret everything as negative as possible comes naturally to me.
At the moment I'm just hoping for a change of perspective, since my lifestyle in which constant contemplation leads to apathy, bores me.

Edited by wayne23 (01/02/15 01:16 PM)

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Invisiblewayne23
confused as fuck
Male


Registered: 01/01/15
Posts: 4
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: DividedQuantum]
    #21058258 - 01/02/15 08:25 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

DividedQuantum said:
Wayne, your honesty is brutal, refreshing and delightful.  To me you actually seem a lot less confused than many others around these parts.  Welcome.




Thanks.
I feel like the difference may lie in the choice of whether to accept or deny the confusion. Certainty seems to be a myth.

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: wayne23]
    #21059806 - 01/03/15 08:43 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

wayne23 said:
Life's absurd so I don't think one can say it's bad or good on any basis.
Most of the time I'm feeling depressed or just indifferent and I'm having a hard time connecting to myself and other people, so to interpret everything as negative as possible comes naturally to me.
At the moment I'm just hoping for a change of perspective, since my lifestyle in which constant contemplation leads to apathy, bores me.




Well with age I'm afraid things just get more so.  I feel very little connection to humans anymore. But actually that feels OK at this point.  What I know about humanity leads to ambivalence.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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OfflineDeviate
newbie
Registered: 04/20/03
Posts: 4,497
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: wayne23]
    #21064498 - 01/04/15 04:00 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

wayne23 said:
I started having existentialist thoughts when i was 9. Life seemed pointless. It caused great depression because i felt alienated from everyone around me. Everyone seemed to be deaf to these ideas. For the next ten years i struggled with pushing these thoughts away and sometimes succeeded for longer periods of time. But they always came back and hit me like a truck.
about a year ago i accepted it, depression faded and left mostly indifference.
I took mushrooms to reach an ego death which was just two days ago.
I read alot about it, how it`s supposed to bring spiritual revelations, the feeling of significance and how people feel pure joy of life afterwards.
Well, at the moment I'm rather disappointed. Sure the egolessnes was accompanied by the feeling of pure understaning but looking back I just see it as a sensation of the brain just like everything else and can't see why it should be a more significant experience than eating a pizza. So it's just up for interpretation just like everything else.
The 'rebirth' was terrifying. Just being conscious about my own existence made me feel sick, I didn't want my body back.
So in the end I'm as confused (probably even more) as before.

Regarding the thread title I can relate to OPs POV.
Just like Albert Camus said:"should i kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?"




Dude, you got an ego loss and you are disappointed? Man, you need to learn to appreciate what you have. There are people who spend decades chasing ego loss and not acheving it and you achieve it from one simple mushroom and you are disapointed?

Yeah, I know, I know, the existential confusion, depression and directionless. Well let me give you my take on that, because it is something I have had to face as well. First, examine what it is you really want. Could it by any chance be happiness? How about a deep and pervading sense of peace and aliveness and freedom and bliss that just arises for no particular reason? Doesn't sound good enough to you? Well maybe you should get into that state and try it out first.

I think you should give egoless joy more of a chance before writing it off. THis type of joy is not something you just achieve in one night with a mushroom. You are lazy. You need to accept that it may take a little working at it, a little perseverence, and maybe even a little love and definitely a little faith. Eventually you might start to notice that the peace you so long for, is actually present with us all the time, we just forgot about it somehow. The Bible calls this peace, the peace that passeth all understanding, because this is a peace that doesn't stem from the mind or from having its foolish desires fullfilled. Nay, this peace arises from a deeper place. God does not need a reason to be happy or to be peaceful. God is simpy happy and peaceful because it is nicer to be happy and peaceful than it is not to be, and God enjoys it. He wants us to enjoy it as well.

So yes, what I am suggesting to you is that your displeasure is caused by a longing for God and the way to fix it might actually be to remember that God never actually went anywhere, you simply stopped appreciating him.

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: Deviate]
    #21065049 - 01/04/15 09:39 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

"him" :pope::lol:

God is a woman. I know because I want that to be true.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Offlineaciddrop
Lich King
Male


Registered: 07/08/14
Posts: 470
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: Icelander]
    #21086066 - 01/08/15 07:20 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

What about Satan and freeing ourselves from the shackles of the material world created by the demiurge?

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: aciddrop]
    #21086470 - 01/08/15 09:52 AM (9 years, 4 months ago)

sure, the more the merrier. :hellfire:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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OfflineConsciousness777
Stranger
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/09/15
Posts: 3
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
Re: Does any1 here ever think about suicide? [Re: Icelander]
    #21094447 - 01/09/15 09:17 PM (9 years, 4 months ago)

I know you're not going to believe this, but I've been studying microbiology for 4 years....mental illness is caused by the Toxoplasma Gondii parasite.  I've cited 2 studies below but there are many more proving this parasite is at the heart of depression, suicidal ideation, and even psychosis.

Just like "Pellagra"(another T. Gondii disease) it's cured with the flush-type Niacin.(not flush free)  Also, lack of proper diet, exercise, and emotional trauma can all lead to "depression."  Depression simply means the electrical activity in your brain is "depressed."  Sometimes just drinking plenty of water can boost electrical activity and stop depression.  Water is a fantastic conductor.

You might be wondering why no one knows about this.  Me too, so I tell everyone.  The T. Gondii was discovered in 1908, but left out of all medical texts and publications.  Immediately government began harvesting & mutating it.  They succeeded and began testing it for weapons potential.  They'd already used Small Pox on natives and tested other viruses on the populous.  Bio-weapons have worked fantastically, so they were on the hunt for new viruses.  The T. Gondii was easily transmitted (sexually, airborne, gestation/birth, carnivorism, CATS & COWS) and pandemic worthy.  Unfortunately they discovered this parasite only caused mental illness, mental retardation, lowered IQ, and other bizarre mood disorders. Not really something bio-weapon-worthy.

But it works out nicely for the health & pharmaceutical industry.

They also discovered when men were infected they became hyper-sexualized yet sloppy, slovenly and 'dirty.'  When women were infected, they became compulsive, hyper-sexualized, and extra clean.  Not exactly what you want in a bio-weapon.

But the T. Gondii works out nicely for the sex (trade) industry.

Eat right, exercise, don't consume GMO's & other toxins (fluoride), eliminate toxic calcium--you can't absorb 98% of it and if you don't get enough Magnesium you won't flush it out.  CALCIFICATION is all that's left.  Also, take Niacin.  And Google "Dr. Andrew Saul Nutrition Cures Mental Illness."

"Laten Toxoplasmosis in Human" (NIH)

"Toxoplasmosis is one of the most common parasitic diseases worldwide. Although estimated that one third of the world's population are infected with Toxoplasma gondii, but the most common form of the disease is latent (asymptomatic). On the other hand, recent findings indicated that latent toxoplasmosis is not only unsafe for human, but also may play various roles in the etiology of different mental disorders. This paper reviews new findings about importance of latent toxoplasmosis (except in immunocompromised patients) in alterations of behavioral parameters and also its role in the etiology of schizophrenia and depressive disorders, obsessive–compulsive disorder, Alzheimer's diseases and Parkinson's disease, epilepsy, headache and or migraine, mental retardation and intelligence quotients, suicide attempt, risk of traffic accidents, sex ratio and some possible mechanisms of T. gondii that could contribute in the etiology of these alterations."

and...

"Relationship between Toxoplasma gondii infection and bipolar disorder in a French sample." (NIH)

"Abstract
BACKGROUND:

Prenatal exposure to viruses or parasites with tropism for the central nervous system is one of the risk factors for psychotic disorders. However, the relationship between past exposure to Toxoplasma gondii (T. gondii) and incidence of bipolar disorders (BD) is poorly documented across populations.

RESULTS:

We confirm the association between seropositive status to T. gondii and bipolar disorders reported in other populations and extend it to French patients. Our data strengthen the importance of early detection of T. gondii infected patients in order to propose specific and adequate treatments."

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